The Mythical Menace of Marijuana-Infused Halloween Candy

This week the Denver Police Department warned parents to be on the lookout for marijuana-infused candy that might show up in their kids' Halloween haul. As I show in my latest Forbes column, this fear, though often voiced by law enforcement officials, never seems to materialize in any actual child's trick-or-treat bag. Here is how the piece starts:
Move over, razor blades and shards of glass. The latest menace to innocent trick-or-treaters, according to the Denver Police Department (DPD), is marijuana-infused candy passed off as unspiked versions of the same treats.
This week the DPD posted a video in which Patrick Johnson, proprietor of Denver's Urban Dispensary, warns that "there's really no way to tell the difference between candy that's infused and candy that's not infused" once the products have been removed from their original packages. The video illustrates Johnson's point with images of innocuous-looking gummy bears and gumdrops. He advises parents to inspect their kids' Halloween haul and discard anything that looks unfamiliar or seems to have been tampered with.
Det. Aaron Kafer of the DPD's Marijuana Unit amplifies that message in an "Ask the Expert" podcast, saying "there's a ton of edible stuff that's out there on the market that's infused with marijuana that could be a big problem for your child." Noting that "all marijuana edibles have to be labeled," Kafer recommends that parents make sure their kids "avoid and not consume anything that is out of the package."
CNN turned these warnings into a widely carried story headlined "Tricks, Treats and THC Fears in Colorado." According to CNN, "Colorado parents have a new fear to factor in this Halloween: a very adult treat ending up in their kids' candy bags."
Actually, this fear is not so new. For years law enforcement officials have been warning parents to be on the lookout for marijuana edibles in their kids' trick-or-treat sacks. And for years, as far as I can tell, there has not been a single documented case in which someone has tried to get kids high by doling out THC-tainted treats disguised as ordinary candy.
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The only recorded instances of children getting doctored candy involved a giver directly related to the child hoping to disguise it with the urban legend. Besides, that's a lot of work and a hefty cash investment just to get some brats stoned.
Who's gonna waste perfectly good weed getting strangers high?
"Maggie! You gave out the wrong candy!"
^THIS^ x1000. MJ aint exactly cheap for a prank. Besides, even if some moron actually did do it, the end results are some kids going to sleep on time rather than vibrating around the house til midnight in the normal post Halloween sugar high. Oh noes Ima skerred of THAT!
So whose house do we go to for this? Warty's?
No, no, no. The candy you get from Warty's house is laced with rohypnol, not pot.
Ah...a ra-zor blade.
I often serve the little bastards punch and sometimes I accidentally make it with a fifth of Jack. I assume this happens all the time, since prohibition ended.
Keeping track of my alcohol is hard since the government started allowing me to use it.
The little bastards are going to riot anyway if someone tries to give them a single, unpackaged gummy bear.
If the bastards don't, their helicopter parents will. I personally like to give out the universally hated black and orange taffy things(what the hell are those actually?) just to see the universal look of disappoint and disgust on the recipients' faces.
I always loved the black and orange taffy.
well universally hated by REAL mammals...
The average age of trick-or-treaters in Denver is going to jump this year as older kids and adults go our in search of all this free mj-infused goodness.
What's really dumb is the whole point of surreptitiously drugging some unexpected person is (I would imagine - and I'm totally unashamed to not know this from personal experience) either to laugh at them or rape them. You're not gonna be able to do either when your "customer" eats his candy at home a few hours later and then has to wait an hour for any effects. Turn your brains on people!
Not people here, just in general. Involving "the kids" in an argument works like involving sex; people just stop thinking