Thomas Massie on Congressional Snowden-Bashing, Mandatory Minimums, and Self-Sufficient Farming…Plus The Independents Get Their Two Minutes Hate!

On last night's episode of The Independents, Rep. Thomas Massie (R-Kentucky) gave a pretty great rap about congressional attempts to slime National Security Agency whistleblower Edward Snowden, collusion between the president and intelligence-committee chairs, reducing mandatory minimums for drug sentences, legalizing (at the least) industrial hemp…and creating a self-sufficient farm:

Watch Nick Gillespie's longer interview with Massie for Reason.tv last year:

Also on The Independents last night was the second installment of the disturbingly popular feature Two Minutes Hate, featuring some of the best insults thrown our way (including by beloved Reason commenters). Feel the non-love:

Tune in again Friday at 9 pm for a special "Off the Grid" show!

Comments

[Fist of Etiquette]

Two minutes isn't enough.

[Fr?ulein Nikki]

Shit, those earrings were wild.

[Warty]

I need to get on the Independents threads and try to get my insults on the show. I'm a good insulter. At least I used to be, back in the early 14th century.

[John]

Yeah but you don't have the black death to provide you with your punch lines anymore.

[playa manhattan]

You got full credit for being the first commenter to link Steve Smith to rape.

That honor can never be taken away from you.

[Rasilio]

One thing I have always wondered about since I wasn't around when the whole Steve Smith meme started, Are we talking about Stephen A Smith, Steve Smith the Wide Receiver, or some other Steve Smith?

[playa manhattan]

Here: http://reason.com/blog/2010/05.....d-the-stev

[Snark Plissken]

There was threading back in 2009? When did they switch?

[SugarFree]

Along with playa's link, here is my investigation into the origins of the various meme parts.

[jesse.in.mb]

I'm glad they clip out the two minutes. I missed the last half of the show last night. I would've been sad to miss that.

[playa manhattan]

I'm laughing so hard that my head hurts. Nice job, FdA.

[Bramblyspam]

If I were Kennedy, my instant response would have been to tell Francisco that if they ever ran a segment on old people f***ing, they'd be sure to let him know so he could tune in to watch the improved show. 😉

Perhaps there are reasons why I'm not hosting a TV show.

[Episiarch]

Fuck you all, I'm still in the lead with two--count 'em, two--appearances on Two Minute Hate.

[playa manhattan]

Which comments of yours made it on the air? I must have missed it.

[Episiarch]

The ones from the very first Two Minutes Hate that you were clearly too drunk too have seen when it aired. Not only am I in the lead, I was also first. Double win!

[playa manhattan]

That's why I asked. I have no way of going back to find the comments.

[Pro Libertate]

The Winter of Epi.

[Episiarch]

Winter is coming, ProL.

[JW]

Not to Florida, fool!

[John]

But your position as an epic and insufferable asshole was secure well before that. You getting on two minutes of hate is about as surprising as LaBron James' team winning the local rec basketball league championship.

You are out of our league. In fact, I am not even sure they have a league for people like you.

[jesse.in.mb]

Jesus, John. Way to give the man's ego a full service blow job.

[Episiarch]

Never get in someone's way when they're complimenting me, jesse. Don't make me show you the back of my ring hand.

[Francisco d Anconia]

As if it could get any worse.

[sarcasmic]

In fact, I am not even sure they have a league for people like you.

You kidding? SugarFree has to be the most clever when it comes to insults. Unless Epi's got diabetes, there's no way he'll ever join the Saccharine League.

[playa manhattan]

How many stalkers does he have?

[Warty]

Do we count each instance of the HydraTroll?

[Episiarch]

I think the amount of time the stalker spends specifically focused on a person is the measure, and by that measure...I win again! Though honestly John is up there too.

[Francisco d Anconia]

She was asking for both of you the other night. A double team?

[jesse.in.mb]

Spitroast!

[Warty]

In which thread? I like when she can't hide her obsessions.

[playa manhattan]

Superbowl. All deleted now. She kept making references to Epi doing lines of blow and then hanging himself in the closet.

I'm not sure if it was an autoerotic asphyxiation reference or what. As you well know, her thoughts can be very disorganized.

[Francisco d Anconia]

It was the Super Bowl thread and the couple before it. She actually posted the videos she made.

