Reason Morning Links: Horses, Bikes, and Cabs


• The European Union gets a president.

• The Treasury will auction off its investments in JPMorgan Chase, Capital One Financial, and TCF Financial.

• A fancy horsey academy becomes a secret CIA torture lair.

• Philadelphia politicians push a requirement to register all bicycles owned by anyone over 12.

• How taxi regulation works in Washington.

• Role reversal: A Beijing court says Microsoft infringed a Chinese company's intellectual property.

• For the Church of Oprah, the apocalypse is coming in 2011, not 2012.

NEXT: Friday Funnies

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  1. A fancy horsey academy becomes a secret CIA torture lair.

    I'm assuming this went beyond sexy ladies in riding gear.

    1. Pony play.

      1. The neighs have it.

    2. "The activities in that prison were illegal," said human rights researcher John Sifton. "They included various forms of torture, including sleep deprivation, forced standing, painful stress positions."

      Not torture.

      1. Sounds more like pledging.

      2. I used to do this. It was called guard duty.

        1. Exactly. When people need redefine torture downward in order to make a point, they're just being emotional and stupid.

          1. need to redefine

  2. Register bicycles? Yeah, that'll be useful...about as useful as a screen door on a submarine. I swear, that's the statist answer for everything--registration.

    1. Here in Atlanta you even have to register household pets (cats/dogs). I found out when I recently took my cat to the vet for a checkup. Vets are required by law to report to the city all owners who bring in pets. The owner then gets receives in the mail a demand from the city that they register their pet (and pay a fee of course). I ignored the demand and got a second, more menacing letter threatening me with a citation if I refused to pay, and with jail if I was issued said citation and did not show up for court. All that for a goddam cat who doesn't even go outdoors!

      Didn't we fight a war about stuff like this a couple of hundred years ago?

      1. Hey man, that pet registry really helped out in Twin Peaks, remember?

  3. "Kenney's legislation would increase the fine for riding on the sidewalk from $10 to $300, increase the fine for riding with headphones from $3 to $300 and require that people on bicycles without brakes face a $1,000 fine or confiscation."

    "DiCicco's bill would require registration of all bicycles owned by persons 12 and older. DiCicco said that under his proposed legislation - which he said would make it easier to track bikes involved in accidents - the Police Department would handle registration, which would cost $20."

    Fuck both of these clowns.

    The first one is just a plain and simple money grab and the second one seems so damn commie.

    1. These are really stupid laws...

    2. ""DiCicco's bill would require registration of all bicycles owned by persons 12 and older."

      Man, that eleven and under lobby is more powerful than I ever imagined.

  4. Why do Philadelphia politicians hate poor people?

  5. Bike riders have complained and complained and complained that they should be treated as no different than cars. And now they complain when that happens.

    Maybe they just like complaining.

    1. +1. Although bike riders being such dousches aside, it is a pretty outragous and stupid law.

      1. I agree. Although, in principle I'm not too upset about the headphones fine. I hit some dumbass on a bike blaring Ani Defranco, it will still be my fault because of my gas-guzzling eco-terrorist Honda CRV.

        And I can't really scream too much about the sidewalks either. Quintuple the fine if there's a bike lane carved out at the expense of car traffic flow running parallel to sidewalk.

        1. He deserved far worse for listening to Ani Defranco.

        2. No always - sometimes the bikes are at fault, and if you have a witness to a cyclists douche-baggery, you can usually win. Of course, you do have to know which laws he/she broke.

          Cyclists themselves are often ignorant of their responsibilities on the road. They're jailhouse lawyers when they get hurt, but often silent when they have to admit culpability for accidents.

          1. I know several bikers who swear that the rules of the road don't apply to bikes. No kidding. Not, they shouldn't or in practice don't apply. No, they think as a legal question they don't apply.

            1. It varies from state to state. Idaho has different rule for cyclists concerning red lights and stop signs iIRC.

            2. As do I, John. In NJ cyclists abuse the rules of the road all the time and then wonder why cars beep and drivers throw stuff at them.

              I took a great course in road rules and safety at Lehigh U a while back. I'm not sure if its still offered, but I always suggest it to people who ride.

