Go Ahead and Mess With Texas; It's Run by Pussies


As a couple of commenters noted yesterday, the chief Senate sponsor of the Texas bill targeting TSA groping of airline passengers has withdrawn the measure, saying support quickly dwindled after the feds threatened to create a no-fly zone over the Lone Star State. Sen. Dan Patrick (R-Houston) blamed Lt. Gov. David Dewhurst, who presides over the state Senate, for stirring up opposition to the bill, which the state House approved a few weeks ago, by citing the federal threat to shut down Texas airports. Patrick said the 30 or so votes he had when he introduced the bill had shrunk to about a dozen by yesterday afternoon. "There was a time in this state, there was a time in our history," he mournfully told The Texas Tribune, "where we stood up to the federal government and we did not cower to rules and policies that invaded the privacy of Texans."

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  1. “All WILL kneel before me.”

    1. While he doesn’t seem to have kept the campaign promises he made as Obama, he has indeed kept those of his ultimate form, Zod.

      Q. Why are you willing to settle for an elected office of a single nation? Surely one of your might and intellect deserves to rule the entire planet.
      A. Your mother country has potent military forces and markets all over the world. Are you not the logical choice? Make no mistake, if some petty chieftan somewhere offends me, I can still deal him a swift, merciless blow. Yet your country permits and encourages that, does it not? I believe I have chosen well.

      Q. Do you support Supreme Court justices that will strictly interpret the Constitution or will you choose justices that have a more lenient view?
      A. Surely there is nothing that requires meddling, wasteful interpretation. You humans will concentrate on your work. From time to time I will override the Constitution, and that will be quite black-and-white. You shall trust your ruler.

      1. From time to time I will override the Constitution, and that will be quite black-and-white. You shall trust your ruler.

        I just came. In Steve Smith’s mouth.


          1. “We are absolutely going to be keeping your resume on file, Mr. Smith!”

  2. Time to split Texas up into multiple states. And to take away the Alamo–they forgot it.

    1. Texans remember the Alamo, dude. They keep their balls in its basement.

    2. Texans have matured since those early days. It’s preferable to solve our problems from within, using diplomatic means, discussion, and “soft power” instead of forcing confrontations where you have no hope of winning.

      1. Fuck it, give it back to Mexico.

      2. Texans have matured since those early days.

        In other words, pussies. You may have matured, but the TSA and most of the FedGov is ran by adolescent minded assholes who find your diplomatic means, discussion, and “soft power” to be nothing more than foreplay before they rape you in your every orifice.

        1. It is a pretty huge time-saver.

          1. I don’t want to make it easy for them. Rule of thumb when being raped is to do everything you can to make it at least as traumatic for them as it is for you. A lady I know was once assaulted who managed to stab the guy in the ear. Turned out he was already hearing disabled in the other ear so that left him effectively deaf. Quite a price to rub up on some pussy that doesn’t belong to you.

          2. In karate, you either punch *through* the board or you *don’t* punch. Half-measures result in shattered bones.

            Texans look like right prats!

            “Y’know whut *ah*’d a dun?!?”

            Yeah, Tex, you’d wet your pants.

      3. And great headline Jacob. Nick owes you free shit like booze rations and Applebee coupons for coming up with that one.

        1. I have had an unused $20 gift certificate to Applebees for 10 years now.

    3. I do believe only two things come from Texas….

      1. HAR!!! Where is the Like button?!?


  3. Well, that pretty much signals the end of federalism in America.

    Sad, I really hoped Texas would have the balls to stand up to the centralist thugs.

    1. It’s been pretty much downhill from 1865.

  4. My how things have changed.

    Texas in 1835: Come and take it.

    Texas in 2011: OK, you can have it.

      I am so going to use that!
      I should change my handle to plagiarist…
      …if can spell it.
      I think I got it that time.

      1. I should change my handle to plagiarist…
        …if can spell it.

        “Mr. Vice President… please.”

  5. Let the downhill slide to Fascism begin!

    1. Let the downhill slide to Fascism begin!

      “YES, WE CAN!!!”

