Hillary Clinton

Please, Hillary Clinton: Don't "Make History" on Your Own as President. Just Don't.

If you become president, think less about history and more about restraining the size, scope, and spending of government.

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Although she's running for president, Hillary Clinton is hard to catch up with unless you're a surveillance camera at a Chipotle or a mega-donor to her campaign.

At a fund-raising event in Red Hook, Brooklyn—the very place that H.P. Lovecraft set a story about an unnameable horror—Hillary Clinton was allowed to be overheard saying:

"We're going to make clear, I'm not running for my husband's third term or for President Obama's third term," one person recalled her saying. "I'm running to make history on my own."…

Mrs. Clinton has generally embraced Mr. Obama and his policies, although she is likeliest to seek distance from him on foreign policy. As for Mr. Clinton, whose record she alluded to repeatedly in her 2008 presidential campaign, Mrs. Clinton has rarely mentioned him so far in this race.

Full account of second-hand quotes here.

When it comes to Obama's foreign policy, which she helped design and implement for too many years as Secretary or State, she really does needs to explain how hers will be different. This is especially pressing because no matter how shitty things have been for the past 15 years under Republicans and Democrats alike, they can always get worse.

When it comes to her husband's generally successful presidency, she also needs to clarify what pieces she still agrees with and why. Bill Clinton, for instance, had excellent free-trade bona fides, while she is pointedly dithering on supporting the Trans-Pacific Partnership (TPP), which would generally reduce trade barriers about the United States and 11 other countries, most of which are in Asia. Bill Clinton famously supported the North American Free Trade Agreement (NAFTA) over the objections of his own party. Though NAFTA was started under a Republican adminstration, Bill Clinton's support was crucial to its ultimate passage (so too was Al Gore's, whose utter demolition of H. Ross Perot in a debate hosted by Larry King of all people remains a highlight of semi-recent political discourse). It has been a good thing overall, just as freer trade is a good thing overall. Yet Bill Clinton was terrible on foreign policy, dispatching troops more often than Ronald Reagan did; he was terrible on trying to regulate Internet content and put "back doors" into telecom equipment that would allow unfettered government snooping, and much more.

Some free advice to Hillary Clinton: If and when you do become president, try to return the federal government to a common-sense set of rules not restricted to the following.

  • Absent serious, cataclysmic events such as World War II, the government shouldn't spend more than it takes in. And after cataclysmic events end, any increases in spending should be ratcheted down sharply and quickly, as happened after World War II.
  • Reverse your late-1990s position that what's so great about Social Security is that it means baby boomers don't have to take care of their aging parents but can push the cost on to younger, poorer workers. You are now the old people you didn't want to take care of and you and your group of leading-edge boomers are generally rich as hell and should pay for your own damn retirement and elder-health care. Push not for old-age entitlement reform that will continue to bilk unborn generations to maintain an unfair and inefficient system and instead convert it all to a true safety net for poor people regardless of age.
  • Rather than flip-flopping on social issues such as gay marriage (you supported your husband's awful Defense of Marriage Act and Don't Ask Don't Tell policy as First Lady), just flat-out say that what consenting adults do amongst themselves is nobody's business, least of all the state's.
  • Stop attacking Edward Snowden and pretending that the story is about him and his motivations rather than the massive and unconstitutional surveillance programs he revealed and you seem to endorse.
  • Reject Barack Obama's (and your own) foreign policy, which has been nothing less than disastrous and basically just a continuation of interventionist Republican folly. And don't be like your husband, whose foreign policy was more promiscuous than his White House sex life (Bill dispatched troops into fighting situations twice as many times as Ronnie Raygun).
  • And for god's sake, go off your meds for a few minutes, clean your head, and stop talking total, obvious horseshit about the war on drugs, like the time you said (and have since repeated), "We can't legalize drugs, there's too much money in it!" Weren't you a National Merit scholar or something back in the early 1960s? Start thinking like one.

But most of all, Madame Clinton:

  • Please don't try to "make history," on your terms or anybody else's. 

We need less "history making" from presidents and politicians in general. When muckety-mucks like you "make history," it's usually the rest of us who suffer. Whether it's dying in great patriotic wars to make the world safe for democracy or small, supposedly easy-to-contain regional conflagrations to stop awful crimes, things rarely work out as planned and often cause more problems than they solve. Passing massive new entitlements and regulatory schemes at home have a funny and predictable way of killing economic growth and screwing the young out of a future that was once so bright they were gonna have to wear shades. Attempts to enforce social, cultural, and economic equality routinely end up advancing only the interests of the groups controlling the doling out of favors.

