Election 2012

Hey Lena Dunham and Obamatrons, Reason Was Comparing Voting to Sex Like Eight Years Ago!


I'm sure I'm not alone among sentient beings in being put off by Lena Dunham's "First Time" pitch for Barack Obama. I'm not offended or disturbed that she likens voting to sex; it's that she participates in a pretty creepy cult of personality thing.

In terms of comparing voting to sex, I'd like to call attention to the fact that way back in 2004, Reason had already been there, done that. Literally. On our cover. And in a much-more serious and sophisticated and accurate way.

Here's the riff that introduced our first-ever survey of how people were voting:

Voting for president is a lot like sex—and not just because it takes place every four years in the solitude of a semi-private booth.

Both are intensely personal activities that nonetheless can have profound public consequences.

We might add that both often involve drug-and-alcohol-fueled delusions and morning-after feelings of guilt, shame, and recrimination.

Read the whole voter poll (which included staffers and characters such as P.J. O'Rourke and Camille Paglia and Drew Carey) here.

And then check out our 2012 survey, in which current staffers and contributors tell the world for whom they're voting and why. Which is, strangely, a real rarity among journalists, who are forever bitching and moaning about the need for transparency but are offended when asked to spill the beans on something as insignificant as their preferred presidential candidate.

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  1. Ew

  2. Is that something to brag about, reason?

    1. You know what they say: If you’ve got it, FLAUNT it!

      1. voting is a lot like sex. No matter who comes first, you get fucked.

  3. It’s not the “likening voting to sex”. In Reason’s version the similarity is “a personal choice that can have public consequences”.

    In the “First Time” ad, they’re not just comparing voting to sex, they trying to sell women the candidate by comparing voting for their candidate to romantic sex.

    There’s a world of difference between those two things. It’s one thing for me to approach you and have an intellectual conversation about why driving sportscar’s is comparable to sex. It’s another thing for me to approach you and try to sell you a sportscar by appealing to the sexiness of it.

    The “First Time” ad is all about trying to sell women on the candidate by appealing to what the makers believe is womens’ tendency to vote based on the romantic sex appeal of presidential candidates. Which si insulting and sexist.

    1. The ad also pretty much reduces a woman to a life support system for a vagina.

      1. That too. To go along with all the ads that assume women have some sort of innate obsession with education and healthcare.

        1. Because it’s your duty as mothers of the race (old school progressivism, hell yeah!) to breed and care for the next generation of white American people. So education and healthcare should be at the forefront of your minds, not messy, complicated things like the national debt, the executive position on due process, the abuse of the Controlled Substances Act, or finance law. We have big, strong, smart TOP MEN (yes men, because they don’t have to be mothers of the race) working on those problems.

          Don’t you just feel safer already with these TOP MEN protecting you?

          1. Don’t you just feel safer already with these TOP MEN protecting you?

            Not to mention that the use of TOP. MEN. restricts you to laying prone and accepting the missionary. There will be no Liliths in this govt.

          2. Don’t you just feel safer already with these TOP MEN protecting you?

            Vote Power Bottom 2012.

          3. Yes. It’s because women are biologically programmed to be teachers and nurses. We’re just innately predisposed to think about CHILDREN and caring for the sick. All the high-finance money stuff is too linear and masculine for our brains.

      2. So it’s a feminist ad?

    2. To add: The difference is that in case A (me having an intellectual conversation with you where I compare voting to sex) I do not presume that you are personally motivated by sex in you voting choices.

      In case B, the motivation for my trying to sell you the candidate using sex appeal is predicated upon my assumption that you are motivated by sex.

      In case A, I’m assuming that you are objective, intelligent and rationally capable of thinking about a subject without getting distracted by the fact that the word “sex” is involved.

      In case B, I’m assuming that you’re an irrational gonad driven twat and I can get you to do what I want by portraying my candidate as a sex object.

      1. In case B, I’m assuming that you’re an irrational gonad driven twat and I can get you to do what I want by portraying my candidate as a sex object.

        To be fair, they can’t really sell their candidate on his actual results, intellect, or credentials. So they have to appeal to those baser instincts in order to gain any traction.

