Tonight on The Independents: Interview With a Drone Operator, Peter King vs. Rand Paul on the NSA, Detroit Police Chief on Why Residents Should Pack Heat; Plus Fallujah, Blue Monday, and More!

Matt Welch | 1.6.2014 7:24 PM

Tonight's live episode of Fox Business Network's The Independents, which airs at 9 pm ET and then repeats again at midnight, will feature some fascinating interview subjects. Brandon Bryant, profiled in recent GQ piece titled "Confessions of a Drone Warrior," will explain the ins and outs of delivering death by remote control. And Detroit Police Chief James Craig will explain just why he thinks having an armed citizenry would make the Motor City a safer place.

There will also be a dissection of Rep. Peter King's attacks on Sen. Rand Paul over NSA spying, with GOP strategist/Sun Sentinel columnist Noelle Nikpour and Russell Simmons Political Director (!) Michael Skolnik; plus discussion about the fall of Fallujah, the advent of Blue Monday, and a science teacher losing more than 30 pounds by eating at McDonald's.

Did you miss an episode of The Independents? Check out the show's website, which has a video page where you can watch 29 different segments, including interviews with people near and dear to the hearts of Reason readers. Want to figure out whether you get Fox Business Network? Click on this link. Twitter feed is @IndependentsFBN; some tweets may be shown during the live broadcast.

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playa manhattan 11 years ago

Which one of you is the Michael Bay Fan?
1. Scruffy Nerfherder 11 years ago
  
  Epi
  1. Episiarch 11 years ago
    
    Oh yeah? Well, you're a Uwe Boll fan! Or maybe you're actually a Brett Ratner fan!
    1. Scruffy Nerfherder 11 years ago
      
      Says the man who co-wrote the dialogue for Star Wars I thru III.
      1. The Rt. Hon. Serious Man, Visc 11 years ago
        
        The character of Padme was Epi's Mary Sue.
        
        Scruffy Nerfherder 11 years ago
        
        I also heard Epi say he was related to Renny Harlin.
        
        Episiarch 11 years ago
        
        DON'T TALK SHIT ABOUT THE LONG KISS GOODNIGHT
        
        Scruffy Nerfherder 11 years ago
        
        TLKG was fine art compared to Cutthroat Island
        
        Scruffy Nerfherder 11 years ago
        
        Padme? I thought it was Jar Jar.
        
        The Rt. Hon. Serious Man, Visc 11 years ago
        
        No, Jar Jar is just comic relief in the fine tradition of minstrel shows.
        
        Padme allows Epi to express his desires for whiny young men with borderline personality disorder.
        
        Episiarch 11 years ago
        
        She's the most "me" character I've ever written.
        
        (sniff, wipes tear from eye)
        
        The Rt. Hon. Serious Man, Visc 11 years ago
        
        Do you really not like sand? Because I can't imagine such inspired dialogue not coming from the heart.
      2. Episiarch 11 years ago
        
        Says the man who co-wrote the dialogue for Star Wars I thru III.
        
        Those were supposed to be song lyrics! Damn Lucas!
2. Sudden 11 years ago
  
  Anyway ... dialogue was never his strong suit.
  
  Kudos to TMZ for an actually good punchline.
  1. playa manhattan 11 years ago
    
    I like some elements of TMZ. I've dealt with Harvey on a professional level, and I've had beers with Max Hodges few times. Max is a weirdo, but entertaining...
    
    Their spy network is pretty fucking amazing. You don't want to end up on their bad side...
    1. Smilin' Joe Fission 11 years ago
      
      The TMZ show that is a group of the people who work there commenting on celeb statements and paparazzi footage, I hate to admit, is really entertaining and funny to me. I actually enjoy watching their commentary.
      
      What have I come to???
      1. playa manhattan 11 years ago
        
        I don't watch the show, but I do have a lot of respect for their legal dept. They get away with everything.
Hyperion 11 years ago

Peter King is like the male version of Diane Feinstein, or he looks like the American verion of Leonid Brezhnev. And he looks angry all of the time. Must be those darn wack-o birds ruffling up his angry bird feathers.
1. Austrian Anarchy 11 years ago
  
  He should play a mobster in the movies.
  1. Hyperion 11 years ago
    
    Or Brezhnev. If he could just get the unibrow thing going, he could nail that one.
    1. Aresen 11 years ago
      
      Soviet cloning technology was never perfect.
      1. Scruffy Nerfherder 11 years ago
        
        Too much vodka in the artificial embryonic fluid.
    2. Austrian Anarchy 11 years ago
      
      Or a Russian mobster.
2. Scruffy Nerfherder 11 years ago
  
  You would be angry too if you had all that sand in your vagina.
Hyperion 11 years ago

has anyone posted this yet?

Former defense minister of Canuckistan reveals that aliens are here among us
1. Scruffy Nerfherder 11 years ago
  
  Nobody said getting old was easy
2. Raven Nation 11 years ago
  
  I think it got posted yesterday but I don't know if Sunday counts.
  1. playa manhattan 11 years ago
    
    Sunday is off the record.
3. Austrian Anarchy 11 years ago
  
  Caught it on the radio while I was researching something or other. I think it was Chris Plante maybe? His show just went national and he, thank God, replaced Geraldo in my market.
4. Aresen 11 years ago
  
  Hellyer was an inspiration to Rhinoceroses throughout Canada.
Cytotoxic 11 years ago

OT: I just saw Nancy Grace on CNN (I was flipping through channels) talk about legalized MJ. Shocker: she was a hysterical thundercunt. Like 'every word of Reefer Madness is true' hysterical. Vintage Nancy Graceless.
1. Scruffy Nerfherder 11 years ago
  
  Flipping thru channels, suuuuuuuuurrrrrreeeee
2. Emmerson Biggins 11 years ago
  
  Were you watching TV from your bunk?
3. The Heresiarch 11 years ago
  
  I saw that. She was utterly punchable. I liked the part where she said she read every shred of medical evidence about marijuana. The interviewer should have asked, "Really? Name them. Name all the studies you read."
Corning 11 years ago

the advent of Blue Monday

The holidays are over and it is nearly a year until the next ones.

