Tonight on The Independents: David Boaz on SCOTUS, Rumsfeld Goes Ape, Polygamy vs. Gay Marriage, Veterans and Suicide, Sexy Aftershow, and Vote on Our E-Block Topic!

Because why not, The Independents on Fox Business Network tonight at 9 p.m. ET (6 p.m. PT) in its fifth segment (or "E Block," as such things are known) will talk about either 1) President Barack Obama's proposed new National Security Agency regulations governing bulk data collection, or 2) the president's fretting about a nuke over New York. We will choose said topic based on how people vote in a poll on the show's Facebook page. Vote early and often!

Today, the Supreme Court heard oral arguments in Sebelius v. Hobby Lobby Stores Inc., a suit over a for-profit corporation's desire to exempt itself from a contraceptive-pill mandate in Obamacare for religious reasons. Read Damon Root on the case here and here, and the Cato Institute's Ilya Shapiro here. Cato Executive Vice President David Boaz will be on to talk about the case and also the broader question of religious-liberty exceptions.

Former defense secretary Donald Rumsfeld yesterday told Fox News that "a trained ape" could do better than Obama in managing such foreign policy tasks as securing a status-of-forces agreement with Afghanistan. Leading to the obvious follow-up question: Is that racist against George W. Bush? Joining to discuss are Party Panelists Julie Roginsky (Democratic Party strategist) and Ellis Henican (Newsday columnist), who will also weigh in on Capitol Hill's new "Hip-hop caucus," which intends to focus attention on the links between climate change and racism. Also up for discussion: the Democratic Party's hot strategy to demonize the Koch brothers. (David Koch sits on the Reason Foundation's Board of Trustees.)

Remember the Heritage Foundation kid in the "What's the Matter With Libertarians?" episode who tussled with Kennedy over gay marriage and polygamy? Well, Ryan Anderson is back for another round over government marriage-recognition and morality. And fast-talking founder & CEO Paul Rieckhoff of Iraq and Afghanistan Veterans of America will be on to discuss the problem of veterans committing suicide, and the policy of reducing the number of U.S. military troops. Then comes the aftershow, which will be live-streamed at this website. Please send your tweets out to @IndependentsFBN; some may be used on air.

Comments

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

Related:
http://www.tmz.com/2014/03/24/.....instagram/

[RannedPall]

So is this considered intra-racial racism? Or does he get a pass because he's also black? I'll wait on HuffPo to answer this for me.

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

I'm not sure. There are no good guys in that scenario.

[GILMORE]

Germane:
http://alturl.com/myed3

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

SF'ed link

[Max Power]

Bush really does kinda look like a chimp. As does that lady (no racist).

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

Does that link work for you?

[Max Power]

yeah. image search for "bush chimp".

[RannedPall]

I was waiting for Gilmore to arrive, and you didn't disappoint.

[GILMORE]

Apropos:
http://alturl.com/or8fm

[GILMORE]

Befitting:
https://i.chzbgr.com/maxW500/1924827392/hE427C64E/

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

Ha! They both like peanuts!

[GILMORE]

HIT & RUN RACISM =

"Your comment does not appear to be written in an English script. Please comment in English"

[GILMORE]

"Touche" without an accent acute is BULLSHIT

[Derpetologist]

touch?

use alt + 130

[GILMORE]

nerd

[BuSab Agent]

But she really does look like a character from Planet of the Apes...

[Notorious G.K.C.]

Are they both black? My knowledge of the hippity-hop is limited to people who got their start (and usually their finish) in the 80s and 90s.

[Fist of Etiquette]

We will choose said topic based on how people vote in a poll on the show's Facebook page.

Why don't you ask us to like you on Facebook while you're at it? No. I'm going to hate you instead. On ASSbook.

Oh, I can't stay mad at you, The Independents. You're aces in any book.

[SweatingGin]

Relationship with the independents? It's Complicated.

[Sudden]

Why don't you ask us to like you on Facebook while you're at it?

Matt Welch would never engage in any shameless self-promotion.

[DesigNate]

He certainly wouldn't continuously pimp a book he cowrote.

[Swiss Servator, mehr Spr?ngli]

He wrote a book?

[BigT]

What? And give the Poll folks access to all my FB info?

No thanks.

[SweatingGin]

A poll? On the internet? Obviously the answer is Ron Paul.

But more seriously, I don't Facebook.

[BuSab Agent]

I never Facebooked either. I have enough problems with RL creepy stalkers, to want to collect virtual ones.

[Corning]

That or Electronic arts.

We should make a poll and just label it

EA or Ron Paul.

[Rufus J. Firefly]

Well, we're off to a good start.

PM, Dodgers fan?

How are fans feeling about Puig?

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

Re: the drama with Mattingly, or Puig's perceived laziness?

Everyone around here is done with the Lakers, and now they are projecting their hopes onto the Dodgers. My brother even woke up in the middle of the night to follow the games in Australia.

My parents have really good season tickets, but I am lucky to be invited more than a few times a year.

[Max Power]

Is he getting the laziness tag? After the season he had last year I don't get why anyone would think he was lazy. Didn't he hurt himself running into the wall? I don't quite get why fans do that. I guess they have some bizarre "old school baseball" mentality. People criticize Jimmy Rollins for laziness here in Philly, which I also don't get.

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

Sorry. "Wasn't trying hard enough".

[Sudden]

People think you should always run full speed to first base even when you pop out to the pitcher.

[Max Power]

Yeah, I know they think that (I listen to enough Philly sports radio), but it's kinda stupid.

I mean look at Cliff Lee!! No one gives a shit when he does it.

[BigT]

If you don't play like Pete Rose you wont make it to the Hall!

Oh, wait...

[Rufus J. Firefly]

Yes. The 'right way to play' ethos. See it hockey with Subban at the moment.

[Rufus J. Firefly]

Puig in general.

I watched the second game in Australia.

Nouveau Dodgers fan here since the Expos left. Royals lineage and all that.

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

I defer to Sudden. He's walking distance from Dodger Stadium.

[Sudden]

It's still uphill. I'll be taking the shuttle from union station to games.

[Sudden]

He's still not been the same hitter since late August, but we're all hoping he finds his rhythm soon. Pitchers are too good at coming inside and inside and inside (TWSS) and then going outside and getting him to chase crap.

Of course the baserunning gaffes will continue at times, but its how he plays the game and I'll take that and he'll learn with time. Just need a hitting coach to fix him.

Sidenote: A buddy of mine and I are seriously considering season tickets. I may be occassionally offering a free ticket to l.a. reasonoids.

[Rufus J. Firefly]

He's a wreck on the base paths.

[Grand Moff Serious Man]

But my God, what an arm. He could very well lead the league in outfield assists this season.

[RannedPall]

Ooh! Oh!! Pick me!!

[RannedPall]

I heard some self-proclaimed Cuban guy call into the local espn talk radio station today, and he maintained that Puig act like a petulant child because Cuban culture is so different from Western culture, or something.

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

The Cuban highway patrol officer certainly didn't think so:
http://losangeles.cbslocal.com.....t-do-this/

[Rufus J. Firefly]

The myth of the lazy Russian and scared Swedish hockey players!

Funny how North American guys with such reputations like Pouliot, Gomez, Penner and Bourque get a pass.

[Grand Moff Serious Man]

Donnie played off the remarks he made in Australia by saying there were only minor criticism and made 'playfully'. He insists that they are cool.

The way I see it I'd be surprised if he doesn't have a bit of a sophomore slump now that pitchers now how to pitch to him, which is why it's very important to get a healthy Kemp back into the lineup.

Having Puig bat in front of Hanley, Gonzalez, and Kemp would help a lot.

They also sent down Guerrero to Albuquerque, so it looks like a Dee Gordon/Justin Turner platoon at second to start the season.

[Sudden]

This.

I hope its more 75% Turner and 25% Gordon in situational roles against pitchers with a slow delivery.

[Grand Moff Serious Man]

Donnie played off the remarks he made in Australia by saying there were only minor criticism and made 'playfully'. He insists that they are cool.

The way I see it I'd be surprised if he doesn't have a bit of a sophomore slump now that pitchers now how to pitch to him, which is why it's very important to get a healthy Kemp back into the lineup.

Having Puig bat in front of Hanley, Gonzalez, and Kemp would help a lot.

They also sent down Guerrero to Albuquerque, so it looks like a Dee Gordon/Justin Turner platoon at second to start the season.

[SweatingGin]

It's 6 days 'til opening day here in Detroit. 20 Degrees, blowing snow. Still inches of ice on lakes. Half the team injured for the season.

Fuck.

[BuSab Agent]

Pray to Saint Gore of the Holy Church of Global Warming to make it stop snowing.

[Ted S.]

Diese Rekorde kann Bayern noch knacken 🙂

Also nice to see Man U lose badly today. Let's hope they suck for the next 15 days. 🙂

[Ted S.]

And yes, I'm sorry it's a fucking slideshow list.

[RannedPall]

Yeah, they sadly can't just buy all their rival's players, like Bayern.

[Fist of Etiquette]

If Foster reads the alt-text I'm going to say he will find the cover racist. Just for alt-spite.

[GILMORE]

The worst kind of spite

[SweatingGin]

Apparently from nick.

I'm in love

[GILMORE]

"The hills are DEAD..."

[Sudden]

I've had a shitty day. I had to print 800 pages today at which point I realized that my printer has worked harder this week than I have. But this cheered me up. Now the rest of the week will be a smashing success.

[GILMORE]

Neil Peart is upset with you

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8_D0wkLyCXE

[BuSab Agent]

Well 800 pages is something better to do with all the "equalized" trees then just leaving them rot.

[BuSab Agent]

So you think, but Warty is coming...

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

I wonder how many takes that required. Probably a lot of dead cameramen.

[RannedPall]

"Look at all these extended clips...that are illegal in Austria."

[SIV]

Austria seems to have very good gun laws by international standards except that all pump action shotguns are in "Class A" with full auto military weapons. Semi-auto shotguns are just fine while pumps are in a category roughly corresponding to "Class III" in the US.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/O.....on#Austria

[RannedPall]

I know, I checked the Wikipedia page prior to posting, too 😉

[Fist of Etiquette]

She was probably shooting at a doe. (A deer, a female deer.)

[GILMORE]

DOH!

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

No simpsons link?

[JW]

DO - a deer, a deer I shot
RE - a drop I got on you
MI - a name, don't fucking worry about it
FA - a long long way to run away from me
SO - a bullet through your head
LA - a last sound you'll hear
TI - a name that goes with Mr.
That will bring us back to do

[SweatingGin]

Dough, the stuff that buys me beer!

[Max Power]

Cosmotarian Cocktail Call!!

I have a sazerac. And I just completed (what I think was) a successful job interview.

