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Politics

On The Independents: Penn Jillette and Thomas Massie! Also Dick Cheney's Torture, Cromnibust, Smith Apology, Trigger-shy SNL, and More

Matt Welch | 12.10.2014 8:25 PM

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Tonight on a live Wednesday episode of The Independents (Fox Business Network, 9 p.m. ET, 6 p.m. PT, repeats three hours later) you will see two libertarian faves: Renaissance man Penn Jillette, who will try to make sense of our post-Ferguson/Garner universe, and superstar Rep. Thomas Massie (R-Kentucky), who will talk about Jonathan Gruber and hopefully his backdoor surveillance bill.

Speaking of the Cromnibus, Party Panelists Will Rahn (Daily Beast senior editor) and K.T. McFarland (former Reagan-administration deputy defense secretary) will measure the steam on that pile, plus react to Darth Cheney's latest comments about the Torture Report. The duo will also discuss the Smith College apology and the Ferguson skit that's too hot for SNL.

Heroes of Freedom is back, Tropical Storm will include the best heavy metal Christmas song you've heard yet, and I'll talk about what Cromnibus is doing to legal pot.

Follow The Independents on Facebook at facebook.com/IndependentsFBN, follow on Twitter @ independentsFBN, hashtag us at #TheIndependents, and click on this page for more video of past segments.

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NEXT: Rolling Stone's UVA Rape Story Just Took Another Massive Hit

Matt Welch is an editor at large at Reason.

PoliticsThe IndependentsWorldWar on DrugsCultureCivil LibertiesPolicyEconomicsGovernment SpendingSequestrationTortureCentral Intelligence AgencyDick CheneyThomas MassieRaceEric GarnerFergusonMarijuana
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  1. Derpetologist   10 years ago

    Today I replaced a wheel that came off a heavy cart. The total load was about 700 pounds. I used a pallet jack and a block of wood to lift the cart just enough to slide the wheel & shaft back in and replace the nut that came off.

    It was the most productive I have felt in my job in several months.

    In other news, I have found a hilariously contemptible prog:

    http://robertlindsay.wordpress.com/about/

    His Why You Don't Want to be a Genius whine-icle had me gasping for breath.

    1. Agile Cyborg   10 years ago

      Ask a sweet woman to sit on your face for 5. Shit is going down in the UK.

    2. GILMORE   10 years ago

      Robert Lindsay on HimSelfness =
      "Personally, I have been described as "otherworldly," "beyond highbrow," "one of those totally out to lunch genius types," and "off in my own world." I have a very high IQ (tested at 147), "

      MMm, really? How droll. Let us commence upon a sampling of your intellectual buffet....

      .... euh. oh. i see. mmm.

      Summary = Loves Putin, Obsessed with Gay, and doesn't like ghetto-rappin' blackaroons with their slang talk.

      'Even some of the ghetto types are ok (especially the young women) but they have this "ghettoness" about them that bothers me for some reason.

      There are also some older Blacks who are not ghetto, but they are not really assimilated either. I am not sure how to describe them, but I know people who would call them "real Blacks." Real Blacks as opposed to what these types call "White Blacks." Honestly there is nothing really wrong with them except they are not that smart, and their culture appears somewhat degraded to me. They remind me of the sort of more traditional, well behaved, working class Blacks you might find in a lot of the South. A lot of them are very religious and have strong accents.'

      Yeah, this dude is a real feast of Big Brain insightz.

      1. Rufus J. Firefly   10 years ago

        He's an idiot. Him and his 147 IQ points.

    3. Rufus J. Firefly   10 years ago

      What an intolerant asshole that guy is.

      1. Mock-star   10 years ago

        Yeah, the racism and deliberate culture ignorance is rampant with this guy.

        "Whatever, Sikh, Hindu, they're all towelheads to me. Banning you Turban Boy."

        What a genius!

    4. Irish   10 years ago

      Independent Left journalist in California. Aging rou?, lumpen trustafarian in a shackteau, slumming it up in the barrio. Revolutionary, patriotic Leftist, Christian, liberation theology, replacement theology.

