The TSA: They're Laughing At You, Not With You

Inside the mind of the frontline of offense against Americans' dignity:

[T]hat vibrator in your carry-on luggage that looks like it would satisfy an elephant, yeah I see that and I see you standing right in front of me. But sure be offended by the naked x-ray image a person in another room is seeing, don't worry about the vibrator at all or the other weird and crazy crap in your bag. I have seen the way parents treat their kids and kids treat their parents in the airport and security checkpoint. I have seen 12 year old girls dressed like Tijuana whores with mommy right next to them dressed the same way. I have seen husbands and wives get into fist fights over who is carrying a bag. I have seen grown men and women throw hissy fits like a two year old child because they were asked to remove their shoes. This is the stuff you should be ashamed of and worried about TSA officers seeing. This is what should make you feel humiliated because trust me, we may be professionals but when you come through the checkpoint with crazy stuff in your bag or acting like an idiot, we are going to talk about you after you leave. Oh hell yes we are. It is going to become the highlight of the conversation at TSA officer gatherings….

Flying is a privilege not a right. As such, it can be and is regulated. Requirements can and are set up to ensure that everyone who flies is safe. If you don't like it, then don't fly.

Jim Bovard classic 2004 Reason magazine cover feature on the TSA's feckless overreach, summing up their real mission: "Dominate. Intimidate. Control."

Comments

[Brand]

Well at least they come out and admit it.

[Meany]

One person's rant is "they"? Wow. How collectivist of you.

[TomD]

Uh, no. "We" is "they":

"... we may be professionals but when you come through the checkpoint with crazy stuff in your bag or acting like an idiot, we are going to talk about you after you leave. Oh hell yes we are. It is going to become the highlight of the conversation at TSA officer gatherings...."

[Meany]

One person said it. That was his/her opinion. That person was not speaking as a representative of all TSA workers. The statement was not issued on behalf of all TSA workers. I'll try to make it even simpler for you: You, "TomD", do not speak for everyone at H&R. Hope this helps.

[TomD]

That's correct. Her "we" was not a statement on behalf of literally every TSA worker. Just as Doherty's "they" does not refer to literally every TSA worker.

You know, on a blog whose headlines include stuff like "The First Amendment, well how quaint!" and "Please Help Us Make More Politicians Cry," it's probably not worth parsing the syntactic precision of a single pronoun on a random Friday afternoon. Really.

[Meany]

For the record, if you click through to the longer statement you'll find her disclaimer:

"I am not a spokesperson or representative for TSA in any way. I actually have a huge dislike for them and would like to see a good deal a management fired. These are my views and opinions and those of some of my friends and former co-workers who happen to still work for TSA."

[Jeff]

What I'd dispute is the use of the word "professional." TSA agents are unskilled labor, plain and simple. Are ditch-diggers to be considered "professional" workers as well?

[DJ Drugs]

Don't insult ditch diggers by comparing them to TSA goons.

[Tipper]

Does it make you feel better about yourself when you demean fellow humans? Do you laugh at fast-food workers too? Garbage men? Cashiers? Lots of people do jobs that they despise. In fact, most people do. You could counter: "Well, they could find other work." Maybe they could. But others would fill the ranks. The TSA would not go away. Exhibiting a superior attitude about people whose jobs you find offensive does not address the problem. It only serves to identify you as an asshole.

[JB]

The Nazi death camp guards needed jobs too.

People make choices and they are responsible for them.

Working for the TSA makes you a goon.

[JB]

The Nazi death camp guards needed jobs too.

People make choices and they are responsible for them.

Working for the TSA makes you a goon.

[Aresen]

This is what should make you feel humiliated because trust me, we may be professionals but when you come through the checkpoint with crazy stuff in your bag or acting like an idiot, we are going to talk about you after you leave. Oh hell yes we are. It is going to become the highlight of the conversation at TSA officer gatherings....

In case anyone was wondering what happened to their shiftless, lazy, nosy, gossiping neighbor who stole "borrowed" tools from your garage and if they ever got a job.

[swillfredo pareto]

Flying is a privilege not a right. As such, it can be and is regulated.

The United States government and its lackeys at the state level regulate the hell out of rights as it is so color me unpersuaded. That this individual believes the financial and social costs of the TSA are justified by the nebulous increase in aviation safety speaks volumes of the intellectual acumen asked of these heroic public "servants". That an elephantine dildo provides intellectual stimulation only confirms it.

[Paul]

This week has been a trifecta of win for me. So now the TSA guy I'm arguing with in my head has been proven to be real. Win-win-win.

