In the home of the brave, a kid can't hold a pencil on the school bus.
"Apparently the ad generated multiple phone calls from paranoid neighbors thinking I was using my child as a slave."
Ironically, the kids were watching the movie "Home Alone" when the cops showed up for no good reason.
Aborted snowball fights, unused playground equipment, baseless child trafficking panics, and more.
"Most people-we're talking hardened criminals who try to cut it off-have ended up in the ER."
This is not just about kids, but about the adults they will become.
"Society is all too ready to interpret the most innocent of gestures as a prelude to abusing a child."
The 45-year-old cooperative has ground rules, which means D.C. government considers it an unlicensed daycare.
"We are extremely confident that he did not ingest any candy from Trick or Treat that was tainted."
Braylen Carwell says he didn't eat anything, and previous candy poisonings turned out to be hoaxes.
There is zero evidence that sex offenders prey on trick or treaters.
"Pushing for new laws aimed at keeping kids 'safe' from 'sex offenders' on Halloween is nonsense."
And anyone under 12 must be accompanied by an adult.
"It is advisable for toddlers to wear a helmet while in the playground because they can easily trip and fall."
Judge: "There is nothing in the record which would lead this court to believe that the mother is unwilling to provide the appropriate care for the child."
Joshua Horner was convicted of sexual abuse-his victim claimed he killed her dog to keep her from talking. But the dog is fine.
"What a time to be a parent! You can't win."
"I am still trying to work out how he figured it out."
"No child under the age of 10 in the United States that has ever been snatched from a parent in public and trafficked for sex."
"We want to investigate…because you just don't know."
"An anonymous troll has weaponized New York's Department of Child Services against my whole family."
When we overestimate danger, we treat everyone like they are fragile and in need of supervision.
Convicted of a sex crime with an 18-year-old female, he isn't allowed contact with any minors.
"When it comes to kids' safety, feelings are facts."
Slides were designed for kids 5 and up, and these tots are only 4.
"The days of strolling into the zoo unwatched will eventually come to an end."
"If I do go to court and get wrongfully convicted, my whole life is ruined."
"The number of children separated from their parents at the border since April is almost equal to the number taken by CPS every three days."
'They already had a foster parent in the room, to remove my son... before they ever proved there was an emergency situation.'
A mom says her daughter was almost abducted at a rest stop. That's a stretch.
"I figured a police officer would know what illegal drugs looked like."
I'd suggest granting "Gold Bouncy Star" ratings for houses secured with particularly long, particularly strong spikes.
"Student safety in any activity is our primary focus."
"They call it 'free-range parenting.' I call it 'the rights of parents.'"
"My son has to pay for something I did."
"So basically it's now legal to go outside and play like when I was a kid."
And your state could be next.
"A judge will make the determination are they guilty."
"This right here is just old-school, simple parenting. This ain't killing nobody."
"I never in my life wanted to crawl out of my own body. That is how I felt. I couldn't sleep or eat. I had no idea where my daughter was."
"It only takes one student, one piece of grit, one stone in a snowball in an eye, with an injury and we change our view."
But it doesn't have to be this way.
(You don't really have to shut up, but here's my money.)
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