Tonight on The Independents: NSA Spying, Rand Paul's GOP, Putin's Saber-Rattling, EPA Victim Speaks Out, Kennedy Propositions Akon, Plus Sultry Aftershow!

I know, I know, MISSING AIRPLANE, but did you hear the one about the Wyoming welder who built a duck pond on his farm, reportedly in full compliance with local officials, but then got hit with an Environmental Protection Agency fine of $75,000 per day? His name is Andy Johnson, he's not paying a dime of it, and he'll be on tonight's episode of The Independents on Fox Business Network (9 p.m. ET, 6 p.m. PT).

Did you hear the one about Sen. Rand Paul (R-Kentucky) finishing first among potential GOP presidential candidate in a recent CNN/ORC poll (something his father never managed), winning a Northeast Republican Leadership Conference straw poll, and attracting such Washington Post headlines as "It's time to start taking Rand Paul seriously"? Party panelists Jedediah Bila (Fox News contributor) and Santita Jackson (extremely busy media person) will discuss this, as well as the latest news about the National Security Agency RECORDING AND STORING EVERY SINGLE PHONE CALL, maybe.

Have you heard of a popular recording artist named Akon? Me neither, until Kmele Foster gave me a tutorial today, but he'll be on the show talking about his plans to provide solar electricity for one million Africans, and his, uh, dating and cohabitating advice. And later we'll be doing some Mystery Science Theater-style action on Vladimir Putin's latest crazy speech.

Aftershow (probably with less drinking than last night) will be live-streamed on the website, and please send your tweets out to @IndependentsFBN; some may be used on air.

Comments

[Derpetologist]

The comments are really screwed up. I watched an episode of Lou Dobbs instead reading the PM links.

[SIV]

Wyoming welder

At least he has the skillz to weaponize a bulldozer, if necessary.

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Hey Matt, fix your fucking server.

[Steve G]

better issue the ‘assemble’ order early

[SweatingGin]

Reason.com sysadmin (Complete with state of the art Palm Treo)

[Grand Moff Serious Man]

Did you hear the one about the libertarian blog that’s biggest appeal is the lively commenting section?

And did you hear the one about how said blog’s technical SNAFUs have been frustrating its regulars all day? Have you Matt Welch, have you?!

**and as if to prove my point it’s taken like 10 minutes for me to post this

[Byte Me]

Rest assured that our crack technical team is orphans are hard at work on the problem, with “energy drinks” in hand whips at the back.

You just can’t find good labor anymore.

[Byte Me]

Damn, this was supposed to be on another thread.

[Sevo]

I wonder if Matt’s heard of the missing comments?

[Sevo]

(Originally tried at 8:31)

[SIV]

Next time have Paul Shapiro write about howanimals have moral agency.

[Warrren]

Jesus, dude you are bleeding this thing dry. The comments problems started long before that was even posted.

[Warrren]

Jesus, dude you are bleeding this thing dry. The comments problems started long before that was even posted.

[Swiss Servator, mehr Spr?ngli]

Hey, no padding the comment count!!

[kibby]

I vote someone sets up an IRC chat or something if the website continues these shenanigans. There’s no point in watching the show without the witty commentary! (Sorry, Matt.)

[Rufus J. Firefly]

Missing airplane?

What’s next?

Reason gonna tell me Lou Reed is dead?

You guys.

[Steve G]

This is a bigger let-down than the Browns

[DRM]

At least the Browns can be a let-down. The Lions never raised hopes far enough for that.

[Plopper]

Testing 123

[Rufus J. Firefly]

http://www.nj.com/education/20…..ement.html

Anyone see this regarding Rutgers and Condi Rice?

[Raven Nation]

Yeah, it was the topic d’jour for a few days in academic circles. Of course, RU faculty didn’t do themselves any favors when it came out that they had invited Obama to give the address in 2016.

I made a snarky comment to one of my academic friends that this was understandable since Obama hadn’t violated the constitution like Rice had. I then had to explain to her that I was being snarky when she took me at face value and nodded her head wisely.

[Francisco d'Anconia]

INDEPENDENTS DON’T BOTHER!

[Grand Moff Serious Man]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KOqk_q4NLLI

[Francisco d'Anconia]

+1 worthless and weak

[C. Anacreon]

I prefer The Who song with the same title, from “Tommy”.

We foresake you/
Gonna rape you/
Let’s forget you better still.

[Rufus J. Firefly]

I finally got the mask to fit right!

/slams it to the ground.

[Max Power]

Cosmotarian Cocktail Call!