    2. I prefer to say they are trying to find the form of government most appropriate to them.

  6. I also like how the courts could have been used if Texas passed this law, instead a few TSA thugs sent to the legislators is all that was needed. Kinda like when Paulson or whoever came in to congress and said- “Pass tarp or there will be a depression” Fuck.

  7. East Texas gently cups Oklahoma.
    West Texas spoons New Mexico.

    1. They don’t deserve the name “Texas” anymore. How about Saxet?

      1. I don’t understand what was wrong with “Tejas” in the first place.

        1. I propose three new states in place of Texas: Zeezeetopia, Texmexas, and Southforkoda.

        2. “Tejas” always sounded like genital slang, like “cajones.”

          Right in the Tejas.

          1. “Tex” it up the “ass”

  8. The TSA: Ron Paul’s secret weapon in the 2012 primaries.

    1. Let’s hope it’s a not secret to him.

  9. Give me liberty or give me something else!

    1. “”Give me liberty or give me something else!””

      Lol, how true these days.

      Liberty is something from which a statue in New York harbor is made.

  10. Dewhurst has always been statist sack of crap. No real surprises here..

    1. Stop insulting sacks of crap!

  11. I hate the TSA procedures as much as anyone, but this hardly strikes me as the issue to ignite the second Civil War over.

    1. Hey, anyone else think it’s getting hot in here?

      1. Dude, the frog is already dead.

    2. So, which issue do you think is the appropriate one to have a Civil War over?

      When they take away our “right” to decide whether our government GPS tracking chip gets implanted in the left or the right arm?

      Or when the barcodes on our foreheads include a remote kill chip that can be detonated if someone in Miniluv suspects we harbor dissident thoughts?

      1. When they took away our ability to spend a weekend with the pain demon in lieu of paying our income taxes.

    3. Sounds good as any to me.

    4. Federally sanctioned sexual assault?

    5. Yes, sexual assault is a fairly minor thing in our society.

    6. I hate my 401(K) being confiscated as much as anyone, but this hardly strikes me as the issue to ignite the second Civil War over.

    7. I hate the TSA procedures as much as anyone, but this hardly strikes me as the issue to ignite the second Civil War over.

      A few chicken-shits said the same thing about the Stamp Act.

    8. Does anyone here honestly think that there is going to be a libertarian-friendly revolt anytime soon? If there were to be a civil war or revolution in this country, I very much doubt that the outcome would be very pretty.

      1. No, but in the ensuing confusion, you can find those that revolt because they don’t get enough free shit and easily eliminate them from the gene-pool.

    9. “[T]his hardly strikes me as the issue to ignite the second Civil War over.”

      Texas: Git yer TSA thugs’ paws off’n or womenfolk an’ l’il-uns!

      Feds: <headshot>

      That looks an ostensive definition of ‘mugging’. If anyone would have been responsible for starting a civil war, it would have been the federal government for grounding an entire state.

  12. I imagine American Airlines and many other private companies weren’t really thrilled about Texas making such a stand with their profits.

    1. They could have taken it up with the TSA instead. You know, just a thought.

    2. Of course, that’s why the threat to shut down Texas was BS.

      With the US economy in its current shape, there is no way in hell Obama would shut down American’s largest hub (DFW), United-Continental’s largest hub (IAH), and Southwest’s largest focus airport (DAL).

      When the other guy is showing 2?-3?-5?-7? with one hole card, you damn well call his bluff, no matter how far he raises the stakes.

  13. “I regret that I have but one crotch to surrender to that TSA guy over there, with the staring pop-eyes and the Ed Gein-ish giggle.”

  14. If TX is run by pussies, what does that make the leaders of the other 49 states? Those guys don’t even have the vagina to think about passing a bill that respects the privacy of their respective residents.

    I’m sad TX gave up, but it doesn’t surprise me. The Fed has grown too large and wields too much power at this point.

    1. That state is our last hope.

        1. No, no, no. The right answer is “No, there is another.”

          1. But first Texas has to find in, then tell it about its father, then spend some time training it. I don’t think we have that much time.

