Keystone XL

Keystone XL is Dead! Long Live Keystone Light

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Fresh from President Barack Obama's decision to reject the Keystone XL pipeline, the Canadian government is already looking for new ways to export its tar sands oil. After all, one common argument in favor of Keystone was that if TransCanada's Keystone was rejected, Canadian tar sands oil could still reach China and other power hungry Asian markets, albeit from a pipeline built across Canada. Right now, Enbridge is attempting to build such a pipeline, the Northern Gateway.

keystone light

Call it Keystone Light. 

The $5.5 billion Northern Gateway would transport 525,000 barrels a day of oil from Alberta to Kitimat, a port in British Columbia. Northern Gateway could be an enormous bonanza to Alberta. At current market prices, Alberta's 173 billion recoverable barrels of tar sands are worth upwards of $15.7 trillion. (That's trillion with a "T.")

But Northern Gateway still raises concerns from environmentalists and 55 First Nations (native tribes). This coalition is worried about oil spills (in 2010, a million gallon Enbridge spill led to almost $600 million in clean-up costs), environmental degradation, and climate change. Most provocatively, climate activist and a leading opponent of Keystone, Bill McKibben, once compared tar sands to a "carbon bomb" for the planet.

Of course, Enbridge and other proponents won't give in so easily. By offering First Nations jobs, contracts, and a 10 percent stake in the pipeline, 20 of the 43 tribes affected by the pipeline now support Northern Gateway. Meanwhile, advocates are emphasizing energy security and re-branding tar sands as "ethical oil" (it's better to fund Alberta than Saudi Arabia). In addition, nearly half of British Columbians support the project, with only a third opposed. (All the more impressive as BC is usually a bastion of the left and environmental causes.)

Still, the Northern Gateway is far from assured. A decision won't be made by Canada's National Energy Board until late 2013. That could give green and tribal activists enough time to stymie the pipeline. After all, in an October 2011 National Journal poll, 91 percent of energy and environmental experts predicted Keystone would be approved.

Northern Gateway, Keystone XL Map

But for pipeline proponents, there is a drop of good news. The Obama administration's decision to reject the Keystone pipeline will not affect Keystone beer:

Is Coors worried its Keystone beer is tainted because of the pipeline of the same name?

"They share the same name, but that's where the connection ends," Coors spokesman Colin Wheeler said in an e-mail to National Journal. "As for potential impact on the brand, it's highly unlikely."

Cheap college students rejoice!

For more on the Keystone XL pipeline, be sure to read Ronald Bailey's take.

NEXT: Rand Paul Attacks TSA in Op-Ed, L.A. Passes Condom Law, Gingrich Flip-Flops on Israel: P.M. Links

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  1. As a Texan, I appreciate that that map recognizes Texas as being a more distinct part of the nation than any other part, and shades it accordingly.

    1. As I understand it the decision to readmit Texas after the little dispute in the 1860s was made with great reluctance.

      1. …the decision to readmit Texas…was made with great reluctance.

        Yeah…on our part ^_^

    2. “Always smooth, like shitty tasting beer”

      Oh jesus christ, shut the fuck up, you and the social circle here love to pretend to all sorts of stupid fucking beer snobbery.

      Seriously, every single one of you saying this stupid shit, or talking about the horrible tasting, limited edition microbrews you drink sound like assholes.

  2. Is Coors worried its Keystone beer is tainted because of the pipeline of the same name?

    Who says there are no stupid questions?

    1. The Keystone brand is tainted because it is the worst beer in the world.

      1. “Always smooth, like shitty tasting beer”

        Oh jesus christ, shut the fuck up, you and the social circle here love to pretend to all sorts of stupid fucking beer snobbery.

        Seriously, every single one of you saying this stupid shit, or talking about the horrible tasting, limited edition microbrews you drink sound like assholes.

        1. Keystone is Coors seconds–it failed Coors quality control. So even Coors thinks it’s subpar. Sorry you have shitty taste in beer.

  3. Boehner should have Keith Stone in the audience tonight.

  4. Interesting to see you discuss this somewhat neutrally.
    As for Coors, spoiled way before any association with Keystone.

    1. “What makes a good man go neutral? Lust for gold? Power? Or were you just born with a heart full of neutrality?”

      1. “Tell my wife…hello.”