[BuSab Agent]

Irish coffee. That is all.

[Sudden]

Everytime I order a sazerac, I try distracting the bartender during the absinthe rinse in hopes that they'll leave it in.

Never works 🙁

[SweatingGin]

have you tried asking?

[Sudden]

Oh, and nothing drinking yet as I'm still at the office. But upon returning home, I'll debate between Lagavulin 16 Distillers Editio (aged in sherry butts) or cracking a bottle of Cantillon I managed to find.

I really should save the Cantillon for a special occassion.

[General Butt Naked]

(non-ironic) PBR
(later) cheap box wine

[GILMORE]

FUCK YEAH!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HeWUXV89w0g

[Fist of Etiquette]

For old times' sake.

[montana mike]

red necks, white socks and blue ribbon beer.

[Jesus H. Christ]

Tentative Congrats! What's the job?

[Max Power]

Work at home online customer service for an often-covered-by-reason transportation company.

[BuSab Agent]

You're going to work for Malaysian Airlines?! In customer service...wow you got seriously bad timing.

[Max Power]

That's how you get the good pay!

[SweatingGin]

Negroni Negroni Negroni!

[Episiarch]

You bunch of lightweights. I'm drinking pure vodka.

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

Butt chugging != drinking

[Episiarch]

Yes it does.

[SweatingGin]

I'm drinking pure vodka.

Like a communist.

[Episiarch]

Yeah, but it's cheaper at Trader Joe's than anything else.

[jesse.in.mb]

Monopolova isn't a sipping vodka, but it's an excellent mixing vodka.

[RannedPall]

Pfft, two buck chuck, or nothing.

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

What's wrong with beer these days?

Little Sumpin' Ale, my usual weekday beer.

[Sudden]

Not all of us can afford the calories right before the southern california leopard print banana hammock season arrives. Gotta watch that figure.

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

So don't eat lunch. Beer provides all of the nutrients your body needs.

[BigT]

Fat Head's Ooompa Loompa!! Good, but a bit yeasty.

[GILMORE]

My arachnid-sense indicates we might have another Pink-Shirt night

I note: My Arachnid-Sense is Flounder-Stupid

[BuSab Agent]

I envy you your stupid Arachnid-Sense, years of being bitten by spiders and not one damn super power--not even a useless one.

[Max Power]

I'm betting on the weird brown vest that may or may not have come with the weird brown jacket.

[GILMORE]

hmm. Good call. its been a donkey's age since the pelt has been clad.

[Grand Moff Serious Man]

Stay classy, Uber-Prog

[RannedPall]

Damn, I would've guessed Santa Monica from the pic, not Arizona.

[Ted S.]

I got a locked page. 😐

[Rufus J. Firefly]

Credit philosophy time.

I have good credit - it took a bit of a hit when I started my business but hey. 25 years of solid credit matters - and I'm always getting offers to increase limits on various corporate and credit cards.

VISA offered a $5000 increase but I turned it down. I already have over 20k credit. Now I'm thinking, should I just take it as it it's offered?

FYI: I have an line of credit to go along with this.

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

My Visa lines are $100K on my solo card, and $50K on my joint card with my wife (she used to have student loans).

I will never use anywhere near that amount, but your credit line will show up to future lenders on your credit report.

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

Short answer: take it.

[Rufus J. Firefly]

Yeah been rethinking that since it's much harder to get a line of credit extension these days.

They gave me a 30 000 RCL back in the 90s when I was working part time making 18gs.

They gave my wife 25k a couple of years ago despite having been working for over 20 years and earning very, very good coin.

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

Their algorithms are far more complicated than they seem. They might have though you were good for the money and would carry a large balance, which means huge margins for the lender.

[BigT]

Not quite. If you have too much credit that makes the next co worry that you could go on a bender and not be able to pay any of it. It's best to have a 4-5 cards with excellent histories of paying, and not much other debt.

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

4-5 cards? Never heard that, and I think Chapelle had a standup bit about it.

2 cards. 2 is the correct number.

[Episiarch]

I have more liquid cash than you have credit. Way more.

[Sudden]

smelting pennies does not make your cash liquid in the financial sense.

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

Funny you should say that. I had a huge amount of cash in my checking account, and was about to pull the trigger on a remodel. We decided to wait on the remodel, and I thought it was stupid to have so much money in a low interest account. I transferred it, and it lost 10K in value in a week. Now I miss the checking account.

[Spoonman.]

Stocks make sense over the long term, but they're a kinda crap place to park money for a year or so.

[Rufus J. Firefly]

That's not my only credit, dude.

You think I'm disclosing my portfolio?

As for liquid cash, I sank mine into a business.

[Episiarch]

I'm just being a dick, which I am wont to be. Also, I have way more money than most people.

[Max Power]

I'm not surprised, based on the way you seem to be hoarding Golden Keys.

[Rufus J. Firefly]

I'll leave you off the hook because you're a fellow Calabrese.

[Rufus J. Firefly]

What the heck do you do for a living?

[Episiarch]

My family is...epic.

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

I can only assume you cashed in big before the potential clawback at the end of 2012. Thanks, Obama!

[SweatingGin]

He's actually a Koch.

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

He's Episiarch IV, first born son of the first born son of the firstborn son. He doesn't need to work

[Sudden]

I think if its offered its best to take it. Part of the credit score (around 10%) is based on how much credit you have relative to credit available, with the presumption being you should always be no more than 30% of your available credit. So say you have a credit line of $10,000 on a card and you pay it monthly, as long as you never end up with a monthly bill of $3000, you should be fine. But it never hurts to have the leeway I feel.

[jesse.in.mb]

Ah good. I was on target then.

[jesse.in.mb]

What does your normal credit utilization look like? I think you're never supposed to float more than 1/3 of your total available credit, so if you're using a lot you might want the increases. I don't know that having a higher line of credit negatively impacts you (there are probably much more knowledgeable people here to answer this though).

[Rufus J. Firefly]

My debt/equity historically has always been healthy. It's only in the last three years that's changed since I've invested heavily into my business.

I've only just begun to 'repair' (ie repay and slowly save) again.

I have a 5 year plan.

[Sudden]

You know who else had a five year plan?

[Rufus J. Firefly]

The Avars?

[Sudden]

Carl Peterson?

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

Are you replying to your own Godwin?

[Sudden]

You know how else replied to his own Godwin?

[Swiss Servator, mehr Spr?ngli]

Godwin?

[Notorious G.K.C.]

I don't know if Ryan Anderson is gay (per earlier speculation), but he seems like a real masochist.

[DEATFBIRSECIA]

When will we become post-race enough not to automatically translate a phenotypic disparaging caricature of a black president into its (for us) implied pejorative genotype?

Doesn't this say more about us than the cartoonist, i.e. we're just as eager to recognize the ape in him as the racists who created the caricature?

[DEATFBIRSECIA]

To take it a bit further: What if most people looked at that picture and said, "Hey that's funny, they drew him like Curious George, that must mean he's naughty and is always getting in trouble. I get it!"?

That would tell me that we had finally gotten past race.

I guess I'm wondering when what Bulworth said will come true:

"All we need is a voluntary, free-spirited, open-ended program of procreative racial deconstruction. Everybody just gotta keep fuckin' everybody 'til they're all the same color."

[Francisco d'Anconia]

INDEPENDENTS ASSEMBLE!

[Episiarch]

So premature. I assume you have an excuse for the ladies?

[Francisco d'Anconia]

I do...

"I don't care, ladies."

[Sudden]

"Sorry, I was thinking about Warty"?

[Francisco d'Anconia]

I once went into a brothel. Picked a girl, went upstairs, took off my pants...and she starts laughing. She says, "Who ya gonna please with that little thing?"

I said,

"ME!"

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

And then you rubbed one out first, and said
"I ain't paying you to get the easy one!"

[montana mike]

sounds like wallace, idaho.

[Grand Moff Serious Man]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N4d7Wp9kKjA

[Smilin' Joe Fission]

Someone posted a video yesterday of the clothing company Art 15. I started watching some of the guys videos and they are pretty hilarious.

This one was pretty good.

[Ken Shultz]

"Former defense secretary Donald Rumsfeld yesterday told Fox News that "a trained ape" could do better than Obama in managing such foreign policy tasks as securing a status-of-forces agreement with Afghanistan."

I don't think it's racist. I think he misspoke.

He meant to say "a nutless monkey" could do his job.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TL1bHGINc2w

[Derpetologist]

Apes are intelligent, compassionate creatures.

I'd O is closer to an iguana.

[Derpetologist]

I'd say*

[Sudden]

Iguanas are highly evolved.

I'd go with tic, or something comparably parasitic.

[Ken Shultz]

When I lived in Mexico, there were iguanas all over the place. There was one, must have been five feet long, that lived in a sewer pipe down the street. It would just sit there in the shit, eating whatever floated down the...

You're right, Obama is like an iguana!

[mr lizard]

Really? Seriously? ... Well guess who made it to top of the Menu for your Future Reptilian Overlords

[Derpetologist]

No worries. I'll just unplug their heat rocks.

[RishJoMo]

Sounds pretty legit to me man, I like it.

http://www.EliteVPN.tk

[Palin's Buttplug]

Rumsfeld and Dickless Cheney?

Two idiots who we would never ask for advice, Alex.

[Ken Shultz]

tarran says it isn't sentient.

[Palin's Buttplug]

You must be a Dickless Cheney fan.

THEY WILL GREET US WITH FLOWERS!

Idiots - both of you.

[Ken Shultz]

See, that could easily be a algorithm.

Like that bot that comes here and posts, "That makes a lot of sense, dude!"

Notice, it's still using the "Dickless Cheney" string, and then it reads a random search to post "THEY WILL GREET US..."

I'm starting to think tarran is right!

[BigT]

The Iraqis were ecstatic with the US arrival - they pulled down Saddam's statue. But we overstayed our welcome. That was the f-up.

Get in, kick ass, get out.

[Ken Shultz]

Just for the record, that pulling down of Saddam's statue was probably staged.

It was a propaganda thing. Probably aimed mainly at the Iraqi people, who were being massively misinformed by Baghdad Bob among others...

Watch "Control Room". One of the very best explorations of the limits of perspective in wartime. It's like greatest study in subjectivity evar.

It's amazing how much of what we believe is a function of the perspectives we're shown.

[Fist of Etiquette]

I think you have that backwards.

[Ken Shultz]

I'm pretty sure tarran is sentient!

[kibby]

I have to say, today was good. We had a class in the Special Collections library & I got to read/handle an original printing of Copernicus' "De Revolutionibus" from 1543.

Total nerd moment. It was the only book in Latin I could translate at all there so that was pretty cool. /geeking out

[Episiarch]

That's the best you could do?