I have Old Grandad whiskey in a glass (not very cosmo).

[kibby]

Gin &, uh, limeade. It’s the only stuff I have in the house. PURE CLASS, BABY.

[Slammer]

Maker’s Mark.

[Slammer]

Maker’s Mark

[SweatingGin]

Call it a makeshift Gimlet.

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

I’m away for a week and everything goes to shit! What happened? Did Mary launch a DDoS?

[RannedPall]

The squirrels… Gun to my head……Acorns……quickly..

[Sevo]

“We Are Experience Commenting Difficulties. Please Stand By.”
https://reason.com/blog/2014/03…..ifficultie
I’m sure I’m not the only one to have griped.

[BigT]

Mass surveillance or masturbation?

[Grand Moff Serious Man]

Maybe Kennedy is the mastermind behind the Great Comment Blight of 2014 because she’s tired of reading our jokes about her earrings and outfits.

[Bam!]

If Kennedy was a lizard.

[Ska]

Sweet vent shot.

[BigT]

A marketable version of his father.

And he needs to tell his Dad to shut up.

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Leave Britney alone!

[kibby]

Tonight would be so much more fun with working comments.

[SweatingGin]

Your IRC idea is terrifying. You think we’re terrible people here…

[BigT]

You can’t be big and little at the same time

I’m liking this woman. She has some excellent bromides to share.

[Notorious G.K.C.]

Take off, slavers!

[Rufus J. Firefly]

Way to go to point to the black guy about slavery, Matt.

Smooth.

Matt: I have no idea!
Kmele: Oh, sure look at the black guy!

[Grand Moff Serious Man]

Another interview with an average Joe that got fucked over by the government?

Hopefully he’s more engaging and coherent than the off-the-grid lady from a few weeks back.

[SIV]

She was on the sewer grid. Killed all my sympathy. If you want sewer you should pay for water.

[kibby]

Yeahhhh, it’s not looking good so far. He’s coherent, at least.

[Slammer]

Those religious leaders are obviously a lizard people cabal.

[Notorious G.K.C.]

In what alternate universe do the people on The Independents praise the Catholics and other organized religious groups? And defend the Church’s stance in the French Revolution? Has the world gone mad?

[Trials and Trippelations]

He’s lucky we wasn’t SWATed

[SIV]

CoE is supposed to enforce this wetland shit. Why are they giving up turf to the EPA?

(I’m guessing he was in CoE compliance)

[SIV]

Start welding up the killdozer.

[SIV]

Start welding up the killdozer.

[Not an Economist]

First the Malaysian airliner goes missing. Now the comment section of Reason goes down. A coincidence? I think not. It must all be part of some global conspiracy!!!!!!

[Notorious G.K.C.]

He paid a heavy price for his bravery…he’s plastered all over TV screens in a commercial showing him at his most vulnerable! Ouch!

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Did she just say it needed to be gluten free?

Seriously?

[Grand Moff Serious Man]

She has celiac disease. Bet you feel like a dick now.

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Nope.

[GILMORE]

The Independents Attire Review, 18 March 2014

RIP, Frank Gotti: Edition

– Kennedy: Our favorite little chiacchierone, showing off a baby blue Izod and reminding us of that nice little girl next door we used to give rides to tennis practice. But now she’s 16 and Madonn’! the wife wont shut up about it. Honey, you’re a peach but we have to stop doing this thing.

– Matt: Dressed like he ‘took care of that thing’ for us, Matts fashion spectrum seems to consist solely of polar extremes, with hardly any daylight between “Gay Magician” and “Mezza Morta”. While we have no beef with “The Professional” look, frankly it makes us a little nervous. Hey, i’m just busting your balls here Matt?

– Kmele: Ever the Friend of Ours, Kmele remains the stand-up guy for the evening, making the most out of some fairly low-key duds. I don’t know if my memory has gone musciata or what, but I swear it seems like its a new sport coat every evening. This is what i’m talking about Matt? – a little mixing the same things up? And BOOM: like magic. If we need to add a little something here, we’d just point out that when Matt decides to go Monochrome? Somebody’s got to pick up the color-slack. Maybe an emergency hanky, I don’t know man, use your imagination.

Bona sera a tutti

[Notorious G.K.C.]

I spill only the finest tomato sauces on my wifebeater T-shirt.

[kibby]

I’m dying at “Gay Magician”. Maybe Matt can book himself a gig at the Gothic Castle!