This is the the best time of the year. Even better is a bunch of stuff in stores I want and need is generally cheaper and few people are there getting in my way.
1. The Rt. Hon. Serious Man, Visc 11 years ago
  
  But on the other hand the movies that come out are going to suck until at least May.
  1. Francisco d Anconia 11 years ago
    
    As opposed to the rest of the movies this year? (Bilbo excepted)
  2. Ted S. 11 years ago
    
    Meh. I just watch lots of TCM.
  3. Corning 11 years ago
    
    Robocop looks good.
2. Scruffy Nerfherder 11 years ago
  
  I walked out the door this morning and cried "Freeeeeeeedommmmmm!!!"
  
  Work is so much easier than kids.
cavalier973 11 years ago

Meat. It's what's for dinner.
1. Smilin' Joe Fission 11 years ago
  
  I'd try most of those meals.
  1. Francisco d Anconia 11 years ago
    
    Old cameras took shitty pics.
    1. PapayaSF 11 years ago
      
      4-color printing has come a long way since then.
Sevo 11 years ago

Pretty sure this is Proggy Wet Dream winner for 1/6/14
Entitled slackers in SF are pissed that people working for a living in the tech industry are paying market rate to live in SF and thereby ruining the slackers' ongoing theft of 'rent controlled' apartments.
Some of the tech companies provide free bus transport on contracted busses and the slackers have been griping that the buses use the Muni bus stops (which is a good idea since the Muni drivers can't be bothered to pull into them).
Anyhow, the SF city gov't has decided to charge fees for use of the bus stops, which is only one more reg to add to the thousands. Now, how much is this fee? Will it be used to somehow lower rents? Improve Muni?
No, not on your life; the gov't will set up a bureaucracy to administer the system and the charges will be such as to just cover that.
Got that? The sole result of the new arrangement will be a self-supporting bureaucracy. Money moves from productive efforts to pay the gov't admin costs to collect it; nothing else. SEIU is pleased.
http://www.sfgate.com/bayarea/.....118477.php
1. Scruffy Nerfherder 11 years ago
  
  Sounds like the theory behind 80% of government already.
  1. Episiarch 11 years ago
    
    80%?!?
    1. Scruffy Nerfherder 11 years ago
      
      I'll attribute the other 20% to good intentions.
      1. Eduard van Haalen 11 years ago
        
        What are "good intentions," anyway? The term seems to mean "blinded by a feeling of smug benevolence and a grandiose sense of self-importance, such that the person is sincerely surprised at quite predictable consequences of the policies they advocate."
        
        While typing the foregoing, I heard a PSA from the Department of Energy about how the old-style light bulbs are outdated like whalebone corsets, and how the new light bulbs are like modern and stuff.
        
        Smilin' Joe Fission 11 years ago
        
        the old-style light bulbs are outdated like whalebone corsets, and how the new light bulbs are like modern and stuff.
        
        In other words: We're government and we're here to help.
        
        Mumu Bobby 11 years ago
        
        Intentions can be determined by careful consideration of party affiliation.
        
        In a democracy, aren't the Democrats always the home team? Maybe that's what's going on with the media.
        
        Locke 11 years ago
        
        Yeah, I heard that ad on the radio too (The whalebone corset one).
        
        Does it piss anyone else off extremely when you hear an ad paid for by government funds?
        
        Locke 11 years ago
        
        As if we would all die of obesity or radon poisoning if we didn't have our benefactors remind us every 5 minutes.
  2. Smilin' Joe Fission 11 years ago
    
    Pretty much.
2. playa manhattan 11 years ago
  
  "San Francisco residents have been complaining for months that the gleaming, tinted-window shuttles hog public bus stops and benefit from a taxpayer-funded resource"
  
  So cement benches covered in bum piss is a "taxpayer-funded resource"?
  
  Also, which "taxpayers" contribute more to these piss-soaked benches? The artists?
  1. Smilin' Joe Fission 11 years ago
    
    Yeah, I'm pretty sure the people riding these buses and the people who own the buses all pay taxes.
    1. Mumu Bobby 11 years ago
      
      It's low hanging political fruit for the envy class.
3. The Knarf Yenrab 11 years ago
  
  Some of the tech companies provide free bus transport on contracted busses and the slackers have been griping that the buses use the Muni bus stops (which is a good idea since the Muni drivers can't be bothered to pull into them).
  
  Look, Sevo, those are public bus stops. That means only apparatchiks and other servants of the people should be able to use them. It is a sign of magnanimity that the State allows the public to use the property of the people at all, much less for a nominal fee (see US Park Service during the gov shutdown for an illustrative example).
  
  The corrupt SF-bus-stop fiefdom brings to mind this gem: http://kevinunderhill.typepad......970c-800wi
4. SFC B 11 years ago
  
  How much do you think an owner of, say, a parking lot, could get if they offered to rent some of their lot to Google for a place for their busses to stop? Or maybe a hotel not far from a Muni stop agreeing to allow the Google Bus to pick up people in its valet drive?
  
  Heck, there is probably a price point for the fees that will be charged where it is cheaper for them to just have the bus go door-to-door and pick up people.
Francisco d Anconia 11 years ago

Schools in PA are closing tomorrow. Too cold. +5

Fucking pussies!
1. Sevo 11 years ago
  
  You bet!
  Why, I hiked 10 miles, uphill both ways...
  1. Hyperion 11 years ago
    
    Unless it was barefoot in the snow while carrying 100 lbs. in a burlap bag on your back, like I did as a kid, that's totally lame.
    1. Sevo 11 years ago
      
      Hey, you got nothin' on me! I'm legally DEAD!
      1. $park? 11 years ago
        
        I'll just leave this here for you to enjoy.
The Rt. Hon. Serious Man, Visc 11 years ago

There is some kind of college football game on right now, but real men watch The Independents.
1. Francisco d Anconia 11 years ago
  
  Fooseball is teh debil!
  1. Hyperion 11 years ago
    
    No, little girls is da debil! No wait... Benjamin Franklin is da debil!
    1. Francisco d Anconia 11 years ago
      
      Ma... Ma... Mamma says you should be a watchin da Independents.
      1. Hyperion 11 years ago
        
        You an all your fancy Independent friens!
2. Ted S. 11 years ago
  
  I'm sure Sloopy is rooting against Brett L.
Irish 11 years ago

Josh Barro: Here's why Edward Snowden needs a long prison sentence.

