The Independents

Tonight on The Independents: Mystery Meat Wednesday, With Praise for Canada, BLM Commentary From Chuck Woolery, Income Inequality, Julie Borowski, Armenian Genocide, a Libertarian Quiz for John Bolton, and Two Minutes Hate!


Wha happen? |||

We never promised it wouldn't be a weird television show….Tonight on The Independents (Fox Business Network, 9 p.m. ET, 6 p.m. PT), you will see the following things:

* Game show legend Chuck Woolery talking about a rumored Bureau of Land Management land-grab on the Texas-Oklahoma border.

* Former U.S. ambassador to the United Nations John Bolton subjecting himself to a libertarian-policy quiz on domestic policies.

* Beloved Internet libertarian Julie Borowski joining Fox Business Network reporter Jo Ling Kent on the Party Panel to talk about A) whether Canada's rising middle class is due to lefty-approved income-inequality politics or righty-favored government-slashing; B) news that the FBI is using no-fly lists to pressure Muslims into becoming informants; and C) New York Mayor Bill De Blasio backtracking on his horsey ban.

Oh, Bernie! |||

* Me talking about my favorite obscure issue: How the Obama administration tomorrow will once again flout his repeated, plaintive promises to recognize the 1915-23 Armenian genocide by using the word "genocide" on April 24's Armenian Remembrance Day, because Turkey is more important to U.S. foreign policy interventionists than Armenia is.

* And your favorite segment, Two Minutes Hate! With a very, ah, different looking Bernie Maxsmith.

Check out the show's Facebook page, follow us on Twitter, and click here for video of past segments.

NEXT: J.D. Tuccille on the Security State and Institutionalized Fear

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  1. Can I vote on your Facebook page which hate I would like included in those two minutes?

    1. I hate that I need a Facebook account in order to vote.

      1. Create a fake one. I have 2.

        P.S. You usually have me beat in the dinner department, but I’m about to drop a seasoned 5 bone USDA Prime rib roast into the Sous Vide machine.

        Expect more bragging soon.

        1. So I’m thinking Anchorage Alaska for the next LA Reasonoid get together. Alaska Air has an LA fare sale ($150 each way) and we can AirBnB a 5 bedroom house for 700/night.

          1. You don’t travel unless there is man on man action involved. What’s your angle?

            1. That’s not entirely true: I spent an entire year not getting laid while living and traveling in East Asia.

              I’ve just never been to Alaska and flights are comfortably priced.

              1. I spent an entire year not getting laid while living and traveling in East Asia.

                How does that happen?

                1. See below. He used to not have any game, and now he has too much.

              2. I’m satisfied with that explanation. Wait, no I’m not. Asia was before you had game, right?

                If we are going to do a reason trip out of state, why not invite everyone?

                Also, I vote for Alyeska if I’m flying that far. It would be a shame to go that far north only to end up at a crack house. Why not a 5 star resort?

                1. Partly I lacked game, partly I’m not that into East Asian guys, partly Koreans have a real hangup about body hair and I tend to have excess on that front.

                  A straight Canadian coworker was consistently swarmed by gay men whenever we’d go to a gay bar. He was taller, trimmer and naturally hairless.

                  I did get hit on by a really attractive Pakistani guy at a jimjilbang once, but the not having any game came into play there.

                  How much does the 5-star resort cost. The 700/night could be split by up to 16 people.

                  1. I regularly get hit on. Provincetown was a hoot. My wife gets a total laugh out of it.

                  2. Alyeska is quite nice. there is a fine restaurant called the Seven Glaciers that you can get to on an aerial tram. Great views, great crab legs!!

                    1. I had a nice steak in town, near the base of the tram. Can’t remember the name…

              3. Wha..?

                I always thought you went to Korea for that reason. Well, not primarily but as a factor.

                Granted, I’ve only spent a little time in Korea but I know people who know the culture quite well and it always seems to have an angle that a gay man could enjoy. Not my thing so I’ve never really looked into it.

                1. Nope, no sex.

                  My game was REALLY BAD. I had two separate bi guys live with me after each lost his job (and housing), and still didn’t get laid. It’s a really shameful chapter in my past.

              4. That’s not entirely true: I spent an entire year not getting laid while living and traveling in East Asia.


        2. Sweet.

          Having Portuguese chicken. Is Portuguese cooking a sudden rage like it is up here?

          1. A lot of the Portuguese stuff is part of the whole Hawaiian fusion cooking fad here.

            1. Ooo. Interesting. Hawaiian and Portuguese?

              1. There were a lot of Portuguese and Japanese immigrants to Hawaii, so the cooking borrows heavily from both.

                1. I.E. Teriyaki over linguica,

                2. Portagee bean soup is practically the State dish.

        3. But that would be a federal crime! Only criminals violate TOS.

        4. You want a fast sauce for pasta?

          125 to 250 ml of cream.
          Zest and juice of fresh Lemon
          Chopped or crushed dried portobello or porcini mushroom.
          Bunch of basil ripped by hand.

          Heat the butter and mushroom for a couple of minutes or so. Add the cream and the lemon and basil.

          Cook the pasta and squeeze some lemon on it and add the cream sauce.

          It’s pretty good.

          You can use fresh mushrooms but you would have to cook it differently. Or, make fresh mushroom pasta with the dried mushroom but now we’re getting into ‘more work’ territory.

          1. Was that for me? If not, I wrote it down anyway.

            1. You and anyone.

              It’s now public domain.

  2. I was flipping channels the other night when my 8 year old yells : ” Go back go back!”. So I go back and it’s The Independents which he misread as The Incredibles. Kennedy you hurt that little boy.

    1. Kennedy and Matt in black masks and Kmele as Frozone. Get him started early.

  3. Woah…woah…woah…Borowski and Jo Ling Kent….together?

  4. So, um, why exactly do game show hosts skew conservative and libertarian? Chuck Woolery, Pat Sajak, Drew Carey, Ben Stein…

    1. Seeing a bunch of people get money and free shit for doing basically nothing reminds one of welfare?

      1. Watching himself and the game show participants entertaining an audience enough that advertisers are willing to pay just to be associated with them.

        Sort version – Providing a service that people voluntarily give money too.

        1. yea they see wealth redistribution every day minus the coercion.

      2. i do not think its that mulatto, maybe something to do with interfacing with average people and not just other elites.

        1. Hmm. Interesting theory, though you’d expect that from local news anchors and such too then.

          1. I have 2 friends from High School that went into broadcast “journalism”. There were both very stupid and are still insecure about it. The guy I know is nice enough, but the girl has this insatiable need to feel elite. She even took out a loan to join the local country club. A slow motion train wreck, really.

            1. i don’t know about the local news bit, maybe circumstance in which they are dealing with people(usually bad) vs game show (good).

      3. It seems to be the opposite to me.

        They do give out money and prizes out of proportion to the effort expended but they only give them to the contestants who perform acording to the rules.

        Nobody just shows up and walks away with a bunch of stuff without performing in some way.

    2. Pat Sajak is pretty awesome. I use twitter pretty much just to see what he tweets.

      This one was great:


      ? Pat Sajak (@patsajak) April 10, 2014


    3. Ben Stein? one of these things is not like the others, methinks.

  5. Gary Johnson does an AMA on Reddit (again)

    Goes about as well as expected…..y_johnson/

    1. To Calidissident and HM’s other groupies:

      If you’re going to make baseless claims about me, I’d request that you please at least do it when I’m around to actually defend myself.

      Thanks, you really are pillars of intellectual integrity.

      1. STFU pedo

        1. I can assure you I have no interest in pre-pubescent children. But if you must avoid a real argument about something by just making unsubstantiated claims about the messenger, then I guess you “win”.

          *golf clap*

          1. Since, on this very forum, you’ve admitted to viewing child porn, you just must be doing “research” like Pete Townshend.

            1. Oh, really? When did I do that? Maybe you could link to the comment please?

              Although, over a decade ago when I was also a teenager, I have indeed looked for and viewed nudes of girls who were about my own age. Although, hardly seeing how that makes me a pedo.