              In NJ, bikes do have to stop at stop signs and red lights, and believe it or not, get into the left lane if making a left turn, and use signals whenever they are turning or stopping. Two or three (or more) abreast riding is prohibited unless the shoulder is wide enough to accommodate you, etc. Yet, sadly, I see so many riders abuse the use of roads and then grumble and shake fists at those who dare to remind them of their responsibility.

    2. I'd complain too if I had a hard, phallic-shaped seat cutting of circulation to my genitals and trying to worm its way up my ass.

      I expect to be well paid for things like that.

      1. Maybe they just like testicle torture... you seen those pants they wear?

      2. Who normally pays you, Kyle? You know, just curious.

        1. No one yet...


          (Fuck the spam or whatever filter)

          1. YouTube money stream hasn't really been worked out yet. When it is, Kyle will make a lot of cash filming himself asking his scrotum tough questions.

    3. Seriously, fuck bike riders - those having it both ways, red light running assholes.

    4. Yeah, bike riders are a homogeneous group that all have the same attitude and opinions about everything related to bicycling.

      1. For a magazine called reason, we sure take an unreasonable view of bikes, amirite amirite?

  6. China has intellectual property laws?

    1. For other people I guess

      1. Oh, clever. We should do that!

        Back when I was an academic, I made a presentation at an IP conference on copyright and the Internet (that newfangled thing it was) and mentioned that the U.S. was the home of copyright piracy in the 19th century. There's a story that Dickens could only make money on U.S. sales by negotiating with the pirate presses for first sale rights. Everything else was sold without compensation to him.

  7. Yo, fuck all y'all anti-bikists. Having it both ways is awesome.

    1. Having it both ways is awesome.

      Does your wife know? Do you use protection?

  8. Their tears are yummy and sweet:

    Obama Has Failed the World on Climate Change

  9. Xeones
    Bikes are for sissy boys.

    Don't you live in Mississippi? I thought everyone used horse and buggies down there anyways 😉

    1. Geeeeeeez. Horses are elitist. Mules are what the sensible folk are riding.

      1. How about an ox-cart?

        1. Negatory on that as well. The view keeps the average Mississippi male too, ermm, inflamed.

    2. Why all the hating on bicyclists? I ride for fun and excersize on my city's bike paths. Don't equate me with those assholes dressed like insects riding two abreast so no cars can pass them. When I encounter that, I pull up just behind them and then lock up the breaks on my pickup truck. Scares the hell out of them.

      1. Government funded cit bike paths

        1. Well they are fucking there. Are you saying that we should eschew everything the government has a hand in? That would include beer, you know.

          1. Should have added a sarcasm tag

  10. I got a ticket stuck to my bike on campus in college. I had illegally chained it in front of a building, evidently.

    It said $20 and where to pay and everything. I assume someone is still checking the mailbox every day.

    1. Thus the logic for registration.

      1. I am a menace and must be stopped.

        1. You're a revenue stream terrorist.

          It wasn't UK, was it? Oh, that's right... you got a ticket. Here the grounds keepers cut the bike free and sell it to a chop shop.

          1. It was UK, the building just across the alley from Donovan, IIRC. The bike was ancient, which is probably why it wasn't commandeered.

  11. Who the hell would ride a bike with no brakes anyways? WTF, do they use Flinstone brakes whenever they want to stop?

    1. You know, there are days I'd accept Flintstone levels of technology if I could get a serving of ribs that large.

      1. And a little Betty Rubble action...

        1. Bam, bam, BAM!

          It's odd to think back and remember that Emeril was a child star.

      2. Oh. Hell. Yes!

        And a Wilma for dessert with Betty on the side is a great option too.

        And Pebbles, once she's older.

        1. Judy Jetson would be a fucking tiger in the zero g sack.

          1. Good call.

            And the oh hell yes comment was for the ribs. Makes me hungry.

            Gotta say though, I still have a soft, or rather, hard spot for Daphne from Scooby Doo.

            1. She might be some disturbed poontang. She has spent years in a van with a dyke, a hallucinating hippie, and a clearly gay guy who she thinks is her boyfriend.

              Throw a shot or two at her, but don't try and date her. Bunny boiler all the way.