If Snowden's disclosures had been tightly limited to information about how U.S. intelligence agencies collect private information about Americans, I'd be more sympathetic to calls to let him off. And I still don't think he needs to be executed or imprisoned for life; a long sentence signifying the severity of his crimes, perhaps 15 years, would satisfy me. As Paul Carr notes, all sorts of criminals get plea bargains, and Snowden could have one too.

Barro continues his long and storied history of egocentric stupidity. Who gives a fuck if it's fine with you, Josh?

Apparently all of our criminal punishments should be based on how long Josh Barro thinks you should be locked up.
1. Hyperion 11 years ago
  
  all sorts of criminals get plea bargains, and Snowden could have one too.
  
  Or... he could be smart and just forget about ever coming back here.
2. Irish 11 years ago
  
  Snowden's defenders often say that his disclosures haven't had any demonstrable negative impact on U.S. security. That relies on too narrow a definition of "security," along the lines of "did they enable a terrorist attack?" The Snowden disclosures have worsened our relations with a variety of our allies and competitors, notably including the Germans, the Russians, and the Brazilians. The U.S. invests a lot of money and energy in fostering favorable international relations; if damage to those relations is irrelevant, there's a lot of diplomacy we can just stop bothering with.
  
  Goddamn it Snowden! Since our allies would be pissed about us tapping the phones of their prime ministers, you shouldn't have told anybody! Clearly not tapping the phones of the German prime minister isn't an option!
  
  And the money quote:
  
  The government keeps too many secrets, but I trust the government to decide what needs to be secret more than I trust rogue contractors with security clearances to decide what should be disclosed.
  
  Of course you do, Josh. I've come to expect noble, genius Josh Barro to totally avoid every criticizing the government. Why criticize your buddies in D.C. when you could imprison a whistle blower for 15 years?
Francisco d Anconia 11 years ago

INDEPENDENTS ASSEMBLE!?

Are we still doing this?
1. The Rt. Hon. Serious Man, Visc 11 years ago
  
  Sure
2. Sevo 11 years ago
  
  Is it something like "Dyslexics Untie!"
  1. Sevo 11 years ago
    
    Oh, and Auburn is looking pretty good so far.
Derpetologist 11 years ago

I take it this is the other PM links thread? I had a pretty epic showdown with a prog on FB and I thought I would share the tale
1. Hyperion 11 years ago
  
  It's the late nite links thread.
2. PapayaSF 11 years ago
  
  Good Google-fu, but these days I always wonder what "sex offender" really means. Even "violent assault" can mean goosing someone, it seems....
3. A wild THANE appeared! 11 years ago
  
  Did you happen to find out what his offense was?
  1. Derpetologist 11 years ago
    
    All I know for sure is what it says on the mugshot- criminal sexual assault.
    
    From what I have heard from other sources, he is in fact guilty. Evidently his crime was groping women at a public library.
    
    He blocks anyone who mentions this and has never at any point proclaimed his innocence. He uses a fake name. He was 37 at the time of his arrest. Put all this together, and I see a compelling case for his guilt.
    
    If the first thing he said when this came up was to admit that he was falsely accused and plead guilty to avoid jail, I might have believed him. Judging from his general nastiness and dishonesty, I have little doubt about his guilt.
Bam! 11 years ago

Turtle neck.
1. The Rt. Hon. Serious Man, Visc 11 years ago
  
  Tactile-neck.
Fist of Etiquette 11 years ago

Kennedy's various accoutrements look heavy.
Fist of Etiquette 11 years ago

Peter King will never be president.
1. The Rt. Hon. Serious Man, Visc 11 years ago
  
  Even if he were Lincoln reincarnated, would Americans really vote for a President King?
  1. Hyperion 11 years ago
    
    Not if he looked like Brezhnev.
Francisco d Anconia 11 years ago

Dem on the right, rep on the left?
Fist of Etiquette 11 years ago

King should move to Kentucky to register his vote about Paul's senateness.
Francisco d Anconia 11 years ago

FUCK YOU PETER KING!
The Rt. Hon. Serious Man, Visc 11 years ago

"Clapper Lied!; King's Career Died!"
Fist of Etiquette 11 years ago

Peter King is the least undouchebaggy he can be.
Fist of Etiquette 11 years ago

More like classless action lawsuit.
Fist of Etiquette 11 years ago

God bless her, she's talking horse race so she can avoid picking a side.
1. Irish 11 years ago
  
  I saw that. She also lapsed into a discussion about Republican fundraising that no one asked about.
Fist of Etiquette 11 years ago

DOESN'T THIS WOMAN REALIZE THESE SEGMENTS ARE ONLY 90 SECONDS LONG BETWEEN COMMERCIALS?
The Rt. Hon. Serious Man, Visc 11 years ago

Shorter Daisy Duke: "I'm not saying I agree with Rand Paul, I'm just saying there's a way when we can spin this to motivate the average Republican voter."
Fist of Etiquette 11 years ago

This guy recognizes who is in the White House.
Irish 11 years ago

Holy fuck, it's Michael Skolnick. I believe this is the moron who treated Trayvon Martin's hoodie like the Shroud of Turin.
1. The Rt. Hon. Serious Man, Visc 11 years ago
  
  And he totally just stole a look down the Republican lady's top.
2. Count Negroni 11 years ago
  
  Ah, knew the name sounded familiar.
3. montana mike 11 years ago
  
  Who do I call to order a drone strike on Skolnick, he gives tools a bad name.
Fist of Etiquette 11 years ago

Don't gang up on Lex Luther, he's trying to carry water here.
Count Negroni 11 years ago

Jebus. Give them Dem a pair of Doc Martins, he can go stomp people in the streets.

Seems really twisted.
Bam! 11 years ago

"Play into America's fear?" America doesn't seem to fear the government spying on them.
1. Irish 11 years ago
  
  Rationally stating facts about the NSA = playing into the fear of Americans
  
  Demagoguing the issue of Trayvon Martin and willfully frighting black people about the idea that some scary white guy is going to murder them = not fearmongering.
  
