"I grew up castrating hogs on an Iowa farm": Meet Senate Hopeful Joni Ernst


Via Hot Air.

"I grew up castrating hogs on an Iowa farm."

Joni Ernst is one of six Republicans running for a chance to replace retiring Sen. Tom Harkin (D-Iowa). Writes Hot Air's Allahpundit:

Charles Cooke rightly calls it the greatest opening line to a campaign commercial ever. The last line's cute too, although the temptation to say it while holding up a pair of shears must have been tremendous. That's the tricky thing about castration humor: How far is too far? Is a sight gag ever acceptable? Having taken the plunge by introducing testicles into the discussion, how do you pull back from total scrotal commitment? These are questions every savvy political ad team must wrestle with.


NEXT: Reports of Four Loko's Death Are Greatly Exaggerated. For Now.

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  1. That probably is the best political opener of all time. Who ever wrote that should get a medal.

    1. Mind you I am skeptical of her intentions to be a nut-cutter of pigs when she gets in office, but still, great line.

  2. I’d vote for her if she promised to cut the balls off of Big Government and bring home the bacon of liberty to the people of Iowa.

    1. That’s a great line. Permit me to borrow it for my upcoming arguments, rantings, speeches and tirades.

    2. I don’t doubt that she’ll try to bring home the bacon for the people of Iowa.

      1. Will she be retrieving it from some sort of barrel, maybe one designed for the storage of porcine foodstuffs?

        1. I was thinking from the trough.

  3. Finally, contraception a conservative can approve of.

    1. Wait, I thought conservatives were waging a war on women? Shouldn’t they prefer uterine punches?

      1. I think there is War on Sex amongst conservatives unless it is the Adam/Evey procreatin’ married type of sex.

  4. ‘How come when it’s us, it’s an abortion, and when it’s a chicken, it’s an omelette?’

    George Carlin (great American)

    1. For the same reason that, when its us, its cannibalism, and when its a chicken, its dinner?

      1. Oh, RC. You would have to be logical.

        I miss Carlin. I grew up with him and Python and Nat Lampoon and Vonnegut.

        They don’t make those guys anymore.

        1. You forgot Bill Hicks. You may never get any love around here, but if you mentioned Bill Hicks, you might get a pass at times.

          1. True. I am not looking for “love” here though. I want to crush my opponents.

            Classic liberalism will do just that (to conservatism).

            1. I would say the mask slips (odd, no, that you refer to crushing conservatism, when progressivism is at least as much of a threat to classical liberalism), but you don’t have a mask.

              1. Obama has proposed entitlement cuts – the first POTUS ever to do so.

                If the GOP were serious they would accept his offer then blame him for doing so.

                1. Palin’s Buttplug|3.25.14 @ 7:34PM|#
                  “Obama has proposed entitlement cuts – the first POTUS ever to do so.”

                  Obo promised to cute the debt, too, and brain-damaged lefties like you believe that lying piece of shit.

                2. Obama has proposed entitlement cuts – the first POTUS ever to do so.

                  You do realize that GWB, for all his too-many-to-list collection of fails, did also propose a signficant overhaul of social security? He was persona non grata with the entire left (black jebuz included) for that.

                  1. Yes, Sudden.

                    Dubya’s “overhaul” of SS did not include any cuts at all. It included a huge EXPANSION of SS so that double contributions were required.

                    I know this subject cold.

                    The idiot wanted to a “private” 33% contribution set aside while the government (taxpayers) made up the shortfall.

                    No go!

              2. progressivism is at least as much of a threat to classical liberalism

                Also 100% true but there is plenty of anti-progressive type stuff here.

            2. What does classical liberalism have to do with worshiping Bush III?

            3. The only crushing we do is when we crush our boyfriends’ face with our ballbag.

              1. “Obama has proposed entitlement cuts – the first POTUS ever to do so.”

                Bush, Socialist Security, hmmmm….

                You are either an intentional liar or ill-informed moron.

                1. Both?

                2. Bush asked for no cuts – he wanted a double contribution so that 1/2 that contribution went to a private account.

                  You don’t know shit on this subject.

                3. BigT, I will accept your apology any time you wish to provide such.

                  1. Benefit Cuts Would Come Through a Change in the Benefit Formula. Currently, benefits and tax contributions grow at the rate of wage growth. For new beneficiaries earning $90,000 in 2005, initial benefits under the president’s outline would rise slower than the amount of taxes contributed, and only at the inflation rate. For people earning between $20,000 and $90,000 in 2005, initial benefits would grow above the rate of inflation, but below the rate of wage growth and tax contributions.


                    Your libtard friends seemed to think that benefits would have been cut under Bush…

                    What was that about lying, again?

                    1. I love when somebody pulls our facts and crushes shrieks balls like the little toad fucker he is.

    2. That he was.

      His baseball / football bit, not so much because it did not accurately reflect the facts.

