Morrissey: An Airport Security Agent 'Groped My Penis And Testicles'

The British rock singer had an unfortunate run-in at San Francisco International Airport.

Singer and famed English grump Morrissey claims that a security agent sexually assaulted him while going through security at San Francisco International Airport on July 27th.  

Morrissey wrote on the True to You fan news website that the security officer "[S]topped me, crouched before me and groped my penis and testicles." Morrissey says he lodged a complaint, but doesn't expect that it will go anywhere. It should also be noted that San Francisco International is part of a program that allows screeners from private companies that are supervised by the Transport Security Administration (TSA) to conduct security checks.  

If only the Moz would have watched Reason's video on "The TSA's 12 Signs You Might Be a Terrorist"—written by Justin Monticello and produced by Paul Detrick—he could have avoided this mess altogether.

Maybe security spotted a fear boner? 

Comments

[Tony]

I wonder about opportunity cost. Clearly the brightest, most disciplined, and least perverted members of society are positioned to be employed by the TSA.

[Chipper Morning Wood]

You have to take a personality test to be hired by the TSA. My friend took it and they pretty much told him he wasn't right for the job because he wasn't enough of a lemming.

[Dread Pirate Roberts]

When they groped Morrissey's penis and testicles, I said nothing, because I've never been in the Smiths.

[Harold Falcon]

When they groped Dee Snider, I said nothing, because I've never been in Twisted Sister.

[Rich]

I said something, because I've been in you.

[Slammer]

Are you sure they didn't....

*puts on sunglasses*

Just Want to See the Boy Happy?

[Hamster of Doom]

This is why Fist is just like Hitler.

[Chipper Morning Wood]

Many LOLZ at you and at any else in these comments who knows enough about Morrissey to make a joke referencing his lyrics.

[Rockabilly]

Bigmouth strikes again

[lap83]

and now he knows how Joan of Arc felt..

[Rockabilly]

and Heaven knows, he's miserable now

[Paul.]

It should also be noted that San Francisco International is part of a program that allows screeners from private companies that are supervised by the Transport Security Administration (TSA) to conduct security checks.

Well there's your problem, market failure. Get government in control of this.

[lap83]

Hand in glove
we can go wherever we please
and everything depends upon
how near you stand to me

And if the people stare
then, the people stare
oh I really don't know
and I really don't care

[cavalier973]

Morrison is also mad that he is now, by San Francisco law, gay married to the TSA agent, and he can't find a Christian baker to make sure the cake is official.

[Rich]

Serious question: What with all the gender-self-identification going on legitimately these days, shouldn't a gropee have the right to specify the gender of their groper?

[Mickey Rat]

Accusations of homophobia?

[Rich]

No. Simple common-sense legislation.

[Lord Humungus]

Morrissey playing live often gets rushed er, molested by his fans. The TSA agent was just fulfilling his fantasy.

[Notorious G.K.C.]

Yeah, he's like a sex symbol, I suppose. It would be harassment on his part *not* to allow a little groping by his fans.

[Sven Galli]

Moz afraid, where do TSA's intention lay?

[Sven Galli]

He's a handsome devil, so I can't blame them. But it was really nothing.

[Harold Falcon]

Being physically molested is "really nothing"? Check yo'self before you wreck yo'self.

[Sven Galli]

I'd correct your mistake here, but I don't owe you anything.

[Sven Galli]

TSA won't change though. So what difference does it make?

[Sven Galli]

Do you think the hooligan that groped him was sweet and tender?

[Sven Galli]

TSA necessary? What a miserable lie.

[The artist known Dunphy]

Morrissey: meat is murder

PJ O'Rourke: if meat is murder, are eggs rape?

[Ornithorhynchus]

Eggs are abortion.

[The artist known Dunphy]

Morissey is just alright with me, but mess with my man Johnny Marr and there will be heck to pay! HECK I tell you!!

[Chipper Morning Wood]

If meat is murder, does that mean that Dylan Roof is guilty of meat?

[Eric L]

So sad to hear it happening to this charming man; but he did sing about this 30 years ago.

"Knees you in the groin
Elbow in the face
Bruises bigger than dinner plates"

[ULOST]

Oh, my. The frank and the beans. Sannnn Franthithco. A real man would have "reflexively" punched him in the face and said he tugged to hard.

[Paul.]

Girlfriend in Tacoma I know, I know, it's serious!

[Sevo]

OK, so Morressy has been under my radar. A search says he's a Brit singer who didn't like Thacher and wished Bush had died.
Do I need any more info to wish TSA had fed his balls to a woodchipper?

[Golden Rulesy]

Hot.

[Hank Phillips]

Hey. Aren't Europeans supposed to be sophisticated and classically liberal? The guard probably thought Morrissey was kinda cute and only wanted to make extra sure he wasn't a terrist in addition to foreigner. I'm sure his intentions were good, and just wondered if that was a gun in his pants or the Brit was just happy to see him. Isn't it worth copping a feel to thwart terrists?

[Hank Phillips]

I have a question about the acronym. Reason is the first publication I have ever seen bother to expand the acronym so readers overseas might make sense of the article. Garcia claims it stands for Transport Security Administration.
Maybe it was just my impression, reading a German-Language TSA poster at 5AM after a long flight, but I could swear it read Transport Sozialist Arbeiterpartei. Where can I order a copy of that German-language TSA poster to make sure?