[omg]

If I ever need to cheer myself up, I think of all TSA agents simultaneously getting fired after money runs out. I think of their useless "skills" that won't get them any jobs in the private sector more complicated than flipping burgers. And I think of all the very real consequences that will happen to them when they try their jackbooted thuggery in a non-government job. Isn't it beautiful?

[BoscoH]

You're not cynical enough. They'll call themselves "veterans", and then you'll not only have to respect and honor them, you'll have to pay for them.

[omg]

You shall not spoil my mental picture.

[snortimer]

I think of how miserable their lives must already be if they have to be a TSA agent. Talking about an elephant dildo is apparently the highlight of their careers and I'm guessing also their lives.

[DJ Drugs]

WWFS?

(What would Freud say?)

[2cents]

It's a beautiful thing:)

[Jeff P]

It isn't a priviledge or a right. It's a service/comodity that is sold. Neither priviledges or rights are competitive. But TSA wouldn't know that as they are foisted in between seller and buyer. Them not fingering your anus is a priviledge in their book.

[A. Freeman]

When they fondle you, tell them you enjoy it.

[Zeb]

And, if at all possible, have a raging hard-on when they do it. Maybe moan a little bit. That should make at least some of them feel uncomfortable.

[jasno]

If you pass gas, would that be considered assaulting an officer?

[Jozef]

"If you don't like it, then don't fly."

And that's exactly what sheeple are finally beginning to do. Which, in turns, causes airlines to have their panties in a bunch. Which will result in their paid contractors, the politicians, to panic and instead of injecting some common sense into the TSA, they'll shovel some more money at the airlines. And two years from now, we'll all sit here, bitch about our taxpayer money going to airlines who already cut down on capacity and still can't fill their seats.

[NoVAHockey]

We'll be paying so the airlines can fly empty planes around. TSA will remain to screen the pilots and crews.

[A. Freeman]

That is if the pilots don't refuse to get irradiated when they pass through the checkpoints.

I wonder what they do when a pilot certified as a Federal Flight Deck Officer goes through the nuker? Crap thier knickers when they see the Sig or Glock on the x-ray?

[DJ Drugs]

For whatever it's worth, don't pilots and other aircrew have elevated cancer rates from increased radiation encountered at higher altitudes?

Plausible or not? I don't remember where I read this.

[Fiscal Meth]

Usually people who say sheeple spew nothing but nonsense but is a good observation. Color me surprised

[Jozef]

Sorry, it's just a phase. I'll grow out of it once the memories of the last election fade...

[Triumph]

They're just trying to stimulate demand for high-speed rail.

[Enjoy Every Sandwich]

I wonder about this. After all, the government has asserted that it has the authority under the all-powerful Commerce Clause to force people to buy insurance whether they want to or not. Why not airline tickets too?

Or maybe they'll make it a federal offense to drive more than 50 miles in any direction.

[DJ Drugs]

Anyone brought up the Milita Acts as a counterpoint to the gov't's commerce clause claim?

[Upgrayyed]

Fuck the TSA. Vote from the checkpoints.

[CDM]

Oh dear, they're going to take about me after I make my way through the line! Oh the embarrassment! I'm sorry, I'm more likely to crack jokes about the TSA agents looking like pedophilic douches who couldn't flip a burger properly. Within earshot of course.

[Jeffersonian]

I read a day or two ago that an "Opt-Out Day" on Nov. 24, the busiest travel day of the year. If just 5% of travelers that day dig their heels in and refuse the nudie-scans, TSA will be overwhelmed and taught a lesson.

Civil disobedience for a good cause, I think. Enough is enough.

[jester]

Problem is that TSA could give a flying fuck if you make your flight.

[P Brooks]

Flying is a privilege not a right.

SIUYA

srsly

[P Brooks]

Now if you want to fly, suck it up and accept that you have to submit to the security procedures. Yes you think they are stupid or unnecessary but TSA officers and TSA don't care what you think.

No kidding.

I wonder if anybody has read this to the useless fuck who warms the chair the Oval Office. I suspect he doesn't care what we think, either.

[Pip]

"Dominate. Intimidate. Control. ("DIC")

[hehe]

I love their cartoons.

[Tony]

We wouldn't have these problems if the TSA had been allowed to unionize.

[Paul]

I'm the first to admit that libertarians do sometimes fuck themselves on the Union thing. For instance, let the TSA unionize, then keep fucking with their pay and benefits so they're perpetually on strike.

That would be eight kinds of awesome.

[Brandybuck]

Win!

[cynical]

Yes, unless you wanted to fly somewhere.