[BuSab Agent]

The pure vodka makes you mean...er.

[Episiarch]

Yeah, it does.

[kibby]

THAT IS EXCITEMENT FOR ME. What did you do today, huh? Jump out of a plane & save the world fourteen times?

[BuSab Agent]

I think he counted his liquid cash. Episiarch is actually Scrooge McDuck!

[kibby]

Liquid cocaine? What?

[SweatingGin]

After winning the body building contest, duh.

[Sudden]

You often get a thrill out of handling things that have been touched by famous Poles?

[Episiarch]

Dreamcatchers!

[BuSab Agent]

A dreamcatcher is really just a hoop with fru fru on it though.

[Sudden]

Its a hoop with a diaphram

[BuSab Agent]

I see, she doesn't want to get hit by a bus in her ear?

[JW]

I don't think that's what she's catching.

[Grand Moff Serious Man]

Dreamcatcher earrings

[Fist of Etiquette]

No hoops.

[GILMORE]

My "live stream" is just bars of color.

jasper johns? (shrug)

[Episiarch]

Kennedy is more hyper than usual today. How perfect.

[JW]

Very beige tonight.

[Fist of Etiquette]

You can put a jacket on it, Welch, but I can totally see you're a brownshirt.

[Rufus J. Firefly]

In case you don't read up thread, EPI, I'll leave you off the hook because you're a fellow Calabrese.

[Episiarch]

You're Canadian. You can't be properly Italian.

[Rufus J. Firefly]

Va fa...

fill in the blank.

[Rufus J. Firefly]

Matt goes beige tonight.

[BigT]

That's not a racist comment. 'A trained ape could get it' was referring to the entire WH, not just chocolate jeebus

[SIV]

I like the split screen Matt on the LEFT, Kmele on the RIGHT and Kennedy in the squishy center.

[Grand Moff Serious Man]

Okay, Kennedy is stoned.

[Fist of Etiquette]

Meh. I've used the term "shaved ape" before.

[jesse.in.mb]

Were you talking about Vin Diesel?

[Fist of Etiquette]

His real name is Dirk Piston. True story.

[Rufus J. Firefly]

Is Zep over rated?

/ducks.

[SIV]

Not at all. They were horrendously "overplayed" on commercial FM rock radio in the 1970s.

[Rufus J. Firefly]

Yeah.

[BuSab Agent]

But they're the only band that's intelligible when you smoke opium, everyone else sounds like mosquitoes, or maybe that's just me.

[JW]

I see that Kennedy's meth dealer is back in town.

[Fist of Etiquette]

No, Foster. NO! We're talking about his use of terms. Not the substance.

[Byte Me]

5 minutes in and it is already Kmele FOR THE WIN.

[SweatingGin]

You have to try not to call people trained apes?

[Byte Me]

I believe it was Welch that expressed that he had to make a special effort for that. So, I'm not sure what you mean.

[SweatingGin]

I was trying to quote/paraphrase Kmele's follow up to that. Sorry, without the quotes, it definitely looks like an accusation.

[SweatingGin]

Oh, and microaggressing!

[Byte Me]

Don't forget the "othering", and remember the "trigger warning" next time, bro. And w/e else bs, faux terms progs want to come up with.

P.s.
I should have seen the sarcasm anyway.

[SIV]

Kmele dances with Shirley Temple.

[Fist of Etiquette]

Chimpy McBushitler.

[SweatingGin]

You don't need to light the buttplug signal, he's already here.

[Episiarch]

Whoa, Matt doesn't call black people trained apes. Neither do I!

[Fist of Etiquette]

CREATIONISM BEGS TO DIFFER.

[JW]

Hey Rummy: PHRASING.

[Fist of Etiquette]

WHY ARE WE NOT USING THAT ANYMORE?

[Ken Shultz]

Right?

[Rufus J. Firefly]

That guy has a cool cartoon voice.

[Grand Moff Serious Man]

It's amusing to see Kmele argue as if context matters.

[Fist of Etiquette]

Foster is going to win this argument. Everyone else give up.

[Max Power]

That Ellis guy is about as white as you can possibly get.

[Palin's Buttplug]

Dickless Cheney - 7 time draft dodger and serial torture kinkster.

And this place gives him a pass? I hope you greasy GOP filth swallows your own vomit and chokes to death on a Team Red devilcock.

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

I want Dick Cheney out of office as soon as... Oh, wait.

You said that you gave up your coke habit, so where does this inflated sense of self come from?

You come here, make an asshole of yourself, and walk away thinking you are a genius...

[Rufus J. Firefly]

Smug smell of sulfur!

[jesse.in.mb]

He shot a guy and got the guy to apologize publicly for getting in the way and he may or may not have a pulse. Cheney is the kind of quality villain American needs.

[Sudden]

He's like an American Putin.

And he's hung like LBJ

[BuSab Agent]

Not just any guy. He shot a lawyer in the face.

[jesse.in.mb]

Possibly the most moral thing he's ever done.

[BuSab Agent]

Agreed.

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Bush does kinda look like Dr Zaius.

[SIV]

I prefer Dr. Zaius's politics. Fuck those hippie chimps.

[JW]

Dr. Zaius! Dr. Zaius!

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

Chimpan-A to Chimpanzee!

[Episiarch]

Why is this show not The Kmele Show?!? He's everything worthwhile.

[kibby]

Your crush is getting awkward.

[JW]

Epi never went back.

[Episiarch]

If liking Kmele is wrong, I don't want to be right. Also, I am the gayest monster since gay came to Gaytown.

[kibby]

I don't want to be right, either. He is a special brand of delightful.

[jesse.in.mb]

You know if you and Epi are both most interested in Kmele, neither the wobbly h, nor a spitroast will work properly, right?

[kibby]

I have to go give myself a lobotomy now, thank you.

[jesse.in.mb]

Ice-pick or lobectomy?

[kibby]

Ice pick, obviously. All I need is a knitting needle & a mirror!

[Episiarch]

Look, I can have a mancrush on Kmele all I want. Am I gay? I'm not sure.

[SweatingGin]

"wobbly h"

Thanks, Jesse. I don't remember the last time I learned a new sexual term.

[JW]

Epi does the staggering W.

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

Is any sexual term you learned after age 20 something you would ever be interested in anyway? I stopped keeping track after one of my friends told me about space docking.

[jesse.in.mb]

Space docking?

Docking...in space!?

[SweatingGin]

Space docking?

knew it.

[jesse.in.mb]

No seriously, what is it?

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

http://www.urbandictionary.com.....term=space docking

You asked for it.

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

Link fail.

[SweatingGin]

Is any sexual term you learned after age 20 something you would ever be interested in anyway?

Think of it like a museum curator.

[BigT]

So that's not drool dripping from your chin!

[Derpetologist]

Derp. The final frontier. These are the tales of a Derpetologist. His continuing mission: to explore strange, new fools. To seek out new morons and new half-wit imbeciles. To boldly sigh where no one has sighed before...

? ? ?

Today, a work buddy was telling me about his prog friend. His worldview is thus: hoarding cats is crazy; hoarding newspapers is crazy. So why isn't hoarding money crazy? This guy has an English degree and is a waiter.

I'm going to happy hour in 10 Forward.

[BuSab Agent]

Has he ever tried to buy something with a cat or newspaper?

[Derpetologist]

I want to go where he works and leave a bunch of old newspapers as a tip.

Perhaps that would get his brain working.

[BuSab Agent]

I must admit that I once got paid with a cat for officiating at a wedding, but in my defense the cat was a kitten and very cute.

[SweatingGin]

say hi to whoopi for me.

[Rufus J. Firefly]

Getting into people's head. Goodie.

Like Being John Malkovich?

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

I don't care about that cracker ass polar bear!

[JW]

No, that's what being poor looks like.

[Rufus J. Firefly]

Do you get a pass if you say orangutan?

Man, get that guy a role on a cartoon. Now.

[BuSab Agent]

No. Orangutangs are ginger apes, which is way worse on so many levels.

[Rufus J. Firefly]

Ape it is.

[Fist of Etiquette]

Strip mining hurts the poor? You know what actually hurts the poor most? Higher fuel costs.

[kibby]

I think it's YOU. You hurt the poor most of all.

[Fist of Etiquette]

Okay, third behind me and fast food.

[kibby]

I'm glad you're coming to terms with who you really are.

[Fist of Etiquette]

Well, second most behind fast food.

[Smilin' Joe Fission]

That is the only way I could say "climate change" hurts the poor. Through government making energy more expensive because of "climate change", the poor are hurt.

[SIV]

Dominant class? Did Matt just call Kmele an untouchable? We need Shikha to sort this out.

[Rufus J. Firefly]

Fuck FB.

[JW]

Frank Burns?

[Grand Moff Serious Man]

He was an insufferable hypocrite.

[Rufus J. Firefly]

Him too.

[Grand Moff Serious Man]

I'll vote topic 2 on the condition that it be in the context of a possible nuke hidden in Hillary Clinton's vagina.

[kibby]

A snuke?

[Grand Moff Serious Man]

Yes, kibby, that was the joke. Now you went and spoiled it like all women are wont to do with humor.

[kibby]

I'm sorry. I'll pack up my vagina & go home.

[Episiarch]

kibby, you might be gunning for the worst. Nicole will be jealous, like all women.

[kibby]

Tell that bitch to bring it. I will claw her eyes out & rip out her hair. Nobody is worse than me.

[SweatingGin]

Place bets now!

4:3 odds on Nicole right now.

Kind of tempted to offer BTC addresses for actual betting.

[Episiarch]

And she's my friend, and is definitely worse than you.

[Grand Moff Serious Man]

She's getting married, so sorry, there's no way you can be worse than Nicole 2.0: Mecha-Bridezilla.

[kibby]

Dammit, you're right. I should probably really passive aggressively back out of this challenge.

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

Never go down without a fight. A pillow fight.

[kibby]

In our jim jams?

[Grand Moff Serious Man]

Wearing teddys and/or lingerie.

[SweatingGin]

I should probably really passive aggressively back out of this challenge.

Blame microaggressions.

[BuSab Agent]

Nah, you'll do fine as long as Nicky properly triggers you.

[Fr?ulein Nikki]

Sorry, not into triggering other chicks.

[Grand Moff Serious Man]

Your fiance must be so disappointed.

[jesse.in.mb]

So pillow fights in jim jams will summon Nicole now?

*Notes in Orange Grimoire*

[kibby]

That's a relief because...*whispers* I reallllly didn't want to get my ass kicked by you.

[Fr?ulein Nikki]

Aww see now we're bonding LIKE LADIES

[jesse.in.mb]

Who wear LADY THINGS

[JW]

Hip hoppin it out.

