Over at the White House's petitions website – where citizens can post demands and the Obama administration has pledged to answer them if 25,000 people sign on within 30 days – President Obama's crack team of smartypants has responded to a suggestion that the government build a Star Wars-style Death Star as a jobs program and defense plan:
The Administration shares your desire for job creation and a strong national defense, but a Death Star isn't on the horizon. Here are a few reasons:
- The construction of the Death Star has been estimated to cost more than $850,000,000,000,000,000. We're working hard to reduce the deficit, not expand it.
- The Administration does not support blowing up planets.
- Why would we spend countless taxpayer dollars on a Death Star with a fundamental flaw that can be exploited by a one-man starship?
This White House crew is so hip and funny, isn't it? Star Wars references! I mean, I bet Mitt Romney doesn't even know how many moons Tatooine has! Watching the Obama admin connect with the kids these days is like listening to This American Life on an iPad while riding a fixed-gear bike wearing a retro hat (not from the lounge-era retro fad, but from the newer, even more double-plus-good-ironic era of 20 minutes ago).
I mean, remember the Obama team's great Easter Egg Roll video that showed the administration's mastery of the new media? (I'm talking about the 2009 Easter Egg Roll, not the 2010 one during which Michelle Obama replaced candy with hand sanitizer and "pre-screened fruit").
The administration may not support blowing up whole planets, but it is clearly 100 percent in favor of blowing up portions of our own big blue marble, whether it has gotten the requisite authorization from Congress or any court in the country. Actual, publicly discussed and debated and settled legal frameworks for dropping semi-accurate bombs on people (actual assumed bad guys on the initial strike, then emergency responders on the second) are for lesser people.
And the administration is working hard to reduce the deficit? So that explains why the $22.5 billion in new revenue from hiking taxes on the richest Americans is offset by $65 billion in foregone revenue for special-interest business tax credits? Am I misremembering or didn't Obama actually promise to cut $2.50 in spending for every $1 dollar he jacked taxes? Yeah, it must be me.
It's kinda funny that the answer to the Death Star petition ironically references a famous Jedi mind-trick ("this isn't the petition response you're looking for") because the entire petition site is a classic gesture from the repressive tolerance handbook. I mean, it gives all of us a voice and a way to work within the system!
You can't get up against the wall motherfucker when the wall is actually a series of unlocked doors and open windows, know what I mean, Chewbacca? And we know that the Obama administration is the most openest admin ever (well, except for an endless closetful of shrouds that puts Turin to shame) because it keeps telling us it is.
Remind us again: Who is the adult in the room again? Because it isn't obvious.
And to answer the question in the title of this blog post: No, the Obama admin's response to the Death Star petition doesn't signify the end of serious political discourse. That would imply the most transparentest, coolest regime ever never had made executive power claims that would make George W. Bush think twice, or hadn't deported record numbers of immigrants, or wasn't prosecuting the drug war its fans don't seem to mind anymore.