              1. Interesting that “Plopper” hasn’t commented on HnR for weeks, but suddenly, yesterday, when “widget”, who swears he’s not American even though he makes the same damn arguments down to using American’s patented neologism NAM, accused me, out of the blue, of calling him a pedophile, both me and Cali mentioned you in our response.

                Mysteriously, today, you reappear, which means that either you were so pathetic as to go back and read a dead thread looking for references to your handle, or, as Occam’s Razor would suggest, you’re a sockpuppet.

                So don’t piss in my cocktail and call it a lemon twist, boy.

                1. I read the reason comments pretty regularly. At least a few times a week.

                  I noticed the comment last night while just reading the thread.

                  Occam’s razor my ass, you are just a pathetic person who has nothing better to do but hang on the comments of this site every single night and day, who is unable to defend his own position so he must resort to adhom attacks.

                  1. Oh and if you’re wondering why I don’t comment much it’s because of people like you who drag down the discussion with personal attacks, crackpot theories and stupid “memes” about slow slicing.

                  2. This is exactly what I was referring to below. You are picking a fight with some very highly respected commenters, and you are going to lose. And, because you are obsessive, you are not going to lose gracefully. Just let it go and walk away.

                    1. So that’s what is “cool” and “respected” here?

                      Going around slinging insults at people who aren’t even there to defend themselves?

                    2. Think of H&R as a bit like high school. Your defensiveness paints a target on your back.

                      The cycle seems to be you take an unorthodox position on age of consent, somebody infers you’re a pedo because of it, you get aggressively defensive about it and the only thing people remember from the exchange is that you got super defensive when someone called you a pedo, so it must be true.

                  3. Occam’s Razor My Ass

                    another great band name

                  4. Plopper, you dumbass, your name was only mentioned in that thread yesterday because some other fool accused HM of calling him a pedo before. NObody wa attacking you, you silly twit.

                    1. Maybe I do just need to lighten up a bit.

      2. YES! Plopper’s back! I so missed these nonsensical posts about how you’re totally not a pedophile.

        1. And animal torturer, don’t forget about that. Because the NAP means it’s totally ok to burn cats or crush squirrels’ heads or whatever it is he admitted he did.

      1. What now?

        1. Unified Troll Theory posits that there is only one ur-troll, Mary, and that ‘Murrican, Tulpa, etc were all manifestations of the Mary Platonic form.

          1. So it’s back to accusing me of being Mary or knowing her somehow now?

            Pretty pathetic.

            1. Just accusing you of being Mary. The idea has been very hip since it turned out Tulpa was fluffing his own comments with random comments to a dd a “diversity of voices” or some such nonsense.

              1. I see. Yes, I did read about the Tulpa “incident”.

          2. So Mary is like the Brahman of Trolls? Mary is the unchanging and absolute of the universe from which all trolls emerge and to which all trolls must return?

            1. I think the source is LoneWacko, honestly, but I’m esoteric like that.

              1. Shit has gotten so weird here that I’m open to all theories at this point.

              2. LoneWacko does almost everything through TOR, including his edits on the Reason Wikia, so he is obviously hiding something.

                1. “Pl?ya Manhattan.|4.23.14 @ 5:58PM|#

                  LoneWacko does almost everything through TOR, including his edits on the Reason Wikia, so he is obviously hiding something.”

                  Nah, i think he’s security conscious because of the Pervasivepower of the Mexicangovernment in controlling the massmedias support of limitlessimmigration.

                  You can’t ask Tough Questions to Politicians if they can so easily shut you down.

                2. by the way: from the “Non Libertarian Police Dept” article at The Atlantic =

                  “24AheadDotCom ? 15 days ago
                  I used the trademark Lonewacko from about 2002 to 2008, since then I’ve been using 24Ahead (including a switch of domain names). It’s not something I’m trying to hide from; I posted about it and I still use LonewackoDotCom accounts.

                  Both names are trademarks, and I don’t need to hide behind fake names.

                  Compare that with [reason reader] who has to hide behind a fake name. Maybe it’s a congressional staffer, maybe it’s a Koch employee, maybe it’s an agent of a foreign government (there are plenty in DC), or maybe it’s just some loser in a wifebeater. Who knows? Once [your] alias is discredited (like now), it can just switch names. You can no more trust what [Reason Reader] says than you can someone who offers you riches from Nigeria.

                  As for my coverage, I offer clear-headed analysis of important issues and write about topics that Reason, beltway libruhtarians, and other hacks dare not mention. For instance, check out this page for hundreds of posts:


                  Even if you the reader just scan through that, you’ll discover things Reason, beltway libruhtarians, and other hacks don’t want you to find out.”

                  Honestly, i love the fact he hasn’t changed *at all*. But he does suspect “agents of foreign governments” may be seeking to stifle his *effective political speech*. So, ‘TOR’ is necessary, you see.

                  1. Please tell me which reader it was. I’ll go looking if I have to, so you pretty much told us already.

                    1. “Pl?ya Manhattan.|4.23.14 @ 7:04PM|#

                      Please tell me which reader it was. I’ll go looking if I have to, so you pretty much told us already.”

                      Duh. Me.

                    2. That’s some quality trolling, Earl.

              3. Lonewacko never pretended to be anyone else but himself. He has a freaking blog, for crissake.

                Mary is nuts. She’s got no cause, no logic, no purpose. She is a screaming Medea hellbent on throwing shit for the sake of it.

                ‘Murkin is creepy because he’s one of those Racists who tries to justify his racism *with logic*,

                I think they all have very specific flavors. If there’s a true “Ur-troll” its Mary, because she has persistently returned under a dozen guises to do nothing exept spew hatred and vituperation for its own sake.

                1. I’ll never forget seeing Mary meltdown on a thread a few weeks back. It was like watching a centepede being crushed – everything flailing in all directions at once. Freaky.

            2. No, more like the one of the Trim?rti tier deities like Vishnu or Shiva with avatars on the mundane level.

          3. Actually, I think there is some consensus that Tupla, ‘Murkin, and Mary are at least 3 different troll-sters.

            Tupla being the most experienced operating under multiple, distinctly different personalities;

            ‘Murkin being a one-trick-pony racist provocateur

            and Mary being a psychopathic cunt who considers herself ‘victimized’ by the commenters here and invariably makes scatological/anal-self-abuse references in her various libertarian parody screeds.

            The ‘craiginmass’ i think was pretty clearly Mary. Plopper is the pedo creep, right? Mary.

            1. Ah yes, the “creepy pedo”, because that’s the perfect way to to marginalize someone you won’t engage in an actual debate with.

              1. Was there something other than ‘Creepy Pedo-ness’ that you were known for?

                Citation needed.

                1. I don’t think he’s interested in the young’uns. Someone was interested in him when he was young and he turned out relatively normal. As such he’s got hang ups about AoC laws. People tend to find criticism of age of consent laws creepy and they double down by saying he’s a pedo, which, if I’m understanding this correctly, is an unfair assertion.

                  1. Thank you Jesse,

                    I really like this site, and it bothers me how low many of the beloved “regulars” will go, and are so quick to throw ad hom attacks without even considering I am genuinely interested in debate.

                    I almost cancelled my sub over it, but in the end I realized it’s not the Reason’s staff fault, but rather just some of the people who comment here.

                    1. “Debate” about *what*?

                      Dead goats?

                2. Is that all you have in your arsenal?

  6. In r/Libertarian a poster makes a comment supporting vagrancy laws. He is then downvoted into oblivion and every other commenter disagrees with him. r/SubRedditDrama interprets this to mean all libertarians are clearly selfish hypocrites.

    “Libertarian: Laws are evil! Government is tyranny!

    [something affects him personally]

    Libertarian: There ought to be a law! The government has to do something!”