      Education: BA Journalism (California State University, Long Beach, 1980), MA Linguistics (California State University, Fresno, 1994).

      Politics: Green Party, Communist Party USA, Democratic Party.

      Personally, I have been described as "otherworldly," "beyond highbrow," "one of those totally out to lunch genius types," and "off in my own world." I have a very high IQ (tested at 147), and I'm told that a lot of high-IQ folks are like this. There doesn't seem to be much I can do about it, but it does cause me problems.

      Generally, topics are focused through a progressive yet heterodox lens.

      Holy mother of God.

    5. Derpetologist   10 years ago

      I'm telling you, it is a treasure trove.
      It is like the Cave of Wonders from Aladdin, but with derp instead of treasure!

      My favorite part so far is his angry denunciations of PC censorship, which are immediately followed by bans on people who post comments offensive to him.

      1. Irish   10 years ago

        From an article of his about bisexualism:

        Cisco writes:

        If a "straight guy's" cock can get hard for a guy, he's bisexual. Simple as that. I guess I'll never find out if I'm bisexual though because I have no plans to be naked with another man ever.

        If a guy's cock can get hard for a cored-out melon, then that means that melons turn him on and his sexual orientation is Melonfucker? That doesn't make sense because men will screw anything. They don't even have to get turned on by something to fuck it. Where there's a hole, there's a way. A pole wants a hole and could care less what it's attached to.

        The sort of brilliance you can expect from a man with a 147 IQ.

    6. Irish   10 years ago

      I have been called a liberal race realist. Liberal race realism has been described as "a dash of race realism, positive White racial identity, the leftist view of American history, anti-racism, and a base of liberalism."

      So you're a racist but because you're also a mindless progressive you pretend that you're not.

      1. Heroic Mulatto   10 years ago

        He's actually smart enough to be an honest progressive, though. Or he just likes retro. Maybe he's a steampunk aficionado too.

        1. Rufus J. Firefly   10 years ago

          He's still a clown. Anyone with an alleged high IQ willing to ban people for their views is menacing to freedom. Imagine him with the guns.

          Fuck him hard.

          1. Heroic Mulatto   10 years ago

            No doubt.

    7. Derpetologist   10 years ago

      And don't forget to read his side-splitting comment policy:

      link

    8. Irish   10 years ago

      Thoughts on libertarians:

      I really dislike US Republicans and Libertarians. I would include Thatcherites and the Latin American Right. Can't stand them one bit. I will say though that most US rightwingers tend to leave me alone though and don't pick fights with me. The only rightwingers who fight me are Bigfooters. What I dislike about the US Right is their agenda, which is a clear and present danger. US rightwingers are simply the enemy, pure and simple. As far as human beings go, they are often surprisingly pleasant. It is hard to figure how such nice people can believe in something so toxic.

      Thoughts on fucking Nazis:

      I am also not real wild about fascists, and I am not crazy about hardcore White racists, although I do have a couple of friends like that. I do not like Hindutvadi Hindu nationalist types. Not too wild about most Afrocentrists. They are very hard to get along with. Radical Muslims are not ok. Turkish nationalists are scum, and so are Spanish fascists. Japanese nationalists are stupid and wicked. I don't like Nazis of any kind. I do not like Super-Jews much either. I really hate hardline Israelis and pro-Israeli types (hardline Zionists or the Hasbara crowd). I utterly despise them.

      LIBERTARIANS ARE THE ENEMY EVIL EVIL EVIL!

      Eh, I'm not a huge fan of Nazis, but I've got some Nazi friends.

      This is called 'a flawed perspective.'

      1. Rufus J. Firefly   10 years ago

        As I just wrote above.

        He's a motherfucking asshole of the highest order and it's painfully clear.

    9. widget   10 years ago

      Thanks for the link, Derp. I kind of enjoyed that.

      Drilling further down.

      http://robertlindsay.wordpress.....interview/

      I was wondering why people always insist that I am gay.

