Banking

Water Declared Safe in Fracking Town, SEC Investigates JPMorgan Losses, Edwards Wants Case Tossed Out: P.M. Links

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  • Drink up!

    The EPA says the water is safe to drink in Dimock, Penn., the town made famous in the Oscar-nominated fracking documentary "Gasland." Residents believed fracking was polluting their water supply.

  • The Securities and Exchange Commission opens an investigation into JPMorgan Chase following their announcement Thursday of a $2 billion loss. The bank's chief executive, Jamie Dimon, said "egregious mistakes" were made.
  • The judge in John Edwards' corruption trial declines the defense's request to toss out the case due to lack of evidence after the prosecution rested Thursday. Defense will begin on Monday.
  • LA County deputy arrested last year for brawl with fellow deputies has been accused of kicking another deputy in the groin this week while being booked on charges of making threats against a former friend. You'll definitely want to read the details of the fight.
  • Very successful alternative currency in Canada, based on coupons from retailer Canadian Tire Corp., is in danger as the company switches to a plastic card system. Some Canadians are upset. (via Hit & Run commenter plu1959)

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    1. Fist. Banjos.

    2. I missed you and sloppy in Vegas. I was too busy not attending the meeting.

    1. Banjos. Fist.

      1. Two ingredients to a successful party.

        1. “You got Banjos all over my fist!”

          “You got Fist all over my Banjos!”

          1. (To FIFY) Something in that makes me want to call you a motherfucker.

            1. I was riffing on the old Reese’s jingle, dude. But do call me a motherfucker; it’s been hours since anyone’s done that in real life, and I’m kinda jonesin’.

              1. Oh, and that’s Mr. Motherfucker. Observe the protocols, knave.

                1. I knew the whole Reese’s jingle. I just had a hard time reading “Fist all over my Banjos.” Hell, “Banjos all over my Fist” wasn’t much better.

                  Don’t make me jealous. You wouldn’t like me when I’m jealous.

                  1. Sorry, bro. I figured you’d get the reference.

                    In retrospect, it was kinda dirty.

                    1. Although A Fist Full of Banjos does have a “Clint Eastwood coulda made a movie by that name” ring to it… maybe a more-violent sequel to Paint Your Wagon

                    2. Every Fist Way But Loose, maybe?

                      I’ll be here all night, flop-sweating. Shit, tough audience, and I just know Shecky SugarFree’s gonna have a killer set.

  1. I interrupt these PM Links for a message from Mary Stack. Oh yes, the crazy obsessive lunatic made a Youtube video about us. It is awesome. I genuinely hope she makes more.

    1. Oh, Banjos, we’re on to you. You just want her to make more because you weren’t mentioned in this one.

        1. GodDAMN, that killed some brain cells. Good thing I have plenty left.

    2. You’re not worried that exposure to that level of crazy will do bad things to the fetus?

      1. I am hoping the womb will protect the baby just enough so the exposure is low enough to generate some kind of vaccine.

        1. A lead apron maybe?

    3. Is is hilarious that she still pathetically stalks H&R after being effectively banned from posting…or is it incredibly hilarious? I’m leaning towards the latter.

      Hi Mary! Have fun reading but not posting!

      HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

      1. I gotta hand it to her, though. She’s found a way to troll us without being here to troll us. Mary, please take your medication.

        1. No, she’s found a way to impotently rage about us in the most pathetic way possible, and we wouldn’t even know about it if Banjos wasn’t out trying to score some lulz. Which makes Mary even more pathetic. It’s DELICIOUS.

          1. I don’t know which is funnier, the video itself, that she thinks the video is an insult to us, or the fact that she has been reduced to making Youtube videos in order to troll hoping that Reasonoids will view it. The only reason I know about it is because she posted a link to it on mine and sloopy’s blog.

            1. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

              Oh, that’s even better. “Please view my incredibly pathetic attempts to troll you at my youtube channel.”

            2. Yowsa. That’s a little bizarre. If you start getting any strange phone calls, they’re coming from inside the house.

            3. Maybe the fact that people are foing over to youtube to watch it counts as a special victory to her. Sort of lile when she would get people to read stuff over at her old blog, of which, ironically for her, I’ve already forgotten the name.

            4. I can’t watch it at work, and won’t watch it at home. Does she use the word “gambol?”

        2. Yeah, being reduced to trolling youtube is pretty pathetic. But also hilarious.

      2. That’s a lot of work for a joke video that only about 30 people in the entire world will get (I am impressed at the voice work thing… well done “Mary!”). I guess s/he has a lot of time on their hands.

      3. She provided no context, no links that I could see, so basically the un-hip-to-reason viewers won’t know what the fuck is going on.

        “What the hell? Who wears monocles and top hats? What is this stupid shit? I’m gonna watch Epic Mealtime instead.”

        Ya finally made the big time, Mary. You might even get multiple-dozen views out of this one!

    4. Not going to lie, the waffles one was pretty funny. Free Market!!!!

      1. Well DUH! The top hat and monocle thing is ALWAYS funny!

        But I did find that one esp lulzworthy….”FREEEEEDOM!!!!” That’s the Braveheart version of the Libertarian Fuck Cry.