[BigT]

I vote for the nuculars take Manhattan. Dirty bombers in times square. What could be better?

I won't vote on FB because they require access to your friends list etc.

[Francisco d'Anconia]

I ain't gots no face thingy.

[Rufus J. Firefly]

Say what you want but weren't the Russians quiet during the Bush years?

[Mike M.]

Not really, there was the whole thing with Russia splitting off South Ossetia from Georgia.

[Rufus J. Firefly]

Keep speaking German Kennedy.

[SweatingGin]

Neun und Neun -something- Luft Balloons?

Neat.

[Derpetologist]

This is it boys, this is war.

[Fist of Etiquette]

Boaz stole the Judge's hair color.

[kibby]

Maybe it's a virus.

[Grand Moff Serious Man]

99 D?senj?ger
Jeder war ein gro?er Krieger
Hielten sich f?r Captain Kirk
Das gab ein gro?es Feuerwerk
Die Nachbarn haben nichts gerafft
Und f?hlten sich gleich angemacht
Dabei schoss man am Horizont
Auf 99 Luftballons

[Derpetologist]

Holy hell- 99 Luftballoons is just a sped up version of Reise, Reise:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eEqpNawBCVE

[JW]

CORPORATIONS AREN'T PEOPLE!

PEOPLE AREN'T CORPORATIONS!

[Sudden]

But the signs said "birth control is none of my boss's business" a boss is a person.

Soylent Green is PEOPLE!!!!!!

[JW]

Don't try to confuse me with your fancy facts!

[Fist of Etiquette]

The Hobby Lobby? Another K Street outfit. So I guess that means Big Hobby is throwing a lot of money at SCOTUS.

[Grand Moff Serious Man]

Smug bastards, perched atop their high hobby horse denying the wimmen their healthcare.

[Derpetologist]

Is the CEO named Robby?

[JW]

They aren't controlling their employee's contraception.

[Episiarch]

Kennedy said "amicus brief"! She's like intelligent and stuff!

[BigT]

She said "I like em in briefs"

Check you hearing

[JW]

No, she said I like dem briefs! Boaz was saggin'.

[Francisco d'Anconia]

My religion is freedom. I should not have to pay for anybody's anything. I claim a religious exemption.

[Byte Me]

I call BS on any law being justified by a "compelling government interest".

[Fist of Etiquette]

Fox has Hucksterbee to minister to the flock.

[Palin's Buttplug]

Dickless Cheney! The kind of fake rootin' tootin' cowboy warmonger that New Libertarians Love!

[Sudden]

You ever been in a Jackson Hole sauna with Dick Cheney?

Trust me, that's the last term you'd describe him with.

[Palin's Buttplug]

No. I prefer that young teen's heart go to a deserving transplant though.

[Smilin' Joe Fission]

Your life must really suck that you feel the need to come here where nobody likes you and keep babbling on about things no one is talking about and no one cares to talk about. You really are sad.

[Palin's Buttplug]

Suck that evil Cheney cock then. He killed nearly a million people for nothing.

Yet you will ridicule Biden for a small gaffe.

You are a miserable GOP cumstain.

[Smilin' Joe Fission]

Link to any of your claims about me? No, you don't have any? That is what I thought.

[Sudden]

No one here likes Cheney.

I called him an American Putin... and I fucking hate Putin.

I do take issue with the one million dead thing though. The Lancet survey is methodologically flawed. I think the more accurate numbers on Iraqi casualties are in the 450k range.

Not that that is something to scoff at, and its worth noting that most of these were committed by the insurgents and in the ethnic strife that followed the invasion.

[Byte Me]

The kind of fake rootin' tootin' cowboy warmonger that New Libertarians Love!

If you believe this, you clearly have absolutely zero understanding of what a libertarian believes. That is all.

[Fist of Etiquette]

"Get your own healthcare." You should have put that on a sign, Boaz.

[Fist of Etiquette]

Up next: The Independents marry a duck!

[jesse.in.mb]

Officiate or will they all be wedded to the duck?

[Sudden]

They are registered at a bakery run by a bunch of evangelicals.

Serves em right.

[Francisco d'Anconia]

If your argument for gay marriage is that it's not harming anyone, how can one argue differently for polygamy?

[Grand Moff Serious Man]

It's not good for children?

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Yeah. You wouldn't want two working and a stay at home parent as well.

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

Sure, in theory. In practice, welfare is usually involved.

SLD: I'm not opposed to polygamy, nor do I care to pay for it.

[jesse.in.mb]

I thought a lot of the welfare was related to the fact that they were forming households where they weren't legally married and were cohabiting as single people.

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

You're right. But I think maybe the 5th grade education and "traditional" gender roles are also a factor, one I don't see changing anytime soon.

[Episiarch]

The weather here is fucking insane. It's sunny and pouring.

[Sudden]

In L.A., we have a term for that: Earthquake weather.

[JW]

It snowed all day here and nothing stuck. It was pretty awesome, as snow goes. Like fluffy rain.

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

Cool forecast, bro.

5 more days of rain.

[Rufus J. Firefly]

Ah the guy Kennedy bitch slapped.

[Episiarch]

I think jesse called this guy as closeted. Bigtime.

[Francisco d'Anconia]

He kicked your ass Kennedy.

[GILMORE]

The Independents Attire Review, 25 March 2014

"European Teenage Girls On Fire: The Triangle Shirtwaist Co. Story"-Edition

- Krazy Kennedy: Someone seems to have set an "Earth-Tones Only" rule for the evening, with Kennedy bringing "Flora and Fire"; we dig on the theme, despite being on the cusp of Spring; we again note Kennedy seems to be at her best when testing the boundaries of the color spectrum, with special benefits coming from her Infrared arsenal. The notes of red here validate this view.

- Magnum Matt: Yet again receiving the short end of the stick, Matt seems to be playing the Earth-Deity in tonight's spectral fantasie: Mud-and-Rock are summoned as his patron spirits, and the best we can say is that it provides an appropriate 'grounding'* effect, given Matt's central role in the panel. (*get it?? 'ground'-ing? ohhhhh) If anything, this is the best of the "black jacket and tie" combos we have repeatedly bemoaned.

- Kmele Kong: "Lord of Wind and Ice-Kmele" blows in from the East, laying waste to all falsehood. Kmele's cardigan-sub-jacket is perhaps our least favorite recipe-for-dap in his copious menu; however, coming on the back of last night's Pajama-Party slap in the face of convention, we feel a gesture towards his mastery of conservative-fashion to be entirely apropos.

Bonus: "Porsche Carerra GT's Greatest Hits"
http://alturl.com/6476w

Thank You

[SIV]

Snap oversteer FTW!

[SweatingGin]

I read these in Tim Gunn's voice

[GILMORE]

I was going for more of a Ken Nordine thing =

e.g.

"green"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HIrCizE_678

That other guy is too sissy for me.

[Fist of Etiquette]

Kennedy's high point.

[GILMORE]

Jesse? still 'mo?

[jesse.in.mb]

Eh, I dunno. I couldn't really focus on him post-beard. And he was doing something distracting with his mouth, like it was shy after being denuded and was trying to hide.

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

I was away for a few. Is this the gay communist you're talking about?

[jesse.in.mb]

No, beardy SoCon who accidentally convinced Kennedy she's in favor of polygamy.

But he's not beardy anymore, which is a mistake on his part. Sans beard he's numbingly generic.

[GILMORE]

No, Mr Polygamy earlier set off Jesse's error-prone Gaydar

[jesse.in.mb]

Thank god for location aware smartphone apps!

[Byte Me]

Trustworthy because of the beard? I thought he was gona try to give me some candy and invite me to his van when he had the beard.

[Fist of Etiquette]

Without a license, people won't couple up.

[jesse.in.mb]

Lol, because that's worked so well at making sure everyone has a mommy and a daddy. Double down on that dude, maybe it'll work then.

[Fist of Etiquette]

Uh, twenty-six years of care.

[BigT]

Uh, lifetime of financial support...

[GILMORE]

Bonus note: As pointed out with last nights "grey suit & purple tie = killer win"

- If you're going to do the blue shirt with either charcoal or navy suit: orange tie can do wonderful things if not too overly solid. Its one of those "opposite ends of the color wheel" complements which people should be conscious of as general rules of 'what works'. People like *Matt*?

[Fist of Etiquette]

Kmele makes his first mistake.

[Episiarch]

KMELE MAKES NO MSTAKES

[JW]

You were his first. You're like a very hairy Mary Magdeline.

[Fist of Etiquette]

He's cut! He's cut! The Russian's cut!

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Kmele, with teh meme!

[Rufus J. Firefly]

Now it's Kmele turn.

[Derpetologist]

If you want to get divorced, be civilized about it:

Behead your barren wife and start your own religion.

[BuSab Agent]

Ah the good ole days...

[Notorious G.K.C.]

Heck with that divorce apologist.

[Notorious G.K.C.]

He could just say "once it's politically possible to stop recognize divorce, that's what I'll push for."

[JW]

Not married?

GAY.

[Episiarch]

What the fuck did Kennedy just do?

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

Something pretty similar to what I do when I beat my kids in sports.

[Grand Moff Serious Man]

How come they were never this aggressive with the communist?

[BigT]

Kennedy is embarrassing herself again.

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

I dunno. I have a semi.

[Byte Me]

I dunno. I have a semi.

Seconded.

[Fist of Etiquette]

I literally hate everyone in this debate right now. Except for Welch, who wisely kept his trap shut.

[Rufus J. Firefly]

Why do they get so riled up with this guy over this subject?

[Grand Moff Serious Man]

Yeah, straw man done when they asked why not outlaw divorce.

[Notorious G.K.C.]

To be clear, it's consistent to want to recognize divorce but not SSM, but *why* take such a position? Why not defend marriage more fully?

[GILMORE]

uh oh, maybe he is a 'mo??

[Fist of Etiquette]

YOU BETTER FUCKING NOT SPOIL GAME OF ANYFUCKINGTHING.

[JW]

pssst: Dwarves and fucking.

[Episiarch]

JOFFREY WILL BE DEAD SOON

[Fist of Etiquette]

NEVER!

[kibby]

I really wish I had some clever Ramsay spoiler here, but there aren't any.

[Mike M.]

I've never even watched a single episode. Even the commercials annoy me, and I just can't take a show seriously that is ostensibly for adults, but has dragons in it.

[Byte Me]

I don't know what the States interest is in that.

Again with this? Will someone ask the obvious question(s): Why is a private coupling of individuals being defined by the state? Is defining private relationships a legitimate function of the government?

[SIV]

When is the state going to regulate baptism?

[BuSab Agent]

That is indeed an important question. How can society let parents induct innocent children into a religion all willy nilly. There definitely needs to be some sort of license or test and appropriate fees and a registry, possibly a whole new Federal department complete with Baptism czar and SWAT team.