[Grand Moff Serious Man]

Matt looks like he’s going to rob a jewelry store with Steve Buscemi and Harvey Keitel.

[Sunmonocle Backwards Tophat]

I’ve started growing facial hair, and I’ve been noticing it much more. Kmele’s, for example. I like that bottom heavy look, although it may be more interesting if he let it fly a little loose. As to Kennedy’s surgery/transplant comment, they’re doing a lot more hair transplants for beards in NYC these days. I goes it’s the effort that matters.

I know people here poked fun at Matt’s facial hair, but I don’t think beards look bad on anyone with red hair.

[kibby]

I miss Matt’s beard! It was fantastic.

[Sunmonocle Backwards Tophat]

It was edgy, but literally and figuratively.

[kibby]

& such a great color. I may just have a thing for beards, though.

[Byte Me]

What the hell is with Kennedy and vaccination?

[Byte Me]

I heard an EPA story like this (on Stossel, I believe) where the EPA came after a guy and his family for CLEARING A FREAKING CLOGGED CULVERT. They “helped” him, as well, by fining hims tens of thousands of dollars A DAY and arbitrarily made his land effectively worthless.

P.S.
I tried to post this during the segment but this crappy, government approved website was having an aneurism

[kibby]

I can already tell I’m going to be bored by this segment, having zero idea who this person is.

[GILMORE]

A horrible joke =

“If we could only deliver enough mosquito nets to Africa, we could save millions upon millions ….

…of mosquitos from needlessly dying of AIDS”

[SIV]

You should triple jump for the Greek women’s Olympic team.

[jesse.in.mb]

It has potential, but the delivery needs work.

[Bam!]

Needs to be delivered by an Englishman.

[GILMORE]

yes, a Jimmy Carr one.

[GILMORE]

Although, I note = He’s technically *Irish*.

And he sure does dress well.

[Notorious G.K.C.]

By the end of the year! Ambitious, I like it!

[SIV]

Public-private partnership. Is Akon any kin to Robert Poole?

[Notorious G.K.C.]

What was up with Kennedy?

[Notorious G.K.C.]

From praising the Catholic Church to endorsing polygamy?

[Bam!]

When they had that poly chick on weeks ago, Kennedy was sweet on her.

[Notorious G.K.C.]

Yeah, Mr. Montgomery is going to want two more of her.

[Byte Me]

I think her hubby probably watches her on t.v. with a perpetual (and proverbial) ‘face-palm’.

[kibby]

Oh my, there is an awful lot of giggling going on here.

[Notorious G.K.C.]

Hot tubs for Africa!

No, sorry.

[Slammer]

What the hell was that weirdness?

[GILMORE]

This commenting thing is still a little hinky

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

A little?

[Grand Moff Serious Man]

Now say “nuclear wessels”!

[OldMexican]

By the way, what the FUCK is “Wage Slavery”???

[jesse.in.mb]

Not making as much money as you’d like?

[Sevo]

OldMexican|3.18.14 @ 9:50PM|#
“By the way, what the FUCK is “Wage Slavery”???”

It’s what the slave owners claimed the northern factory workers were doing.
It was a slimy attempt at misdirection so slave-holding might not seem so odious.
Think Tony, shreek or american socialist; one of their ‘tu quoque’ lies.

[Byte Me]

Mystery Science Theatre 3000!

But, seriously, that was the worst parody of it I could ever imagine.

[jesse.in.mb]

You know who else wanted to restore their heritage lands?

[Grand Moff Serious Man]

You know who else said he didn’t want any more land after acquiring new territory through a plebiscite?

[BigT]

Lincoln?

[SweatingGin]

I like anti-Soviet Matt.

[jesse.in.mb]

Apparently Kennedy does too!

[OldMexican]

Have you heard of a popular recording artist named Akon?

Not until Kennedy began offering herself to him… or asking him to pimp a few girls to her husband, something like that…

[kibby]

I love that Matt gets so fired up, too, Kennedy. It offsets the boring clothes.

[GILMORE]

This show is so cheap, they get Kennedy to ad-lib and don’t even bother editing before “broadcast”.

Matt “gets all fiery” about non-intervention. WE WILL DO NOTHING STEADFASTLY!

[Francisco d'Anconia]

I don’t think I’ll ever get over Macho Grande.

[Notorious G.K.C.]

This just in…they just checked the passenger list, and there was a fellow named Yu Gon Dai.

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Electrical fire…

Hmmmm.

[Grand Moff Serious Man]

Residents on an island in the Maldives claim to have seen a low flying airliner on March 8.