In fact, what's great about America is that it is millions of individuals who get to "make history" however the fuck they want to. They might start a business that revolutionizes the transportation or computer industry, or they might teach poor kids or spend their time finding their own bliss in an art studio in their basement. But the point is that unlike the fiefdoms of old Europe and the would-be empires of the Middle East and Asia, America has at its best decentralized history making to its individual inhabitants. We do best when government at levels stops trying to regiment us into some version of the good life and instead creates a simple framework for us to have maximum freedom to pursue our own passion projects (i.e., our lives).

You get the picture. If you become president, think less about history and what you can do to restrain the size, scope, and spending of government which has metastisized since your husband left office, very little of of it for the good of America much less humanity. Channel the humility with which George W. Bush entered office but keep it real rather than embarking on some epic road trip of history-making that will inevitably be only slightly less hallucinatory, ruinous, and unreadable for future generations than the one undertaken by Raoul Duke and Dr. Gonzo in Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.

NEXT: More Hillary Clinton Scandal, No Bullet Hit Speeding Amtrak Train, EU to Respond Militarily to Illegal Immigration Across Mediterranean: A.M. Links

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  1. “The libertarian case for Hillary Clinton”

    1. I don’t see the point of expecting H.R. Clinton to be anything but a Bismarckian Welfare-statist / social democrat at best. That is probably what she actually believes in: a powerful state with a powerful military able to play imperial war games around the world, while the home-front working class and poor receive enough regulated goodies to keep them quiet, and nothing is done to disturb the more somnolent rich. The huge surveillance apparatus goes along perfectly with the overall bourgeois notion of security through bureaucratic command and control; she’s not going to get rid of it. Therefore, such as Snowden and Assange must continue in their role as exiled devils.

      The main thing, though, is The War. You won’t be allowed to vote against that.

  2. Have we heard anything more from her on her sudden revelation on criminal justice reform? Her campaign is going to be a hodgepodge of things she thinks will resonate with whatever crowd she’s currently screeching at, and then dropped as she moves to the next crowd.

    1. Of course not. She’s been hiding from reporters ever since she had to refile several years worth of tax returns to claim that foreign revenue she failed to report previously.

      She’s just hoping everyone forgets about her until it’s time to vote so she can coast on her last name.

  3. I don’t think you understand what being President is really about, Nick.

    1. Then, during the third reconciliation of the last of the McKetrick supplicants, they chose a new form for him: that of a giant Slor! Many Shuvs and Zuuls knew what it was to be roasted in the depths of the Slor that day, I can tell you!

      1. Nice.

  4. Absent serious, cataclysmic events such as World War II, the government shouldn’t spend more than it takes in.

    Are you trying to goad her into starting WW3?

    1. No need. Sheesh, what do you think she means by “make history”?

      1. i think she meant to say “make herstory”.

  5. “I’m running to make history on my own.”

    That left me feeling… queasy.

    1. Being a woman, I think she actually said hysteria.

  6. Please don’t try to “make history,” on your terms or anybody else’s.

    But…but…it’s her turn! You just hate strong wymen, don’t you?

  7. Some free advice to Hillary Clinton: If and when you do become president, try to return the federal government to a common-sense set of rules

    Nick, Nick — You have to *pay* her to listen to your advice.

    1. Technically, you pay her charitable foundation.

      1. Just leave the “pay to” line on your check blank. She’ll fill it in. Actually, you’ll probably get more of her attention if you leave the amount blank, too.

  8. If you become president, think less about history and more about restraining the size, scope, and spending of government.

    “Restraining government? I don’t know what that means. No, seriously. I don’t. Can you explain that for me?”
    /Hillary

  9. Sounds like Nick’s gettin’ Ready For Hillary!

    1. Let’s just hope that Hillary’s presidency does more for the fake “War on Women” than Obama’s presidency did for race relations.

      1. Obama’s presidency has proven that America isn’t a racist country. His election and subsequent re-election has absolved us of America’s original sin of slavery. Sure there may be individual racists, or acts of racism by groups or institutions – but we are no longer a racist country. From here on out, any acts of racism are to be dealt with on an individual basis and not treated as part of a systemic “America is a racist country” problem.

        1. Racist!

        2. Obama’s presidency has proven that America isn’t a racist country.

          Well, at least it wasn’t, until some nigger became president and fucked everything up worse than any president since Woodrow Wilson.

    2. gettin’ Ready For Hillary!

      Somebody is about to get pegged.

  10. Nominate or incarcerate? You make the call!

    1. *** sets alarm for 3AM ***

      1. That’s when I’d send the cops to arrest her. You know, just to keep it all light and humorous.

  11. If you become president, think less about history and more about restraining the size, scope, and spending of government.

    It would be truly historical if any President were to restrain size, scope, and spending of government. It would be spectacularly historical if her initials were HRC.

    1. It’s possible. She could get elected, then abducted by libertarian aliens who replace her brain with that of a libertarian computer.

      It’s possible.