    “ahhh the libertarians where every man is a king, master of their own destiny EXCEPT



    the poor

    the mentally ill


    …pretty much anyone except white able bodied males”

    “It reminds me when you talk about food stamps and school lunch and that 48% of food stamps go to people under 18. Classic libertarian response. How about people just raise there kids. No shit Sherlock everyone can agree with that that however does not solve not help resolve the problem in the future. If anything taking away those programs would cause even more problems.”

    “for them kids are only useful as a source of cheap labor”…..o_a_place/

    1. So strawman arguments and insults are the best that anti-libertarian rediots can offer?

      1. Strange, sort of reminds me of Calidissident and HM.

        1. I don’t know what you are hoping to get out of this exchange, but whatever it is, I assure you it’s not going to happen.

          1. Not sure what you think I’m trying to get out of this exchange. I’m just sick of people misrepresenting my position and/or straight up insulting me with no substance of argument.

            Especially when I’m not even around to defend myself.

            1. What “position”?

            2. Pay attention:

              Episiarch blows dead goats.

              He isn’t here to defend himself. When he discovers what I have written about him, tell me if he responds the same way you have.

              1. That’s your “position”?

                Sorry, and you were *complaining* about people not listening to ‘your position’?

                Was there something else, or is that it?

              2. That’s an unfair comparison, Episiarch does blow dead goats. That’s the whole reason he isn’t here to respond right now.

                1. “The hills are alive with the sound of Bleating

                  1. oh, wait. Dead.

                    1. The live ones are exclusively for his reverse crush porn videos.

                    2. “reverse crush”?

                      He… lets goats *step on him*?


                    3. If you blow a dead goat the right way, you can make it bleat…

                      or so I’ve heard.

                      Uhh, Epi told me.

              3. “Episiarch blows dead goats.”

                What? Episiarch fucks clubbed seals?

                1. I haven’t heard him deny it.

                2. What? Episiarch fucks clubbed seals?

                  I believe he refers to that as “vanilla” sex.

                  1. I find this all confusing.

                    I had been under the impression that Episiarch masturbated on girl scout cookies and then resold them to old blind women. I thought that was what his whole “Blog” thing was about. All of this ‘goats and seals’ stuff is completely new to me.

                    I admit; its *intriguing*

            3. A bit touchy are we?

    2. I struggle to care, but =

      Aren’t you pointing out that they completely misinterpreted the actual group response?

      Said “vagrancy law” supporter would seem to be the person endorsing state-punishment of the underprivileged. I fail to see how these others have twisted this into a conclusion that “Libertarians are a bunch of selfish whiteys”

      It seems more that they start with that conclusion, then bend whatever evidence they can find to fit that preconception.

      Whats notable is that it seems like we spend an inordinate amount of time reading Proggy jounalists, reading Proggy comments, digging deep into the well of the Hardcore Liberals as well as the mainstream pundits…

      …whereas the progs themselves dont actually ever *read* anything here at all. I mean, these Salon and Slate articles bemoaning the awfulness of the libertarian fringe hardly ever actually *cite* any specific commentary by actual libertarians in their demonization-campaign. They spend all their time constructing Libertarian Pinatas to smash rather than actually critiquing *actual* libertarian positions.

      I’ve had a number of progs actually explain to my face “what Libertarians believe”.

      It was news to me every time. It often involved ‘glenn beck’. I felt bad because I don’t have cable and have never seen his show.

      (thought i’d just mention that again)

    3. Reddit is a very good source of derp, because there are none so derpy as the derps who think they’re incredibly intelligent.

      Reddit is like that one annoying atheist kid in college, but there are thousands of them, busily downvoting.

      I remember one exchange where a guy said that Reddit was very libertarian. I said that it wasn’t, that it was mostly full of technocratic fantasists. He brought up pot legalization and support of Snowden.

      Because libertarians only care about Snowden and pot. There isn’t a whole economic philosophy that is radically different from either GOP or Dem beliefs.

  7. More Canadian content on TI. Too bad Lorne Greene is dead. He would have fit in nicely on this panel with this subject.

    So who will be the first to say, “At least we’re not Canadian!”

    1. Whenever anyone says “Lorne Greene”, the guitar riff from Bonanza plays in my head.

      1. THAT was my intent.

      2. Someone remind me. I can’t remember the theme, so I just insert random Johnny Cash song-openers. Which ain’t a bad thing.

        1. It goes, ‘Dun digga dun digga dun digga dun digga DAAAAH-DAHHHHHHH!”

          you know, THAT one.

          1. Crap, yeah, got it. Now that shit’s stuck in MY head.

  8. “Beloved Internet libertarian Julie Borowski”

    I have noted an editorial fondness for the term “Beloved” in reference to Reason-Approved personalities.

    Given our only apparent contribution is an endless bounty of *hate*, I can only assume we are thought of as “the Loveless”

    1. John was referred to as a “beloved commenter”. Feel free to interpret that any way you wish.

      1. Does it involve copious amounts of figurative or literal corn-holing?

  9. “Beloved Internet libertarian Julie Borowski”

    I have noted an editorial fondness for the term “Beloved” in reference to Reason-Approved personalities.

    Given our only apparent contribution is an endless bounty of *hate*, I can only assume we are thought of as “the Loveless”

    1. Michael Dunn was better than Kenneth Branagh.

      1. “”a mad scientist who devised passionately perverse schemes and gadgetry to ensnare Secret Service agents “”

        I *like.*

  10. For those who don’t have cable, which very well may only be me, there’s a really good documentary on Netflix about exotic pet ownership called “The Elephant in the Living Room”, and yes, one doctor just can’t believe why anyone would want to own one, therefore, no one should own them.

    1. I don’t know if I’ve ever mentioned this before, but….

      1. But?!?!

        1. I don’t have cable.

          (see above mention GILMORE|4.23.14 @ 5:46PM|#)

          1. What is the franchise in your hood? Time Warner? If so, I can see why.

          2. Oh… Well, do you at least have indoor plumbing? Also, are not pocket squares supposed to match at least one color of your tie?

    2. I second that recommendation. Watched it on a lark a few weeks ago and was absorbed.

      1. It was great, you just have to ignore the statist “we know better than you” overtones. The lion owner genuinely seemed like a kind hearted man who cared about his pets.

        1. Did his lions eat him?

  11. OT:

    I was reading the other day about how US industry massively increased production rates during WW2. For example, before the war, it took about 5 years for someone to learn how to grind lenses. By 1942, that had been shortened to 1 year and by 1945, just 6 weeks. People can learn fast when you cut out all the bullshit. I wonder if you could do something similar for doctors, although I realize the AMA would fight that tooth and nail.

    I’m pretty sure you could design a curriculum that gave a good basic education in a lot less than 12 years.

    1. Eh…the difference is with grinding lenses that book has pretty much been written. Medicine is a field that is advancing daily and requires constant study to keep up.

      1. And yet med students spend most of their time memorizing facts about anatomy and disease. Most of that information has not changed for decades, or in some cases, centuries.

        1. Nothing like a good ol’ fashioned blood letting to get rid of the bad juju.

          1. It sure is a good thing the AMA single-handedly put a stop to all that quackery.


          2. What I mean is, I’m pretty sure med students are not taught and do not need to be taught that things like bloodletting are quackery.

            1. My father in law is a part time professor at Harvard Medical. He could write a Tales From The Derp that would run thousands of pages.

              In his opinion, a lot of the students ambitious enough to make it there are first generation and still live with their parents into their 20’s, and lack basic common sense. Common sense is therefore beaten into everybody during residency.

              1. That is shocking. Although I have seen clues that Harvard students & grads are not all they’re cracked up to be:


                If that’s the case, why not go straight to residency rather than spend 2 years on bullshit anatomy-memorizing contests?

                1. He always talks about “The French System”, where kids go straight from high school to medical training. They do it in many parts of Africa, the Caribbean, Iran, etc…

                  1. And France, obviously…

                    1. Not a fan of the French system is he?

                      My doctor friend isn’t.