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Was Elvis flying it?

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

Just printed my tickets for the LA County Airshow. Blue Angels, here I come! (Sorry, FdA)

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Blue Angels have the best show.

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

The Red Bull helicopter guy is pretty awesome too.

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Where ya been Playa?

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

Work. No extraneous internet time last week, except for responding to Sloopy’s drunken messages wanting to go into the food truck business…

[Grand Moff Serious Man]

Go on…

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

You want in? He’s looking for a partner…

He does have a great sounding Lechon Asado recipe, but I haven’t tried it yet myself.

[Grand Moff Serious Man]

Nah, not like I have money to invest. No, I was just curious about the kind of food he had in mind.

Although I’d reconsider if his idea involved a drone delivery system.

[jesse.in.mb]

Have I mentioned my roommate consults for food truck launches?

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

No, put Sloop in touch…

[Warrren]

In derp dependents ass mumble!

[Agile Cyborg]

But staff refused to sell the 57p pack of teaspoons to Liam, from Deardengate, because he was not 18.

“Knives, forks I can understand but teaspoons? No,” she said. “There’s just no common sense.”

Shit like this melts my brain.

[Notorious G.K.C.]

Police report filed on the porn-studies professor who attacked and stole from the protesters at UC Santa Barbara:

“When asked by police if there had been a struggle between her and the activists when she took the poster, Miller-Young responded, “I’m stronger, so I was able to take the poster.”…

“In the report, Miller-Young also stated she’d be willing to pay for the cost of the sign but would “hate it.” She said she was “mainly” responsible for its destruction in her office ? which she called a “safe space” ? because she was the only one with scissors at the time….

“…The District Attorney’s Office has received the filing but has so far not filed any charges.”

http://www.independent.com/new…..otesto/?on

[Notorious G.K.C.]

Police report filed on the porn-studies professor who attacked and stole from the protesters at UC Santa Barbara:

“When asked by police if there had been a struggle between her and the activists when she took the poster, Miller-Young responded, “I’m stronger, so I was able to take the poster.”…

“In the report, Miller-Young also stated she’d be willing to pay for the cost of the sign but would “hate it.” She said she was “mainly” responsible for its destruction in her office ? which she called a “safe space” ? because she was the only one with scissors at the time….

“…The District Attorney’s Office has received the filing but has so far not filed any charges.”

http://www.independent.com/new…..otesto/?on

[GILMORE]

WILL TO POWER

[Notorious G.K.C.]

I can’t believe the university lets her have scissors.

[Grand Moff Serious Man]

Miller-Young admitted to authorities that she probably shouldn’t have taken the poster but said she did the “right thing” because she believed the group was violating university policy and infringing on her rights. She likened her actions to that of a “conscientious objector.”

No, you stupid, fat cow. You are not a “conscientious objector.” You are an emotionally stunted bully that thinks the world must revolve around you.

[Notorious G.K.C.]

Excuse me, did *you* get published in the New York Times? Have some respect!

http://www.nytimes.com/roomfor…..pportunity

[Grand Moff Serious Man]

LA city council members want to know if fracking caused Monday’s quake

The motion, presented Tuesday by Councilmen Paul Koretz and Mike Bonin and seconded by Councilman Bernard Parks, asks for city departments to team up with the California Division of Oil, Gas and Geothermal Resources, the U.S. Geological Survey and the South Coast Air Quality Management District to report back on the likelihood that such activities contributed to the 4.4-magnitude quake.
Earlier this year, the council voted to draft rules that would bar hydraulic fracturing, often referred to as “fracking,” acidizing and other kinds of well stimulation in Los Angeles until council members felt sure that Angelenos and the water they drink were safe from their effects. The risk of triggering earthquakes was among the dangers cited by Bonin and Koretz, who championed the move.
“All high-pressure fracking and injection creates ‘seismic events,'” the motion states. It added, “Active oil extraction activities are reportedly taking place on the Veteran’s Administration grounds in West Los Angeles, nearby the epicenter” of the Monday quake.
“It is crucial to the health and safety of the City’s residents to understand the seismic impacts of oil and gas extraction activities in the City,” the motion said.

Ladies and gentlemen, the Party of Science!

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

Short answer: no. Long answer: no.

I used to work at the PXP field (the closest one to the earthquake), and they have been fracking since before anyone knew what it was. Oh, and that oil field is right on top of an actual fault.

[GILMORE]

Never mind that the entire LA basin has had oil rigs since the 1890s.