      It's Elton John eyeglasses, Robert. Occam's Razor and a 147 IQ often pass each other like ships in the night.

    10. BigT   10 years ago

      "Today I replaced a wheel that came off a heavy cart. The total load was about 700 pounds. I used a pallet jack and a block of wood to lift the cart just enough to slide the wheel & shaft back in and replace the nut that came off."

      No "Jackass" video? I am disappoint.

      1. Derpetologist   10 years ago

        I didn't see it break. I saw it leaning and upon closer inspection saw it was missing a wheel.

  2. Smilin' Joe Fission   10 years ago

    The Independents Heroes of Freedom list:

    25: Frederic Bastiat
    24: Frank Zappa
    23: South Park
    22: Stephen Johnson Field
    21: Peter Gibbons
    20: William Wallace

    Apparently this "list" will continue at 9 p.m. tonight. But from this little preview I really don't care. When Bastiat is number 25 and is beaten by South Park and William Wallace, this list has no merit.

    1. Derpetologist   10 years ago

      Just be happy he's on the list. I'm sure Kennedy's response to the name was "Bastiat? Who's that?"

      1. Bobarian (Mr. Xtreme)   10 years ago

        Bastiat would never call me 'sugar-tits'.

        -1

      2. Agile Cyborg   10 years ago

        Someone should die for inserting South Park.

    2. Rufus J. Firefly   10 years ago

      William Wallace is a curious choice.

      1. GILMORE   10 years ago

        pop kulture for the kiddies

    3. Irish   10 years ago

      Is...is Peter Gibbons the fictional character from Office Space?

      1. Bobarian (Mr. Xtreme)   10 years ago

        yes

  3. Bobarian (Mr. Xtreme)   10 years ago

    Live? On a Wednesday? WTF?

    I guess this means we're gonna get out hate thrown back at us.

    1. Bobarian (Mr. Xtreme)   10 years ago

      out = our

  4. SusanM   10 years ago

    Kinda OT but I've been wondering: How is it that cop-killer, known survivalist and weapons expert with a known grudge against cops gets taken alive (see Eric Frien) but a shoplifter who tussles with a cop and dumbshit teenager doesn't?

    1. SusanM   10 years ago

      *a shoplifter and dumbshit who tussles with a cop teenager doesn't?

      1. SusanM   10 years ago

        and dumbshit teenager

        Don't drink and comment, kids.

        1. Derpetologist   10 years ago

          Too late. Although I suppose PBR does not really count as beer.

          1. SusanM   10 years ago

            Eh, if you can't walk straight afterwards it's good enough.

            1. Derpetologist   10 years ago

              The week of the 2012 election, I bought a 30 can cube of PBR. I finished it after Election Day. I prefer to drink in Pythagorean triples so I drank 5 the day before, 12 on Election Day, and 13 the day after.

              With 12 packs, I usually drink in a 3, 4, 5 pattern.

              1. Bobarian (Mr. Xtreme)   10 years ago

                Why do I picture you drinking them like Beldar Conehead?

                1. Derpetologist   10 years ago

                  I pounded two of them right before voting.

                  I was living in Chicago and my polling place was a 3 minute walk away.

                2. Derpetologist   10 years ago

                  I wish.

                  http://youtu.be/uv8Y6OXZYWA?t=1m12s

              2. gaoxiaen   10 years ago

                That's how I do double shots of tequila. Then I wake up with dinner and broken china scattered all over the floor. But I don't shit the bed very often.

          2. Libertarian   10 years ago

            I've heard that 4 our of 5 PBR drinkers prefer beer.

          3. Agile Cyborg   10 years ago

            PBR is dildo grease.

            1. SIV   10 years ago

              Is that what your mom uses it for?

              https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4N3iVHxP8FQ

        2. GILMORE   10 years ago

          "SusanM|12.10.14 @ 8:37PM|#

          Don't drink and comment, kids."

          Awww?