I think they were all sent down the memory hole though.

[John]

I have one, who shall remain nameless.

[SugarFree]

I get more Mary attention off-blog. I stopped responding to her years ago on H&r and she finally gave up on me outside of a few feeble jabs here and there.

[playa manhattan]

What did she do to you off-blog?

I hope this story is as good as the one where you got shot.

[SugarFree]

She posts hateful shit on my other blogs and got shitty with me a few times on grylliade.

She has also gone into the comment sections of other blogs to "tattle" on us when we are making fun of a Jexebel article or something moronic balloonjuice posts, attempting to drive their commenters here in order to troll us.

She's really quite mad--just watch some of those loony videos she makes. I'd pity her if she didn't take her mental illness out on us.

[Ted S.]

I get comments from her on my blog from time to time.

[John]

Being clever at insults doesn't make you into an epic asshole.

[sarcasmic]

Good point. Because you're not clever at insults.

[Warty]

John's asshole is more of a sonnet than an epic.

[Lady Bertrum]

John's asshole is more of a sonnet than an epic.

I was gonna guess more a novella, but you, Warty, would know better, right?

[SugarFree]

English or Italian sonnet? Unemployed English majors demand to know!

[Warty]

Like John's asshole would be some greasy, hairy, gold chain-wearing wop asshole.

[John]

Just because you don't understand them doesn't mean they are not clever.

[sarcasmic]

There's a great example of not being clever. Thank you.

[sarcasmic]

That was to John, not Warty. Warty's comment was clever.

[John]

And of you not understanding it.

[The Last American Hero]

The League of Extraordinary Assholes?

[Fr?ulein Nikki]

Am I the only one kind of upset by the two minutes hate segment because Kennedy is too awkward about it? Get into the independent spirit, lady! That's how we roll.

[Smilin' Joe Fission]

Kennedy does get quite awkward during this segment. She seems actually offended at these hate messages. It makes it somewhat awkward to watch even though I'm laughing my ass off.

[Fr?ulein Nikki]

Exactly. You have to accept your insults graciously. Like compliments.

[Smilin' Joe Fission]

This part of the show is great and I think should be a once a week segment. But she needs to lighten up and roll with the insults a little better.

[Hugh Akston]

I think that's the difference between you and Kennedy: someone has said something nice to her before.

[Episiarch]

Stop projecting, Hugh.

Though you're not wrong.

[Paul.]

I find it easier to accept insults than compliments. Well, if I received compliments, I could imagine me accepting them less well than the insults... which I do get. And probably deserve.

[Killaz]

Compliments make me think the person wants something from me. Insults make me think I need something from them.

[waffles]

You're terrific Paul! And I find your comments both amusing and illuminating!

[jesse.in.mb]

Words hurt, waffles. You should be nicer to that worthless pile of shit Paul. He doesn't deserve your abusive compliments.

[Paul.]

Now I'm home.

[Warty]

We need to commission a trophy for the first one to make Kennedy cry. And a bigger trophy for the first one to make Matt cry. And Kmele...um...I like his shirt.

[Paul.]

Matt spends the hour before the show in his dressing room crying. Why do we need to see it on the air?

[Lady Bertrum]

No. The whole segment is about faux offensiveness. They're faking being offended just like we fake our hate (except Epi).

None of them are offended. All attention is good attention.

[Smilin' Joe Fission]

Are you sure? Kennedy comes off as really awkward and doesn't know what to say. I don't know if she's doing that intentionally.

[Lady Bertrum]

She's doing it intentionally. Playing it up.

[Fr?ulein Nikki]

In that case the problem is her bad acting. AM I GOING TO BE ON NOW OR WHAT?

[JW]

What!? She faked it the whole time!?

Now I have no more heroes to believe in.

[Bam!]

That's how she is whenever a guest on the show talks to her.

[Francisco d Anconia]

Are you sure? Kennedy comes off as really awkward and doesn't know what to say.

I think she knew what to say, but realized she wasn't allowed to say it.

[Dweebston]

She wants to be the conservative Tina Fey.

[Paul.]

She should shoot higher and be the funny Tina Fey.

[Dweebston]

What the WHAT?!