      1. Or she could face a hostile, Republican Congress like her husband did.

        1. And she’d be as good at compromise as BO, without the smooth delivery and a slightly more hostile press corps(e).

          Hillary’s presidential legacy might well go down as the world’s largest dumpster fire.

  12. Hillary is hiding from the anti-trade Emo-Progs (led by the Squaw) on Obama’s free trade agenda.

    No courage, no conviction other than furthering her political career.

    1. BUUTTPPPLLLUUUGG

  13. “… the Trans-Pacific Partnership (TPP), which would generally reduce trade barriers…”

    Has it been unveiled yet? I keep seeing this claim here. What I don’t see is any citation to back it up.

    1. It won’t be publicly unveiled until there is a final version fast tracked.

      Congress has it.

      1. BBUUUUUTTPPPLLLLUUUUUGG

      2. Most.Transparent.Administration.Ever.

      3. Pelosi’s Legacy… “We need to pass it so we can see what’s in it…”

        Trust me on this: If the US electorate is stupid enough to put O in the WH Twice, it’s dumb enough to put Hillary there, too.

        “It’s time for a black president” is at least as dumb as “It’s time for a woman president.” on ALL levels.

        The electorate has no concept of ‘hiring’ anyone with appropriate skills, attitudes or managerial experience for that kind of job…

        And the Major Parties don’t have any candidates WITH those attributes, either!

        Bottom Line: We’re all fucked.
        Try to enjoy what’s left of life in the US.

  14. Weren’t you a National Merit scholar or something back in the early 1960s? Start thinking like one.

    Hillary was reportedly a National Merit Finalist.

    the National Merit Scholarship Program, which is open to all students who meet entry requirements, and the National Achievement Scholarship Program (est. 1964) in which only African American students participate.

    Barack Obama didn’t even qualify as an Achievement Scholar

    1. Sure, when you have to use actual numbers.

    2. He’s only half black.

  15. [S]top talking total, obvious horseshit about the war on drugs, like the time you said … “We can’t legalize drugs, there’s too much money in it!”

    That’s not typical Clintonian equine manure.

    Unlike pretty much everything else uttered by a Clinton, it is a 100% true statement, depending upon what the word “can” means.

    The WoD has too many moneyed and politically influential beneficiaries — drug dealers, of course, and the recipients of their graft at every stage of production, transportation, and distribution, but also lawyers, cops, prosecutors, jailers, private prisons, and addiction therapists whose livelihoods depend on the WoD, and liquor and pharmaceutical companies whose business could suffer from the competition if the WoD were to end. Not to mention rap and hip-hop artists who exert significant cultural influence. Maybe even more important, the extraordinary profitability of the illegal drug trade has been a major source of funding for the off-books adventures of the CIA in Southeast Asia, Latin America, and Afghanistan, etc.

    With so many beneficiaries of the WoD able to bring money and political influence to bear, HRC’s statement is 100% true when we interpret “can” to mean “politically possible without losing the election”. You can bet that is exactly how HRC interprets the word “can”. After reading her statement in context, I have no idea what she actually meant by her “too much money in it” comment.

  16. Push not for old-age entitlement reform that will continue to bilk unborn generations to maintain an unfair and inefficient system and instead convert it all to a true safety net for poor people regardless of age.

    Won’t ever happen. When progressives talk about safety nets for the poor, they’re just using the poor as human shields for their own self-interest. They want safety nets for themselves, and the last thing they want is to be disqualified because of income. Therefore, they’ll never go for that, and will whine and scream that you want the poor to go hungry, even while you want the poor to be taken care of.

    It’s just how they try to save face while whining for their own slice of government cheese.

  17. Most Corrupt President EVER.

    1. And she hasn’t even been elected yet!

      1. But she has a shot at most corrupt candidate ever. If Hillary Clinton had driven drunk off the Chappaquiddick Bridge with a campaign aide she was banging and let her drown, she wouldn’t have let that derail her presidential campaign. She’d just blame the giant right-wing conspiracy of women haters.

  18. I, too, have some advice for Hillary Clinton:

    1. Turn yourself in.
    2. Pen a confession of every illegal and unethical thing you have ever done while in or near public office.
    3. Plead guilty to all charges.
    4. Spend your time in prison contemplating the good rather than the evil you’ve spent your life committing.
    5. Write a book, dedicated to your daughter, confessing your crimes, renouncing evil, and joining a convent.

    1. 6. We’ll let you live*

      *will we, though?

      1. That’s not up to you and me but those who sentence her. And the mobs clamoring for revenge when if and when she gets out.

        1. As a side note, I’m a proponent of vigilante justice.

  19. But most of all, Madame Clinton:

    Fuck you. Cut spending.

    1. While I agree, she’s hardly the person to send these messages to. How about urging her to drop out of the race, since America can’t afford yet more jefe-like corruption?