                    2. He thinks it is great for primary care, but the specialists are undertrained.

    2. Indoctrination takes time and effort. Breaking down a human spirit, teaching them to mindlessly submit to authority doesn’t just happen overnight.

      If you were to teach a person reading, writing, arithmetic, logic, and rhetoric, five or six years.

    3. Probably could, but that would mean cutting a lot of teacher and administrator jobs along with all the money that is spent.

      And would not leave time to put out approved propaganda. So instead of cutting back from 12 years, they are adding years, Pre-Kindergarten, Kindergarten, Grade 1-12, Undergraduate, Graduate, Continuing Education, etc.

      Somebody has to sit in all those classrooms and listen to Education Majors who are ordered about by Education Major in administration who follow the laws and regulations created in the State and Federal Education departments.

  12. OT: I have often heard religious types say that there would be chaos without religion. I have heard authoritarians say there would be chaos without government. Neither can conceive that a person can be moral without believing in government or religion.

    1. I believe in neither. But, I can see how it would be beneficial to uneducated people.

      My grandpa, who became an atheist after he was captured by the Nazis, turned to me last week and said “I’m sure glad Mexico is Catholic”. I didn’t see anything wrong with his point of view.

      1. I recall Evelyn Waugh saying that being Catholic made him a better person. When several friends pointed out that he was still a jerk, his reply was something like “yes, but just imagine how much worse I’d be if I was not Catholic.”

        1. I’m with Waugh. My best friend gave me a bumper sticker once that said “Jesus loves you, everyone else thinks you’re an asshole.”

          There’s no reason both can’t be true.

      2. I’m a Catholic, and people still let their mouths drop to the concrete when I tell them I don’t give a shit what gays do or who they marry, and to just get FedGov out of marriage altogether. We also believe in theistic evolution. I think too often we’re lumped in with the crazy evangelical bible worshipping Protestants. And yes, I’m aware that the pope is a raging socialist, but unless he’s speaking ex cathedra, I don’t have to agree with any of it. We’re also great at parties.

        1. Catholic here.

          My cousins on my mother’s side (she grew up Protestant) Pentecostal.

          I always got the sneaking suspicion Pastor Michael was never crazy about us.

          Not that we ever did anything to deter him from that. We (me, my sister and brother and brother-in-law) were pretty vulgar at parties. My cousins loved out ‘heathen’ and ‘hedonistic’ humor.

          The others, not so much.

          My grandfather – dedicated Pentecostal – was a pugilist and swear like crazy and then go play soothing religious tunes on the sax. We always got a laugh out of that seeing the twisted humor in it. He didn’t like the teasing. Boy, did we tease people.


          1. our.

            1. swore.

              Geez. Sorry.

              1. Too much sacramental wine? Yeah, well my mom’s side is all Irish Catholic, but my dad’s sister is a born again, so teasing her is always fun.

          2. Lutheran. It’s like Catholic light.

        2. A lot of my friends that lived in the LAUSD suddenly became Catholic in time for high school.

          1. Not exactly a bad idea, I went to a Catholic high school, and boy did they (figuratively) beat English grammar and composition into my teenage brain. I bitched about it then, but now I’m eternally grateful, especially when I see students at my own university who can barely scrawl out a paragraph.

            1. 1/4 of the guys in my fraternity went to Loyola. You can shell out $30K a year to go to Brentwood, or you can find the good lord.

              1. My sister and brother in law are dishing out 19 grand for a private education for my niece. My brother in law questions every other day if it’s worth it. My sister absolutely believes in the Catholic education by nuns.

                She claims it helped set my niece straight.

                1. If I lived 3 miles to the north, my kids would be going to Catholic school. No question.

                  The problem around here is that a lot of celebrities’ kids go to the private schools. I want zero part of that.

    2. What they really mean is that they can’t be moral or survive without someone telling them what to do and believe. It’s all about projection.

      1. I do find it odd that people believe this, all while their children, before anyone’s bothered to try and indocrinate them about shit, instinctively are always going, “NOT FAIR!!”

        Meaning, we obviously have innate moral and social codes that don’t need any superstructure to justify them.

        1. Monkeys get mad when they get a lesser treat than another for doing the same task:

          1. My kids could illustrate that concept much more vividly. In fact, it is part of how I punish them.

          2. How do they feel about a monkey that gets lesser treats for doing lesser tasks?

            1. I make my children fight the monkeys for treats. Its only fair.

        2. But little kids mean it in the same sense that Progs do. That’s not something you want to use as the foundation of your moral and legal codes.

          1. Of course not!

            Which i why you should throw your children out of the house @ 12 and demand they return with the head of the Winter Wolf.

            Family Values.

            1. Think it would work for Progs?

              1. Absolutely.

                The Winter Wolf’s gotta eat too.

  13. Sometimes man you jsut have top roll with it dude.

    1. I was told it was inappropriate to lie in wait with a bb gun for the neighborhood kids who kept setting off my car alarm and then hiding. “If you shoot one of them in the eye the rest will behave better” was not considered a credible defense.

      The kids got bored on their own a few weeks after I got the car.

      1. That’s considered inappropriate? Well there go my weekend plans.

        1. Depends on how many times you pump it before shooting.

    2. Remind me not to burglarize that guy’s house. Shit. Still, not a ton of pity for people who break into someone else’s house. That really sets people off.

      1. He’s fucked. The second shot under the girl’s chin was murder, and because he was lying in wait, it was premeditated. His life is over.

        1. No warning shot? No “stop, I have a gun”?
          A finishing shot?

          Since they broke into his house, I’d call it second-degree murder, or at the very least, manslaughter.

        2. Cynical me says that if he’d done the exact same thing to two young men, and especially to two young black men, he might have been able to wriggle free. But he delivered a coup de grace bullet to the head of a teenage white girl. He’s fucked.

          1. Yep, and this is Minnesota, not Texas.

        3. He’s totally fucked, and there was no need to execute them. However, if you don’t break into people’s houses, there’s generally no chance you’ll get executed in their basement.

          Everyone in this story is a shithead.

          1. Don’t get me wrong here. He did a service to the community. I doubt there will be another break-in on Thanksgiving in that town ever again. But, he took it too far. And proved that he was an idiot, given the fact that he taped himself, was aware that he was being recorded, and said what he said.

          2. However, if you don’t break into people’s houses, there’s generally no chance you’ll get executed in their basement.



            I’d probably vote to acquit, but I’m an absolutist on home defense. I think lethal booby traps should be legal.

            1. He shot them after the threat had dissipated. He doesn’t deserve to get off scot free

            2. He shot them after the threat had dissipated. He doesn’t deserve to get off scot free

              1. I believe that’s his call to make, not anyone else’s. I’d think different if it was an in public thing. But if you break into someone’s house, as far as I’m concerned they own your ass.

                1. “I believe that’s his call to make, not anyone else’s.”

                  I don’t know what else to say other than I disagree. There was no reasonable threat when he shot them. Absent that, I do not think killing a person is justified.

                  1. There was no reasonable threat when he shot them.

                    He clearly thought there was. Or he went all Straw Dogs on them. But either way, he did it in his home. A man’s home is his castle. If he did this on the street, or in a store, or a bar, or something like that, I would not be defending him. But they broke into an old man’s home in the dead of night. That action has consequences. They rolled the dice, and they came up snake eyes.

                    1. It doesn’t matter what he thought. It matters if what he thought was reasonable.

                      I’m not trying to defend the burglars. They were idiots and were doing something clearly immoral. I’m just saying that the right to kill in self-defense ends when there is no longer a reasonable threat to one’s life (or risk of great bodily harm).

            3. I took this position with some people a year ago and they looked at me like I was Satan fucking a nun.

              1. “Virginian|4.23.14 @ 8:16PM|#

                I believe that’s his call to make”

                Executing someone you’ve already shot?

                I think that’s called “murder”, and has been generally frowned upon for a long time.

                1. Executing someone you’ve already shot?

                  I think that’s called “murder”, and has been generally frowned upon for a long time.

