New WFOR Theory: The 'Love Drug' Made Rudy Eugene Gnaw a Man's Face Off


WFOR, the Miami TV station that helped propagate the notion that "bath salts" made Rudy Eugene eat Ronald Poppo's face, reports that "the preliminary toxicology report from Eugene's autopsy" indicates he "had been smoking marijuana near the time of the incident." Exactly how near is not clear, since traces of marijuana can be found in people's bodies long after the drug's effects have worn off. I would give WFOR credit for not insinuating that the Weed With Roots in Hell drove Eugene's attack, but that restraint probably is due only to the fear that people nowadays would laugh at the suggestion. That is not the case with "bath salts," which are much scarier because they are newer and less familiar and who really knows what the hell is in them? Unfortunately, "it will now be at least two months before all the lab work will be completed," which gives WFOR another 60 days for wild speculation like this:

Inside [Eugene's] car investigators found a Koran and five empty bottles of water. The water appeared to have been recently purchased, the law enforcement source told [WFOR reporter Jim] DeFede.

The water, and the notion that Eugene was extremely thirsty, offers investigators another clue into the possible drugs Eugene may have been taking.

For instance, people who take Ecstasy often crave water. Detectives won't know if Eugene took Ecstasy, or some other drug, until the complete toxicology report is issued.

OK, forget what I said. The folks at WFOR clearly are not afraid of provoking laughter if they are prepared to suggest that Ecstasy, a "love drug" known for promoting feelings of benevolence and empathy, impelled Eugene to tear a man's face to shreds with his teeth. A more promising hypothesis is that Eugene bought something that he thought was Ecstasy but that turned out to be a much more dangerous, delusion-inducing, violence-fomenting mystery drug. While there might be a powerful anti-prohibitionist message in that tale, since black markets facilitate such switcheroos, I still have to admit, unlike WFOR, that I totally made it up just now.

The Koran is another red herring, as WFOR reveals:

Police now believe that Rudy Eugene, the so-called Miami Zombie, was not only naked, but was also carrying his bible, when he nearly beat a homeless man to death and chewed off three-quarters of his face.

A senior law enforcement official told CBS4's Jim DeFede, Eugene's bible was found with some of its pages ripped out at the scene of the May 26 cannibal attack that has captured worldwide attention.

The torn bible pages were found not far from the victim's body. In interviews last week, Eugene's mother described her son as a "church boy" who always carried his bible with him.

So far there is zero physical evidence that Eugene took "bath salts" or Ecstasy, and while he had smoked marijuana sometime in the recent past, it is not clear he was still high at the time of the assault. One thing we know for sure: He was definitely under the influence of Christianity. I await WFOR's exposé.