    3. And what’s the deal with Ovaltine?

  5. “I grew up castrating hogs on an Iowa farm.”

    That should help her with the feminists.

  6. That was the unkindest cut of all, lol


  7. Pics or it never happened.

  8. “Nut punch? I’ll cut ’em right off…”

    Clearly not a woman to be toyed with.

  9. OT: Facebook to buy virtual reality headset maker for $2 billion

    This is fucking unreal. The IPO/startup market is smoking hot and I am not getting a penny on any one of them.

    1. Why not?

  10. I heard this on the radio today.


    1. I watched Man U play today (been a fan since ’05), not hilarious, at all.

  11. How long before Obama and Reid add Drudge to their list of names to blame if things go wrong?

    1. I kind of like Rob Ford, I must admit. Is he Canada’s finest?

  12. There’s a Mondo Cane reference to be made here, but I just don’t know how to put it all together.

  13. Privileged woman with too much free time makes it her life’s mission to educate the French about Kale:

    But suddenly, there are stirrings of a movement to make France pay attention, led by a 29-year-old American who has transformed herself into the Joan of Arc of kale. This crusader for crucifers, Kristen Beddard, found herself without a job in 2011 after quitting as an Ogilvy & Mather account manager in New York to follow her husband to Paris. She also found herself without a beloved food she had eaten since her childhood in Pittsburgh.

    How this even gets picked up by a major media organization floors me.

    Paul., having been laid off from his douchey creative job, travels to Belgium so he can make them pay attention to a mundane food item that’s become a religion to hipsters.

    Jesus, way to make me feel sorry for the French. If they consider this ugly Americanism, I’m right there with them. Go home, lady.

    And it looks like if you read down in the article, they’re not universally pleased with Ms. Beddard.

    1. Kale is a hipster plot to bring back ruffled collars!

    2. Oh, look at Paul, totally against solid bowel movements. Why do you hate good stools, Paul?!?

    3. I wonder if this was the bitch that freaked out because the middle eastern restaurant I worked made their sleek out of baby spinach instead of kale.

      This woman was about 6, maybe 7, times too upset over this thing. I told her that kale was cheap garbage and we only used good ingredients.

      1. Isn’t that standard? Spinach or chard?

        1. I’ve only had it where I worked, but I guess a couple of the cheap/chain competitors use kale. They also get their grape leaves/hummus/baba out of a fucking can, so we’d have been stupid to copy them.

    4. I have a crazy idea:
      She can grow kale, and possibly sell it too.

    5. “the Joan of Arc of kale”

      That is the worst title ever, on so many levels.

    6. “How this even gets picked up by a major media organization floors me.”

      A distraction from the disaster of O-care.

  14. http://youtu.be/4joeuWA2VrY

    Anybody think of this? No?

    *slinks back into the Misty Mountains*

    1. *skip to 2:44

    2. For some reason, I thought of the Jarvis Hog Bung Dropper (not really safe for… I don’t know… specialized slaugherhouse tools)

      What. Someone at work showed it to me. I don’t work in a slaughterhouse/meatpacking.

      1. What exactly… does that do?

        1. It… drops hog bungs, duh.

          1. Ah, well, a city slicker like me didn’t have to google that, of course…

      2. More evidence supporting my contention Youtube has better comments than the NYTs.

        1. On hog bung dropper videos, yes, but on most videos dealing with prog politics, it’s a statist shitstorm.

        2. Which comment in particular?
          This one?
          “Dick is raw from all this fapping”

          1. Ha, yeah, I mean, we were all thinking it…

      3. Are you available for some follow-up questions? I’ll wait….

        1. I’m not sure I want to be.

          1. My understanding is that a bung is like a cork or stopper. It didn’t look like anything was being plugged up there, so what the fuck was going on?

            1. A “hog bung” is a pig rectum, ya learn something new everyday on Hit & Run.

              1. I though they were trying to cork the rectum to prevent contamination during processing.

                The beavis and butthead joke actually makes more sense now.

              2. Rectum? Damn near killed ’em!

    3. I was going to link to the scene in south park where Gobbles escapes slaughter due to his, uh, unique characteristics, but couldn’t find it on South Park Studios.

  15. OT: There is a widely circulated AP photo from protests of Hobby Lobby case where women are holding signs saying “Birth Control is not my boss’s business”.

    Yeah, we get that honey. It’s you that don’t seem to understand that. Its none of your boss’s goddamned business whether you take birth control or not. Fortunately, Hobby Lobby isn’t drug testing you for it and making your employment contingent upon it (not like any of these professional protestors/agitators actually work for Hobby Lobby or any other similar employer). Just as importantly, its none of your goddamned business what health benefit package Hobby Lobby or any other business wishes to provide its employees.