      2. Bobarian (Mr. Xtreme)   10 years ago

        Standard answer: They weren't trained properly?

    2. Derpetologist   10 years ago

      There is a chart making the rounds on Derpbook that contrasts various white killers taken alive vs. various non-murdering black criminals being shot dead.

      It is very unusual for multi-cop killers to be taken alive.

    3. Heroic Mulatto   10 years ago

      How is it that cop-killer, known survivalist and weapons expert with a known grudge against cops gets taken alive (see Eric Frien)

      Professional courtesy?

    4. JeremyR   10 years ago

      Because he surrendered immediately, that's why.

      While it was a terrible shooting, both the guy in Walmart and the 12 year old (I really hope by teenager you don't mean Brown) didn't immediately drop their toy guns.

      1. Bobarian (Mr. Xtreme)   10 years ago

        The 12 yr. old didn't have time to drop anything

      2. Agile Cyborg   10 years ago

        Suck my cock you fucking parasite... The boy in Cleveland was shot by a goddamn brain-dead subhuman and no amount of surrendering would've helped.

        Are you white, fat, and horrible or what?

        1. The Laconic   10 years ago

          Danger: Agile Cyborg is into Grandpa's old cough medicine again.

          1. Bobarian (Mr. Xtreme)   10 years ago

            Man, I wish I had some of that.

      3. Fluffy   10 years ago

        I thought the guy in Wal-Mart was shot without warning by a cop he couldn't have seen.

  5. Derpetologist   10 years ago

    Here is some refreshing anti-derp:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SPq6_7AFsp4

  6. Derpetologist   10 years ago

    Yo, Independents!

    Get your asses out here!

  7. Rufus J. Firefly   10 years ago

    Renaissance Man?

    Does he (Penn) fulfill the rules in The Book of the Courtier?

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/T.....e_Courtier

  8. Agile Cyborg   10 years ago

    So, David Cameron has never had a hotty piss in his face? Unreal. If so, he'd fucking clean out the fucking new law banning great sex entertainment.

    WHAT THE FUCK is wrong with the UK?

    1. gaoxiaen   10 years ago

      He needs a Cleveland Steamer.

  9. GILMORE   10 years ago

    I hope Penn juggles Thomas Massie and a chainsaw at the same time

  10. Fist of Etiquette   10 years ago

    Prediction: Hoops

  11. Fist of Etiquette   10 years ago

    After 9/11, how can you wear that jacket, Matt Welch?

  12. GILMORE   10 years ago

    "Will, would you like to step in and have me yell incoherently at *you*?"

  13. Fist of Etiquette   10 years ago

    The two groups here are arguing two different things.

  14. Agile Cyborg   10 years ago

    Libertarian TV and its companion reason.web rehashes all sorts of predictables...

    Is there an edge here in this Orange glow? Or not?

  15. Rufus J. Firefly   10 years ago

    Matt is turning me on.

    1. Fist of Etiquette   10 years ago

      Give him a raise.

      1. Agile Cyborg   10 years ago

        Few minutes short.

        1. Fist of Etiquette   10 years ago

          And a few dollars late.

  16. Fist of Etiquette   10 years ago

    It's passing whether you read it or not. Don't bother reading it, just go with what's in it.

  17. Rufus J. Firefly   10 years ago

    Are there any political movies in the works based in the 1950s? Looks like Matt is a shoe in for a job as an extra.

  18. Fist of Etiquette   10 years ago

    Why are we giving Egypt money? THAT'S OUR STATE DEPARTMENT'S ENTIRE TOOL BOX FOR EGYPT.

    1. Bobarian (Mr. Xtreme)   10 years ago

      Not for nothing, but I believe we actually get some goodwill out of Egypt for our bucks...

      Not nearly enough, though.

  19. Fist of Etiquette   10 years ago

    Uh, how do you think they cobbled together something that could pass? By stuffing it full of bullshit.

  20. Fist of Etiquette   10 years ago

    They're going off to makeout in the green room.

  21. Rufus J. Firefly   10 years ago

    HANS GRUBER!