[BigT]

The couplings are no interest of the state, but the BENEFITs of marriage are of interest to all us taxslaves.

Why not just have everyone identify one BFF for inheritance purposes and to send next of kin notices, and let everyone live like animals, er...as they wish??

[kibby]

CAN WE NOT DO CLOWN STUFF??

[Fist of Etiquette]

Get a load of this clown.

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Clown attack!

[Francisco d'Anconia]

All clowns must die!

[Grand Moff Serious Man]

Scurra delende est?

[Episiarch]

Oh Matt, aren't you funny.

[Grand Moff Serious Man]

Obligatory

[Rufus J. Firefly]

Bad things happen with clowns.

Bad.

[SweatingGin]

Florida Woman shits in yard? This isn't news.

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

That's on every 3rd block in google street view.

[GILMORE]

You can see the fear in kmele's eyes. Clowns are fucked up.

[Soros' Wank-noose]

Yeah, they were loved for centuries. Then, with the pussification of US society in the last half of the XX century, you'd think they were somehow the bad guys.

[JW]

NO, MOMMY! NOT THE CLOWNS!

[Derpetologist]

Scary, mysterious clown? In New England?

This would make a great movie...

[Rufus J. Firefly]

It.

[BigT]

http://www.dailymotion.com/vid.....shortfilms

[Fist of Etiquette]

THIS JUST IN: MATT WELCH LOVES TOILET PORN.

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

"Not so we can see it.... .... ... necessarily..."

[Rufus J. Firefly]

What the fuck with these judges?

[SIV]

Matt likes teh Kraut pr0n

[JW]

Why in the fuck do people comply with cops' ridiculous demands?

They're supposed to resist and wait and then shit in the cop car.

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

Yeah, this guy is a hero:
http://www.tmz.com/2013/01/29/.....-mug-shot/

[Episiarch]

Do the rest of the contributors realize that Kmele is better than all of them?

[Fist of Etiquette]

Take off, eh.

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Fucking insane Canadians.

[Episiarch]

Peter Dinklage is from Jersey, like me. SUCK THAT.

[JW]

New Jersey: Genetic Mutations!

[Derpetologist]

New Jersey: Swim the rainbow!

[Grand Moff Serious Man]

Must be all those toxic chemicals in the water and air.

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Ygritte LIVES!

[Episiarch]

Not for long!

[SweatingGin]

Spoiling game of thrones? Everybody dies.

EVERYBODY.

[Fist of Etiquette]

I'm turning the show off and never turning it back on.

[Derpetologist]

A better topic: Obama- what hasn't he screwed up?

[kibby]

The Reason commenting system!

Wait...

[GILMORE]

Kennedy air drums with passion. We like.

[SweatingGin]

That clown thing... someone in the earlier threads mentioned it. And someone pointed out Pennywhistle from "It".

Hadn't seen a picture yet, but it's spot on. It's the fucking clown from It.

[Byte Me]

"It" is a cool horror movie. Though, even non-threatening looking clowns are creepy as hell. I have never seen the appeal.

[kibby]

Pennywise. Pennywhistle is from a Supernatural episode.

Is there something you would like to tell us about your television viewing habits?

[SweatingGin]

you're right, pennywise. So, wait... is pennywhistle a terrible term?

Actually, I think the book scared me more than the TV show (and I certainly read it after seeing the show, but still as a kid).

[kibby]

I have no idea, it was just a stupid episode of that stupid show.

The book definitely had some scarring moments (the razorblades in his mouth in the library ughhhhh), but I saw the movie when I was FIVE. & stopped sleeping for quite some time.

[SweatingGin]

No idea how old I was when I saw it. Probably 8 - 10. First movie I remember is Alien.

[SweatingGin]

Also, how can we have this much of a thread about clowns without:

Killer Clowns from Outer Space

[BigT]

Keep up.

BigT|3.25.14 @ 9:45PM|#|?|filternamelinkcustom

http://www.dailymotion.com/vid.....shortfilms

[SweatingGin]

well, I failed. well done, sir.

[BigT]

Great sick minds think alike.

I like your style, young man.

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

Pennywise is the greatest band of our generation.

[Notorious G.K.C.]

Support the Common Core - the latest bright idea of the education reformers! We reject "rote memorization" - that was the *last* bright idea - it was an awful idea, but this this time we'll get it right!

[Byte Me]

From what I have seen from Common Core, the questions are not even questions much of the time (in math, anyway). So, I don't know what new, higher standards those faux commercial teachers are referring to.

[Rufus J. Firefly]

Geez, according to you Yanks, Canada isn't a 'real' country and to EPI, I can't be a true Italian because I'm from an unreal country.

Meh.

In culo a'sorda!

/cries over Mastroianni poster.

[GILMORE]

What the fuck is it with these guests? They're like the political hack C-team. We need McInnes as a regular. AND NAOMI. Sweet, sweet, Naomi...(drool)

[SIV]

I'd settle for Julie B and Moynihan

[GILMORE]

Yeah, OK = something like that would work too.

but... also, redhead. sometimes.

[kibby]

You want McInnes back after his frothing rant about inbred Muslims?

[GILMORE]

YES

[GILMORE]

For the record, Gavin is freaking HI-larious.

Also = Canadian.

We have a strong canuck contingency here clamoring for representation.

[kibby]

I loved Gavin until the crazy started bleeding through. It wasn't fun adorable crazy, it was seething creepy crazy.

[GILMORE]

You should read his columns @ Taki.

Every team needs a crazy guy. he'd be like Murdoch.

[SweatingGin]

"Pick him up, pull the needle out of his arm, put him on the couch" crazy.

[GILMORE]

Its more like, "slap him awake, pour some vodka down his throat, pull his pants back on and sit him in the chair"

[SweatingGin]

You don't need to recount this morning to everyone, Gilmore.

[Derpetologist]

In 2014, a hack politco unit was sent away by the People's Court for a crime they didn't commit. These derps promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade to the FBN channel. Today, not wanted by anyone in particular, they survive as pundits of fortune. If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them, maybe you can hire...

The C-Team

? ? ?

[GILMORE]

LOL

[Grand Moff Serious Man]

Stop them on his own? Not this president! He firmly believes in deferring to Congress when it comes to altering laws.

[GILMORE]

So chick is 'opposed to snowden', but apparently gets tetchy about the stuff she now knows *because* of Snowden.

[GILMORE]

Can anyone spot the tune they were playing on the outro there? I liked.

[Fist of Etiquette]

Nikka Costa's Like a Feather.

[GILMORE]

Danke

[Rufus J. Firefly]

They should put up Nick's jacket up somewhere in the background.

As a reminder whence liberty comes originates.

[Rufus J. Firefly]

drop comes.

[BigT]

They need a live studio audience. This drumming between segments is really lame. Maybe dancing. Or shooting exhbitions. Or dogs in heat. Or anything. The drumming sucks!!!

[Grand Moff Serious Man]

I'd love to see live performances and dancing, American Bandstand-style.

[BigT]

Even Kennedy's ridiculous bitch on the street interviews would be better in small clips. They suck as entire segments.

Hey, Matt, if you need someone to plan the show, let me know. It's too wanky - I mean that in the bad way, not chicken choking.

[kibby]

I think the Hit & Run commenters would be an amazing live studio audience.

[BuSab Agent]

I think it would quickly devolve into a drunken brawl if they did that. NTTAWWT.

[SweatingGin]

by the first commercial break.

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Can you imagine?

[kibby]

I can imagine that the three of us who are well-behaved would have a grand time.

The rest of you animals can be in one of Kennedy's on the street segments.

[BuSab Agent]

Which three is that? Because I've been here for years and I have no clue who it might be.

[kibby]

Me & the first number that popped into my head. You're all animals, let's be honest.

[BuSab Agent]

I think Warty is actually a fungus.

[kibby]

That's a fair point. I amend my previous statement.

[Grand Moff Serious Man]

Obviously me. I'm pretty mild-mannered and courteous. Kibby and I can take a balcony box seat and be the Statler and Waldorf of the show.

[kibby]

I thought we were Zoe & Wash?

[Grand Moff Serious Man]

WE CAN BE MORE THAN ONE THING.

Starsky & Hutch

The Captain & Tennille

Pete & Pete

Adolf & Eva

[Archduke von Pantsfan]

are you two married yet

[Grand Moff Serious Man]

No, we're not getting married. We'll let Ken and Kara hold that distinction in Hit & Run lore.

[kibby]

Am I going to be the guy in all of these that involve both sexes? I don't mind being wash but I am drawing the line at Hitler.

[Grand Moff Serious Man]

I meant Mel Brooks' Spring Time For Hitler, Hitler.

"I lieb you, I lieb you baby. Now lieb me alone!"

[kibby]

Why do I have to be Hitler (regardless of the version) when you're the one who can grow facial hair??

[JW]

Don't sell yourself short.

[General Butt Naked]

Yeah, a bunch of drunken neckbeards clacking away at laptops will really draw in the viewers.

[kibby]

Excuse you, I am a hot chick. Admittedly, I do type really loudly though -- so you've got me there.

[General Butt Naked]

Excuse you, I am a hot chick.

That's just what I'd expect a cheetoh-stained neckbeard to say.

[BigT]

kibby, we'll take your word on your hotness. Just show up and look great. Don't let us down. And bring another hot babe if you can. We need all the good lookers we can get (get a load of the rest of this gang of perverts)

[kibby]

Do you know nothing about women? We all despise each other.

[BuSab Agent]

Duh! They're libertarian men of course they know nothing of women. Oh and did you see Nikki says she won't trigger you.

[BigT]

Apparently 35 years of marriage has dulled my understanding of women..... of a certain age

[Grand Moff Serious Man]

I beg your pardon, but I keep my beard trimmed and confined to my face, not my neck.

And I very rarely get drunk, so I'd probably be the only sober person in the room.

[kibby]

You can be the designated driver! One drink & I'm pretty much done, so you may as well just wait in the car.

[JW]

A cheap date. Excellent.

[Grand Moff Serious Man]

Okay. Pick any of the other guy's here and you might end up in the East River.

I find your trust in me flattering.

[kibby]

Good lord thanks for putting that thought in my head. I'll be hiding in my apartment now while you all party with the Independents.

[Grand Moff Serious Man]

Yeah, but that's probably for your own good. You'll thank me later.

[SweatingGin]

H&R Meets The Independents is a special occasion (like Flintstones Meet The Jetsons).

You can get hammered. Lou Dobbs will drive you home.

[General Butt Naked]

Lou Dobbs will drive you home.

Thanks, but no thanks.

I have no desire to be Lou's Mary Jo.