    These people are acting this like Griswald when it is nothing remotely close. No one is attempting to deny you anything. This whole “not giving = taking” cultural tendency has reached a level that only a few short years ago I would’ve counted as well beyond peak retard.

    But there can never be peak retard.

    1. Ironic. The birth control rabble rousers are always the ones who aren’t getting laid.

      1. You underestimate the amount of BBW fetishists in these United States of America.

        1. I was taking their personalities into account also.

          1. Scrolling through the photos, I find the one that reads “If men could get pregnant birth control would be dispensed from gumball machines and bacon flavored” interesting. It shows what should be the rallying cry: why the hell is BC only available via prescription? Make it over the counter already. These people who are passionately defending the a singular provision of the ACA should instead focus on passionately opposing the bulk of actions taken by the FDA.

            1. The FDA could be gone tomorrow and they’d still object to the government not mandating that all birth control be bacon flavored.

    2. You’re right, it is not ‘Griswald’.

      But Hobby-Lobby could easily just subcontract their insurance to a secular insurer just as any other company does.

      But NOOOO!!! They want to dictate to their female employees their own jackass Christ-Nut worldview. It may be legal but it is contemptible.

      1. Not that yours is a real comment, but you realize they’d still object to that, right?

        1. Of course they would object. They are beholden to a 3000 year old book of Jewish goobledegook. They are conservative idjuts.

      2. Of course, the dictating you have no problem with. It’s the wrong worldview, which they “dictate” to people who voluntarily work for them. How. Dare. They.

      3. It may be legal but it is contemptible

        If you actually support their right to deny BC as part of their health plans (and especially given your seething contempt for their religious worldview), then I’m impressed and frankly astonished.

      4. subcontract their insurance to a secular insurer just as any other company does.

        (1) Most large companies are self-insured.

        (2) Outsourcing it to an insurer is more expensive than self-insuring.

        (3) They’d still be paying for birth control.

        Ya know, guys, I don’t think Putin’s Plug is a bot. A bot wouldn’t be this stupid.

        1. Microsoft doesn’t even self insure, you doofus hillbilly:

          Mountlake Terrace-based health insurance provider Premera Blue Cross has landed the Microsoft Corp. account previously held by health insurance giant Aetna Inc.

          Premera spokesman Scott Forslund confirmed that Premera won the account, but declined to disclose financial details. He also declined to say how much new business the account could potentially bring, as did a Microsoft spokesperson.

          Microsoft’s employment in the United States was 34,755 as of Aug. 31, but while the company offers health care to each of its employees, how many will choose the Premera option is not known, said Nicole Miller, a Microsoft spokeswoman. Microsoft also offers its employees a prepaid insurance plan from Group Health Cooperative in Seattle. The Premera option will be available to Microsoft employees on Jan. 1.

          1. More than 50 percent of the nation’s employees with health insurance provided by their employer now work for companies that design and insure their own health benefits, a sharp increase over the past 15 years, an insurance industry group reports.

            Many smaller companies, including a majority of companies with 500 to 1,000 employees, are following the lead of Fortune 500 corporations that have long been self-insured.


            Fuck, you’re stupid. No wonder you love Barry so much.

            1. He doesn’t know what “self-insured” means. But as usual, that doesn’t stop him from spouting off about it. I’m starting to think BP is actually SadBeard.

          2. Premera might administer the plans, but Microsoft most likely pays cash for the bills instead of paying premera premiums.

            My company pays Cigna to administer our plan, but they are still “self – insured”.

      5. Palin’s Buttplug|3.25.14 @ 7:58PM|#
        …”They want to dictate to their female employees”…

        Tell us, oh, steaming pile of shit, how an employer “dictates” anything to an employee.
        Or rather, don’t. Just fuck off.

    3. And reading some of those comments makes me wonder why I don’t eat my cereal with bourbon.

    4. Birth Control is not my boss’s business

      You can’t really claim that something isn’t your boss’s business, when you want him to pay for it.

      1. “Leave me alone, stay out of my room and hey, what’s for dinner?”

  16. I grew up as a hog on an Iowa farm…

    ..I don’t really want to talk about those days.

  17. What the fuck Nick? That’s not the way you use the ‘more’ link.

  18. I can’t wait to see her Chief Of Staff Varys give a press conference.

  19. Sometimes man you jsut have to roll with the punches dude.


    1. The bots may change but not the jsut!

  20. http://www.slate.com/articles/….._iowa.html

    Bruce Braley just wrote her second best campaign commercial.

    See the video at Slate.

    1. Ah but you see, Slate’s quick to point out, it’s not his fault:

      Braley’s gaffe is the result of both the rise of money in campaigns and the ubiquity of technology. Candidates must raise more and more money?the average amount spent to win House and Senate races has doubled in 12 years?which means more and more evenings by the bar cart straining for money.

  21. Another castration expert. Ah, what the heck! Can we ever have too many??

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