    1. Bobarian (Mr. Xtreme)   10 years ago

      Yippee-ki-ay, Mother-fucker!

  22. Libertarian   10 years ago

    What a difference 100 years makes in the American male. Compare today's college kids to this guy:

    On Feb. 19, 1916, as workers were digging a new subway line under the East River toward Brooklyn Heights, a burst of compressed air blew 28-year-old Marshall Mabey up through 12 feet of river bed, through the river, and 25 feet into the air atop a geyser of water. Impossibly, he was not seriously injured.

    'The first thing that told me something was wrong,' he related yesterday, 'was when I saw an opening in the earth ahead of the shield which was used to protect the tunnel as we went along. The hole was then about eighteen inches in size. Frank Driver, my partner, and I grabbed hold of a big plank and threw it at the hole to stop it up. I found that the air pressure was pushing me toward the hole, and I tried to save myself by grabbing the air pipes. I missed them, and then I felt myself being pushed into the hole.

    'As I struck the mud it felt as if something was squeezing me tighter than I had ever been squeezed. I was smothered and I guess I lost consciousness. They tell me I was thrown about twenty-five feet above the water when I came out...

    ... he hoped to return to work within a day or two. "Of course I know that Marshall is in danger every time he goes to work," said his wife, "but all work is dangerous and my husband is as careful as he can be. His job is a good one and I am glad he has it."

    http://www.futilitycloset.com/.....express-4/

    1. Agile Cyborg   10 years ago

      All of us shag couch historians have a billion stories... This isn't mission work, man. No one really listens or grows. No matter what this fucking site raises in 9 24's.

    2. The Laconic   10 years ago

      As my brother commented after reflecting on our ancestors who stowed away on a ship to America,

      "We're not men."

      1. Francisco d'Anconia   10 years ago

        We are Devo!

      2. Stampede   10 years ago

        Real men own slaves, burn witches, and beat their wives. If only we could be as sane and sensible as they were in 1788.

        1. WTF   10 years ago

          Fine example of a modern-day pussy showing up to corpse-fuck a dead thread.

  23. Heroic Mulatto   10 years ago

    All interpretation of empirical data is done through a certain theoretical lens based on prior philosophic assumptions. This is Scholarship 101.

    1. Bobarian (Mr. Xtreme)   10 years ago

      All interpretation of empirical data is done through a certain theoretical lens based on prior philosophic assumptions. This is Scholarship 101.

      1. Heroic Mulatto   10 years ago

        True dat.

  24. Rufus J. Firefly   10 years ago

    What about if people like Gruber take their own lives, would we all be better off?

  25. Fist of Etiquette   10 years ago

    I don't think it's fair to impugn utilitarians as all Grubers. Or something like that.

  26. Fist of Etiquette   10 years ago

    She asked him a legit question and he's Grubering the answer big time.

  27. Bobarian (Mr. Xtreme)   10 years ago

    Great point about patronizing, congressman.

    There's a certain droopy faced Senator from KY that needs to be told that shit!

  28. Rufus J. Firefly   10 years ago

    I don't understand why, in lieu of all that's been discovered, Americans just don't rip up this law. If it was based on a false premise why keep it? It's just going to grow into something more grotesque.

    1. Agile Cyborg   10 years ago

      Are you looking for a more advanced open source intelligence (OSINT) data collection and analysis Our Deep Web Silo Services can harvest, archive, and house all the intelligence you need, so you're ready with the right details when it's time to prosecute.

      Whether you need thin-client delivery (no software to download), a full-fledged application to deploy behind your firewall, or you want the help of our in-house experts, we can easily and affordably customize a solution for you.

      http://www.Brightplanet.com

      Killing all sorts of free movements.

      1. Bobarian (Mr. Xtreme)   10 years ago

        Man, you're on some really good shit tonight!

      2. gaoxiaen   10 years ago

        It can stop my diarrhea?

  29. Fist of Etiquette   10 years ago

    Nice hair, Smith. Get a haircut, you look like a girl.