[Francisco d'Anconia]

They could come out and ask us our opinions on the panel's fashion sense.

[Francisco d'Anconia]

A LIVE two minutes of hate!

[BigT]

It would need to be filtered or else you'll have some lame hate notes. Not live, but FRESH from the commentariat. They did that once with one comment. Why not all of the 2 minutes??

[SweatingGin]

H&R Commenters go on The Independents

[JW]

Can I borrow your gun when you're done?

[BigT]

Don't have the whole mob as studio audience. maybe a few chosen super snarky folks, and a bunch of mindless liberal drones to get things whipped up.

We get the god damn tickertape on the bottom. Why not a few of the Comments from H&R???

...Use a little imagination. This aint the f*ing Dumly Show.

[Archduke von Pantsfan]

We should host.

[Rufus J. Firefly]

Get Ann Coulter on.

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

Here's what sucks: the president can make an uninformed, off-the-cuff remark, and the media will discuss it ad nauseam.

[GILMORE]

"the president can make an uninformed, off-the-cuff remark, SO THAT the media will discuss it ad nauseam...rather than actual news about say, his policy-absence on Ukraine or other more-substantive issues"

[GILMORE]

Paul sends very strong "I can kick your ass"-signals.

[jesse.in.mb]

If he has to, but he'd rather not.

[Coeus]

It's like they're not even trying anymore.

Violence: For the first time, the panel is emphasizing the nuanced link between conflict and warming temperatures. Participating scientists say warming won't cause wars, but it will add a destabilizing factor that will make existing threats worse.

Food: Global food prices will rise between 3 and 84 percent by 2050 because of warmer temperatures and changes in rain patterns. Hotspots of hunger may emerge in cities.

Water: About one-third of the world's population will see groundwater supplies drop by more than 10 percent by 2080, when compared with 1980 levels. For every degree of warming, more of the world will have significantly less water available.

Health: Major increases in health problems are likely, with more illnesses and injury from heat waves and fires and more food and water-borne diseases. But the report also notes that warming's effects on health is relatively small compared with other problems, like poverty.

Wealth: Many of the poor will get poorer. Economic growth and poverty reduction will slow down. If temperatures rise high enough, the world's overall income may start to go down, by as much as 2 percent, but that's difficult to forecast.

[Derpetologist]

I see The Prorg have assimilated the weather channel.

[Sevo]

Not gonna look; is there a specific date on any one of those? Or is it 'Gee! Look! A drop average income this year! I was right!'

[JW]

I'm already thirsty!

[Sevo]

Not me! I got a free bottle in front of me.

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

soon to be banned.

[JW]

Food prices will rise between a negligible amount and the inflation rate of the last 30 years!!

WE'RE DOOMED.

[BuSab Agent]

Or not at all. If their warmest fantasies were to come true, vast areas of Canada and Siberia would become arable.

[Derpetologist]

Shhh! You're not supposed to say that part.

[BuSab Agent]

Shit! I forgot all about the great land speculation thing.

[Byte Me]

...Food: Global food prices will rise between 3 and 84 percent...because of warmer temperatures and changes in rain patterns

Let's pull more numbers out our asses, shall we?..THERE'S A 0-150% CHANCE THAT I MAY OR MAY NOT GET TO READ REASON AT WORK TOMORROW. I MAY JUST BE TOO DAMNED BUSY OR I MAY NOT. THE NUMBERS REALLY ARE STAGGERING.

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

Or just skip numbers altogether:

For every degree of warming, more of the world will have significantly less water available.

Significantly less!!! That sounds like a lot!!!

[Derpetologist]

How a fact is born:

1. Wild guess- "I dunno. It could be anywhere from one to a million."
2. Hedged guess- "Up to a million."
3. Extreme guess- "Experts say one million."

[GILMORE]

Then you consult a wizard - to prove whether the wizard is right, you then tie him up and throw him in a pond.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DQaF4YXCXsc

[BuSab Agent]

And when he drowns, you're hypothesis is proved correct!!

[BuSab Agent]

er your not you're....too much Irish coffee... am losing my powers of grammar.

[SIV]

CLAY'S LAW

[General Butt Naked]

Do they teach "concerned-talking-about-veterans voice" in teevee college?

[jesse.in.mb]

This Paul fellow just exudes mensch-ness.

[Fist of Etiquette]

Ouch. Sequester mention.

[GILMORE]

Make Paul a regular on anything "military related".

Every news show needs one of those. He has that "balko" thing (looks aside) of inherent credibility. Yes, and he looks like The Thing, we know.

[Fist of Etiquette]

Suddenly I'm watching PTI.

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Amen!

[Derpetologist]

Paging Cytotoxic...Cytotoxic, please pick up the white war boner phone.

[Fist of Etiquette]

AH! Lou Dobbs.

[GILMORE]

Oh, Christ, the 'libertarian foreign policy' coming back to completely undermine anyone potentially taking people seriously...

regardless of where you are on this thing, you must acknowledge = it is the area where you will LOSE people faster than anything. Stick with Civil liberties and fiscal issues, guys.

[General Butt Naked]

Everybody who disagrees with libertarians on one issue think that's the issue that's gonna sink 'em.

"People are totally on board with the heroin in vending machines plan, but your 'no more wars for a bit' thing IS GONNA SCARE THE STRAIGHTS!"

[GILMORE]

Except it is.

See what most people cited as reasons for finding Ron Paul objectionable. its also what they try and nail Rand to the wall on.

[Virginian]

The problem with Rand Paul is that he sounds like a leftwing noninterventionist. Broadly speaking, there are two strains of noninterventionist thought in the US.

Rightwing: "Foreign wars sully the greatest nation on Earth. We shouldn't be sending our young men to die in someone else's fight.

Leftwing: "America is the real evil empire. The enemy du jour is not anywhere near as bad as people say. 9/11 was an inside job"

The rightwing kind sells in the GOP. Hell, Reagan remains the example most Republican politicians want to follow, and he was less interventionist then Bush, Clinton, Obama, Johnson, Nixon, Kennedy, Truman, or FDR.

[GILMORE]

Your "rightwing version" is a pill people only swallow when said politician also caveats it by saying, "...and if anyone fucks with us, I swear I will DESTROY WITHOUT MERCY"

"Speak softly, mind your business, 'but PACK HEAT AND USE IT LIKE THE TERMINATOR'

without the latter, it smells like Dukakis.

[GILMORE]

"he was less interventionist then Bush, Clinton, Obama, Johnson, Nixon, Kennedy, Truman, or FDR."

uh.

First off, doing a "better than" comparison will win you no points in the purist non-tervenshun camp - all American history is nuthin but INTERVENIZM as we've been told.

Second... seriously, Central America? Non intervention? Middle East? Afghanistan? Fucking joking?

[Virginian]

He was definitely less interventionist than any of the names I mentioned.

Reagan fought the Cold War, which needed to be fought, and he won it. Won it without getting the entire world blown up as well. The whole Contra thing was very murky and a mistake in hindsight, but both Grenada and Afghanistan were very well handled. Afghanistan only led to blowback because Reagan's successor pissed off Osama bin Laden by saving the House of Saud from being conquered by Iraq.

If Reagan had been President from 2000 to 2008, I don't think he would have indulged in the Iraq adventure at all, and I think Afghanistan would have been a simple punitive expedition ala the Libyan airstrikes.

Hell, look at the way he got the fuck out of Lebanon following the Marine barracks bombing. Bush or Obama would have put in a surge to show how tough we were and bring democracy to the Levant. Reagan just got the fuck out, realizing we had no national interest in Lebanon.

When it comes to libertarian foreign policy, the 20th century American Presidents get low marks. But grading on a curve, Reagan comes out pretty good IMO.

[Calidissident]

"See what most people cited as reasons for finding Ron Paul objectionable."

Maybe most conservatives. Paul's biggest problem regarding foreign policy isn't non-interventionism, but the way he expresses it (seemingly "blaming America," making excuses when countries like Russia do bad shit, etc.).

Regarding Rand, again, I think that's only true among conservatives, and it helps that his (public) position on stuff like drugs is far from libertarian purity, even if he's much better than the status quo. In a general election, Paul's biggest threats will be stuff like being hammered for opposing the CRA and being accused of being too "extreme" on fiscal/economic issues (and possibly/probably the albatross that is his father getting hung around his neck).

[Rufus J. Firefly]

Thanks me for watching?

Go on.

Where's my gift?

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

What is the cash value of this "thank you"?

[Derpetologist]

Lou Dobbs has the goofiest sfx of any news show. Maddow's constant paper crinkling is slighly more irritating.

[GILMORE]

Errol Morris!? Nice.

[GILMORE]

BLESSED SISTERS OF MERCY!!DOBBS!!!!!!!

[JW]

I'm buffering, so I'll have to wing it.

AAAAUUGGHH DOBBS!

[BiMonSciFiCon]

I'm more a sultry after show kinda guy.

[jesse.in.mb]

Kennedy likes him better with the beard too!

[jesse.in.mb]

Ha, I love naked Germans!

[BuSab Agent]

So do I!

[GILMORE]

Do you love a 24/7 European version of Spring Break in Destin florida?

Its ugly, loud, drunken Euros, all the time.

[jesse.in.mb]

Go on...

[GILMORE]

Yuck. Forget it then.

[Fist of Etiquette]

I'm not sure what we're talking about now.

[BuSab Agent]

No one is.

[GILMORE]

Kennedy, it takes all of 5 minutes of research to determine that Mallorca is full of germans. Everyone in Europe knows this. It is the German "Ibiza".

[Fist of Etiquette]

Goddamn foreigners and their weird squiggly languages.

[Fist of Etiquette]

Europeans racist?

[GILMORE]

"Your" people??! MY PEOPLE???

[OldMexican]

"What do you mean, 'You people'?"
"What do YOU mean, 'What do you mean you people?'"

[Fist of Etiquette]

"Eat a bag of dicks." In a Russian accent.

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

I like Louis CK's take:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ldo1sZCbqs

[jesse.in.mb]

Do we have a pool going for how long it's going to take kibby and Serious to start competing with sloop and Banjos?

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

You are such a troublemaker.

Where do I send money?

[kibby]

You're going to lose that bet, I fear.

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

Virgin?

[kibby]

Wait, what?

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

I was, uh, talking to Serious.

[kibby]

He might take offense to that question.

[Grand Moff Serious Man]

No offense taken.

[jesse.in.mb]

Possibly, but my incipient-relationship-dar is WAY better than my gaydar (which doesn't say all that much).

[BuSab Agent]

Dammit Jesse! Quit shipping the board, it's very creepy.

[jesse.in.mb]

I'm sorry BuSab!

I'll try hard not to point out the obvious in the future.

