Hand What's Left of Your Privacy Over to the NYPD, for Free!


This flyer is posted over at my neighborhood park:

What could go wrong? ||| Matt Welch original
Matt Welch original


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  1. That will never be abused.

  2. Recovering stolen electronics is a priority here at the NYPD. Muslims especially welcome!

    1. We will copy all data off recovered phones, but we promise not to look at it. Pinky swear!

  3. Officer Friendly. Just here to help.

    Stop resisting!!

  4. “Free Registration Today!”

    Clearly NYPD has a marketing team. Why does a police department need a marketing team?

  5. Why would the police bother with this – its not like they look for stolen property anyway. Hell they don’t even put forth effort to find stolen cars.

    The only way this is useful is if the item happens to fall into police custody (by which time you’ll have just bought a new one anyway) but then the cops will just keep it.

    I suppose it helps the police in squeezing a pawnshop if they find one engraved. Then they can try to make him provide documentation that its not stolen.

    1. The only way this is useful is if the item happens to fall into police custody (by which time you’ll have just bought a new one anyway) but then the cops will just keep it.

      They’ll search it for evidence of ever visiting a website that could link to kiddie porn, and if they find something it’s an excuse to bust down your door at 3AM and shoot your dog.

  6. It’s just common sense measures to ensure electronic devices don’t get into the wrong hands.

    1. Too late, the cops already have electronic devices.

  7. I wondered if this was a hoax, like that NYPD drone ad, but it looks legit.

  8. Put tracking chips inside the police, with the death penalty for removing them.

  9. I hope this is an old flyer someone left up (it seems to be behind glass?) and not one they’re actually printing now.

    Also, Welch lives in NYC?

    1. Also, Welch lives in NYC?


      1. He moved there awhile ago, but no one knows why.

        1. I assumed for the better cocktail parties. Or should I say Kochtail parties?

          1. Probably in Williamsburg.

  10. The real question here: why is Matt Welch using a publicly funded park?

  11. Right, register my phone. Even if I was somehow naive enough to believe this to be a good thing, that would be just plain stupid and redundant. My phone carrier has the serial number and whatever the heck all those numbers are on it right now. If it’s lost or stolen, 2 minutes after I realize that happened I can shut it off by going right online. They say that the phone won’t work again on any network since the numbers are embedded in the memory, although I suppose there’s a work around.

    Seriously, what’s a thief is going to do with it then? Sell it to someone who can make it work, or more likely make a few calls before it’s shut off. But unless someone is a complete moron they’re not going to keep it for a trophy or something. They’ll just toss it into the nearset dumpster or storm drain.

    You’re never going to see it again, accept the loss and move on.

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