      1. Given those two impossible options, I choose to tell her to cut spending otherwise fuck off, not necessarily in that order.

  20. Shorter article – “Hillary, stop being you.”

    1. This. I don’t know why Nick even bothered because she won’t take a single one of his suggestions.

      1. I swear that I remember reading stuff like this (not necessarily here), wishing features unto Obama that he clearly didn’t have even before he took office in 2009.

        1. Yup. And I feel like they’re buttering us up for half the staff to announce they’ll vote for her.

          *shudder*

          1. I don’t believe that, but I do wish they’d take off the Washington goggles that are an occupational hazard of political reporting and realize just how bad this candidate really is. Taking her seriously and not mocking her and calling for her to be prosecuted just provides yet more cover for a massively corrupt system.

          2. Initially I read this as “half staff”, like the nation would be in mourning…

            1. Semi-erect.

              1. You leave Bill out of this.

  21. You know who else had a megalomaniacal desire to make history?

    1. Hitler? Nearly killed’er!

    2. Renowned theatrical director Roger Du Bris?

    3. There are too many answers to list them all here.

  22. At a fund-raising event in Red Hook, Brooklyn?the very place that H.P. Lovecraft set a story about an unnameable horror?

    Noted Dylanologist Michael Moynihan would know the correct reference here

    Born in Red Hook, Brooklyn…In the year of who knows when…

  23. Nick’s gone full retard if he has any expectations at all from Hillary.

    I mean, fuck, if she won’t even blow the President of the United Goddamn States, what the fuck makes you think she’ll do anything for -anyone- but herself?

  24. I like Nick. I really do. But this begging and groveling is unbecoming. Show some dignity.

    1. How about we just boycott the candidates that aren’t worth a shit? Sure, I’d run actual news, like each week’s scandal that should result in charges but won’t, but otherwise, I’d just ignore these awful, awful people. Taking her seriously just because the media and the party are inexplicably doing so just lends credibility where none exists.

      1. Boycotts are effective!

        /sic

        1. Why treat these idiots seriously? Why not just spend your time mocking the whole business? Come on, an unindicted criminal is the only possible candidate? An openly corrupt and incompetent person is treated more seriously than Vermin Supreme? WTF?

        2. My buddy’s mother makes $75 every hour on the laptop . She has been laid off for seven months but last month her pay check was $18875 just working on the laptop for a few hours.
          Look At This. ???? http://www.jobsfish.com

          1. I’d vote for your buddy’s mother, the internet whore, before I’d piss on a burning Hillary.

            1. I’d mostly be scared that just the soot from the flames of that fire might prevent me from ever getting an erection ever again.

  25. “restraining the size, scope, and spending of government.”

    Restrain government!? We can’t restrain government, there’s too much money in it.
    /Hillary

  26. Restraining the size, scope, and spending of government is literally your solution to everything. That makes it a dogmatic belief unworthy of serious consideration. Sometimes government should do less, sometimes more, depending on the issue.

    1. Oh please. Just because folks put in fancy suits, it doesn’t grant them magical knowledge of things. You fawn over Hillary, yet you wouldn’t call her to work on your heating system, pave your driveway, defend you, or your home, or provide you with virus protection, and protect your computer files. Yet when she puts on her pantsuit, she magically knows how to provide these things, and even select people to do them too.

      Government can not provide services more efficiently than free individuals in the market. History ( if you would bother to read anything about it) has shown a free people and free markets are capable of economizing and delivering products and services that are more effective and efficient.

      Why don’t you give us some examples of government shipbuilding that was more efficient than the private sector. Why not show us how the gov’t getting involved in the railroads resulted in cheaper prices and more efficient service than private companies could deliver at even the start of the railroads in this country. Tell us how the gov’t’s increased involvement in healthcare has resulted in cheaper care, or gov’t involvement in real estate resulted in cheaper homes.

      Also, tell us how gov’t and central banks have maintained or even increased the purchasing power of the dollar which benefit all who hold such media of exchange.

      1. You are not compassionate, and are shielded from the consequences of having your desires implemented. That is why you parrot the same nonsense that is detrimental to individuals and their voices, choices and ability to participate in the market. You don’t have to put up your belongings, or capital to start the program’s you parrot, as its robbed by politicians who are backed by standing armies.

    2. Sometimes government should do less, sometimes more, depending on the issue.

      Oh my fucking god, Tony and I agree on something!

      Government should do more shrinking and less everything else.

  27. Nathaniel . although Stephanie `s rep0rt is super… I just bought a top of the range Mercedes sincee geting a check for $4416 this last four weeks and would you believe, ten/k last-month . no-doubt about it, this really is the best-job I’ve ever done . I actually started seven months/ago and almost straight away started making a nice over $79.. p/h….. ?????? http://www.netcash9.com

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