  It's an interesting universe in Michael Skolnick's head.
Fist of Etiquette 11 years ago

Give the president another term to clean this up.
1. The Rt. Hon. Serious Man, Visc 11 years ago
  
  Even if Obama could run for a third term, would he really want to? Just look at this mess he'd inherit!
  1. Hyperion 11 years ago
    
    Surely Bush is good for at least 4 more years of blame.
Fist of Etiquette 11 years ago

Where's Tony Reali when you need him?
1. The Rt. Hon. Serious Man, Visc 11 years ago
  
  You know, an Around the Horn-style show for politics might actually work. Surprised Fox doesn't try it.
Francisco d Anconia 11 years ago

She wants to go into the box.
Fist of Etiquette 11 years ago

"What was it like operating drones, and be aware that you only have 90 seconds to tell your whole story."
1. Irish 11 years ago
  
  "And half of your time will be used for one liners by Kennedy."
  1. Fist of Etiquette 11 years ago
    
    Actually, Kennedy is proving that she can rein herself in and guide an interview. Or it's someone in a Kennedy mask.
    1. Bam! 11 years ago
      
      Agreed.
    2. Irish 11 years ago
      
      And they're bringing back a guest for a segment continuation!?!
      
      What have they done with Kennedy?
Fist of Etiquette 11 years ago

Peter King can't believe this traitor is telling his story right now.
1. Irish 11 years ago
  
  I think I speak for both Peter King and Josh Barro when I say that the Fox Business studio should be drone striked right now.
The Rt. Hon. Serious Man, Visc 11 years ago

Only seven missions in six years?
Fist of Etiquette 11 years ago

This maybe possibly should have been a Friday, one topic show.
Bam! 11 years ago

CustomInk has a superior logo to VistaPrint.
The Rt. Hon. Serious Man, Visc 11 years ago

"...he bled out on the ground."

Not even Kennedy could segue from that.
Fist of Etiquette 11 years ago

I think policy makers benefit from the shroud of secrecy.
Fist of Etiquette 11 years ago

He's military friends Peter King and Dianne Feinstein.
The Rt. Hon. Serious Man, Visc 11 years ago

That was a very good interview. More stuff like that, please.
1. Irish 11 years ago
  
  Great interview.
Irish 11 years ago

Orwell once said that the reason totalitarian governments fail is because they do not get outside input and it's impossible to adjust policy. In essence, outside information does not penetrate the inner circle so they keep making the same mistakes.

It seems to me that when you have this level of secrecy in any government program the exact same problem develops. How are problems with the program supposed to get fixed when the only people with any information about what's going on are an incestuous cabal of military higher ups?
1. Count Negroni 11 years ago
  
  There's also the Thermocline of Truth in an organization. Below a particular level, everyone knows the project is going to fail. Above it, everyone thinks it will be a success.
  1. Hyperion 11 years ago
    
    Like the time I was working for a mfg company and the CEO had this brilliant idea about lean manufacturing. He read about it in a magazine you know.
    
    Everyone knew it wasn't go to work for us. Everyone but him. There were the few ass lickers in upper management who were on true believers, but even some of them knew it was not going to work or at least had some serious doubts that it would work. Not one single middle manager, engineer, or anyone in IT believed for one second that it would work.
    
    It failed miserably and the CEO was fired. No one could reason with him though, and I have to admit that I felt a lot of pleasure when they canned that blowhard know it all.
    1. VG Zaytsev 11 years ago
      
      You're lucky they fire him.
Bam! 11 years ago

Give them money or these adorable animals die.
1. Francisco d Anconia 11 years ago
  
  I fucking HATE those commercials.
  1. Fist of Etiquette 11 years ago
    
    Oh please. Those dogs and cats are actors. They're probably being paid above scale for these commercials. As soon as cut is called, some PA comes in to scratch their stomachs.
Bam! 11 years ago

There's the old Kennedy!
Episiarch 11 years ago

That dude gave a pretty good interview, and it's nice he's come around, but is it unreasonable for me to wonder about people who would take that job in the first place? Because I sure as fuck wouldn't.
1. Irish 11 years ago
  
  Eh. It's possible he didn't know what it would be like until he joined. He said he was there for years so he was probably in his early 20's when he joined.
2. Fist of Etiquette 11 years ago
  
  Get a load of Mr. Hindsight is 20-20 over here.
3. The Rt. Hon. Serious Man, Visc 11 years ago
  
  He said they sold it as protecting the troops on the ground, so I can understand some guys being okay with doing that at first.
Fist of Etiquette 11 years ago

Fallujah = vag.
Fist of Etiquette 11 years ago

Matt Welch hates noses.
Francisco d Anconia 11 years ago

We are not the world police.
1. Archduke von Pantsfan 11 years ago
  
  Shit I thought you were
  1. Fist of Etiquette 11 years ago
    
    Fuck yeah.
Archduke von Pantsfan 11 years ago

How do you get the reason page to stop spazzing me to the app store on my phone????
1. Francisco d Anconia 11 years ago
  
  Can't.
  1. Archduke von Pantsfan 11 years ago
    
    Then I shall toss this iPad I got for Christmas into the rubbish bin.
    1. Count Negroni 11 years ago
      
      I haven't tried it on Chrome on iPad. Might be better.
      1. Archduke von Pantsfan 11 years ago
        
        nope, same
        
        Count Negroni 11 years ago
        
        I've just gone with bitching about it on the threads, then.
        
        Seriously, sleazy ads sending you to the app store is obnoxious.
      2. Archduke von Pantsfan 11 years ago
        
        On the apple store, Chrome has an age 17+ Content Warning
      3. A wild THANE appeared! 11 years ago
        
        Chrome on iPad is just a shell around Safari. Apple doesn't allow third-party browsers to use their own rendering engines.
2. Hyperion 11 years ago
  
  What's even worse is all day today, I keep getting these banner ads about muscular women. WTF? For some time, I was only getting ads about stuff I had looked at on Amazon. Now I get muscle women and the Vanity Salon and Spa. Squirrels must be taking over the ad bot servers.
Fist of Etiquette 11 years ago

I don't understand. Are these "manufacturing marvels" things commercials? Like, I'm going to buy this scratchy recycled TP directly from the factory?
Fist of Etiquette 11 years ago

I agree. Don't give guns to anyone. GET YOUR OWN DAMN GUN, DETROIT.
Fist of Etiquette 11 years ago

Ouch. B-roll of decrepit Detroit playing in the background.
Fist of Etiquette 11 years ago

Someone's not going to be welcome at the next police chief convention.
The Rt. Hon. Serious Man, Visc 11 years ago

Exactly. Even a chief of police admits that when seconds count the police are minutes away.
Count Negroni 11 years ago

He's totally not getting invited to cocktail parties.