Or one of the largest transform faults in the world running across the state. No, its probably “fracking”. Or maybe *the Jews*

[NotAnotherSkippy]

If you understood anything, you’d know that earthquakes are caused by a combination of fracing and global warming. Fracing lubricates the faults and CO2 causes the atmosphere to heat up which causes the Earth to go all wiggly. Thus ends the lecture.

Where’s my grant check?

[Cdr Lytton]

Where’s my grant check?

GILMORE was right about who’s behind this!

[Sevo]

And those horrible oil leaks from the channel rigs?
“Oil and gas seeps have always been part of our history. Archaeological evidence shows that indigenous people in the Santa Barbara area used oil and tar as far back as 6,000 years ago.”
http://www.venocoinc.com/natural_seeps.html

[NotAnotherSkippy]

But that’s natural, so it’s different.

[Francisco d'Anconia]

They’ve been just waiting for the next quake to spring this.

[William of Purple]

Yeah is this thing on!

[William of Purple]

Moby shares why he’s vegan, and why you should be one too:

I guess in closing, apart from issues of health and climate change and zoonotic disease and antibiotic resistance and impotence and environmental degradation, I’d ask you this simple question: Could you look a baby cow in its eyes and say to it, “My appetite is more important than your suffering”?

[William of Purple]

oh yeah, and pass the veal cutlets.

[Grand Moff Serious Man]

“My appetite is more important than your suffering”?

A few months ago I went out with a girl that was studying ranch management and meat processing at Cal Poly SLO.

She described in detail to me the process for slaughtering a cow and it doesn’t sound too bad to me at all. It’s actually important to minimize anxiety and suffering in the cow since it affects the quality of the meat.

[Big Chief]

Moby should think about the suffering of the people who accidently get exposed to his “music”.

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

I’m looking to get a new, durable video camera. Anyone tried the Gopro?

[RannedPall]

My friend brought one along when we drove from LA to NYC last summer, it captures a lot of hd video and does films really well in a shaky car, especially through the Rocky Mountains. If you’ve the cash and are planning on using it quite a bit, I’d recommend it.

[Fist of Etiquette]

TAP TAP IS THIS THING ON?

[William of Purple]

Hello, is it me you’re looking for?

[William of Purple]

Colombian president Juan Manuel Santos wets himself during campaign speech

[Sevo]

If my company web site were dysfunctional for 24 hours, there would be a flurry of pink slips.
Who runs this thing, Sebilius?

[seguin]

Nah, more than 50 people have logged on…

[Sevo]

So they changed the goal to 49?
I mean if this is the level of professionalism that REASON can manage, I can see the donation isn’t being used for what matters.

[Bobarian]

I can see the donation isn’t being used for what matters.

Whores and coke?

[William of Purple]

Russia tells the US that Western sanctions over the Crimea dispute are unacceptable and will have “consequences”.

[Banjos]

My comment is posting! The key is blowing the right squirrel.

[Grand Moff Serious Man]

My comment got through and I didn’t blow shit. Are you sure that squirrel wasn’t lying to you?

[jesse.in.mb]

We haven’t seen Nicole throughout this comment-pocalypse. Is the right squirrel circumcised or something?

[BuSab Agent]

I’m beginning to think some poor intern is chained to the server individually approving posts… hence the delay in posting.

[Sevo]

One more time:
HEY REASON!
You want donations?! Well, spend the money on something other than cruises! Like a pro IT department!

[Sevo]

One more time:
HEY REASON!
You want donations?! Well, spend the money on something other than cruises! Like a pro IT department!

[Sevo]

One more time:
HEY REASON!
You want donations?! Well, spend the money on something other than cruises! Like a pro IT department!

[William of Purple]

one more time!

[Grand Moff Serious Man]

You mean three more times.

[BuSab Agent]

test test test. Well for fucks sake.

[BuSab Agent]

OMG I finally posted. What a waste of a day. *sigh* goodnight everyone

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

Brooklyn Nine-Nine is a pretty funny show.

Said nobody ever.

[William of Purple]

I think it’s funny.

[Francisco d'Anconia]

I’m in love.

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

Were you screaming “Take it Off!!!” too?

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Yes, I was hoping to see boobies when the shirt came off. I’ll admit it.

But..gooble gobble, one of us…

And a female…and hot…go figure.

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

She also knows how to use a torch. That goes in the “plus” column.

[Bam!]

She doesn’t have the permits to burn that shirt, pollute that air, or the proper license to own and operate a blow torch. A SWAT team has been dispatched.

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Night kids.