Politics

10 Rand Paul #Festivus Insult-Tweets That May Amuse and/or Bemuse You

The senator begins his annual Airing of Grievances by dropping #sickburns on his rivals.

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Large image on homepages | Gage Skidmore
(Gage Skidmore)

Sen. Rand Paul (R-Ky) may soon find himself relegated to the kid's table at the next

For the rest of us.
SteelCitySkeptics/Gage Skidmore

Republican Presidential Debate, but that doesn't mean he still doesn't have a lot of problems with you people!

For the 3rd consecutive year, Paul commemorates the Seinfeld-ian holiday known as Festivus with a ceremonial airing of grievances over Twitter. In previous years, Paul would take out his frustrations on overreaching protectionist government regulations, but this year he led off by taking aim at his fellow presidential hopefuls.

Paul led off by schooling Donald Trump, fresh off of SchlongGate, on his clumsy deployment of faux-Yiddish:

A decent joke as well as a sick burn, considering this whole exercise is inspired by a show that frequently employed Yiddish colloquialisms which the billionaire from Queens should be better versed with than the eye doctor from Kentucky. Unfortunately, Paul quickly went full "Jerk Store" with this tortured reference to Trump's discontinued Macy's clothing line:

The quality of the rest of the insult-grievances reside somewhere between those two. Paul's dig on Ted Cruz's Canadian birth and early childhood pokes fun at his own nativism as well as the Birther-wing of the Republican Party.

Another halfway decent tweet, which all right-thinking Americans can get behind, tweaks Governor Chris (Rah-Rah New Jersey) Christie's bizarre lifelong devotion to the Dallas Cowboys:

It's always the season to mock failed economic philosophies:

Paul's knock on "absentee" Marco Rubio's salary fits in nicely with Paul's traditional Festivus tweets against government waste:

And a bit of a human moment, to mourn the loss of Lindsay Graham, who recently exited the GOP Presidential clowncar:

Things took a turn for the lame with a truly unfunny and sexist knock on Hillary Clinton's bathroom break during last Saturday's debate, inexplicably tying Carly Fiorina into the action (which Fiorina demonstrated her apparent approval of with a retweet):

There were a couple of throwaway knocks on the well-noted low energy styles of two candidates. In the case of Jeb Bush:

And for Ben Carson:

Paul has since dispensed with the Don Rickles impression and is now directing attention to airing grievances over specifically absurd examples of government waste (Testing golf clubs in space! Rich people in public housing! A televised cricket league in Afghanistan!) while promoting his annual "Waste Report" and, of course, passing around the tip jar to help keep his waning presidential campaign alive.