[BuSab Agent]

It's just that when you blow the secret, then they start getting all flirty and mushy openly in the comments and no one wants to see that. The only way to cleanse one's mental palate after that sort of thing is to spend a while over at Sugarfree's blog...and that way lies madness.

[Grand Moff Serious Man]

Kibby is awesome, but she's not really a person to me since for all I know she could be a computer that's passed the Turing test.

[kibby]

My circuits assure you this is not the case.

[jesse.in.mb]

She correctly identified a suborbital ice-pick lobotomy as the only solution for the mental image of participating in a wobbly h with Episiarch. If she's a computer she's surpassed the Turing test and passed the Voight-Kampff test.

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

I still don't get what the wobbly H is. Spitroasting with weak legs?

[Grand Moff Serious Man]

Good point. I am now convinced she is real. Now all you got to do is convince her to have kids and I'd consider marrying her.

[jesse.in.mb]

Playa: It's just another euphemism for a spitroast.

Serious: Just switch out her birth control pills with baby aspirin as soon as she becomes emotionally dependent on you.

It's like you've never been in a real relationship before, or something...

[kibby]

I like that you think I have emotions! That's so cute & folksy of you!

[Grand Moff Serious Man]

You don't? Maybe we should get married...

[Grand Moff Serious Man]

You don't? Maybe we should get married...

[kibby]

I'm really working on it!

[GILMORE]

Is this something to do with your infernal Gay-Agenda?

[Derpetologist]

It's all there in their Gay day planners.

[jesse.in.mb]

No...maybe.

I could tell you, but you'd have to join the cause first. I'm sure there's a recruiting station near you.

[Coeus]

Larry tells me it's in the airport...

[Derpetologist]

I'll look for a steel mill...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MUmBiuEqL8o

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

Don't need to click on that to know what it is.

C&C Music Factory FTW.

[BuSab Agent]

I still get a kick out of that. When it first came out, I worked for a steel company. It is strangely accurate.

[jesse.in.mb]

It is strangely accurate.

Wait what?

I was expecting it to be like Out of the Furnace...

Playa, where's the nearest steel mill?

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

China?

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Their behavior is frighteningly similar. Was anyone on the thread the night Sloop and Banjos were hooking up?

I threw up a little...in my pants...out of my ass.

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

I had no idea it was webcast. Thank god I used to work nights.

[William of Purple]

it's always the way with the kids

[ThatSkepticGuy]

I think Koch Brothers is a pretty cool guy. Eh causes global warming and doesn't afraid of anything.

[GILMORE]

Me also Good plus Koch oil money make Cato freedom

[Coeus]

Who's hungry?

Also, I had no idea that my special bloody mary recipe was already a thing in canada...for like a hundred years. You guys aughta advertise the "Caesar" more.

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

I had no idea that a low functioning retard could run a restaurant.

[Coeus]

I wanna try it.

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

If the photo is accurate, that is a week's worth of food.

[Coeus]

I'll just make them roll the rest into a foil swan. It seems like such a classy place, I'm sure they'll do it.

[Sidd Finch]

In the immortal words of Rachel Jenteal, "that's real retarded, sir."

[BuSab Agent]

What the hell was that? It's frightening me, is like a clown of food.

[Archduke von Pantsfan]

Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin "separate".
Is that what happens when you find out your husband is gay?

[jesse.in.mb]

Is that a thing?

I'm always the last to know.

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

Coldplay could be a great band if they got rid of the vocals.

[Archduke von Pantsfan]

Monopoly go "crowdsource" new rules.

First they get rid of the iron.

[kibby]

Irons are symbols of patriarchal oppression.

[BuSab Agent]

I don't know. I always liked the iron as a piece, and ironing is kind of fun and relaxing. And it makes an awesome impromptu weapon. As much heft as a brick, but with added burney power.

[Archduke von Pantsfan]

Calgary radio station faces backlash after burning $5,000

To be fair, it was Canadian money.

[SIV]

At least its backed by maple orchards and harp seal rookeries.

[Big Chief]

Boy the tweets and comment thread is one cesspool of insanity and overreaction. You'd think that money could have saved the whales and ended global warming if only they hadn't burned it.

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

Why are they arguing with democracy?

[Big Chief]

They're not arguing with it, they're voting against it.

[Big Chief]

Actually "Voting Against Democracy" would be a great band name.

[Big Chief]

Here's my favorite from the comment section so far:

"Of course we all have the right to tell them what to do, it's called freedom of speech."

[Grand Moff Serious Man]

Flipping through the channels I find this Bruce Willis cop movie called 'Striking Distance'.

It features young Sarah Jessica Parker. Not sure what wrong from there.

[kibby]

Can you please go upthread & explain that we're not getting married?

[Big Chief]

Consciously Uncoupling are you? First Gwyneth and now you? So sad.

[kibby]

I HATE ALL OF YOU.

[Archduke von Pantsfan]

so defensive.

[kibby]

You're right. Clearly we should just get married to make all of you happy. Or disgusted? I can't figure out what you people want.

[Big Chief]

We're libertarians. We want whatever pisses everyone else off.

[kibby]

This is what happens when I never receive my libertarian decoder ring! All the newsletters are gibberish without it!

[Big Chief]

If you had your decoder ring you probably would have snagged in on that book today, and then where would you be? Be careful what you wish for...

[kibby]

You're like a one man Twilight Zone episode, geez.

[Coeus]

Relax. That only happens if you get knocked up.

[kibby]

Then I am never taking off this chastity belt!

[Coeus]

Kinky. Also somewhat unsanitary.

[kibby]

I'm sure that's a kink to someone out there.

[Coeus]

Probably on this board.

[kibby]

Now you've just outed yourself, sir.

[Coeus]

Naw, while I've got a ton (seriously, novelty-seeking personality is pretty much my defining characteristic), a recent shower is a mandatory component.

[kibby]

Why do I always learn far more about everyone here than I needed to?

[Coeus]

We like to share. Everyone feels a need to chime in on their hobbies. You won't ever see me post in a brewing thread, but every time there's a dear prudence post on s&m im in for half a dozen comments.

[kibby]

You are entertaining, I enjoy this.

[jesse.in.mb]

Why do I always learn far more about everyone here than I needed to?

Look upon the commentariat and despair

There was a thread on rimming the next day, but you should probably start off with something easy.

[kibby]

I despair at nothing in there -- I'd say that it even taught me some things...but it didn't.

[jesse.in.mb]

Whatever happened to Counterfly?

He could get a thousand comment discussion on chastity devices started in the AM Links.

[Coeus]

He could get a thousand comment discussion on chastity devices started in the AM Links.

I always miss the cool stuff. On a somewhat related note, if you're buying a ring gag, don't get the one on amazon. It's made in china and sized appropriately.

[SIV]

Hell yeah

[SIV]

Tease

[jesse.in.mb]

Dear, can you please go upthread & explain that we're not getting married?

FIFY

[kibby]

Why don't we concentrate on finding you a nice man for awhile?

[jesse.in.mb]

Well, I'm about to head out and make a Mr. Right-Now's evening, but if you can find me a Mr. Right, I'd be much obliged.

I have broad tastes on most physical attributes but am picky about personal compatibility. Jerks with hearts of gold to the front of the line. Absolutely no Episiarchs.

[Grand Moff Serious Man]

Absolutely no Episiarchs.

How do you know you haven't already had relations with him?

[jesse.in.mb]

Because I don't have genital warts that have hep c

[kibby]

Ooooo...have fun!

I would love to assist you in finding Mr. Right, if I knew anything about doing something like that.

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

I went out to lunch with Jesse today, and he ordered a tuna burger, but no lunch beer.

I fear he's not compatible with anyone.

[kibby]

Everyone is compatible with someone! Except the kind of people who should have their genitalia mutilated in an agonizing fashion. They are only compatible with a flaying knife.

[BiMonSciFiCon]

Are you a Bolton? John or otherwise?

[Archduke von Pantsfan]

The true cost of your cup of tea

[Big Chief]

Wow, they was one mess of an article. Please explain to meet what this final paragraph/sentence even means: "Whatever the reason for the inaction on this, the disconnect between the wealth generated by Sri Lanka's tea industry and its frontline workers will not improve unless the political narrative of democratic progression is followed by tangible measures that help introduce an economic democracy for the Hill Country tea pickers."

[Big Chief]

Replace "they" with "that". Reason should have given us an edit button in repentance for the comment problems last week...

[Tejicano]

What it means is that the author has learned how to string a whole lot of words together in a way that will not get his/her point across.

[Archduke von Pantsfan]

A SELF-CONFESSED porn addict has lifted the lid on the reality of being hooked on a world of sex and fantasy.
Graphic design graduate Mitchell Allan was so addicted to porn and masturbation it took over his life.
The 22-year-old said he has always had a fondness for porn but it wasn't until he tried to stop that he realised his addiction went far beyond the realms of what's considered normal.

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

I'm sure he totally gets laid now.

[Grand Moff Serious Man]

So how long until they run out of ideas for these quizzes?

Which Happy Days character are you?

I DON'T KNOW BUZZFEED, WHY DON'T YOU TELL ME? **shoves Buzzfeed** YOU THINK YOU'RE SO SMART!?

[kibby]

Well? Which one are you?

[Grand Moff Serious Man]

The Fonz. AAAAYYYYY!

[kibby]

You're way cooler than me. I got Richie...

[Grand Moff Serious Man]

It's okay, you'll grow up to win Oscars and direct blockbusters.

[kibby]

& go terribly bald?

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

Get a room you two!

[kibby]

MAKE US.

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

I would love to. What's the halfway point between you two? Blythe? Yuma? I'll pay for any accommodations for a night (above 2 stars).

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

Seriously. Hotel, Motel, Holiday Inn...

[Grand Moff Serious Man]

I'd consider it if it were a weekend in Vegas. Google says the halfway point between where I live and Tucson is Quartzsite, Arizona.

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

Vegas is better for sexytime.

Wait, you said weekend? Getting greedy, bro. And I better not see any hookers and blow on my credit card.

[kibby]

Wait, we're getting a hotel to sit up & talk about our hopes & dreams all night? We could just go camping to do that. It'd be way more fun.

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

Maybe there could be a petty cash fund for that sort of thing. My credit card has an unblemished record thus far.

[Archduke von Pantsfan]

CAMPING IS THE BEST

[jesse.in.mb]

We could just go camping to do that. It'd be way more fun.

Tent sex! Make sure one of you has a good ground pad though.

[kibby]

I have zero desire to go to Vegas, but I'd jump on that.

[Grand Moff Serious Man]

Well I've yet to go to Vegas as an adult, so that's why I suggested it.

But yeah, never been camping but not opposed to it. I do love hiking.

