As some states go south, Remy heads west.
Music and lyrics by Remy. Instruments, background vocals, mixing and mastering by Ben Karlstrom.
LYRICS
Shopping for detergent but it's all locked up
The tax man and a guy in the alley want to take my stuff
Finally get to my door and I see Rob
That's the moment I discover that I stepped in a human log
That's why I'm moving to South Dakota
To a freer place that doesn't only view me as a ticket quota
I'm scraping human feces out the treads of my loafer
I wonder if I would be doing this if I lived down in Sarasota
Or South Dakota
I live in a box
It costs three grand a month
With bars on the windows so that people do not steal my stuff
The schools are…eh
My kid can't read
But to be fair to the teachers it is possible that she can't see
That's why I'm moving to South Dakota
To a place that isn't making me pay extra taxes on my soda
My bathroom toilet's four feet from my stove-ah
I hear it's better in a bunch of other places out in Arizona
Or South Dakota
As I sang that verse the schools got worse
How I wish that I could pause it
I get this thought each time I'm robbed and I'm hiding in my closet
I'm moving to South Dakota
To a place that doesn't over-tax and over-ticket my Toyota
I just Googled "human feces danger contact disease sole of my loafer"
It's times like this that have folks finding freer places they can go to
Like South Dakota
- Producer: Austin Bragg
- Producer: Meredith Bragg
- Producer: John Carter
- Instruments, background vocals, mixing, and mastering: Ben Karlstrom
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To the tune of Stairway to Heaven
Thereโs a Pluggo that sure,
He will never fuck old,
And heโs buying a boy whoโs eleven.
When he gets there he knows,
That Chris Hansen might show,
Like a turd will kidnap what he came for.
Ooo ooo.
And heโs buying a boy whoโs eleven.
Sorosโ sign on the wall,
Pluggo wants to be sure,
Cos you know sometimes his pre-teen leanings,
In a van by the brook, where he takes his playthings,
Sometimes all of his deeds are misgiven.
Oooo it makes me wonder.
Oooo it makes me wonder.
Eleven? That's bit old for Pluggo.
Supposed it could have been:
And heโs buying a boy that is seven.
'Unshaven' rhymes but I'm unsure if it covers all the bases.
Heaven and seven are two syllables. Eleven is three. Also seven is a lot more creepy.
โleven
That would work too. Poetic Licence.
I first saw detergent behind bars in a Home Depot in Albuquerque last June. Another Democratic paradise.
My new personal (and annoying) indicator is the need for a combination lock code on the bathroom doors in Starbucks. After a couple of long distance drives this year, my anecdotal data suggest a strong correlation of combo locks with shit hole locations I would not want to live in.
I first saw detergent behind bars in a Home Depot in Albuquerque last June. Another Democratic paradise.
Seattle's been doing that for a while. At least in some stores.
Welcome to Chicago where Walgreens even has a store with almost everything locked up.
https://blockclubchicago.org/2023/06/02/at-new-chicago-walgreens-you-can-only-browse-two-aisles-the-rest-of-the-store-is-locked-away/
Do you think this would work?
Mayor Daley told reporters that he had ordered police "to shoot to kill any arsonist or anyone with a Molotov cocktail in his hand . . . and . . . to shoot to maim or cripple anyone looting any stores in our city."
I think Daley had an utterly unrealistic idea of police marksmanship. For example, the NYPD seems to shoot more innocent bystanders than suspects. Itโs possible that in his day, Chicago paid for more target range time than most police departments, but most police shootings are at a moving target, and that's iffy even for the best marksman. The only marksmen that can target a moving arm or leg are movie stuntmen โ who load the gun with blanks and set off a squib (like a small firecracker) where they pretend the shot hit.
If you want to hit a person, you donโt aim to kill or aim to wound, you aim for center mass. If you can aim straight and the target doesnโt move too much, that should work out to a solid hit on the torso that may disable or kill, but the shooter does not have much control over that.
it's like the good 'ol days when you would walk into the store and a guy behind the counter would get stuff off the shelves for you. Make Shopping Great Again. Customer Service!
Except that there may not be enough Mr. Druckers and Arnold Ziffel the Pigs to fetch the "Hots Cakes" Mix behind the counter when you want it for Mrs. Douglas, Dah-link.
Many locally-owned business places in Gastonia NC for years have had either no publicly-available public restrooms or available to paying customers only, with keys connected to dowels. The Post Office in the center of town once had open 24-7-365 P.O. Box areas until the homeless used them for toilets and crash pads. One local pharmacy for years forbade more than two kids per visit and banned bookbags.
Place Gastonia, NC on your "Do Not Go" list. You have my secular blessing.
"If Suzie has 3 apples and we take away to, how systemic is racism"?
Kulturwar hurr durr.
"How do you like them apples?"
Did you take her apples at gunpoint?
Hey, now before folks start thinking of actually moving to South Dakota you should know there are no theaters that perform plays and musicals like Cats and Hammilton. The internet is all dial up and we still use landline phones with dials. Um... there are no hospitals and the mail is delivered by Pony Express. We're still fighting the Indian Wars.... er... um... All the radio stations play only country music and Christian rock.
You will hate it here. It's a hell on earth.
All the radio stations play only country music and Christian rock.
That does sound like Hell.
Do the Mandans still share their wives and daughters with visitors?
Maybe for money or booze... I can't really say. Never tried to borrow a Mandan's wife or daughter. Cant say I was ever attracted to a Mandan female. We mostly trade shots with the Indians (feather, not dot), us being still fighting the Indian wars of course. So dangerous to live here don't ya know.
I thought all the Mandans died of smallpox.