  30. Bobarian (Mr. Xtreme)   10 years ago

    Nice plug, Matt!

  31. Fist of Etiquette   10 years ago

    Malala Yousedwut?

    1. All-Seeing Monocle   10 years ago

      Too soon.

      1. Fist of Etiquette   10 years ago

        If anything deserves CAPSLOCK I think it's that.

  32. Rufus J. Firefly   10 years ago

    I'm my own hero.

    Next.

    1. Palin's Buttplug   10 years ago

      You're a dipshit.

      1. Bobarian (Mr. Xtreme)   10 years ago

        Coming from a subject matter expert, Rufus should be embarrassed.

        1. Rufus J. Firefly   10 years ago

          /blushes.

      2. gaoxiaen   10 years ago

        Next he'll say "I'm my own grandpa".

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eYlJH81dSiw

    2. Agile Cyborg   10 years ago

      I respect fireflies. Never named a single fuckin one Rufus but so it goes....

      1. The Laconic   10 years ago

        Fireflies?! Prancing around like a bunch of God damn sparkle fairies.

  33. GILMORE   10 years ago

    The Independents Attire Review, 10 December 2014

    Failure to Communicate-Edition

    - Kennedy: This pink "dress" is in fact a cardboard cut-out trompe l'oeil; if you look closely at the 'sleeves', shoulders and neckline, you can actually see the hash-marks where the scissor-cuts went. We do admire her arts&crafts;-y-ness, but remain somewhat confuddled about the Seasonally-incongruous-colors-and-skin-baring. Don't get me wrong = Ladyflesh is generally always appreciated. Its just that when the inevitable sweater-con-elves/reindeer/snowflakes arrives its gonna look weird.

    - Matt: MILESTONE-EVENT-ALERT = Matt trots out an actual *sport coat*. (we exclude "The Pelt" as being too-pathetic a prior example to matter)= What appears to be a 'Charcoal Birdseye or Hounds-tooth?*' We are so taken aback by this unexpected development that we find our aesthetic-judgement hopelessly impaired. Our initial impression is positive; he matches it with a similarly shaded knit-tie which shows some basic good-judgement; we look forward to see how this is employed in the future, and if Matt can exploit its latent potential.

    - Kmele: We will refrain only a few more days before sending out the search parties with bloodhounds. The Kmele-Deficit must be addressed soon.

    [Irish Sign Language]

    1. Agile Cyborg   10 years ago

      Is Gilmore an artiste'?

      WHO the FUCK uses trompe l'oeil if they haven't painted such marvels (me) or haven't studied such marvels...?

      1. GILMORE   10 years ago

        I contain multitudes

        1. Agile Cyborg   10 years ago

          Gilmultidi.

          I made up a construct for a rather sweet creature who dances in these fields.

  34. Palin's Buttplug   10 years ago

    Ultimate fake scandal = GruberGhazi!

    1. wadair   10 years ago

      Of course lying is a "fake scandal" to leftists, because lying is so common and instrumental to their cause. For many of us, however, lying by a person with power over others is betrayal. And betrayal means no more trust. Trust is the foundation of society, such that lying--of the sort that Gruber did--chips away at the very fabric of society. But that's what leftists want, so of course they champion lying while finding it strange that others hate lying.

  35. Bobarian (Mr. Xtreme)   10 years ago

    I guess some people have nothing better to do than hit the streets and troll tourists?

  36. Derpetologist   10 years ago

    The Passion of the Gruber

    Turner then took Gruber and grilled Him. And the staffers twisted together a crown of thorns and put it on His head, and put a purple robe on Him; and they began to come up to Him and say, "Hail, King of the Progs!" and to give Him slaps in the face.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nwja8Ff6DDo

  37. Fist of Etiquette   10 years ago

    Tase him for wizardry.

    1. Agile Cyborg   10 years ago

      Who the FUCK would tase a wizard, sir?

      1. Fist of Etiquette   10 years ago

        Dare not speak his name.