                  People can keep coming at you after they’ve been shot.
                  Again, if this was out on the street, I would have a different opinion. But they broke into his house.

                  Don’t break into people’s houses, and you won’t die in them.

                  1. People can keep coming at you after they’ve been shot.

                    Nobody is arguing that in this case though. Delivering a killing shot after the threat was eliminated was no longer ‘defending his castle’.

                    Recording the exchange was the ultimate in stupid.

          3. P.S. Epi,
            Sorry about above,
            I was trying to prove a point.

          4. I was shocked that the guy executed them and recorded it. It only makes sense to me if this guy felt totally violated and frightened by these break-ins. I mean, it didn’t just happen to him once, so I could see him being totally on edge. There are better solutions and I certainly think he crossed the line, but people can certainly overreact when they are genuinely frightened.

          5. I’m in the “homeowner owns your ass” group. That said, a coup de grace shot is murder, plain and simple. They nailed a Texas store manager for doing essentially the same thing during an armed robbery not too long ago. He’d already shot the kid once from a distance and floored him, then went up to him a few seconds later and finished the job. It was the second shot that sealed the deal.

  14. So a bunch of books got donated at work today, and amongst the children’s book was the 1963 Good Housekeeping Cookbook.

    It’s quickly becoming one of my favorite things.

    1. Have you made ham aspic yet?

      1. Ha! My grandma used to make shrimp aspic. It was pretty gross.

      2. Have you made ham aspic yet?

        No, but ham aspic is in there, along with a whole bunch of savory gelatin dishes.

        Like olive gelatin salad.

        1. Do they have salad with warm bacon dressing? My grandma used to make that too, and it was good. In fact, she probably had the whole Good Housekeeping cookbook memorized.

          1. I have that on my kindle. Plus, Julia Child’s first book.

          2. Try this:
            This guy’s recipes have always been delicious, and I enjoy the sarcastic remarks on his videos.

        2. A friend of mine collects mid-century cookbooks and sent me a ham aspic recipe. I keep meaning to show up with it at an appropriate family function to freak people out.

          1. Did you get a chance to go through the copies of the cookbooks I gave you?

            1. Not in as much detail as I’d like. I went hunting for the Julia Child blender hollandaise sauce recipe that I already have just to see what was around it. I might have to make some mayo from scratch.

              1. Paging Sloopy!

              2. Cooking for Geeks and Harold McGee are must reads.

    2. How so?

      1. The traditional gender roles that are baked right into every page. The section on serving the main course is called “When He Carves”.

        The recipes. “remove innards of the turkey. Rub salt, pepper, and MSG into the interior of the bird.”

        1. They are great for that. My wife dug up an old Good Housekeeping book her Mom had and found this gem: “A neatly pressed handkerchief in her husband’s pocket is a woman’s calling card to the world.” How can you not love that!

        2. Okay.

          I laughed out loud.

        3. I have no problem with MSG. I have 2 kinds in my pantry.

          1. I bought basil bouillon and didn’t notice it had MSG. I’m not sure if I should use it!

            1. My wife, like all Thais…all Asians, really, adds MSG to everything she cooks. And it must be Ajinomoto or GTFO.

              1. all Asians, really, adds MSG to everything she cooks.


              2. I have the Ajinomoto brand in the form of a crystalized table condiment in a shaker, and the “Accent” brand for cooking, which is similar to granulated table salt.

                In my humble opinion, an authentic Beef Pho broth with also contain disodium ribonucleotiudes in addition to MSG.

              3. I fucking love Thai food.

                My good friend too. Each time we get together he wants either Leb or Thai.

                We eat enough Italian at home.

                1. Heh. My favorite Lebanese restaurant is in Bangkok, actually. My friends and family went there for my 30th birthday and had a whole half of lamb roasted for us.

              4. Ajinomoto powder is good stuff.

            2. I bought basil bouillon and didn’t notice it had MSG. I’m not sure if I should use it!

              Use it unless allergic. A lot of products claim “NO MSG!!!” and then they have autolyzed yeast or hydrolyzed vegetable protein, which is essentially the same thing.

              1. Also, glutamine occurs naturally in high concentrations in typically Italian ingredients, such as parmesan and tomatoes.

                I don’t consider adding a little MSG on the side cheating….

  15. NOW I get why Matt posted ‘Tonight on TI’ so early. It’s so to give the thread a chance yo get to 1000 comments.

    1. Or maybe it was to give us a chance to do hate mail for the two minutes hate. Is it possible they don’t have enough naturally?

      1. I find that astoundingly hard to believe.

      2. ‘Kennedy acts like she was raised by Abe Simpson with some guests.’


  16. My area is featured in the Daily Mail for its plans to recycle sewer water for drinking water:…..water.html

    “Water? You mean like from the toilet?”

    1. Hooray! It’s raining. Perhaps I won’t have to drink recycled piss after all!

      Kahloo Kahlay!

  17. Some ‘Shadow Stabbing’ as we wait…

  18. OK, here’s what I really want to know – are they going to handle Bolton with kid gloves again? The guy is a walking war and they seem to work so hard to be understanding and play nice. I want to see someone call him on his fascist B.S., not smile and nod politely.

    1. Depends on Kennedy’s medication cocktail.


    Paging SugarFree.

    1. Meh, they could’ve done a better job of nailing the virgin-mother-crone archetype. A 7 year spread is pretty tame.

      I can see the young one cutting herbs with a copper sickle under the first full moon of the summer though.

    2. I’d be curious to see how long that lasts.

      “You’re right, Professor. We might not be a traditional family like the Murphy’s next door or the lesbian coven across the street. But we are a family and That Guy understands that.”


  20. Look at all these comments before the show even airs. Who does this? WHAT KIND OF MONSTERS DO THIS?

    1. Independent Monsters?

    2. You started it.

    3. Is this one of those Godwin rhetorical questions?

  21. For hockey fans:…..-1.2618801

    Well, Tampa WERE hosed on a few bad calls. I don’t understand the benefit of the calls Montreal were getting.

  22. Jolly Brotha is hosting Cavuto, watching for the first time.


    Dirt bikes running from the cops. Second one is my favorite. He’s like…cops….path….cops….path….fuck it, going for it.

    1. Wow this was great. It’s crazy how easily they can get away.

      1. Dude runs out of gas and gets arrested by the aussie police in the third video.

  24. “…talk about A) whether Canada’s rising middle class is due to lefty-approved income-inequality politics or righty-favored government-slashing”

    It couldn’t be something else? Like a bubble there?

    1. Dunno but it’s definitely not A.

    1. The Holy Trinity of science.

    2. OK this one has freaked me out. I’ve heard a few people say this, but I thought it was the exception and not the rule. I’m going to start asking people this the next few days.

      I just asked my wife. She’s pretty sharp (valedictorian of our high school class) but not while not scientifically inclined she’s very logical. She nailed it.

      1. If the Harvard results turn out to be representative, I’m using that any time I get into a discussion with someone about AGW.

    1. Listen. When I want to go to the store, I always just drive in circles around my home while keeping the store on my left. Don’t you?

    2. In fairness, I don’t think you can light a 40 Watt bulb with a 9 volt battery.

      1. Or whatever the voltage of a C-battery is.

        1. Still, you could just it and the wire to show what a basic circuit looks like.

        2. `1.5V. Transistor batteries are nine volt.

    3. As a lighting engineer I was deeply offended by that!

  25. So i was watching Game of Thrones, and reminded of an incident a couple of years ago…

    I was on my way to work; it was snowing hard, and there was a lot of ice on the ground and snow piled on the curbs.

    Peter Dinklage was standing in the middle of the block between parked cars and was trying to hail a cab. He had some roller-luggage with him, which i guess meant he was trying to catch a cab to laguardia. No cars could see him in the haze of the snow and the fact he was below the level of most of the parked cars. (he probably would have done better on the corner, but whatever. He was in the middle of the block)

    Without breaking stride, i stepped past him, flagged cab, it stopped, I opened the door, and turned around and said, “have a good one’ and kept walking.