        Color me surprised that they didn’t come out and outright claim you should vote for him because based on his race, he’s likely to have the larger member. Then again, that redacted portion following the “beautiful” seemed to almost suggest at such.

    3. Let’s face facts, Hazel.

      That ad really got to you. And it’s because you liked it.

      You’re afraid of your love for Obama, aren’t you? Don’t be afraid.

      Obama’s paying the price for your sins, Hazel. Obama loves you. And he wants to love you. But you have to let him into your heart.

      And, eventually, you will let him into your heart.

      Because you’re young, and you’re a woman.

      P.S. It’s hard to believe you could find that sort of thing offensive.

  4. “It’s that she participates in a pretty creepy cult of personality thing.”

    Yeah, I think a lot of libertarians find the whole cult of personality thing pretty off-putting.

    Or, rather, I should say, most Reasonoid libertarians–who do NOT so thoroughly identify with Objectivism or Paultard Nation–find the whole cult of personality thing pretty off-putting.

    If the vibe around here ever gets like Welch or Gillespie said it, so it must be right, then I’m outta here!

    Unfortunately, we Reasonoid libertarians are probably more critical of our leaders than we should be, but then the thing that makes us like that is probably the same thing that creeps us out about personality cults like Obama’s.

    1. we Reasonoid libertarians are probably more critical of our leaders

      Except The Jacket and The Stag. But they’re more like demigods than anything else.

      1. Well The Stag has sadly left us, so we’re stuck with The Jacket.

        1. Don’t talk about Lucy, it just makes me sad.

          1. She promised she’d never leave us!

          2. Wait, what? What happened to Lucy?!?!?

        2. Well The Stag has sadly left us, so we’re stuck with The Jacket.

          I’m only half way through book 3, so I still have some delusions that Stannis will resurrect the Stag and restore order to the Seven Kingdoms.

          Although, I really wish he would dump the monotheism thing (even if it does appear to have some real power and potentially a real adversary beyond the wall) and pick up the Old pagan Gods of the North.

  5. If you reasonably compare voting to sex, you are either terrible at sex or you take voting WAYYYYY too seriously.

    1. Saying its “a personal choice with public consequences” is a rather dry intellectual comparison.

      It’s non a giggle-fest where Reason staffers talk about which candidates they think are the cutest.

      1. Saying its “a personal choice with public consequences” is a rather dry intellectual comparison.

        And of course the last thing you want to hear when discussing something analogous to sex is the word “dry”.

        When I think of “politics and sex” I think of James Carville and Mary Matalin, and then promptly think about puppies or something to try and flush my brain.

        1. Have you seen what James Carville looks like lately? When did he turn into Grandpa Simpson?

          1. He’s always looked like a weasel. Now he just looks like an older weasel.

    2. Is it supposed to hurt this much?

      1. Only if the wrong hole gets punched.

        On the paper ballot, that is.

    3. Yes, I was thinking about how bad I feel for all of them.

  6. Where’s joe to speak for all women on this? And to get a historical quote utterly wrong? Hey joe, where you goin’ with your dick in your hand?

    1. Hey, don’t be hating on Joe.

      I’m sure now that he works for a telecom company rather than as a city planner, he’s got very little time on his hands.

      In the private sector, after all, they expect results.

      1. Private sector? No way. He’s probably working as a substitute teacher or some equally pathetic government job.

        1. There’s no way a talentless angry retarded midget like joe could work anything but a government loser job. He’s exactly who those jobs were created for: people who can’t hack it in the real world, and who can’t go on rides at the carnival because they’re not tall enough.

          1. If he ever wanted to make an argument about how we’d have crushing unemployment without a large government sector, he could just use himself as an example:

            “If not for county governments and my AFSCME dues, who would hire me?”

        2. And to get a historical quote utterly wrong?

          He’s updating Wikipedia as we speak.

    2. gonna shoot my old lady…aw hell, who am I kidding? I don’t gots no lady.

      1. Gonna shoot my old Realdoll…caught her messin’ round with another midget…

      2. “gonna drone my old lady down… caught her messin’ around with a Romney sign.”