Heโs trying to keep you from moving there. Next door, in MT, Internet is fiber, paid for by everyone else, with a tax on everyoneโs phones. Actual landlines are disappearing, as home phones now come in on the fiber. And they have had DTMF dialing for decades. The Indians were pacified almost a century and a half ago, and own most of the casinos. Yes, a lot of Christian and Country music on the radio, but, again, you have a full range of stations over fiber. And, if you donโt have fiber yet, there is always Starlink.
We do lose power on occasion, which is humorous because we have a hydro dam a half mile away. The reason is that the developer of our subdivision connected us to the grid to the west, with the dams starting 20 miles down river. So, we do have a generator. Nice clinic within walking distance, connected to a hospital 20 miles away, and through it to a good one in Missoula a 100 miles away.
Amazon Prime still works, but delivers a day late. Not really an issue, except when I bought some 10โ pieces of steel. Oh, and because itโs partially through USPS, they wonโt deliver batteries, lasers, etc. Guns would be an issue, except you need to go through an FFL anywaysโฆ
That leaves Culture. No Broadway (or Vegas) shows. BFD for us. The bigger cities have symphonies, at least at the universities. Not the caliber you may be used to, butโฆ
If this sort of stuff bothers you, you can always chose to live in or near a city. We donโt. Love knowing (and trusting) our neighbors. In rural MT, most everyone is armed. Maybe not all the time, but at least something in the house. You just donโt have the Law and Order problems you see in esp Dem controlled big cities. Just doesnโt happen. Panhandling by the Residentially Challenged doesnโt happen either. And the feces on the ground are going to be from the ubiquitous wildlife, and not of human origin.
Sounds like N. Idaho, except only a few have fiber for now. The rest is fairly spot-on.
We have Blackfoot Communications, out of Missoula, for telephone, DSL, and now fiber.
"Heโs trying to keep you from moving there."
No! Never! Such an accusation.
I am certain that Montana would be a wonderful place for all of you fleeing the nightmare of Blue Urban Area. Yes. Montana. It ends in an A so it can still be used in the song.
Speaking of, Remy's song wasn't exactly Frank Zappa's "Movin' to Montana," but still a great parody of our urban culture. I'll give it 4 Stars.
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"The Indians ... own most of the casinos." So the Indians still scalp people, but it's only financially, and only those that don't understand probability. I'm happy that we've found a way to compensate them for the Indian Wars and broken treaties, without drawing on public funds.
If they won't burn down satellite uplinks or low-power Secular pirate radio stations or urgent care clinics as covens of Satan, South Dakota may be made liveable.
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Yes! Did I mention the Religious Fanatics! Oh the horror! Oh the terrorism of the angry Christians. Yes, very bad. Go to Montana.
They can't be much worse than North Carolina's. Recall, Herr Rudolph found refuge in North Carolina.
We do have a good range of churches though in NW MT. Mennonite, Amish, LDS, Christian Scientist, etc. You can tell the first two apart by what they drive โ Amish have their buggies, while the Mennonites have their minivans. The latter two proselytize. My wife has good answers to both of them. Around us, it is mostly Protestant of one type or another. The good side of the religion is that the people are generally good. Itโs still a high trust culture. If you want to live around the godless, there is always Missoula, with its hard left university faculty.
One other issue for progressives โ guns. If you live outside the bigger cities, you can be sure that most everyone around you is armed. Just think about it for a minute โ in rural MT, almost every house has a gun, and most pickups too. MT edged out ID, AK, and WY in a recent study as having the highest frequency of guns, per household. Itโs very low key, but if you worry about some yahoo pulling out his piece, and riddling you with bullets, at the slightest provocation, these states are not for you. It rarely happens, so gun phobia isnโt rational, but, then, if leftists and other progressives were rational, they would be Republicans. So, if you worry about gun ownership, keep in mind that anyone you meet there at any time might be armed. And many of them are. Scary thought, isnโt it?
I'd love to hear your wife's answers.
Does she come to the door with a laptop in one hand, a power tool in the other, dressed in a negligรฉe? High tech and low neck would suffice to scare away both Amish and Mennonite door-knockers.
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Copy and agree on the guns, but "rational Republicans"? Hardly. Get your nose out of the Ann Coulter for a bit.
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When we retired in 2019 my wife and I moved to Rapid City South Dakota for our health. We came here for the waters. Nobody told us the state was in the middle of the continent. So my advice is to look elsewhere. No water. Nothing but bad lands, black hills and pointless giant stone carvings. There is a Wall that is a tourist trap - I think they might have water, maybe a cup of coffee.
Besides, who wants to live in a state governed by a country hick like Kristi Noem? Anyway, remember this is the state that put George McGovern in the US House and Senate. Stay away! You'd freeze anyway. Whatever you do don't compare the climate of Rapid City to, say, Chicago because climatologists are known liars: https://weatherspark.com/compare/y/14091~4074/Comparison-of-the-Average-Weather-in-Chicago-and-Rapid-City
It would be wonderful for a Carolinian, North or South, to visit in the Summertime! And Iโm no stranger to cold. Your attempts to scare people away arenโt working.
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Rest assured, I would never want NC politics brought with me. Once I arrived, I would scrape it off as quick as horse apples or human apples.
Come for Rally in Sturgus. Then GO HOME! We just want your tourism dollars. Greedy and selfish we are! Yes! You'd hate it here. Money grabbing tourist traps is all we have here.
The coffee at Wall isn't even good.
Kolonel Klink Klaus and the World Economic Forum would think Sturgis was a Utopia. After all, nobody there owns the land or shelters, there's no privacy and everything is wide-ass open, everybody catches bugs in their teeth hauling ass up there, and everybody's happy!
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