    He goes, “Fuck you asshole!”, and I start laughing at the ridiculousness of the whole thing. I laughed all the way to the train.

    At the time, I think all he’d done was “the station agent”.

    I later met him @ a party in Soho. Like a year or two later. We get along fine; there’s like a balcony people are smoking cigarettes on, we’re chatting, and i suddenly tell him the story. He’s just like = “And what?” And I go, “I don’t know, I thought it was funny”. He muses this for a minute and goes, ‘so, what now you have a “Dwarf Story”?” And I say, “Yeah, I guess I do.” “Well good for you.” And he’s all pissed all over again.

    I think the moral of this story is something to do with “Ableism”.

    1. Did you kick his ass?

      1. No, the second time when he got miffed about the story, i just said, ‘hey man, I actually *got* where you were coming from, and I just think now, in retrospect, it was an amusing scenario”

        Meaning = i realized why he was offended the first time. But I also thought – now that we’re both here, talking to each other like equals, and if I told him the story, he’d see both sides and say, “Yeah, that is sort of a funny NYC type moment”

        I sort of thought he’d be cool about it.

        As a contrast – the same evening I’m talking to a trans-sexual, and I go, “So did you do the whole snip-snip thing or what”? Instead of getting uptight, the he/she goes, “No, i’m doing hormone replacement and like, another year or more away from the chopping block”…

        I think the point is, i didn’t think there would be anything fundamentally offensive about ‘drawing attention to the fact of the matter’ – ‘ableist’ or what have you. But apparently there was.

        1. I would have told him he should carry a little flag with him.

    2. It’s sad that he took offense to you trying to help him. I guess when you are the victim of being ridiculed your whole life about something you can’t help, it sort of make you bitter.

      Overall, this is a great story though and something out of the pages of Curb Your Enthusiasm.

    3. You know, I actually had to work to get famous people pissed at me. Though there was the time on Madison when Matthew Broderick almost walked into traffic while walking his dog because he was staring so hard at my girlfriend’s tits. From across the street. I couldn’t blame him, to be honest.

      1. That is quite possibly the best humble brag I have ever heard.

        1. Let me try and top it:

          Well, it makes sense, seeing as she was a former model.

          1. Morgan Fairchild?

          2. Former?

            1. She got out because if you want to get ahead, you, uh, have to give-a the head (and more). And she didn’t feel like doing that.

          3. Seriously, though. I dated a model a lifetime ago, and I was miserable. In retrospect, she quite possibly might have been retarded.

    4. It seems like someone that thin skinned probably shouldn’t have decided to do a show that’s like 35% dwarf jokes.

      1. Oh, i left a part of the story out that is actually completely relevant.

        When the first situation with the Taxi happened, *I had no idea who he was*. He was just ‘random short guy’ who told me to fuck off.

        Then, like a day later – i see that “The Station Agent” has been nominated for an academy award… and HE shows up on screen…and I’m like, *OH FUCK!? ITS THAT GUY!” He must have been going to LA for the fucking Oscars when i saw him.

        Which is part of the story i told him. I was like, ‘So I’m watching TV, and BOOM! The guy who told me to go fuck myself is nominated for Best Actor…”

        Whatever. I need to remember that part next time I tell the story. I think it improves it somewhat.

  26. Today I observed something during lunch about the daughter. She asked to eat two pieces of chocolate and I said she could have one because they were big. She replied ‘I don’t like odd numbers.’

    I couldn’t believe it. I’m the exact same way. Genetics is crazy and my wife thinks we’re both nuts.

    1. I don’t like odd numbers either. But, in this case, your kid might be playing you for more chocolate.

      1. Wouldn’t put it past her but it’s legit.

        My wife noticed it too.

    1. Everybody was bored today.

        1. Speak for yourself!

    1. We’ve been loitering since 5pm.

  27. Some more brilliant fiscal/economic analysis courtesy of Reddit

    “The US has had significant gains in GDP even including the 2008 recession. The national debt is a political tool by the right, nothing more. It could be fixed very quickly if it wasn’t for the attempt to use the debt to force cuts to social programs.”

    (the next quote is in response to a question about how it could be fixed)

    “Raising taxes, stopping offshore tax havens, and cutting corporate welfare partially.

    The main cause of the fiscal deficit is actually the trade deficit. The reason is as currency is removed from the US it has to be added back somehow or the economy collapses. Free trade has not helped the US economy. Raising tariffs to balance the trade deficit would fix a significant amount of the problem.”

    (this one’s in response to someone pointing out that tariffs would raise the cost of goods)

    “I have no problem with forcing my countrymen to choose between cheap chinese knockoffs that are more expense and good old American products. Its not like anyone is taking away choices. But goddamn… Why the fuck do you “NEED” a shitty toaster oven made in china by 5 year old’s for $4.99?”

    1. cutting corporate welfare partially.

      AKA, my favored corporations should get money, but not any of the others.

    2. Yeah, that’s some pretty good derp. I see no evidence any of them made the slightest attempt to learn more before forming an opinion.

      Deficit is caused by the trade deficit? That’s new derp to me. I have a trade deficit with the grocery store and still have positive cash flow. But that is my deep sorcery at work.

    3. I don’t think they even realize the scope of the yearly deficit. Closing “tax loopholes” in order to more directly steal from people’s “offshore tax havens” would not even come close. And that would be assuming it was a morally sound action.

  28. The stream appears to be out (for me, at any rate), so I guess that means no break from homework for kibby. =(

    1. Same here.


    2. Where’s your man tonight? I messaged him an hour ago. He ruined our dinner plans.

      1. He’s stuck in traffic/construction on the PCH, driving home from class.

        1. I bet he stopped at the store for Pliny Beer.

          And it’s just “PCH”. We have weird rules for naming highways here.

          1. He did, but they didn’t have it.

            California has never made any sense to me.

            1. You referenced San Diego. Did you live there?

              P.S. I finally got rid of my leftovers from City Wok. I had an emotional attachment….

              1. I lived in Santa Barbara for a year & San Diego for two. & California still makes no sense!

                1. Hmm, both suburbs of LA….

            2. It’s like gendered articles in German. It only makes sense if you’re born to it.

              1. This is actually a really good comparison.

      2. He ruined our dinner plans.


        1. Well, it was more my fault. I didn’t get the roast cooking until 5, so dinner would have been Costco hot dogs.

    3. Yeah, what’s up with that?

    4. Yeah, what’s up with that?


  30. Bejeweled “Three Stooges” prison uniform.

    1. I don’t care. No earrings, and a nice shade of lip gloss. I have a semi.

      1. What are Julie and Jo Ling, chopped liver?

        1. I was unaware of them at the time of the comment. My regrets.

  31. Kennedy has adorned herself with battle medals.

  32. Except for the bedazzled collar, Kennedy looks kindaof appealing tonight.

    1. She’s easily my favorite.

  33. I got something for Canada to lap right here.

  34. And OMG! JULIE BOROWSKI WITH SHORT HAIR! (and no crazy costumes) That is all.

  35. What do they export besides maple product Niagara water and patients?

  36. Is there ANY country with whom we have a better relationship than 5 years ago?

  37. Stream isn’t working and this comment section is already massive? WTF TI?

    1. I’m gonna have to talk to my urologist about that defective stream.

      1. Its an ongoing struggle up here in Canuckistan.

  38. I felt like she was looking me right in the eye when she said that.

  39. Bolton for President

    That’s a sign you will NEVER see.

  40. How will John Bolton perform in The Independents litmus test?

    Um, the paper strip will change color. (always)

  41. You’re stroking his ego with this “You might be a candidate” bullshit? Is it in his contract that you can’t challenge him and must pick his brain?

  42. Bolton, again?

    Seriously, his stache is not that good. Mine is better. Can we have me on? I’m not a NeoCon, so there is one more point.