    3. You’re not going to hear ’em stand there
      And look at the stars as big as holes in the arms
      And the stars like a back truck electric flag
      And I’m standing there under that flag with your carbine
      Between my legs, you know I felt so free of death beyond me
      I felt so free, the F.B.I. is looking for me baby,
      But they’ll never find me, no, they can hold me down like a
      And I’m still on the run and they can speculate what I’m fee
      But daddy, daddy, you’ll never know just what I was feelin’,
      But I’m sorry I am no little pretty little rich girl,
      I am nobody’s million dollar baby, I am nobody’s Patsy anymore
      I’m nobody’s million dollar baby, I’m nobody’s Patsy anymore

  7. The ad offends me because of how stupid it is.

  8. Actual things found on Lena Dunham’s imbd page:

    Dunham was born in New York City.[2] Her father, Carroll Dunham, is a painter of “overtly sexualised pop art”, and her mother, Laurie Simmons, is a photographer and designer who creates “disquieting domestic tableaux” with dolls.[3][4] Dunham’s father is Protestant, and according to Dunham, a Mayflower descendant;[5][6] Dunham’s mother is Jewish.[7][8] She has a younger sister, Grace, who is a model and student at Brown University and who starred in Dunham’s first film Tiny Furniture.[9] As children, both Lena and Grace were babysat by photographers Sherri Zuckerman and Catherine McGann.

    Dunham attended Saint Ann’s School in Brooklyn, New York, where she met Tiny Furniture actress and Girls co-star Jemima Kirke. She graduated from Oberlin College in 2008, where she studied creative writing

    I mean, in some ways, it makes me not want to blame her, because she would have insufferable no matter what, but why did she have to go to TV, a medium I like and respect, and not “Serious Literature” a medium that has descended into self-parody (apologies to Nicole)?

    1. And by imdb, I obviously meant wiki.

    2. That poor girl never stood a chance. She’s the Honey Boo Boo of the Left.

      1. Honey Boo Boo is also for Obama. I’d say she’s like any of those families with creepy amounts of children. The Druggars or whatever.

    3. Go look at a picture of her “model” sister Grace. It removes all meaning from the connotations of “model”.

        1. I should ask my friend who is a professor at Brown if he’s seen that knockout sister around campus.

        2. She’s clearly a hand model, you insensitive clod.

          1. Her hand on her sister’s shoulder is as big as her sister’s head.

            1. They both have fucking jowls! How can girls that young have fucking jowls?!?!?!?!?!?

            2. That chipped nail polish is sexy.

              1. It takes hours to chip it just so. One little mistake and you have to paint them and start all over again.

    4. I too went to Oberlin. I’m pretty sure that I was a) the only person close to being libertarian (although I was friends with the son of a couple involved in the Polish Solidarity movement who was reflexively opposed to the frequent speeches by socialist apologists and agitators) and b) the only person who didn’t do massive amounts of drugs. We had a Third World House with this mural and event called Safer Sex Night where most of the women dressed like this. What a weird fucking place.

      1. I looked at Oberlin. I found it WAY too weird.

        Ended up at Colorado College, though, so not a hugely better choice.

        1. When it comes to weird Ohio Colleges, Oberlin has nothing on Antioch.


          1. This could be a fun subthread. Check out soundpainting.

            1. His musical semaphore system actually seems interesting and full of potential; but he drags it down, and hinders spreading it, by weighing it down with bullshit terms and buzzwords: “soundpainting”, “It’s like life.”, and especially this piece of self-important twaddle:

              “I’m not being self indulgent,” he said. “I’m not interested in that as an artist. I’m interested in community.”

              It’s like bragging about being oh-so-humble. And he perpetuates this false dichotomy of self vs. group. Not only is it bullshit (especially since it’s one person essentially telling everyone else what to do), but again it limits the spread of his work, which actually has VALUE, to only people who buy his rhetoric. The group of people truly interested in his b.s.ing is dwarfed by the amount of people who are turned off by it.

      2. The one with the cowboy boots can stay, the rest can go fuck off to get another bag of sliders and four boxes of onion rings.

      3. The one on the right, the black girl, and second from left are pretty cute. The one on the left would do in a pinch.

        Did you ever get shit at Gibson’s? I fucking love Gibby.