  38. Bobarian (Mr. Xtreme)   10 years ago

    I'm not a total anti-social dork?

    Citation needed.

  39. Fist of Etiquette   10 years ago

    What does the tree mean to me? Photosynthesis.

    1. Agile Cyborg   10 years ago

      Trees are lungs if you lay on the ground and eat a bologna sammich in the fall. Sweet fist

      1. Fist of Etiquette   10 years ago

        Autumnal pulmonary noshing. Band name.

        1. Agile Cyborg   10 years ago

          FUCK YEA! I'd crush some ninja boards to dat, sweet F oE.

  40. Bobarian (Mr. Xtreme)   10 years ago

    Looks like Kennedy found Kmele.

    /Elmo suit

  41. Agile Cyborg   10 years ago

    Do Libertarians whirlpool perpetually on the surface of history?

  42. Fist of Etiquette   10 years ago

    Life matters. The cereal and the board game. Not the magazine.

    1. Agile Cyborg   10 years ago

      Cereal is the route to survival when buildings want to smash you, F o E.

      1. Fist of Etiquette   10 years ago

        I'm putting that in my back pocket for my next earthquake.

  43. Fist of Etiquette   10 years ago

    HOW DARE SHE WEIGH IN.

    1. Agile Cyborg   10 years ago

      If the future is interstellar weight and she is interdifferent.

  44. Rufus J. Firefly   10 years ago

    Looks like SNL missed a chance to become relevant again.

    1. Bobarian (Mr. Xtreme)   10 years ago

      Aboot 30 years ago.

      1. Bobarian (Mr. Xtreme)   10 years ago

        Typo, eh.

  45. All-Seeing Monocle   10 years ago

    Oh for fuck's sake, an EMERGENCY ALERT SYSTEM test on my cable station, are you fucking kidding me? I thought that shit went out with "duck and cover".

    1. Agile Cyborg   10 years ago

      An all-SEEing device should remain UNperturbed... perhaps.

  46. Agile Cyborg   10 years ago

    So, these creatures on a vain station most of us like on a stratified scale speak....

    I posit they should be unclothed.

  47. Derpetologist   10 years ago

    The Passion of the Gruber

    They took Gruber, therefore, and He went out, bearing His own cross, to the place called the Place of the Skull, which is called in Hebrew, Golgotha.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rn_g3Qzpflw

    1. Bobarian (Mr. Xtreme)   10 years ago

      Is that on the National Mall?

  48. Bobarian (Mr. Xtreme)   10 years ago

    Hey Penn, some people like the punishment for other reasons...

    OMAHA-a-a-a-h!

    1. Bobarian (Mr. Xtreme)   10 years ago

      And why isn't he live?

  49. Fist of Etiquette   10 years ago

    Max Headroom moment there.

  50. widget   10 years ago

    So the guy on far right (of the panel) thinks sober men rape drunk women on college campuses 'all the time'. Wow! And he's seen it.

  51. All-Seeing Monocle   10 years ago

    Was that Doc from Love Boat?

  52. Agile Cyborg   10 years ago

    How about vortex jets? Fuck blue jets and gigantic jets... A true Vortex Jet can be traveled on with a simple nanosweep on a heat-resistant wing span.

    We need to drop a Space Vortex rider at the peak of the exosphere and let him NOT DROP like the last loser BUT RIDE the Vortex Jets into this horrible and shitty fucking human existence called YOU FUKIN DID IT BRO OR SIS.

    1. Fist of Etiquette   10 years ago

      I will play Daedalus to your Icarus.

      1. Agile Cyborg   10 years ago

        Super F o E.

        Some bitches find an algorithm that spins astro liquids and planetary circuits comp'd chocolate galaxies plus love and then add Super F o and E.

      2. Bobarian (Mr. Xtreme)   10 years ago

        Dude, your wings are on fire!

    2. The Laconic   10 years ago

      That was proper TimeCube, mate.

      1. Heroic Mulatto   10 years ago

        The dankness of the memes must be improved.