        1. “Wow, one day a man has everything…then the following day, he blows up a $40 billion space station, and the next day he has nothing. It really makes you think.”

          1. “Your Honor, it’s all true: My female incompetence, Zapp’s cat-like reflexes, the stuff that made no sense, all of it.”

      2. “I hate these filthy Neutrals, Kif. With enemies you know where they stand but with Neutrals, who knows? It sickens me.”

        1. “All I know is, my gut says ‘maybe’.”

          1. “I have no strong feelings, one way or the other.”

      3. Kif, you have once again earned my contempt.

  5. Why not build Keystone XL along the same route as the first keystone line? Yeah, it’s a longer distance, but the cost might be offset by avoiding political and courtroom fights over the existing route.

    1. Greenies will fight it regardless. They should all be shown this map of existing oil pipelines when the whine about “environmental impact,” though.

      1. Yeah, they will, but it would severely undercut Obama’s position. Right now, his reasoning for stopping the project is concerns with portions of the planned route in sensitive areas of Nebraska. Move the route to parallel the existing line, and any further protestations make the fact that he’s in the pocket of the watermelons undeniable.

  6. Keystone Light is shitty beer.

    1. Thank you Captain Obvious.

    2. How much does it cost up there in the Great White North?

      1. In Manitoba it’s $7.46 plus tax for a 6 pack (cans).

        1. Keystone Premium 12 pack, eight bucks, here.

        2. That’s $30 a case for an utterly shitty beer. I can get a six pack of Sierra Nevada (any type) for less than that.

          Canada’s liquor prices are fucking insane. Do you have to buy it in a Beer Store too (or is that only Ontario)?

          1. Beer store or Liquor store.
            Beer vendors have to be owned by a hotel, so they’re mainly at the back of shitty motels.

            1. It’s like Pennsylvania, but even stupider. How does anyone survive?

              1. We are a resilient people.

              2. Well, to provide a First Nations/trash anecdote, when I used to work at the local hardware store when I was in high school, every Welfare Wednesday this one old drunk First Nations guy would come in and buy paint thinner and I’m pretty sure he drank it. He knew exactly how much it would cost down to the cent, including tax. It was heartbreaking. Sin taxes and market distortions and government monopolies don’t cause any harm, nope.

              3. How do they manage to drink as much beer as they do?

            2. Hey, did you see that Ovi got suspended.
              Now, he’s pouting and is a no show for the AS Game.

              There’s something about that dude that I just don’t like.

              1. Byfuglien isn’t going either.
                But how do you feel about the all star Fantasy draft?

                1. …and Hartnell’s in. God, I hate that fucker.

                  About the fantasy draft, I wouldn’t even pick any d at first. Just the high scorers. In a game with no d being played, I’d rather have Malkin and Stamkos than Chara and Weber. My team would be crazy. If Hartnell was the last guy, I’d stop picking. Just say, “I’m done, they can have ‘im, that finger biting motherfucker.”

                  People here are pissed that James Neal didn’t get picked. I can see where they’re coming from but so far all I’ve seen is a guy that has great chemistry with the leagues hottest player. I’d like to see a couple seasons of Neal before I’d advocate for his inclusion in the festivities.

                  1. The ASG is a fucking joke. Good on Ovi for bailing out on that disaster. The players hate it, they’d rather have the rest and it shows. If only someone did a Pete Rose rounding third…

                    Don’t get me started on the Winter Classic. It is almost, almost as bad as the shoot out.

                    1. I enjoy watching the skills competitions and the youngstars game much more.

                      The actual game kinda sucks but it’s an excuse to drink some beer.

                    2. I get excited for the young guns as it is a first taste of recognition in their young careers. If only the Al’s (Iafrate and MacInnis) could get in the hardest shot competition with Chara and Weber, they would need new nets afterward.

          2. “I can get a six pack of Sierra Nevada (any type) for less than that”

            So you’re saying you pay more for your shitty tasting garbage, which Sierra Nevada is.

            You should be proud of overpaying for crap, then demonstrating how fucking stupid you are for doing so.

          3. Provincial responsibility.

            Crazy right-wing Alberta has privatized beer and liquor.