[oncogenesis]

Correct. We'd have these problems and a whole mess of other ones.

[mad libertarian guy]

TSA thugs wouldn't be uneducated, authoritarian assholes who feel as if they have a right to abject humiliation if they were allowed to unionize?

Bull. Fucking. Shit.

Fuck those fuckers.

[Achmed the Dead Terrorist]

The TSA screening area would be a fine place for a premature detonation.

[jasno]

Has anyone started a line of luggage with hidden slogans than only show up on xray machines? I'd pay a pretty penny for a laptop bag that said "Fuck the TSA" when it goes through the scanner.

Or I would, if I was planning to fly anytime soon. Fortunately my customer is an 8 hour drive away, which is just enough to avoid flying.

[Brandon]

I think that's the best idea i've ever heard.

[Forbes]

Just as when someone prefaces what they are about to say with, "Trust me" is it time to pause with caution and cynicism. Likewise when the TSA cretins bable on about "being" professional--as if they approach their job with analytical precision and personal disinterest, when they are, at best, power-tripping assembly-line workers whose chief concern is job security on the federal teat. All confirmed by the writer's focus on anecdotes about passengers stressed-out by the security hassle hoops and hurdles laid out by the TSA. What a joke.

[bubba]

A 12 year old Tijuana whore carries on a King Dong, therefore I shouldn't complain about having my crotch fondled?

I'm not sure I follow this logic. I'm not a 12 year old Tijuana whore with a King Dong in my bag.

Can I request that search be done by a (18 year old) Tijuana whore?

[Paul]

TSA Agent: The bitch was asking for it.

[Enjoy Every Sandwich]

Flying is a privilege not a right.

Actually, fuckface, it's a transaction and it's between me and the owner of the airplane. In other words, none of your fucking business.

[not Chad]

Unless you hijack the plane and crash it into a skyscraper filled with thousands of third parties. That's an externality.

[Enjoy Every Sandwich]

By that "logic" we have no rights at all, since anyone with a little imagination can come up with hypothetical abuses of said rights. (Yes, it's hypothetical. Others have done it but that in no way proves that I will. Anyone can engage in libel, tell secrets, etc. Is free speech then a privilege?)

The concept that flying is a "privilege" is meant to convey that the government has the rightful authority to grant or withhold permission to fly. From where does it get this authority? Hopefully from more than fearful dreams?

[P Brooks]

Or maybe they'll make it a federal offense to drive more than 50 miles in any direction.

Once you have your government-mandated VOLT, that won't really be an issue, will it?

[Enjoy Every Sandwich]

They'll still need the statute. Some evil free market types might set up a relay of Volts, like the old Pony Express.

[wylie]

Didn't God Emperor of Dune discuss the need to reduce mobility to really control people?

[Jennifer]

The McDonald's in my neighborhood requires a high school diploma if you want to work there; TSA does not. So burger flippers are held to higher standards of intelligence and education than these TSA losers.

I have only flown three times since the inception of TSA, and only because I couldn't avoid it: two business trips and a family funeral I couldn't drive to in time. The only good thing I have to say about the TSA is: if not for its agents, the three-inch-long fake-fingernail industry would surely have gone out of business by now.

[General Calculus]

Let me get this straight. We paid several trillion dollars into fighting the Cold War, only to lose?

[wylie]

Mos Def really didn't research that "69 Billion" figure in "Mathematics."

[Enjoy Every Sandwich]

The fight was not over whether we would have a totalitarian police state; it was over who would control it. So we would have lost no matter who won.

[numeromancer]

Every machine has its friction. But when friction comes to have its own machine...I say, let us not have such a machine any longer.

H. D. Thoreau

[None]

TSA to be world leader child porn production.

[TomD]

Here's the link to the original rant by the TSA rep (who fittingly describes herself in the blog's subtitle as an "empowered woman").

I see that one Tim Cavanaugh has chimed in on the comments thread over there:

"You are a thug. You write like a thug. You think like a thug. The fact that you show almost as much contempt for your former co-workers as you showed to the people you were charged with serving does not change the fact that you are a thug."

She responded. Everyone should go pile on.

[Irresponsible Hater]

I piled on, and she responded to me as well... I'm starting to think/hope this is a gag. No way someone could be this stupid...

[Human Race]

Hi! Have we met?

[DJ Drugs]

mom says:
2010/11/13 at 1:10 am
Everyone has "rights" so why would your right to privacy supersede my right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. Your right to privacy is just inferred by the Supreme Court ( I do believe in the right to privacy but for this purpose) whereas my right is explicitly spelled out.