I was skeptical about what he was going to say, but, wow, he's spot on saying things that usually are just entirely beyond the pale for police chiefs.
Fist of Etiquette 11 years ago

Bad guys are always going to get guns, but background checks will at least, you know, when law abiding citizens are buying guns, um, that we will be able... to know... um...
1. The Rt. Hon. Serious Man, Visc 11 years ago
  
  Easy there. He's said some pretty remarkable things for a police chief. I'm glad they didn't ask him about police militarization.
Fist of Etiquette 11 years ago

Up next: A pearl necklace... OF SNOW!
The Rt. Hon. Serious Man, Visc 11 years ago

How long until this guy brings up Trayvon?
Fist of Etiquette 11 years ago

Lower homicide = more dangerous city?
Francisco d Anconia 11 years ago

Rod Stewart...

You know they pumped a sperm whale out of his stomach.
Fist of Etiquette 11 years ago

Isn't that injuring yourself stat including suicide?
Count Negroni 11 years ago

Skolnick looks like Private Pyle, with a much more sadistic streak.
1. Francisco d Anconia 11 years ago
  
  Heeeey Jo-ker!
2. The Rt. Hon. Serious Man, Visc 11 years ago
  
  Were you born a fat, slimy, scumbag puke piece o' shit, Private Pyle, or did you have to work on it?!
The Rt. Hon. Serious Man, Visc 11 years ago

Goddamnit Kmele, intentions are all that matter!
Fist of Etiquette 11 years ago

Melt the guns down to build schools!
The Rt. Hon. Serious Man, Visc 11 years ago

Nothing reduces crime like putting all the poor people into housing projects.
Fist of Etiquette 11 years ago

YOU CAN OWN MORE GUNS, as long as your live in rural America.
1. Count Negroni 11 years ago
  
  I'M VERY ANGRY ABOUT WHAT THE POLICE CHIEF SAID ABOUT GUNS. SO ANGRY I CAN'T GET A COHERENT THOUGHT OUT!
  
  MORE LIKELY TO HURT SELF!!! MORE LIKELY TO HURT SELF!
  1. Fist of Etiquette 11 years ago
    
    Fire bad.
    1. Almanian! 11 years ago
      
      Bread GOOOOOOD!
Almanian! 11 years ago

Can someone give Brent Musberger a dirt nap? MotherFUCKER he is the worst. Just insufferable.

Plus, that goddamned, motherfucking FSU band playing that fucking OOOOOOOOOOOOOH OH OOOOOOOOOOOOOH! over and over?

That's it - *mute*
1. The Rt. Hon. Serious Man, Visc 11 years ago
  
  Is he making up for it by talking about how hot the QB's girlfriend is?
2. Archduke von Pantsfan 11 years ago
  
  COME BACK GUS JOHNSON
Episiarch 11 years ago

This is why I can't watch this shit. Mazzarro (or whatever his fucking name is) spews the same tired bullshit. There's nothing new with these types of moronic panel discussions, ever. This one was the same as one that would have been had a year ago or 5 years ago or 10 years ago.
1. Fist of Etiquette 11 years ago
  
  "I can't masturbate to this."
Fist of Etiquette 11 years ago

Progressive Insurance just killed a guy.
1. Generic Stranger 11 years ago
  
  I like how casual they were about it. "Oh, you just disassembled my coworker on a subatomic level. Cool!"
Count Negroni 11 years ago

"Fat, broke and drunk?"

Shut up, Kennedy.
1. The Rt. Hon. Serious Man, Visc 11 years ago
  
  It's no way to go through life, son.
The Rt. Hon. Serious Man, Visc 11 years ago

Did Matt just use mild profanity?
1. OldMexican 11 years ago
  
  Yes, he said "If you say so" and he said it to Kennedy! A woman!
  
  Quick! Someone call Cathy Young!
2. Hyperion 11 years ago
  
  Of course not, cosmotarians can't use profanity. I mean just look at Matt. Can you imagine him saying 'fuck off slaver!
  
  No, you can't.
  
  It's actually impossible to say that with those glasses and a baby face. If Matt sported a goatee and stopped going to cocktail parties, then he could say it... well, ok, he'd need to lose the nerd glasses too and get a monocle like all decent libertarians.
Fist of Etiquette 11 years ago

Blue moon, you saw Welch standing alone....
Archduke von Pantsfan 11 years ago

Did this make it in earlier today?

I doubt that Sheikh Osama has been killed. I believe that he was kidnapped and is still alive. It does not make sense that a big power like the US searches for a man for 11 years and when it finds him, it just shoots him.
1. Almanian! 11 years ago
  
  KOCHSPIRACY!
2. The Knarf Yenrab 11 years ago
  
  As conspiracies go, that's not that far out. The NSA scandal has left me more open to speculation about what the state might be doing.
  
  I've watched Kennedy get his head blown off on PBS a couple dozen times, and Nick Berg is still the beginning of my political awakening. I think I and most other Americans could handle seeing the bullet-ridden corpse of 9/11's biggest fan.
Francisco d Anconia 11 years ago

FUCKING PUSSIES! 10 degrees? February and 3 weeks of winter left? Try 3 months!
1. Almanian! 11 years ago
  
  Just took a pic of the thermometer on our back deck -10 degrees F. Haven't seen that in southeast MI in some time.
  
  Add wind chill and it is fucking BITTER out there. Sounds like a couple more days and then we have a heatwave and 30....
  1. playa manhattan 11 years ago
    
    Just for you, the man who won't ever do business in CA again
    1. The Rt. Hon. Serious Man, Visc 11 years ago
      
      I thought it was supposed to rain this week?
      1. playa manhattan 11 years ago
        
        You just thought that because you have to work data entry this week.
        
        The Rt. Hon. Serious Man, Visc 11 years ago
        
        Possibly. I guess I'll find out tomorrow when I meet with the staffing director.
        
        William of Purple 11 years ago
        
        if she's hot, will you bang her?
        
        playa manhattan 11 years ago
        
        Doesn't matter. There's no shame in sleeping your way to the top.
        