        1. Gibson’s was one of like four stores in town and they had pretty damn good ice cream. Although I loved how insane Oberlin was (and many of the students really were brilliant weirdos) by the end of my time there I found myself and my friends leaving campus pretty regularly at night. I’d go to bars in Elyria, the Waffle House in Akron, Cavs games in Cleveland (LeBron was still there at the time). Oberlin is definitely a strange reference point when taking trips through the rest of northeast Ohio.

          1. Yeah, I’ve never bothered to go to that fucking place. The people I know who have been produced by it are enough for me.

            1. They do have a really great conservatory of music, if you’re into that sort of thing, and despite the arch-leftist bent in their teaching of the humanities they’ve produced some amazing scientists including not a few Nobel and MacArthur winners (the dude behind this might be my favorite).

      4. The one all the way on the right isn’t doing a thing wrong, and should keep on doing whatever it is they’re doing.

        1. The trick would be separating her from the ugly chaff.

        2. So you’re digging on the dude?

          1. Absolutely.

      5. Their Third World poster forgot Mao Zedong and Pol Pot.

        1. I had remembered them as being there. Maybe there’s another part of the mural that isn’t included in the pic…

          1. I don’t know, is that supposed to be Mao all the way in the back?

            1. Oh yeah! I think you’re right. Nothing like a hagiographic mural to the slaughterer of millions!

            2. I think that’s actually Chavez. They do have Ho Chi Minh, though.

      6. Here’s another one for those who appreciated cowboy boots.

  9. Your first time should be with a great guy. A guy who loves torture, I’m sorry, enhanced interrogation. A guy who loves murder (via hellfire missile). A guy who punishes people for breaking the same laws he broke. A guy who was against gay marriage before he needed that sweet, glitter-covered campaign cash. A guy who makes it harder for women to get hired (Lily Ledbetter). A guy spends money he doesn’t have on his friends and cronies. A guy who refuses to disclose his past.

    Your first time should be with Barack, in the ass, good and hard.

    Obama 2012.

    1. I WANT TO SEE THIS VIDEO. Reason, MAKE IT HAPPEN. Seriously, do it.

      1. Sloppy seconded.

      2. But who should do it, Kennedy?

        1. Maybe. But I’m thinking Gillespie. He really pulled off the “Wake the F*ck Up! – A Rebuttal” video.

          1. I would say Lucy, but SHE’S GONE!


    2. At the start, I thought this was too subtle for the politically apologetic children (of all ages).
      But then your zinger in the whazoo nails it perfectly, for even the most slavishly naive among them.
      Very nice.

    3. Wait until she finds out that the stress of being president has left him impotent.

      “Barry, honey, is it supposed to be that soft?”

      1. For a black guy, you do need some stimulus.

      2. “You’re pushing rope.”

    4. I’m borrowing this.

    5. Your first time should be with a great guy. A guy who loves torture, I’m sorry, enhanced interrogation. A guy who loves murder (via hellfire missile). A guy who punishes people for breaking the same laws he broke.

      Now you’re talking.

  10. Most voters consider voting to be like the kind of sex called “rape” — you know, taking something non-consensually.

    1. No, that’s what happens after. And then Obama’ll be all like, “I know you were just teasing me, give it up.” (“It” being your money, for the analogy-challenged.)

      Voting is more like seduction. An awful, drawn-out seduction by the guys you just saw strangle a kitten in your front yard.

      1. The only difference is there are no threesomes.

        1. She’s voting for Biden too, ya know.

          1. I know, but he just likes to watch.


  11. And all this time I thought that freedom came only with individualist maturation, and the adoption of Spooner’s antipathy toward the act of voting.
    I said Spooner, not spooning. Cripe…

  12. I’m impressed that I’m already seeing this memed by Team Romney. It’s a picture of Dunham with the caption:

    “Don’t you lose your job due to an unwanted presidency. Practice Obamabstinence today!”

  13. Obama’s paying the price for your sins, Hazel. Obama loves you. And he wants to love you. But you have to let him into your heartvagina.

    And, eventually, you will let him into your heartvagina.

    Because you’re young, and you’re a womanterribly naive, and haven’t yet been ass-fucked by a guy who leaves immediately afterwards and never calls you again because he never respected you — at all.