        1. I found a number of them amusing.

    5. I’ve been left out.

      To Do List – post more top hat and monocle references

      1. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

        Hey – hold my top hat and monocle while I watch this YouTube version of “eating my feelings” by Mary Stack!

        HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

        1. I hope she does one about “fabulous cheekbones”!

          That would be thuper!

    6. That’s awesome! Awesomely pathetic.

    7. I genuinely hope she makes more.

      Based on the “1.” in the title, I’d say you can count on it.

    8. I look fabulous as a big blue parrot!

      That’s not gay is it?

      1. “You’re the gayest monster since gay came to Gaytown!”

        1. Well okay then!

            1. Ahh. Never watched it…I don’t have to turn in my my Top Hat and Monocle?!

              1. No, but it should go without saying that the cool kids are going to snicker at you. Sometimes even while your back is turned.

    9. So, first off I would like to thank all the little people who made it possible for me to be included in a sub-sub-(sub?)meme. Second, what the hell are you doing following Mary’s you tube feed Banjos? And third, I missed half of those on here…I have been slacking at lurking.

      puts on top hat and….ohh never mind

      1. She posted the link in a comment on mine and sloopy’s blog.

    10. Anarcho-libertarian narcissists kill time in partisan chat rooms with frustrated, cynical, emotionally crippled fellow travelers, bitterly railing against a world they are powerless to change, repeating the same crackpot theories and stale internet memes over and over again, substituting wisecracks and obscenities for concepts, shouting down any and all dissent, leaving only a sterile and vapid echo chamber. These are adults. This is what libertarians actually believe.

      Jeez Mary, tell us how you really feel

      1. Again – just. fucking. AWESOME!

        Keep it up, Mary Stack! Please – tell me again – just how pathetic am I? DON’T HOLD BACK THIS TIME! LET ME HAVE IT!!!

      2. She knows us so well.

    11. Comment by Waffles at 1:05 got a laugh from me.

    12. Sadly, I also did not make the cut. Something to shoot for in episode 2 I guess…

      1. Im hoping for a “fuck off slaver” themed one, so I can get a major part.

    13. Did anyone click on any of the other videos of why libertarians are wrong? There was one british guy who’s first point was that we would “force” people to live the way we think they should (ostensibly by saying you have to participate in the free market and that you can’t coerce others to live how you want them to).

      I was like “So that’s what the Tony composite computer generated hologram looks like.”

      1. So long as force is gonna be used, it may as well be by him. Is that the logic?

        1. Tony’s a “british guy”? Who knew?

    14. It’s nice that her mental institution allows you tube therapy.

      1. Maybe one of the staff posted it for the lulz?

    15. You want to know the funniest part? She hangs out with Vanneman now. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

      1. …and the award in “Cognitive Dissonance/Lacking Self Awareness” category for 2012 goes to….envelope please….MARY STACK for posting the following line (and right out of the chute too!)

        When did camping out all day long in blog chat room become a lifestyle choice?

        Thank you Rectal for all you do….!

    16. Amusing, her presumption that such asinine references mean those posters have been “savaged!”
      I’m beginning to think she was vermin shit, given vermin shit’s constant claims of presenting the ‘killer’ argument that no one could refute! Except a random grammar-school kid.

    17. I have a lot of respect for Mary. It must have taken a long time to train all those parrots.

  2. TORONTO – Canada’s unofficial second currency may be headed for the shredder.

    You can’t shred signed hockey pucks.

    1. It said unofficial 2nd currency. Everyone knows that signed hockey pucks are the official 2nd currency of Canada.

      1. SHIT! No wonder they wouldn’t take those curling stones at the Tim Hortons in Windsor…

      2. It’s talking about Canadian Tire money, isn’t it?

    2. And woohoo on the hat tip! Go, me!

      1. Still no adjective, man.

  3. Robo-Butt Gives New Meaning to Uncanny Valley

    Even creepier scenes come from watching a person prodding, slapping and massaging the robotic butt to trigger reactions such as “tension”, “twitch” and “protrusion”.

    1. Ew, ew, ew…

      /teenager

    2. So Ronery

    3. All right, that was pretty unsettling. Why do I continue to click on links you guys post?

      1. You think that was disturbing? Check out this! Mwah ha ha ha ha!

        1. ARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHH!! MY EYES!! YOU BASTARD.

          1. Yeah – You can’t unsee that.

  4. In honor of The Avengers: The 10 Lamest Avengers of All Time.

    Some of the comments defendind Moon Knight are a little surprising. Really? People actually liked Marvel’s crappy low-rent Batman knockoff?

    1. Poor Starfox. PUA as a superpower. He was ahead of his time!

  5. Lemme help the SEC out on JPM.

    Its common knowledge that JPM hosted a “whale” in their London office, a trader who dealt in vast sums with virtually no oversight, and one who, if memory serves, boasted about actually moving the markets. Once word like this gets around, the other hedgie start gaming the whale: they figure out which side he is on, and start playing off of his trades. Trading like these guys do is a zero-sum game, so he (and JPM) got taken down.

    Who do I send my bill to?