Tina Fey plays a pretty compelling caricature of urban lefties, I'll give her that. You couldn't pay enough to make me watch her MC the Golden Globes, but at least she's less obnoxious than Poehler.

In fact, Kennedy is the Poehler of every Red Eye she guests.

[mr simple]

I still have a softspot for Poehler solely for her work with UCB, so I'll give her a chance in most things. It only lasts so long, though.

[Paul.]

Tina Fey plays a pretty compelling caricature of urban lefties, I'll give her that.

Huh, haven't seen any of that. Shoot a brother a youtube link.

[Zeb]

30 Rock?

It can get a little annoying because she also is an annoying urban lefty, but she really does do a good job of caricaturing the sort of person she is. She is a bit less good at caricaturing conservative businessmen, but I still like the Jack character.

[~Knarf Yenrab~]

30 Rock's conceit is that everyone on the show is absurdly juvenile or sociopathic, which is more-or-less the Hayekian view of the big-gov lefty.

And therein lies the heart of comedy (which is nothing if not Hayekian) and the best farce in television history.

[John]

She doesn't have good timing. But she really cleans up well. She looks a lot cuter there than she normally does.

[playa manhattan]

I nominate this comment to be aired in the 2 minutes of hate section.

[Dweebston]

You can't neg Kennedy, John. She's been around the block a time or three.

[~Knarf Yenrab~]

But she's a little skinny, don't you think?

I'd like to see the boards on the day that Kennedy deigned to stoop to Bailey-ian levels and reply to our posts, particularly those regarding her earrings and how often they get caught in escalators. But only for a day--when Reason personalities reply too much and too familiarly, they lose all their mystery and the respect they would otherwise engender. The infinitive form of this respect-bleeding phenomenon of overposting is "to Welch."

[mr simple]

Yes, I thought part of breaking away from the major TEAMs was learning to laugh at insults directed at you. I always say if you can't laugh at jokes at your own expense then you're going to miss out on a lot of good jokes.

I say as I cry myself to sleep.

[Smilin' Joe Fission]

This is the one part of the show where Kennedy actually shuts-up for a couple seconds. NEXT TOPIC!

[sarcasmic]

This is the one part of the show where Kennedy actually shuts-up for a couple seconds.

You say that like it is a bad thing.

[Smilin' Joe Fission]

Actually Weiner got all three of them to shut their mouths. They let Weiner spurt his non-sense everywhere.

[Francisco d Anconia]

And not one penis joke.

[WTF]

Weiner is a penis joke.

[Paul.]

Bet that was a sticky situation.

[~Knarf Yenrab~]

Bimonthly means once every two months. Semimonthly means twice a month. It's not really going to be bimonthly is it? I mean, last week you guys were making guacamole when you could be reading creatively phrased hate mail.

[Matt Welch]

Fortnightly it is!

[Dweebston]

Forthrightly Forthnightly.

Segment title. Boom.

[Francisco d Anconia]

So what's with the commercial on the front end?

Reason's really going in the shitter. First Taboola and now this. What's next, we gonna need to swipe a credit card to comment?

[Brett L]

Oh shit. NOW you've done it.

[RBS]

You don't want this place to turn into Somalia do you?

[~Knarf Yenrab~]

I hope Francisco doesn't go on the cruise, because I don't want to meet that jerk.

[Francisco d Anconia]

Trust me, you really don't. What an asshole.

[Steve G]

Yes, nice work GILMORE and Francisco. Also liked the deadpan delivery from the suit.

[GILMORE]

Bernie KILLS it.

Its refreshing to see someone with charisma and poise appear on the show for a change.

[playa manhattan]

I see what you are trying to do there.

[GILMORE]

practice makes perfect!

[The Late P Brooks]

Kennedy- not as retarded as Samantha Bee.

How was that?

[Heroic Mulatto]

So Kennedy is amongst the 99.9997% of the world's population that is not as retarded as Samantha Bee. Not sure where you're going with this.

[WTF]

Can Kennedy count to potato?

[Heroic Mulatto]

I dunno. How's your news?

[Brandybuck]

The videos are killing my browser. Didn't happen last week. What changed? Oh yeah, a new version of Flash for Windows. But I'm not on Windows.

Here's my two-minutes of hate for Reason: Test your fucking content on more than just Windows Explorer! Some of us nerds run Mac OSX or Linux!