        The Rt. Hon. Serious Man, Visc 11 years ago
        
        What's that saying? You don't crap where you eat?
        
        playa manhattan 11 years ago
        
        No. If you have a female staffing director, have sex with her no matter what (assuming you're good at sex).
        
        playa manhattan 11 years ago
        
        Sometime, I'll tell the story about how I was making 4x minimum wage as a 16 year old.
    2. Almanian! 11 years ago
      
      Nope. It's warm in AZ and TX, too!
      1. playa manhattan 11 years ago
        
        I hear the beaches in AZ are very nice this time of year.
      2. playa manhattan 11 years ago
        
        Wait, what? Most of TX is below freezing right now...
      3. Apatheist ?_?? 11 years ago
        
        The fuck it is. It's literally freezing here in Houston, which is an outrage.
        
        Almanian! 11 years ago
        
        That's WARM compared to -15, which is what it is now here in SE Mich.
        
        FUCK MICHIGAN!
2. Archduke von Pantsfan 11 years ago
  
  Sunday night it went down to -34F.
  We're currently at -14 on the way to -22.
  1. Mad Scientist 11 years ago
    
    Christ, it was 75 here today. Send me your address and I'll mail you a bottle of sunshine.
3. Hyperion 11 years ago
  
  Don't fret now, ya'll of the tundra. There are aliens in Canada that would give us some better technology, maybe even like big thermostats that you can use outdoors, if only we'd just be more nice to each other and also stop killing mother Gaia, because that's also affecting other planets thousands of light years away. Our global warming is spreading through the wormholes that all the aliens use to get here. The aliens haz a sad with us.
4. Sevo 11 years ago
  
  Why, when I was a yute, we couldn't even read the thermometer until it got to -20! And snow! Snow! 20' drifts! Every day!
  And that was SUMMER1!1!!11
  1. Archduke von Pantsfan 11 years ago
    
    Yes, because It was called the "Ice Age"
    
    /you're older than me
    //it's a joke
    1. playa manhattan 11 years ago
      
      He did admit to flying business class in the 60's. I'm impressed with his internet skills, to say the least.
      1. Sevo 11 years ago
        
        Yeah, and I had to spin the props to start the damn thing!
  2. Hyperion 11 years ago
    
    You just proved that global warming is real. Al Gore thanks you.
The Rt. Hon. Serious Man, Visc 11 years ago

Is it still true that no two countries with a McDonald's have ever gone to war?
Fist of Etiquette 11 years ago

AH! Lou Dobbs.
1. Archduke von Pantsfan 11 years ago
  
  as if millions of voices suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced.
2. Ted S. 11 years ago
  
  You like Lewd Obbs?
Count Negroni 11 years ago

I posted it yesterday when the McDonald's guy came up, but, of course, it's relevant again:

Super Size Me with Whiskey!
The Rt. Hon. Serious Man, Visc 11 years ago

Cancel my subscription!

Correction: Kennedy misspoke tonight. Sen Rand Paul NOT Sen Bernie Sanders has filed suit against the NSA. We apologize.

? The Independents (@IndependentsFBN) January 7, 2014

[removed][removed]
Fist of Etiquette 11 years ago

It's literally a thousand degrees below zero outside right now.
1. Hyperion 11 years ago
  
  Isn't absolute zero, like around -400? See, you're as bad as Heroic Mulatto, you're just making shit up now.
2. Sidd Finch 11 years ago
  
  My pool leaf scooper looked exactly the same upside down as right-side up. Not a common sight around these parts.
  1. Sidd Finch 11 years ago
    
    Wait ... is everybody in this thread really watching that dumbass show?
  2. Sidd Finch 11 years ago
    
    "I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When it's freezing, they get cold." somebody said that I think
Archduke von Pantsfan 11 years ago

Need a good laugh?

How private clinics lengthen wait times for all of us
1. Almanian! 11 years ago
  
  Not gonna click on that. Nope.
  
  You say "laugh", but I bet it's rage inducing...
2. Sidd Finch 11 years ago
  
  Is this rabble.ca's version of Yahoo! Contributor Network or is rabble.ca Bleacher Report for progressive Canucks?
  1. William of Purple 11 years ago
    
    I don't know what those 2 American things are, but it's for radically left Canadians.
    1. Sidd Finch 11 years ago
      
      Yahoo Contributor Network = side site for retarded (and free) fan articles
      
      Bleacher Report = site devoted to retarded (and free) fan articles
3. The Knarf Yenrab 11 years ago
  
  This is the kind of bullshit that we need to drill out of kids when they're still in elementary school. Profits lead to competition and innovation to meet people's needs; nationalization lead to rationing and bureaucratic stagnation.
  
  It's alarming that people who can form compound/complex sentences with regularity still commit this fallacy.
4. Creme Fraiche 11 years ago
  
  My health insurance got cancelled today. It seems late to be part of the Obamacare cancellations, but the letter mentions changes in federal law. If I do not like the insurance plans that it will offer in April when my current plan expires (the cheapest options are more than double the cost of my current plan) it suggests I go to an exchange.
  
  It was all fun and games until I lost my plan
  1. Pompey 11 years ago
    
    Colleague at the office today said "Gotta go talk my wife off the cliff. Last year my son's prescription cost $50 per year. Now this year the cost is $2000 per year."
    
    *golf clap* Auld Lang Syne everyone!
    1. A wild THANE appeared! 11 years ago
      
      Pompey, did you receive my email?
      1. Pompey 11 years ago
        
        When? Haven't checked today.
        
        A wild THANE appeared! 11 years ago
        
        Friday. I seem to get filed into people's spam folders fairly often, so it might be there.
        
        A wild THANE appeared! 11 years ago
        
        There's no hurry whatsoever, by the way; I'm just checking.
Almanian! 11 years ago

WHY HAS NO ONE MURDERED BRENT MUSBERGER YET??!! Guess if you need something done...

*books flight to Pasadena*
1. playa manhattan 11 years ago
  
  I have it on mute, so....
2. Sidd Finch 11 years ago
  
  Musberger's first line "Hi I'm Kirk Herbstreit along with Brent Musberger."
  
  seriously, that happened
  1. Calidissident 11 years ago
    
    I caught that. Couldn't stop laughing
3. Andrew S. 11 years ago
  
  ESPN Classic has just the game video, but no announcers -- just the natural game sounds. It's glorious.
  