        1. The Laconic   10 years ago

          Well, that's certainly a start.

  53. Fist of Etiquette   10 years ago

    I missed it. Is this Where It's Matt?

    1. Agile Cyborg   10 years ago

      Matt rolled into Calgary and hired a sweet girl called sapphire whereupon she stroked his cock and balls and then turned Pandora on to his fav tunes of, welll. Jack Johnson and the White Stripes and then she finally pulled at his balls and punched his dick until it spilled all sorts of babies...

      1. Agile Cyborg   10 years ago

        Matt cock babies do NOT make the orange and black Reason STUD happy... he will seek meat for his vorachious studlt face....

      2. Heroic Mulatto   10 years ago

        You, sir, are no Sugarfree.

        1. Agile Cyborg   10 years ago

          Well... dear... that is just fino. HM rollds onto the sweet particle maxallator... like a true Hero Mula... the floating lasers groaned with a taut cry... and then... burst into a fiery whatnot.

          Hero Mulo shot toward the breasts fo a distant sun... nver before discoverd by the plain sciences of a planet full of egomaniacal fucks who think they know evrything becuase their stupid asses went to harverd.

          1. Heroic Mulatto   10 years ago

            I'm cool with sun breasts. Whether they be O, B, A, F, G, K, M, L, or T.

  54. Fist of Etiquette   10 years ago

    AH! Lou Dobbs.

  55. GILMORE   10 years ago

    Matt is confessing he's an inveterate stoner. He drops hints all the time.

  56. GILMORE   10 years ago

    DIZZOBS

  57. Winston   10 years ago

    So UVA. I think the only real question now, besides Jackie's mental state, is how much of the story was Erdely's creation. She did lie about corroborating after all.

    1. Fist of Etiquette   10 years ago

      False flag operation of sorts. I think Erderly wanted future rape accusations to be met with skepticism. Everything's going to plan.

      Either that or she's a moron who thought she could get away with this.

  58. widget   10 years ago

    Sanchez, when speaking of rectal rehydration, reminded of the French film "The Soldiers of Orange". If you haven't seen it yet, don't run out and rent it during the holidays.

    1. Agile Cyborg   10 years ago

      Sweet widg,

      This entire site is the Flav o' Orangolio.

      AND, i respek your thing.

      BUT.... orange..

      WHY does a man in BLACK like orange so much?

      1. widget   10 years ago

        WHY does a man in BLACK like orange so much?

        No one has ever asked me that. I am unprepared.

    2. widget   10 years ago

      Dutch, not French.

      1. Bobarian (Mr. Xtreme)   10 years ago

        Dutch is the new French?

        1. GILMORE   10 years ago

          Orange is the Dutch national color

          I believe it stems from this guy, and it has traditional connections with Protestant countries who fought against catholic france and spain

          1. GILMORE   10 years ago

            Well, actually... his grand-dad

            though i think the III gets more credit for popularizing the connection of the 'orange' with protestants in England, Ireland, Germany, etc.

  59. Agile Cyborg   10 years ago

    You don't reallie need space to float. right?

    1. Fist of Etiquette   10 years ago

      Apparently not. I hope in the mornings after you've stepped out of your clarion fog you read these comments with the same amazement that I do when they're posted.

  60. Warrren   10 years ago

    Will Grigg lets us know about a whole organization redoubling their efforts at cop sucking.

    Ah, John Birch Society; never change.

    1. Gene   10 years ago

      We're dealing with a crisis of impunity, not one of impotence.

      This

  61. userve32   10 years ago

    Dude means to make a lot of sense man.

    http://www.Anon-Rocks.tk

  62. ronaldbarrkem   10 years ago

    Yesterday I picked up a brand new Lotus Esprit after making $6059 this ? 4 weeks past an would you believe $10 thousand this past-month; this is actually the most-comfortable work I've had . I actually started 10-months ago and pretty much immediately got minimum $80 per-hr . Get More Info @
    BEST HOME BASE GIFT ?????? http://www.jobsfish.com

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