    1. Pics or it didn’t happen. Derpetologist already claimed the beard category.

      1. I have many pics, bro. Where is the stache pic of Derptologist?

          1. It was less a stache and more an adventure.

  43. Reinventing Libertarianism

    A similar story can be told of energy. Nuclear energy came out of the Manhattan Project. No private company could ever have taken a weapon and made it an energy source.

    No, a private company would have designed a power reactor using fission far before designing a nuclear weapon. Assuming normal times where there isn’t a world war being fought.

    1. No private company could ever have taken a weapon and made it an energy source.

      Well, if you squint real hard, the internal combustion engine is kind of a combination of a repurposed firearm and Greek Fire. Kind of. A little bit. Sort of.

      1. An uncontrolled explosion is much easier to produce than a controlled explosion.

        I guess the same could be said about nuclear explosions vs. power. Neither are easy in this case though.

        1. When I think about it, actually a small controlled nuclear reactor was built before any bomb.. under the squash courts at the University of Chicago. Chicago Pile-1.

    2. No private company could ever have taken a weapon and made it an energy source.

      Well, if you squint real hard, the internal combustion engine is kind of a combination of a repurposed firearm and Greek Fire. Kind of. A little bit. Sort of.

    3. Nice comment:

      Fission itself occurred in natural rock formations in a place called Oklo in Gabon, Africa. No private company could have turned this gift into a weapon capable of mass destruction, but an enormous, government-funded, world war-inspired effort against a nation led by a madman could.

      1. Rumor has it that the same thing is occurring in my kitchen near the granite countertop.

  44. Credit where due. Good answer.

      1. When did Bolton become somewhat pragmatic and tolerable to listen to?

    1. He had a pretty good start. I’ve seen a lot worse.

  45. I favors that same sex marriage, if we have enough military budget to drone their fag asses when I get ready!

    / Bolton

  46. OK, he had me thinking he was almost rational on the gay marriage thing, but thankfully restored my faith in his awfulness with his idiotic response on prostitution.

    1. Because, the pro argument isn’t exactly the same for both issues?

      Consistency, how does it work?

    2. That idiocy was the result of not having thought it through the way he has gay marriage. The man demonstrated the ability to do it, he just hasn’t.

      1. No, the perverted little smile/chuckle he gave at the end just means he likes his paid sex illegal because it’s filthier that way.

        1. I think you nailed that, HM (pun intended).

  47. Ask him: Who do we need to drone? What country should we nuke? Whom should we be invading?

    1. It wasn’t that long of a segment, BigT.

      1. They were trying to discuss non-defense issues. OK, he was pretty good.

  48. I actually met Bolton once. Back when I was a Republican, I was super stoked. Because he talked so tough about smiting ‘merica’s enemies.

    1. “Wow, I love your music! I celebrate your entire catalogue!”

      1. +1 Bobs

    2. “I love the way you flay your enemies!”

      1. So….I watched last night. Are they just changing all the things? Is that the plan?


        1. They are changing all the things. & ruining all the best characters. =(

          1. Maybe Jamie will kill Cersei. That could be fun to watch. Beat her to death with his golden hand.

            Or Jon Snow could tame a giant and ride it into battle.

  49. I don’t favor free enterprise, when it involves paying someone for sex.

    Hmmm…. That’s NOT statism.

  50. Why does DeBlasio warrant the Sexy Sax outro?

  51. DerpBlasio, what the New Derp Tards deserve.

  52. Holy shit. I didn’t realize I liked Bolton. I thought I hated the guy. Who knew? If he could just get his war boner to calm down a bit he would be a great candidate….you know….if he wasn’t lying through his teeth.

    1. Mind you I am talking ‘least stinky turd’ here.

    2. Well, he can’t get his war boner to calm down. He’s like Tulpa or Cytotoxic, with probably a better stache.

  53. Great commercial on now:
    “If you took prescription testosterone and suffered death, call now!”

    1. What about the one where Risperdal gives men boobs?

      1. Can they rise from the dead and call the lawyer too?

  54. How’d he get Sarah Jessica Parker to pull that carriage?

  55. Kennedy, if anyone is Jar Jar, it’s you.

  56. Is calling Kmele “Jar Jar” racist?

    1. Is Kennedy insulting Kmele again? What’s up with that?

    2. No, but extremely poor taste.

      … Hobbit

    3. In the prog world where everything is based on skin tone, it probably is. But, it was asinine given that Kmele is the strongest leg of the Independents tripod.

      1. If by racist you mean a cartoonish generically Caribbean stereotype, then yes.

        1. People of Caribbean descent are usually highly successful.

          It’s a compliment.

          1. Jar Jar made the Galactic Senate, didn’t he?

            1. Is that like the US Senate? If so, it’s nothing to brag about.

              1. He made the House and introduced the motion that gave Palpatine dictatorial powers.

                So really, it’s all his fault.

        2. Meessa thinks heesa speeken teh ebonicsez.

  57. Slaughtered after working, as preferred to slaughtered when they’re born for dog food?

    1. Although IKEA food is bad, it’s not dog food.

      1. That’s cause dogs won’t eat it. Only humans will.

        JK, I’ve never had IKEA food.

  58. Matt is a really good guy, I am feeling that, just sayin.

    1. No, he’s not.

      Not at least until he keeps his word on the Arbor Day Song.

      1. You mean this:

        Arbor Day

      2. You mean this:

        Arbor Day

        1. I hatez squirrels!

  59. OK, what are they doing now?

    1. Trying to sell us a Jag.

      1. Wow, it’s like I’m actually watching instead of getting a spinny thing!

  60. Why is this prostate commercial shot in 4:3?

    1. Because old people still have 4:3 teevees.

  61. “Your Inner Monkey” is on PBS at 10:00 tonight. Good stuff.


  63. I haven’t seen the ads before. I run from the tv to here when they come on.

    Beta Prostate? Why the fuck would I want that? Is there an Alpha Prostrate with a Stallion logo on the label?

    1. *facepalm*

      Prostate, not Prostrate.

      1. Also from the commercials:
        They want you to call a 1-800 number if you are dead.

  64. Well, to Shintos it is a religious shrine, Kennedy.

  65. He’s Canadian. What ya gonna do?

  66. Harsh words coming from a former MTV veejay.

  67. Someone needs to send Kmele some good booze. Stop going out to drink with Kennedy and Matt.

  68. Waiting at Taco Bell? That’s profiling, and profiling is wrong.

  69. The Independents Attire Review, 23 April 2014

    R.I.P. Brian Boru-Edition

    – Kennedy: Tonight there’s gonna be a jailbreak, and me and the boys? We like it. We’ve previously referred to this piece as the “H-Hold”, which only probably makes any sense to you if you’ve jiggled knobs on an old B&W TV. While “Bright Colors” are our favorite with Kennedy, next on the block are this and the even more extreme Black-White striped thing she’s got (which we called the “Escher” or “Bauhaus”). We’re Wildly Hawkish on this look.

    – Matt: You tell me, people. Please: show of @#$@*% hands on this. Because I’m running out of shit to say. This makes me hearken back to already-ancient *yesterday* and say to myself, “actually, maybe the Satan-ish thing wasn’t as bad as I made it out to be?” I’m considering taking screenshots here to remind myself of the *potential lows* possible in Matt’s wardrobe choices.

    – Kmele: I started off in a reasonably good mood and things have gone progressively downhill. Kmele’s wearing a collarless shirt (a Henley? with a blazer?) AND a pocket hanky? No. Sorry, dude. Maybe if you were gay and… Belgian? this would be ‘eccentric’ and cute. In the context of “The best dressed guy on the show”, its a combination of Poor Judgement AND Insufficient Effort. Console yourself with this: You’re still much easier on the eyes than Matt.

    Thank You

    1. Kmele’s wearing a collarless shirt (a Henley?

      Or a Shanghai Tang.