  6. As Myers was being booked into the Century Regional Detention Facility in Lynwood, she allegedly lashed out. She was restrained soon after the groin kick, authorities said.

    While she was handcuffed and being escorted to a booking cell, she allegedly kicked another deputy in the groin without provocation, officials said.

    Apparently nut shots are her thing. Vigilante groin kicks.

    “Wherever bad cops are abusing their authority, she’s there, kicking balls. Wherever police are playing by their own rules, she’s there, booting sack.”

    1. Apparently nut shots are her thing.

      It is Friday after all…anybody see Balko near the crime scene?

    2. Vigilante groin kicks

      Is her super hero identity “Cock Knocker”?

  7. Intrade has Scottie “the Body” Brown and Liz “Limo Liberal” Warren almost neck and neck. That’s a big comeback for Brown.

    1. Electing the first Native American senator would be a big step forward for this country.

      1. Ben Nighthorse Campbell: “What am I, chopped liver?”

        1. He switched TEAMS….so we erased him from history!

  8. Romney donor feels the wrath of Obama

    Frank VanderSloot is the CEO of Melaleuca Inc. The 63-year-old has run that wellness-products company for 26 years out of tiny Idaho Falls, Idaho. Last August, Mr. VanderSloot gave $1 million to Restore Our Future, the Super PAC that supports Mitt Romney.

    Three weeks ago, an Obama campaign website, “Keeping GOP Honest,” took the extraordinary step of publicly naming and assailing eight private citizens backing Mr. Romney. Titled “Behind the curtain: a brief history of Romney’s donors,” the post accused the eight of being “wealthy individuals with less-than-reputable records.” Mr. VanderSloot was one of the eight, smeared particularly as being “litigious, combative and a bitter foe of the gay rights movement.”

    1. That’s what we refer to as a “being a bunch of dicks”

    2. I’m so glad only upstanding citizens like John Corzine donate to the Obama campaign.

    3. Can Rmoney name the hood rats that donate to the Obama campaign?

  9. Myers and the two other deputies were on their way home after being out at a bar when Myers and Deputy Judith Gonzalez began arguing. The argument allegedly turned physical and spilled out of the car.

    Eventually, Myers stopped fighting Gonzalez and began fighting with the third deputy, an official said. Gonzalez allegedly went back to the car to get her gun. As Myers was on top of the third deputy, Gonzalez fired her weapon.

    It’s probably a blessing none of these deputies were pictured in the story. As it is, I’m visualizing Charlie’s Angels rolling around and reality would no doubt be something else entirely.

    1. I envision Beatrix Kiddo and O-Ren Ishii, dressed in kimono and smiting each other with legendary katana. In the snow. Or perhaps a breeze full of sakura petals.

    2. The right question is which porn stars are going to be cast in the film retelling?

  10. The bank’s chief executive, Jamie Dimon, said “egregious mistakes” were made.

    Shouldn’t that be “‘Egregious mistakes’ were said to have been made.”?

    Good-bye, Jamie.

    1. As long as he takes his golden parachute and bails out to a country with no extradition he’ll be fine. I don’t think the SEC can order drone strikes.

      Yet.

  11. Residents believed fracking was polluting their water supply.

    The amount of idiocy I saw on Facebook after this…

  12. Looking for something else, I notice this headline on the National Review Online:

    The Devolution of Marriage, by The Editors

    I said to myself, you know what Killaz, I’m going to read it with an open mind and give them a fair hearing. Then I got to this:

    The only good reason to have marriage laws in the first place to have the state recognize a class of relationships called marriage out of all the possible strong bonds that adults can form is to link erotic desire to the upbringing of the children it can produce.

    Lol! That is so fucking gay! Why don’t we congregate in the parlor and listen to Lowry read a poem he composed on how Eros woos Psyche while we are here.

    1. Good illustration of how one can go wrong when pulling an argument out of one’s ass.

    1. So they’re making it illegal to do something illegal while your face is covered. Too bad making the first thing illegal didn’t work, because then they wouldn’t even need the second thing. Fuck, politicians are idiots.

    2. Residents near Anarchist Mountain under evacuation alert as unlicensed dams may burst.

      Just another reason to eliminate the Beaver menace now!

  13. Caveat fucking emptor. Everybody knows you don’t build a house downhill from a dam built by anarchists unless you first contract with them to ensure your safety.

  14. Environmental Protection Agency said drinking water is safe to consume in a
    small Pennsylvania town that has attracted national attention
    after residents complained about hydraulic fracturing, or
    fracking, for natural gas.

    So are the gas companies going to sue the living fuck out of that piece of shit Josh Fox?

    1. It’s probably more like they’ll have to sue something like “JF Media Productions, inc., a Division of FJMP Pictures, inc.”

    1. There are several legendarily drunk masters in the Zen tradition. Which reminds me, if your religion is such that the mad ramblings of a drunk are hard to differentiate from enlightenment… you might be doing it wrong. Next thing you know, you’re all wearing the same sneakers, waiting to drink the punch so you can board the comet.

      1. I am suspicious of any religion that claims it in no way resembles the mad ramblings of a drunk. At least give the Buddhists credit for some self-awareness.

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