  14. Team Blue: The Ladypart-y.

    1. That’s good.

      +1 Internets for you today.

  15. One other thought, that relates to this all tangentially.

    Is it bad that now, as a Mets fan, I feel our ownership is less sleazy than the Red Sox ownership? Yes, the Wilpons, who had to give back money they got from Madoff and sell back a chunk of the team to pay expenses, are less sleazy than John Henry et. al. I mean, look at it this way: Do the Mets make it a habit to throw players, coaches, and managers under the media bus after bad seasons? And how in the ever loving fuck do the Sox think this is a good strategy to attract players, when they know that should they have a bad year, a bad team, or leave the team, they will be crucified in the local media like the Boston Globe?

    All of this is a roundabout way of saying- did you realize that Lena Dunham got an advance a month or so back for her first book totaling 3 million dollars? Holy shit, right? Well, apparently, Bobby V (as a Mets fan, god bless that guy) has a 2.5M NDA. Well, if you were a publisher, wouldn’t a tell-all Bobby V book where he just ripped apart the Sox ownership (which, lets face it, he would) be worth at least as much as Lena Dunham’s book? That’s giving the NDA back and then some! Shit, give him 4 M! The book is an automatic best seller!

    Things I don’t get: The publishing world.

    1. Things I don’t get: Mets fans.

      1. We’re masochists too poor to afford a professional dominatrix for half the year. If you feel like you need one for the whole year, you also root for the Jets and Nets. What is there to get?

        1. Mark Sanchez is terrible. Why they don’t let Timmah give it a shot is a mystery to me. What do they have to lose? At least Timmah has shown that he do some crazy impressive shit once in a while. Their loss last Sunday to the Patriots was just stupid.

        2. Oh, fuck you, you whiner. Try rooting for the Browns.

          1. You think you got it bad, I’m a fucking Chiefs fan.

            Our team is the 2008 Cleveland Browns. We’re actually trying to recreate your level of suck.

            1. Nothing, NOTHING, not even the 2009 Browns, could replicate the horror that was the 2008 Browns. Your whining will be acceptable when you’re starting Ken Dorsey at QB. Until then, shut your whore mouth.

              1. Give Romeo some time.

                FFS, we had Tyler friggin Palko starting at QB last season. I don’t think anyone you’ve started at QB (Charlie Frye, Tim Couch, etc) has been THAT ridiculously bad. The dude literally couldn’t throw a ball 30 yards.

                1. You know nothing about Ken Dorsey, Sudden Snow.

                  1. Tyler Palko is the single worst player to ever start at QB in the NFL.

                    It is known.

                  2. Having said all this, I have a certain affinity for the Browns, as I too understand what it feels like to be struggling franchise (albeit, we have experienced some success in my lifetime, so I can’t fully empathize).

                    Plus, I hate everyone else in your division with a passion, especially the fucking Steelers. Please win that division someday.

            2. I would not say I’m a Panther’s fan, haven’t really been since they ditched Delhomme, but they are the local team, and, buddy, let me tell ya what, we got it bad. Cam has turned into an old man with the reflexes of a zombie. Watching him try to get a ball off before the pocket collapse is brutal fucking painful to witness.

              1. I like hearing this as my Bears are scheduled to play them this weekend.

                DA BEARS!

    2. No one ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of American public.

  16. You know what else is like sex?

    1. Das Blitzkreig?

    2. Hint: Some like it thick and some like it thin.

  17. Inflation:
    Drew Carey

    My favorite pres. is Andrew Jackson, cause that is what a lap dance costs

    Ahh 2004, the good ol days.

  18. New Meme:

    I was just over at Huffington Post, and the hilarious thing that liberals are saying now is:
    “Why do they hate Women?”

    Please, commence repetition, as widely and as frequently as possible, and on the most tangential subjects.

    1. Why do you hate Women, Hazel? Being a non-lefty female, it’s obvious you do otherwise you’d think with your lady-parts and vote Obama like a pre-teen girl who still thinks the Popular Guy likes her for her personality.

  19. hate to break it to reason, but an old early high school episode of boy meets world likens sex to voting first. I think it was the late ’90s

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