            1. And that’s the province that everyone tells me is full of religious whackos.

    3. You’re not supposed to drink it after you’re 18, idiot. It exists to get stupid high school kids laid.

      1. I didn’t say I drink it. I said it’s shit. Why would I drink shit?

        1. I don’t know. Why do your cars have square wheels? I don’t know why Canadians do the things they do.

          1. They only feel that way in -30 weather.

    4. “Always smooth, like shitty tasting beer”

      Oh jesus christ, shut the fuck up, you and the social circle here love to pretend to all sorts of stupid fucking beer snobbery.

      Seriously, every single one of you saying this stupid shit, or talking about the horrible tasting, limited edition microbrews you drink sound like assholes.

  7. Not at all surprised the First Nations are angling for handouts. Hopefully they can afford to buy them off and this gets made. Shitty Northern BC could use an oil revival like shitty Northern AB has had.

    1. Are Canadian injuns as trashy as ours? After an entire childhood of being bombarded with propaganda about Indians being all ecologically correct and shit, I was very disillusioned the first time I drove through a reservation.

      1. No, they’re worse. If you get any Canadian to answer honestly, they will tell you the way the government decided to handle them is about as stupid as could possibly be. They get every kind of free government goodie you can imagine so they end up stuck on the govt tit, not working, drunk, and worse. The chiefs/leadership have way too much power. First Nations kids get cash from the province just for attending regular classes. There are insanely high levels of poverty, child abuse, suicide, you name it. I could go on.

        It is a real shame because there is a lot of animosity towards them among the unwashed masses (the Right Thinking elites are of course politically correct), but they are only in their predicament because of past govt abuses, including stealing their children to put in residential schools and other atrocities.

  8. Seeing the radical greens’ efforts to derail any and all attempts to exploit the tar sands brings to mind nothing so much as those stories about little old homeless ladies dying on park benches in the snow, only to have the police find her sad little shopping cart filled with bags of money.

  9. The tar shit oil gets here anyway – via the convoluted Dakota route.

    This is political gamesmanship all the way.

    1. Thanks, comrade. These balls don’t suck themselves, you know.

  10. Keystone sucks!
    Haw haw haw!

  11. “Always smooth, like shitty tasting beer”

    Oh jesus christ, shut the fuck up, you and the social circle here love to pretend to all sorts of stupid fucking beer snobbery.

    Seriously, every single one of you saying this stupid shit, or talking about the horrible tasting, limited edition microbrews you drink sound like assholes.

    It’s like John trying to convince people fat chicks are better.

    1. So you really like Keystone, huh?

      Too bad. It’s not even good for bad beer.

      1. Best bad beers

        My picks:

        Old Milwaukee (not Milwaukee’s Best)
        Pabst
        Busch

        And for being bad, I’d rather have one of those, or a Keystone Premium, over Bud, Bud Light, Miller Light, or Coors Light.

        1. What are we, award winners?

        2. Busch is exactly the same as keystone. Put Old Style on the list.

    2. Hey look, it’s the guy who doesn’t understand what handles are for!

  12. Most provocatively, climate activist and a leading opponent of Keystone, Bill McKibben

    I’m not sure if most people recognize this name, but this idiotic fuck has been preaching his Luddite nonsense for many many years. He trots out the same bullshit in article after article. I think he’s got some automated process for generating the text now. A sampling:

    Breaking the Growth Habit

    The title says it all, really.

    I can only link two things, so I’ll helpfully point back to my previous comment on this imbecile.

    1. I had to listen to a guest lecture he gave for my freshmen ethics seminar. It was so stupid that I just went to the rest of them drunk.

    2. Look at that fucking skeleton. How is he alive?

    3. That McKibble lives while good men die is all the proof I need that there is no God.

  13. I believe Bill McKibben is the guy who moved to the woods, wrote a book rhapsodizing about living in an old-growth forest, and then someone pointed out that the whole area had been clear-cut about 100 years ago.

  14. “But for pipeline proponents, there is a drop of good news. The Obama administration’s decision to reject the Keystone pipeline will not affect Keystone beer”

    Ok, and what’s the good news? Obama would have been doing us a favor for once.

  15. a million gallon Enbridge spill

    Look, every other quantity of oil is in barrels. Is it too much to ask for y’all to perform the conversion for us? I’m a busy man, and I can’t be dividing-by-55 all willy-nilly.

    Or is it just a matter of making the spill look bigger?

  16. Coors (non light) is my favorite shit beer. Fuck Keystone.

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