  On the other hand, fuck this game because it's not going so gloriously.
Calidissident 11 years ago

I wonder if Nick Marshall has a super hot girlfriend that Musburger's going to fawn over
playa manhattan 11 years ago

Is it true that Brett L is Red Lightning?
1. Apatheist ?_?? 11 years ago
  
  Hah, just saw that guy on the screen before I clicked this. Goofy looking dude.
The Rt. Hon. Serious Man, Visc 11 years ago

The World's Most Dangerous Mountain Trail
Eduard van Haalen 11 years ago

Group wants to erect a seven foot Satan statue at the Oklahoma state capitol to balance out a 10 Commandments display. Visitors would be able to sit on Satan's lap. And I suppose ask for presents, too.

http://www.bit.ly/1absfSC
1. William of Purple 11 years ago
  
  How do they know what Satan looks like?
  1. Mad Scientist 11 years ago
    
    I hear he looks like Warty, only nicer.
    1. William of Purple 11 years ago
      
      How does anyone know who knows what Warty looks like?
      1. Mad Scientist 11 years ago
        
        They can't put anything on the internet that isn't true.
2. Eduard van Haalen 11 years ago
  
  Source : Creative Minority Report
3. Apatheist ?_?? 11 years ago
  
  Something tells me these aren't really "Satanists" but actually just litigious anti-Christians. You see, the state Capitol erected a Ten Commandments statue in 2012 and since then the ACLU and anti-Christian nutjobs (wait, is that redundant?) have been driven bonkers.
  
  This guy can go blow it out his ass. If you don't want people applying for this shit don't put up religious stuff on government property.
  1. Brian D 11 years ago
    
    All those religious symbols at Arlington National Cemetery need to go?
    1. Apatheist ?_?? 11 years ago
      
      Is that at all similar? Were they put up in 2012? This isn't some historical shit or someones personal grave. They knew what they were doing and now they bitch about anti-christian nutjobs. It's tiresome.
SIV 11 years ago

Fuck Auburn
1. William of Purple 11 years ago
  
  that. just. happened.
SIV 11 years ago

Woooooo! FSU !
1. The Rt. Hon. Serious Man, Visc 11 years ago
  
  What were you saying?
  1. William of Purple 11 years ago
    
    FSU WON BITCHES
William of Purple 11 years ago

Is tomorrow the new Justified already!
1. Almanian! 11 years ago
  
  Yeah buddy! I might now be a bigger fan of @RealNickSearcy than Olyphant. He's hilarious on the Tweeterz.
playa manhattan 11 years ago

I thought Auburn supposedly had good special teams.
1. William of Purple 11 years ago
  
  In the Olympic way!
  1. playa manhattan 11 years ago
    
    When your outer containment is inside the hash marks, whoops!
Sevo 11 years ago

Anyone else find the ad with the kid skipping out on the girl's dad amusing?
1. Almanian! 11 years ago
  
  Not I. I like the ad for "The Legos Movie". Ima see that one.
  1. Sevo 11 years ago
    
    How 'bout the totally sarc 'mountain-man' ad for the soft drink?
    I like the bear paddling.
    1. Almanian! 11 years ago
      
      That commercial is teh awsum
Almanian! 11 years ago

Could Auburn choke any harder? No - I don't believe they can.
1. Almanian! 11 years ago
  
  ....aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand touchdown. FSU should look into "tackling drills". Jesus.
  1. playa manhattan 11 years ago
    
    It's just me, myself, and I
    1. Almanian! 11 years ago
      
      Still 1:11 - ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN!
      1. Almanian! 11 years ago
        
        Nice D, Auburn!
        
        *choke, gasp, hack!*
The Rt. Hon. Serious Man, Visc 11 years ago

Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't the SEC school's name spelled D'Auburn?

The D is silent.
1. Almanian! 11 years ago
  
  JINX!
2. Sevo 11 years ago
  
  http://instantrimshot.com/
Almanian! 11 years ago

Good lord - Auburn's gonna give this one away.
1. Almanian! 11 years ago
  
  But at least they stopped the clock! Oh, wait...
Sevo 11 years ago

Delay of game!?
Is Kaepernick playing?
The Rt. Hon. Serious Man, Visc 11 years ago

At least in college the coaches tell their players that five yards is less valuable than burning a timeout.
Almanian! 11 years ago

You gotta be kiddin' me - FLAG ON THE PLAY! Dumbasses....
playa manhattan 11 years ago

This should be how a championship game ends. Except I don't care who wins. My team was 1-10 this year.
1. Almanian! 11 years ago
  
  I went to a D3 school, so our championship is given to Mount Union college every year, as per tradition...
  1. playa manhattan 11 years ago
    
    Thanks. I now know about the MUcaw from google.
  2. Andrew S. 11 years ago
    
    Not always. Sometimes Wisconsin-Whitewater wins. But it's always one of those two.
2. Sevo 11 years ago
  
  I get to watch college ball for fun; got no faves. So THAT was a good game!
3. The Rt. Hon. Serious Man, Visc 11 years ago
  
  My school didn't even have a football program. But our science library is the envy of the UC system.
  1. playa manhattan 11 years ago
    
    I think we had 9-10 Libraries.
    1. The Rt. Hon. Serious Man, Visc 11 years ago
      
      But do any of them look like a uterus from above?
      1. playa manhattan 11 years ago
        
        I have no idea what a uterus looks like. Do you mean a vagina?
        
        The Rt. Hon. Serious Man, Visc 11 years ago
        
        It either looks like a woman's womb or the Starship Enterprise.
        
        See for yourself
  2. Almanian! 11 years ago
    
    I liked that a guy in my fraternity was the nose tackle, and one of the drummers in the jazz band (I played bass) was a linebacker.
    
    "That's the guy I see in class every day..." No one majored in sports in D3 back in the 80's. Pretty sure it's still the case - no athletic scholarships.
4. Calidissident 11 years ago
  
  Weren't you guys actually 1-11 (sorry, I know that's a dick move)? Damn, I never thought you guys would fall below Colorado levels of bad.
  1. playa manhattan 11 years ago
    
    You are right. I stopped keeping track after 7 or so losses.
Almanian! 11 years ago

WHOOP THERE IT IS! WHOOP THERE IT IS!

Good thing I don't give a shit about this game. If I were an Auburn fan, I'd wanna throw up. Or have about three hits of Albuterol? to - you know - loosen up that choking feeling...
1. The Rt. Hon. Serious Man, Visc 11 years ago
  
  FSU still has 13 seconds to blow it.
  1. Almanian! 11 years ago
    
    I really don't think so but - STANFORD BAND! So maybe...
Almanian! 11 years ago

What did I say back there with 1:11 to go? "Anything can happen" - and it has!