    2. Sorry John.

      I think NJ of all states had something.
      But in NH…(no income or sales tax):

      1. +1 to this. I had no idea NH was pushing a bill like this through. Hopefully they’ll stand where TX faltered.

        1. And what major airports are in NH? The TSA actually could shut down flights into NH without national repercussions. The biggest value of Texas was that the Feds couldn’t shut it down without disrupting air traffic across the whole nation.

          1. New Hampshire’s major airport is in Boston.

            It would be symbolic, but it would make the Texans look like the light-in-the-loafers nancyboys that they are.

            Texas: Wee’r gunna make th’TSA stope tuchin’ or wimminfolk an’ li’l-uns. Don’ Mase With Texas [Texas State Department of Transportation litter campaign trademark]

            Feds: Boo!

            Texas: Shyoot, mister! Y’went an’ made me piss mahself!

    3. JohnG you killed my wife!

      Wait, what was I going on about?

  15. The noble and useful vagina is unfairly maligned by being conflated with politicians. Shame on you, Jacob.

    1. I agree. I recommend “Stetson Invertebrates”

      And remember, only real men wear chaps and line dance.

    2. Cowards is a better word. Chicken shit cowards.

      1. Not cowards, worse: bullies…..88698.html

        They’ll murder unarmed children, and back down at the first sign of authority.


  16. Pussies. Yes. That’s exactly the term I was using when I predicted yesterday that Texas would back down on this. Kudos for nailing this with the right label. Yes, JohnG, if Texans cannot stand up for freedom, what hope is there for the rest of these states, who all deserve much sharper epithets (w/hats off to Warty’s point)?

  17. I called my state senator, M. Shapiro, and Lt. Gov. Dewhurst (sp?) yesterday over this. The state senator aide who answered her office phone assured me that her support for the measure was undiminished (I thinks he was lying).

    The Lt. Gov. office had so many calls coming in, they set up a special phone line for us all to leave messages on, which they promised were listened to at the end of each day. I’m not taking any money on that bet, either.

  18. President Obama ” i think America should roll back its borders to pre-1845 borders”

  19. Nice post.

    Appallingly stupid headline.

    1. The truth often is.

  20. Does anyone really believe that the no-fly zone BS would have lasted more than 24 hours? Too much money lost. TSA would have backed down.

    Sorry about your cojones, texan lawmakers.

  21. So, that is why people go to Texas. Plenty of room to spread out so the meek fuckers don’t scare each other maybe.

    1. Threadwinner!

  22. Here’s to Texas reasserting its independence, as it did the last time some central government tried to tread over it.

  23. Well, shucks. I was hoping that Texas might break away from the US one of these days and become a somewhat libertarian place for the rest of us, but looks like they’d rather crouch and lick the hand that feeds, so to speak.

    1. “and lick the hand that feeds”

      That’s a parasitic hand, right? It jams a finger into its host and slurps up the juices.

  24. I took a shit in Texas once.

    1. and then it got elected Lt Gov.

      1. That’s only ’cause it knew that was the most powerful office in the state. Lest its the Railroad Commissioner.

        Load knows the Governor ain’t it.

  25. No fly zone no need for TSA agents to get paid, they would have caved.

  26. There was also a time when lefties cared about civil liberties. It was 2001-2009.

    1. HA HA HA!!!!

      No… but, seriously: you mean you actually bought all that “THE WORLD CAN’T WAIT!” crapola we were spouting? REALLY — ?!?

      HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!

  27. Having lived here in Texas my whole life I know firsthand how the Texas GOP(Grand Old Pussies) talk tough against Big Brother in Washington but in reality have no balls when it comes to walking the walk.

  28. I would’ve loved if they had passed that bill, would have showed them that TX won’t kneel to the fed. But I do agree with the man, there was a time when we wouldn’t stand for this, sadly those times are over everyone down here thinks the gov being in your daily lifes is better. I miss the old TX!!!!

  29. Florida is an option. Our rulers have been challenging Obamacare, and we have a lot of coastline and foreign countries nearby, in case you want to slip out in the middle of the night.

    Loose gun laws, exotic pets, no state income tax…

    C’mon! You know you want to.

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