              1. Penelope Pitstop always got my motor runnin. VROOOOOOOM!

              2. She's crazy no matter what. She's an Irish redhead. Which probably explains why I like her.

                Dated a true Irish, not Irish-American, redhead once. It was the single most exhilarating and at the same time, terrifying experience one can imagine.

                Within the same sentence, the gamut was run from wonderfully loving to dirty flirt to "holy shit put down the knife!" Good times.

                1. Hey! I'm German-Irish, I'll have you know! And I completely agree!

  12. There has been a large increase in the number of car vs bicycle accidents in Boise, Id in the last few months. There is a growing public outcry to not only license the bicycles with visible license plates, but for cyclists to carry mandatory liability insurance.

  13. Slightly off topic, but if you get a chance, check out Parking Wars on A & E about the Philadelphia Parking Authority.

  14. Apropos of nothing, this is awesome (music is probably shitty - I was listening to something else) and NSFW:



  15. Bikes are for sissy boys.

    My bike chain + your face = otherwise. Strike one.

    Don't you live in Mississippi?

    Nope, just south of you in the Old Dominion. Did you really get me confused with Naga? That's strike two.

  16. When I lived in Philly it was my observation that most bike riders were people who couldn't afford cars or UPenn students, not yuppies with their yellow shirts and LiveStrong wristbands. But then again, I lived in the hood. YMMV.

    I imagine Scalia's "professional" Philly cops will resort to different tactics than suburbanites would encounter.

      1. Looks like a couple of them got arrested. Hopefully, the rest will get shot.

  17. A fancy horsey academy becomes a secret CIA torture lair.

    Jesus fucking christ. Is there a word for how you feel when you find out your country is being run by the bad guys from the Bond films?

    1. And who knew Cheney was such an OWK fan?

  18. OK, off-topic...

    My wife has a fair bit of money set aside to build up a reading collection of graphic novels, science fiction, and fantasy.

    I've taken care of the graphic novels and science fiction, but I don't like fantasy as a genre and haven't read much of it.

    Recommendations please. Rules: Undergrad students. In-print only, hardbacks preferred. All fantasy genres: heroic, epic, dark, urban. And Pratchett and George R. R. Martin are taken care of.

    1. The Wheel of Time series is fantastic. Every page is an explosion of action and tightly-wound prose. My only quibble is that Robert Jordan's obsessive pursuit of brevity tends to leave some plot angles unpursued.

      1. And he never mentions what sort of dreesses they wear!

      2. Pity he died before completing the twelfth novel.

        I lost interest after the Path of Daggers. The story arc was getting painfully long in its trajectory and the plot intricacies and loose ends were making me nuts.

      3. Fuck. You.

        1. Is your worst nightmare a Robert Jordan book made into a movie by Michael Bay?

    2. Terry Goodkind's Sword of Truth series is decidedly Randian, if you're looking to have some fantasy fun along with a healthy dose of Objectivist philosophy thrown in.

        1. sadomasochistic rape porn.

          those Mord-Sith and their agiels are the stuff of domination dreams

          not to mention all the well-turned ankles and ample bosoms those Sisters of the Light possessed in abundance

  19. Taxi regulation brings forth corruption. In Washington, DC.

    I'm totally flabbergasted.

    Pointless observation: Isn't ramming into people on the sidewalk with your bicycle already against the law?

  20. What?! No government testing of your ability to ride that bicycle?!

  21. I gotta pass out for awhile. Somebody bang on the wall when today's dose of Palin is served up. Thanks, ben

  22. If we bike commuters obeyed every law 100% of the time, I can assure you the complaints about cyclists would at least double, given that every trip you cagers make would take an extra 10 minutes.

  23. Having it both ways is awesome.

    Does your wife know? Do you use protection?


  24. The Church of Oprah

    Snicker all you want, but no less an eminence than CNN's Wolf Blitzer just called Oprah's decision to end her network show in two years "a stunning move." There were graphics to support this bold assertion. I wasn't before, but now I am duly stunned.

  25. If anyone ever made me register my bike I'd completely flip out. It's NOT a freaking car. It's a bike What's next? Register my pillows?

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