Priceless. Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness is spelled out - but where?

[Ted S.]

The commenting system there is even more fucked up than the threaded comments here.

[Irresponsible Hater]

Woah - from the same TSA drone's blog:

"The Invasive Pat Down

Ok that one is bullshit. It is a terror tactic by TSA to get you to walk through the more thorough body scanner. I can't defend TSA on this one. I have talked to the TSA officers and it is no more effective than the old pat down procedure. They tested it out with trainers and each other. It is purely a terror tactic by TSA. Shame on TSA and anyone who has to get one should write a complaint in afterward. You still have to get it though if you want to get on the plane. Throwing a fit will not get you out of it."

http://www.momversus.com/2010/11/03/shut-up-get-scanned/

I've read of others "in the know" admitting that the more aggressive pat down is just a prod. But to see a TSA worker characterize it (correctly) as a "terror tactic" is pretty bad. To do so in the context of defending the TSA, and saying we should shut up and take it, is... what? Criminal? Evil?

This is turning into some real line-drawing-worthy shit. Someone's got to come up with an effective civil-disobedience strategy for this mess. Something effective, that makes these people not want to show up for work...

[Josh M]

Which is more embarrassing: owning a vibrator, or being an illiterate GED lowlife who can't get a non-TSA job?

[An Annoying Pedant]

Her website is atrociously designed and hijacked with so many intrusive ads I don't understand how anyone could spend their time there. When someone loads their site with so much garbage advertising it shows they truly do not care for the reader. It's no wonder so much contempt flows through the actual content.

[Ted S.]

I didn't see the intrusive ads, but as is the case with reason and any link I click to from here, I only see them with cached images and individually load the images I want to see.

[An Annoying Pedant]

Baked Penguin: Mom mentioned she worked at OIA (Orlando International Airport). What is it about this town that breeds crazy?

[An Annoying Pedant]

Also what's telling is her complaints about no alternatives being offered in the comments. There is one but she refuses to acknowledge it: we accept the risk of living in a free society.

[jester]

Remember that the TSA was created because it was incorrectly assumed that screeners had failed to identify the weapons used to bring down the planes on 9-11. Consider also that those same crude weapons would still be allowed past TSA. No they were NOT box-cutters, they were crude contructions that functioned like box-cutters. Also recall that the 4th plane showed that such a crude weapon would never work again.

[Contemplationist]

The TSA was created as a nationalization of airport security by the "conservative" George W. Bush for the reason that private screeners had failed. Missing from this memo was the fact that Karl Rove and Bush had made campaign promises to stop Profiling at airports, and then after winning the 2000 election, FULFILED the promise in early 2000.

So now we have this insane and bizarre scenario of a so-called right-winger nationalizing an industry and ending profiling of arabs/muslims in airports to get "muslim votes." And nobody even KNOWS about it. Cos Bush loving lapdog "conservatives" don't care to know it, and lefties obviously won't bring up the failure to PROFILE cos they hate that.

[Contemplationist]

sorry early 2001**

[billy-jay]

"From now on I'm going to refer to it as the Testicle Squeezing Authority."

(Alex Sears -- Facebook)

via Billy Beck

[cynical]

But what about our ladyfolk? I still prefer "Tsardom of Sexual Assault".

[Mark]

So the TSA agents manning security checkpoints will snidely and disrespectfully converse about the contents of our carry-on luggage, the way we dress and our behavior when we're late for a flight because we have to deal with glove-wearing, groping dickheads demanding to check if our flip-flops are loaded. But they won't talk about the naked pictures of us?because they're professionals!

And the TSA is using terror tactics to protect us from... wait for it... TERRORISM! This is genius! This is, of course, NOT what the scumbags who flew planes into the World Trade Center had in mind...

[RapeScan]

Hey genital squeezer, people should get upset about this bullshit security theater. the TSA does nothing to make security on airplanes better, all they do is harass.

the only thing that has helped security on airplanes are the reinforced flight decks, and a more aware public/crew.

TSA is worthless, they need to be cut off the budget, we don't need them anymore. let the airlines handle security, FIRE THE TSA.

[FIRE THE TSA]

FIRE THE TSA

FIRE THE TSA

FIRE THE TSA

FIRE THE TSA

FIRE THE TSA

[bruse]

Um that as clown said {Flying is a privilege not a right} bullshit we pay for that service its not free. We do have to right to fly if we are paying for it. Without paying customers there out of work PERIOD

[David]

F U travel is not a privilege. All TSA should die, do not worry it is not personal, they just all suck worse than their Nazi counterparts.

[David]

You should eat shit and die