:13 to go...not much can happen...
Almanian! 11 years ago

Well - this has been one pretty fine weekend+Monday of football, eh?

Now, when do the Lions play?

Oh, right...August...
playa manhattan 11 years ago

I'm confused. The game is in Pasadena, but there appear to be Florida State Troopers on the field.
1. SIV 11 years ago
  
  Guard the coach.Bobby Bowden always had Florida State Troopers. Do you think Bear Bryant ever went anywhere w/o Alabama State Troopers?
Irish 11 years ago

Elliot Spitzer caught sucking his topless mistresses toes in a public hot tub while parents and children look on.

A 10-year-old boy who saw Smith topless in the pool ran back to his parents and shouted, "Mom there's an old guy in the Jacuzzi with this girl and she's topless and she's got her legs wrapped around him," sources said.
1. playa manhattan 11 years ago
  
  Jamaica is the Mexico of the Caribbean.
2. The Rt. Hon. Serious Man, Visc 11 years ago
  
  David Burge is on a roll:
  
  David Burge ?@iowahawkblog 2h
  Eliot Spitzer reminds me of "American Psycho" if Christian Bale was replaced by Clint Howard.
  
  David Burge ?@iowahawkblog 1h
  Eliot Spitzer buys his girlfriends lingerie at Dr. Scholl's.
  
  David Burge ?@iowahawkblog 2h
  So I guess what feminists find sexy is Eliot Spitzer, in a hot tub, in black socks, sucking your toes, before strangling you.
  
  David Burge ?@iowahawkblog 1h
  Time for Anthony Wiener to step up his game. #NYPoliticalPervLeague
3. Calidissident 11 years ago
  
  As I read that headline, I thought it was going to say another word starting with "t" in place of "toes"
SIV 11 years ago

Just Say 'Noles
William of Purple 11 years ago

This should warm your cold tired bodies
1. playa manhattan 11 years ago
  
  nyet
The Rt. Hon. Serious Man, Visc 11 years ago

Bad day for left wing academics: a football team that appropriates Native American culture and was led by a rapist quarterback that was exonerated by the Patriarchy just won a National Championship in a sport that discriminates against non-cisgendered individuals while diverting resources and attention from women's sports.

Did I miss anything?
1. SIV 11 years ago
  
  F L O R I D A... S T A T E! Florida State! Florida State! Woooooo!
  1. Sidd Finch 11 years ago
    
    This is the most excited State fan I've seen that isn't a single mother at karaoke night at the bar beside the bowling alley.
2. Apatheist ?_?? 11 years ago
  
  while diverting resources and attention from women's sports
  
  Well that part is not even accurate!
William of Purple 11 years ago

Screw your New Year's Resolutions. There's a supervolcano ready to go.
1. Generic Stranger 11 years ago
  
  Is it under Washington D.C.?
  
  *reads article*
  
  Damn.
Andrew S. 11 years ago

Woohoo!

Never going to sleep tonight!

Don't care!
playa manhattan 11 years ago

He's going to rape that glass football.
1. Sidd Finch 11 years ago
  
  That glass football has some other football player's cum in its ass. It's the perfect crime.
The Rt. Hon. Serious Man, Visc 11 years ago

What happens when you toss boiling water into -24F weather?
SIV 11 years ago

I'm in the ATL and it is 11 degrees Fahrenheit outside. I'm gonna go out and smoke a cigarette.
1. Tman 11 years ago
  
  Nashvegas is a brisk three degrees. Just had a smoke and enjoyed my pea coat christmas present for one of the fifteen days in Nashville it will be reasonable to wear it.
  1. Sidd Finch 11 years ago
    
    Fun fact: I've never heard anyone outside Nashville refer to it as Nashvegas.
    1. Tman 11 years ago
      
      I hope it stays that way. The less people know the better.
      1. Anonymous Coward 11 years ago
        
        Nashville: It's marginally safer than Memphis.
        
        Tman 11 years ago
        
        Marginally?
        
        According to (Nashville) Metro police, there were 43 cases of criminal homicide in 2013
        
        Total.
        
        The whole year.
        
        Sidd Finch 11 years ago
        
        Nashville: our Entertainment District isn't a single block amidst burnt out downtown, and the gang warfare is pretty low key, all things considered?
        
        Tman 11 years ago
        
        Nashville: Whatever anyone told you about Memphis, think the opposite.
        
        Sidd Finch 11 years ago
        
        Whatever anyone told you about Memphis, think the opposite.
        
        This should be the goal of any city manager.
        
        When I was a kid, it was a cowtown full of antique malls and carpet barns
        
        I remember it as the place with a bunch of titty billboards on the highway.
        
        The Knarf Yenrab 11 years ago
        
        I can't imagine a starker contrast in American cities than seeing Nashville circa 1990 and seeing it today.
        
        When I was a kid, it was a cowtown full of antique malls and carpet barns, with the world's second-oldest wooden rollercoaster and the state capital there as sideshows. The city is unrecognizable to me these days.
        
        The Knarf Yenrab 11 years ago
        
        And if economic development weren't enough, they just opened the Johnny Cash Museum.
        
        Anonymous Coward 11 years ago
        
        *Golf clap*
        
        Congrats. You beat Memphganistan by about 100 or so.
        
        Still, the warzone is about 3 hours down I-40 from your fair city.
        
        Tman 11 years ago
        
        Yes Memphis is a three hour drive away, but it is not "marginally" less safe.
        
        I've been here since the early 90's, and as Knarf said, you wouldn't recognize it from twenty years ago. It used to be a lot like, well, Memphis.
        
        C. Anacreon 11 years ago
        
        What about non-criminal homicide? That must be where the actual numbers are hidden.
Eduard van Haalen 11 years ago

From Overlawyered - the ACLU changes its mind, decides censorship is OK after all.

http://dlvr.it/4fLPLk
1. Sidd Finch 11 years ago
  
  Only paleotards and anti-semites criticize the ACLU.
2. Scruffy Nerfherder 11 years ago
  
  Figures. Being offended is icky after all.
Sidd Finch 11 years ago

How's that butt?

Amari Cooper ?@AmariCooper

Them niggas beat us fuck them

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