Morrissey: An Airport Security Agent 'Groped My Penis And Testicles'

The British rock singer had an unfortunate run-in at San Francisco International Airport.


Singer and famed English grump Morrissey claims that a security agent sexually assaulted him while going through security at San Francisco International Airport on July 27th.  

Morrissey wrote on the True to You fan news website that the security officer "[S]topped me, crouched before me and groped my penis and testicles." Morrissey says he lodged a complaint, but doesn't expect that it will go anywhere. It should also be noted that San Francisco International is part of a program that allows screeners from private companies that are supervised by the Transport Security Administration (TSA) to conduct security checks.  

If only the Moz would have watched Reason's video on "The TSA's 12 Signs You Might Be a Terrorist"—written by Justin Monticello and produced by Paul Detrick—he could have avoided this mess altogether.

Maybe security spotted a fear boner? 

NEXT: Camille Paglia: Emma Sulkowicz's Feminism Is About 'Perpetually Lugging Around Bad Memories'

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  1. I wonder about opportunity cost. Clearly the brightest, most disciplined, and least perverted members of society are positioned to be employed by the TSA.

    1. You have to take a personality test to be hired by the TSA. My friend took it and they pretty much told him he wasn’t right for the job because he wasn’t enough of a lemming.

  2. When they groped Morrissey’s penis and testicles, I said nothing, because I’ve never been in the Smiths.

    1. When they groped Dee Snider, I said nothing, because I’ve never been in Twisted Sister.

      1. I said something, because I’ve been in you.

  3. Are you sure they didn’t….

    *puts on sunglasses*

    Just Want to See the Boy Happy?

    1. This is why Fist is just like Hitler.

    2. Many LOLZ at you and at any else in these comments who knows enough about Morrissey to make a joke referencing his lyrics.

  4. Bigmouth strikes again

    1. and now he knows how Joan of Arc felt..

      1. and Heaven knows, he’s miserable now

  5. It should also be noted that San Francisco International is part of a program that allows screeners from private companies that are supervised by the Transport Security Administration (TSA) to conduct security checks.

    Well there’s your problem, market failure. Get government in control of this.

  6. Hand in glove
    we can go wherever we please
    and everything depends upon
    how near you stand to me

    And if the people stare
    then, the people stare
    oh I really don’t know
    and I really don’t care

  7. Morrison is also mad that he is now, by San Francisco law, gay married to the TSA agent, and he can’t find a Christian baker to make sure the cake is official.

  8. Serious question: What with all the gender-self-identification going on legitimately these days, shouldn’t a gropee have the right to specify the gender of their groper?

    1. Accusations of homophobia?

      1. No. Simple common-sense legislation.

  9. Morrissey playing live often gets rushed er, molested by his fans. The TSA agent was just fulfilling his fantasy.

    1. Yeah, he’s like a sex symbol, I suppose. It would be harassment on his part *not* to allow a little groping by his fans.

  10. Moz afraid, where do TSA’s intention lay?

  11. He’s a handsome devil, so I can’t blame them. But it was really nothing.

    1. Being physically molested is “really nothing”? Check yo’self before you wreck yo’self.

      1. I’d correct your mistake here, but I don’t owe you anything.

  12. TSA won’t change though. So what difference does it make?

  13. Do you think the hooligan that groped him was sweet and tender?

  14. TSA necessary? What a miserable lie.

  15. Morrissey: meat is murder

    PJ O’Rourke: if meat is murder, are eggs rape?

    1. Eggs are abortion.

      1. Morissey is just alright with me, but mess with my man Johnny Marr and there will be heck to pay! HECK I tell you!!

    2. If meat is murder, does that mean that Dylan Roof is guilty of meat?

  16. So sad to hear it happening to this charming man; but he did sing about this 30 years ago.

    “Knees you in the groin
    Elbow in the face
    Bruises bigger than dinner plates”

  17. Oh, my. The frank and the beans. Sannnn Franthithco. A real man would have “reflexively” punched him in the face and said he tugged to hard.

  18. Girlfriend in Tacoma I know, I know, it’s serious!

  19. OK, so Morressy has been under my radar. A search says he’s a Brit singer who didn’t like Thacher and wished Bush had died.
    Do I need any more info to wish TSA had fed his balls to a woodchipper?

  20. Hot.

  21. Hey. Aren’t Europeans supposed to be sophisticated and classically liberal? The guard probably thought Morrissey was kinda cute and only wanted to make extra sure he wasn’t a terrist in addition to foreigner. I’m sure his intentions were good, and just wondered if that was a gun in his pants or the Brit was just happy to see him. Isn’t it worth copping a feel to thwart terrists?

  22. I have a question about the acronym. Reason is the first publication I have ever seen bother to expand the acronym so readers overseas might make sense of the article. Garcia claims it stands for Transport Security Administration.
    Maybe it was just my impression, reading a German-Language TSA poster at 5AM after a long flight, but I could swear it read Transport Sozialist Arbeiterpartei. Where can I order a copy of that German-language TSA poster to make sure?

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