[kibby]

I've never been camping either. It always sounded like fun, though. Hiking, hooray!

[Archduke von Pantsfan]

Never been camping? Oy.
Bear fodder.

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

Camping? Go outside, go to sleep, and cross it off the list. It'll barely drop below 60 tonight in Tuscon.

[kibby]

Camping alone seems kind of pointless.

[Archduke von Pantsfan]

it seems that way, but it's quite refreshing to escape the planet for a few days.

[kibby]

My balcony hardly seems like an escape. =(

[Archduke von Pantsfan]

well, because first you have to drive 100km north of nowhere. Then paddle a canoe 25km east.

[kibby]

What? Now I need a canoe?? This camping stuff is getting out of hand. Next you'll be telling me I can't plug in my hair dryer when I get there!

[Archduke von Pantsfan]

well, used to be you couldn't.
now they have these.
if you have a usb powered hair dryer.

[kibby]

Why on earth do they make USB powered hair dryers?

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

You can hike between casinos.

[BuSab Agent]

Dear Gods above! Chachi. /runs away crying

[kibby]

Oh wow. At least I'm way cooler than you.

[BuSab Agent]

Glad to help out. As far as I can tell I've never been cool. The closest I came to coolness was peeing on the priest that christened me.

[Archduke von Pantsfan]

at least you're not Ralph Malph!

[kibby]

I'm guessing you are?

[Archduke von Pantsfan]

probably, never took the test.

[kibby]

You're no fun!

[Archduke von Pantsfan]

someone had a "which buzzfeed which character quiz are you" quiz

[Sidd Finch]

I'm Fonzie, bitches

You got: Fonzie

Check you out, rebel. You're impeccably cool and independent, so it's no wonder you got America's favorite bad boy. While you have dealt with your fair share of disappointment in life, you always keep your head up and strive to be the best version of yourself.

[kibby]

WHY IS EVERYONE SO COOL?

[Sidd Finch]

To be fair, I'm the 35 year old Winkler hanging out with high school kids hoping they don't notice the beer belly and crow's feet.

[SIV]

Leather Tuscadero doesn't seem to be an option. I loved Suzie Quatro back then.

Can the Can

[Sidd Finch]

Nate Silver should probably start reading the shit on his site.

Yes, this pretty much means a steal is "worth" as much as nine points.

Can't wait for the article calculating that a 2 point conversion is really worth 7 points.

[Brandon]

Can someone summarize this thread for me? I haven't seen 600+ comments in a long time, and I don't have time to go through them all.

[Big Chief]

There was some stuff about Kennedy's earrings, the wardrobes on the show tonight and it just went downhill from there.

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

Are we going to hit 700 tonight? No cheating! (*looks at archduke*)

[Big Chief]

I don't know, but I just noticed that until I posted this you had the first and last comments on this thread. I would think that would be a rarity. Gives you something else to shoot for.

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

Had the last comment. *glares*
I'll post again when the time is right.

I worked all night last night, slept until mid-morning, and have the kids until the wife gets home. I can play this game all night.

[Archduke von Pantsfan]

Don't look at me, I count in Canadian.

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

Which, if i remember correctly, means off by 1?

[Big Chief]

Hey AVP, thanks for the link to the radio contest. The outrage is awesome and the comments surreal. I'm trying to think of ways to use this quote in my everyday activities: "Of course we all have the right to tell them what to do, it's called freedom of speech."

[Archduke von Pantsfan]

those are what we call "CBC Listeners"

[Archduke von Pantsfan]

I hope Timothy Olyphant isn't making jean jackets cool again.

[Big Chief]

Wait, there was a time they WEREN'T cool? When did that memo come out and how did I miss it?

[kibby]

Timothy Olyphant can do whatever he darn well pleases.

[Archduke von Pantsfan]

it's the non-Timothy Olyphants wearing jean jackets that frightens me.

[kibby]

This seems like a valid fear.

[BiMonSciFiCon]

This is true.

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

We still need 20 more comments. Let me think....

OK, I have a business opportunity for anyone who wants to get rich, and I need investors.

The idea is a bikini calendar called "Women of the Supreme Court". Discuss.

[kibby]

Is the business selling sharp objects with which people can gouge out their eyes after viewing this calendar? It's GENIUS!

[Big Chief]

It's all decoder rings and flaying knives with you tonight. Did you become possessed by some spirit from the inquisition after touching that old book?

[Actually, getting to hold and read that book does sound like it would be awesome.]

[kibby]

Don't hate the flayer, hate the game.

[IT WAS SO COOL I CANNOT EVEN EXPLAIN!]

[Grand Moff Serious Man]

House Bolton also has the best choir in all the Seven Kingdoms

You don't want to know what happens to the ones who sing off-key at the Dreadfort.

[kibby]

They get to be Ramsay's playmates.

[Big Chief]

They do a great rendition of "How Am I Supposed To Live Without You" and "When A Man Loves A Woman" of course.

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

Eye bleach. Much wider margins, and more targeted usage.

[kibby]

I could get behind this idea. Unfortunately, I'm broke & have no marketable skills unless you're planning on selling it via time machine to the Julio-Claudians.

[Sidd Finch]

The Winter Paralympics had blind alpine skiing. They should consider moving that to the regular Olympics.

[Sidd Finch]

The impending Phil Jackson disaster is going to be high in the running for Knicksiest Knicks disaster of all time.

[Sidd Finch]

Apartments should be closements.

[Sidd Finch]

Buildings should be builts.

[Sidd Finch]

Sevo recently told me that torque isn't (horsepower/rpm) because torque wrenches don't have clocks.

[Sidd Finch]

700!

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

You just made the list. I step out to put the kids to bed for 5 minutes, and this. Watch your 6, son.

[Big Chief]

You only keep your kids in bed for 5 minutes? What do you do then, hang them in the closet?

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

I put them to bed for 5 minutes, and they are expected to stay there all night, even in earthquakes, fires, floods, or fucking.

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

*There is no fucking in the kids rooms.

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

**There is no fucking of the kids either.

Why do I do this to myself?

[Big Chief]

At this point you should start considering the possibility that you may be a little tired...

[kibby]

Please keep digging, this is funny!

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

Did you see the thread a few weeks ago where I accidentally implied that I like girls in kindergarten?

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

I left myself wide open to jokes, and people were very nice to me. It was almost too easy, I'm told.

[kibby]

Holy crap, WHATTTTT?

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

I don't remember the context, but in was in regard to MILFs, and I said (roughly paraphrasing):

"You should see when I pick up my kid from kindergarten. Yoga pants and tennis skirts everywhere. So nice!"

As soon as I hit submit, I knew I had made a huge mistake. I think somebody said "They're 5, you sick fuck!"

[kibby]

This is FANTASTIC.

[Grand Moff Serious Man]

So uh, does the wife ever read these?

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

Nope. And I think she has only met Jesse.

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

Plus, she looks a lot better than the other moms when she's not knocked up. It's a compliment, really.

[Grand Moff Serious Man]

I'm just going to assume she doesn't want to know what goes on here.

And yeah, good job.

[Archduke von Pantsfan]

What if they leave their room? Are there spikes?

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

Spikes of the mind. It is a mental prison.

Plus 3 flights of stairs between the kids rooms and where the magic happens on an almost weekly basis.

[Sidd Finch]

4 story house or roof sex?

[Archduke von Pantsfan]

basement WartyBrand dungeon.

[Sidd Finch]

dungeon carnal passions = nawt hawt

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

3, but split level. And the last flight of stairs is hardwood and booby trapped with bacon grease.

[Sidd Finch]

Never understood the master on the ground floor thing. I want a view. The kids/broke-ass roommates can stare at the neighbors' gas meter.

[Sidd Finch]

just realized that was archduke.

Anyhoo. The master in our house has the worst view and audio of literally every single room. Only thing I don't like, but still pisses me off daily.

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

The Master is on the 2nd floor, but I don't want to void the warranty on our cal king tempurpedic. We've busted up the couch in the downstairs living room quite nicely, though. It's a sectional sofa, and we've only had to replace 2 of the 5 parts so far. It's a matter of economics, really.

[Sidd Finch]

The California King I bought right after grad school is still in perfect condition. Guess I need to up my game.

[Big Chief]

And 99% troll free!

[Archduke von Pantsfan]

Which "Archer" Character Are You?

You got: Sterling Archer

[Grand Moff Serious Man]

I got Archer.....sorry, I was trying to picture Whore Island.

[kibby]

LAAAAAANNNNNAAAAAAA!!! Which is probably not very accurate, much as I love her.

[Grand Moff Serious Man]

You're Cheryl, aren't you?

[kibby]

Do I seem that insane? I was leaning more towards Pam, because she is awesome & fun.

[Grand Moff Serious Man]

Holy shit-snacks! You also seem to only get more awesome.

[kibby]

You do realize I'm not paying for college through an underground fight club, though, right?

I hate to shatter your expectations.

[Grand Moff Serious Man]

It isn't through live-action tentacle porn, is it?

[kibby]

Do you have some sort of problem with the Fisherman's Wife series?

(But, uh, no. Ick!)

[jesse.in.mb]

No, but apparently I am.

[kibby]

You seem to only get more awesome.

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

Oh good, you're here. Please tell these people that I don't do anything untoward with children.

[jesse.in.mb]

I have seen no evidence that Pl?ya is a wanton kiddie diddler.

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

That's hardly a ringing endorsement.

[kibby]

I'd take what you can get at this point, dude.

[Grand Moff Serious Man]

Why don't you just take a seat right here, Playa.

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

I am now re-watching that episode.

[jesse.in.mb]

You should see the reports I write all day. That's about as close to ironclad as I'm allowed to get.

But fine. You don't seem like a kiddie diddler at all.

More importantly you don't have a molester 'stache.

[Archduke von Pantsfan]

this is the best use of fuck you ever

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

I'm a bigger fan of Wembley '84.

[Sidd Finch]

He really lit up the stage and waxed those chumps like a candle.

[Sidd Finch]

I was listening to some sports talk show when Auburn hired Bruce Pearl and they were talking about how he's a throwback to the glory days of SEC basketball when characters like Wimp Sanderson were entertaining enough to make southerners care about basketball.

That's how I feel about pop music. Even if it's somehow objectively better now, why the fuck should I pay a bunch of money to see some boring stiffs when Freddie Mercury is free on YouTube.

[Grand Moff Serious Man]

Uh, last?

[Sidd Finch]

no

[Grand Moff Serious Man]

yes

[Sidd Finch]

negative

[Grand Moff Serious Man]

aye

[Fist of Etiquette]

WRONG.

[Snark Plissken]

There can be only one!

[Sidd Finch]

1

[RishJoMo]

That dude aint making no sense at all man.

http://www.EliteVPN.tk