      1. I note = in the designer’s examples of “how to wear a Mandarin collar”, I do not see a single example of ‘blazer with pocket hanky’

        1. Maybe I should have caveated, “When he’s received his Wing Chun black belt, maybe we’d let this go…”

        2. There’s this, but as Kmele is not a slim, slightly androgynous Asian man, the ruling stands.

          1. Yeah, i’m warming to it. But i think his jacket looks too formal in the context; the shirt would do better with a more casual sport coat.

            I actually have one of those shirts. Christmas gift. Maybe tried it on a few times, and always gone…. no. I think it would work best in the Bahamas, untucked, with a big glass of rum in my hand.

            1. I got mine in Singapore and have only worn in in tropical climes, sans jacket and untucked.

      2. I think maybe i was hard on Kmele out of disgust with Matt.

        So, Blame Matt.

    2. Maybe if you were gay and… Belgian?

      You say that as if they weren’t essentially the same thing anyway.

  70. Bieber.

    Has all music turned to shit?

    Is there any talent today, except for Avenged Sevenfold, and a few others?

    1. Bieber is not music, it is product.

    2. +1 Bat Country
      +1 The Beast and the Harlot

      (I haven’t heard any of their recent stuff)

      1. Shepherd of Fire

    3. Get off my lawn!

  71. Whoa shit! Is Max here?

  72. Ford used to fall down the stairs

    1. But he did it in a classy way.

  73. Chuck Woolary? WTF???

    Hate mail? Ohhhhh, yes, we need to read the Proggie and NeoCon hate mail!

  74. The Independents is Firing Line for the ADHD crowd.

  75. Hopping and bobbing? Or skipping?

    We are talking about this guy, right?…

    1. Worth noting that that action seemed to have gotten the wookie excited, she almost lost control and jumped in. She has a wide stance, shoulders square and staring straight at those guys…she clearly wants to rip their arms off.

      Him on the other hand, I would pay any amount to have a recording of the sound he made during that recoil

    2. Shuckin and jiving?

    1. I am so ridiculously impressed by him right now.

  76. This is the first time I’ve watched TI. I want to scrape my eyes out with a grapefruit spoon. That’s normal, right?

    1. No, it’s not normal. Why?

      1. Asking for a friend, of course.

    2. Completely.

      1. Finally, someone who understands!

  77. Well, this Woolary Mammoth dino dude is making a little bit of sense.

  78. So was he bugged by the same thing when Bush was in office? Is he really a conservative or a Republican. They aren’t the same thing.

  79. Guess what happened to the Armenians right before they were rounded up and slaughtered.

    1. The Turkish government tattooed them with inmate numbers?

    2. The worst of all treatments: Give nothing but soda to drink in containers larger than 16 ounces.

    3. They had to buy government health insurance?

  80. Well at least I’m back for Welch’s Gripe Juice and then the Two Minutes. Some good thread activity, I see.

    1. Some good recipes going around. And good mustache talk.

    2. You’ve used Gripe Juice before, right?

      1. I Tweeted that suggestion to Matt and he replied back that he wished they had thought of it.

        Lucy Steigerwald was also impressed.

        1. Are you going to try and date here too?

          1. *her
            meaning Lucy

          2. Maybe they can go for a throuple.

            1. K might be into that, actually.

                1. ….was worth suggesting.

                  1. Have you even sent her dick pics yet. Somebody here linked to an article suggesting that today.

                    1. S/B ?

                    2. I think we’ve both decided that’s not going to happen.

                    3. I think we’ve both decided that’s not going to happen.

                      Saddest thing I’ve heard all day. All of human ingenuity from the taming of fire to jpg compression has led us to the sharing of dick pics and you two callously reject all of human achievement.

                    4. Well it’s nice to know there was a goal.

                    5. I’m sure the quantity you send more than makes up for our rejection of the idea.

                    6. I’m not sure what’s appealing about a phantom penis clumsily photographed and neither does she.

                      Sorry, you’ll have to live vicariously through someone else.

                    7. Vicariously? I’m not well wishing dick pics for lack of access to them.

                    8. Or, we can send dick pics instead. Sort of like a guess who game.

                    9. !!!! PLEASE DO NOT DO THIS.

                    10. Well done.

            2. Link to urban dictionary?

              1. kibby: good “…Really?” or judgey?


                Why do you not have an urban dictionary quick search set up?

                  1. Of dick pics or threesomes?

                    1. The first. But three people in an actual relationship is the dumbest idea ever. Threesomes are a totally different story.

                    2. But three people in an actual relationship is the dumbest idea ever.

                      dumber than communism?

                    3. But three people in an actual relationship is the dumbest idea ever.

                      That’s true. Another useful relationship maxim to remember is that there ain’t no love like a pimp’s love.

                    4. You must’ve had better luck than I have. 2/3 of them have had a sullen person on the sidelines while I have sex with someone that would’ve been better without someone who couldn’t find the rhythm glaring from the sidelines.

                    5. 2/3 of them have had a sullen person on the sidelines while I have sex

                      Would that be a girl finding out that her boyfriend is really really gay?

                    6. Devil’s threesomes have one too many women in them for my preference.

                    7. Wait, what kind of threesome? The wobbly kind?


                    9. Eh, I’m not into dudes but we are both into women, so…

                    10. but we are both into women
                      Go on….

                    11. Go on….

                      I don’t think I will.

                    12. This actually came up while I was in Ireland. We decided you can still have an FFM threeway and have a spitroast/wobbly H, but you have to equip one of them with a strapon.

                    13. That’s not practical. It’s very presumptuous to bring sex toys to a social gathering. At least in the hetero world.

                    14. Is it too much to ask for the host to have a strapon handy?

          1. So sue me. And my suggestion was still different.

            1. Yeah, I’m going to say I like Juice over Jam. It flows better or something…

  81. What is going to be so different about Bernie? Is he going to be dead?

  82. If I watch the president’s speech, I’ll be sure to have a bottle of Isopropyl or Methanol handy.

  83. Hey, the Fox Business stream is back!

  84. The Armenian Genocide is one of those things that I remember being so shocked to learn about when I went to college. It was one of those little things that wasn’t covered in any of my High School classes. Right up there with learning about the Japanese Internment in an English class instead of history class.

    1. It’s amazing how the Armenian Genocide parallels the Holocaust. Turks were wondering how the hell they lost WWI and turned to it’s minorities to blame in the same “knife-in-the-back” myth that gained currency in Germany. The Turks experimented with poison gas and typhoid as a way to mass kill Armenians and others.

      1. Armenian and Portuguese women are hot.

        1. That’s what you got out of it? I mean, yes, but…

          1. He IS Canadian.

          2. My mind drifts sometimes.

  85. I guess they got the Mirror Version of Jay Carney?

  86. Trouser FTW

    1. Yeah that was the best one.

    2. Yeah that was the best one.

  87. NOT DOBBS!!!

  88. A British guy named Ashley? What is going on over there?!

    1. I believe that’s australian. Aussies when they do “TV-presenter” do a lot to mitigate the Aussie, and sound kind of English as a result.

      Also, i knew a few brits named ‘Ashley’. Its not all that odd.

  89. How was the ‘two minute hate’?

    And the Canadian middle-class bit?

    Fucking asshole streaming.

    1. For me, it went back on right before the 2MH started.

    2. Kmele got called a brother, and Immaculate Trouser was featured.

      1. I didn’t even get the Kmele comment.

        1. Welch stepped in and said he was Kennedy’s brother.

      2. Thanks for the MSG info. up thread.

        1. Pure deliciousness.

  90. So Bristol Farms, Newport Beach won’t have any Pliny in stock until Friday before Cinco de Mayo, according to their liquor guy.

    Is there any other location in Southern California that sells it?

    1. Bristol Farms Manhattan Beach. As of yesterday.

      1. I’m not sure if I’m willing to drive all the way up there for that. This Firestone Easy Jack is good, though.

    2. Bevmo? Pliny the elder or younger? Good luck finding the younger, anywhere.

  91. Interesting. Tonight’s episode of ‘The Americans’ is about the Contras of Nicaragua and was co-written by Oliver North.

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