Drug War

Protecting Colorado Children From Imaginary Pot Products

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Yeterday Colorado's House Judiciary Committee heard testimony on a bill that would regulate edible cannabis products sold to patients who are permitted to use marijuana as a medicine under state law. Supporters of strict regulations, who originally advocated a complete ban, claim cannabis comestibles are a threat to children (who else?). In a letter to the committee, the Colorado Drug Investigators Association warned that marijuana munchies are being marketed to kids. The letter included pictures of "Pot Tarts" and "Cap'n Chronic Cereal." But according to the Cannabis Therapy Institute, "the 'Pot Tarts' photograph in the letter came from a DEA bust in California in 1986, and the 'Cap'n Chronic Cereal' photograph was only a T-shirt design and was never documented to be a real product by anyone….During a full hour and a half of testimony from law enforcement, no one could produce an actual medicated 'Pot Tart' or any medicated 'Cap'n Chronic Cereal.'" The Associated Press nevertheless reported that "lawmakers were shown pictures of edible marijuana packaged as 'Pot Tarts' similar to the breakfast pastries 'Pop Tarts,' and a product 'Captain Chronic' designed in a package to look like Cap'n Crunch cereal."

Compounding the deception, the bill's chief sponsor, Rep. Cindy Acree (R-Aurora), displayed boxes of products similar to the ones that supposedly have been showing up in Colorado schoolyards. But "upon closer inspection," the Cannabis Therapy Institute reports, "it was determined that Rep. Acree had purchased several random food products at Target that morning and was parading them in front of the committee as if they were medical marijuana-infused products."

And what better to pour on your Cap'n Chronic than milk flavored with strawberry meth?

[Thanks to Richard Cowan for the tip.]

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  1. OK, so only serious adult topics are fair game for humorous adaptation as joke drug brand names? Because otherwise THE CHJILDRENNS!

    My entry:
    Isambard Kingdom Brunel’s Industrial Revolutionary Moguljuana

    OK, not very catchy, but I know the rest of you can do better.

    1. One Blunt in the Life of Ivan Denisovich

  2. More importantly, where can I get my Peanut Butter Capn’n Chronic?

    1. with Chronic Berries!

    2. How’s about Cocaine Crisps?

    3. Count Junkula

  3. But wait! There’s an (R) after her name, so she’s better than a (D), right?

    Perhaps she was roomates with Mitch Daniels when they first graduated college, and so she knows the dangers of the things that she was never punished for doing.

  4. Children must also be protected from Burpsi-Cola, All-Brain cereal, Gadzooka bubble gum and Crust toothpaste.

    1. Don’t forget Minute Lice and Rabid Shave.

      1. I remember Rabid Shave – had the sticker.

        Awesome.

        1. Oh and Band-Ache bandaids….

  5. Everyone knows elementary school students are where all the money is.

  6. So children can’t handle guns, alcohol, tobacco or pot? Why don’t they grow up already?

    1. Age and wisdom are wasted on the aged and wise.

  7. Did anyone in the room call her on this? That would be awesome to see.

    1. Rep. Acree had purchased several random food products at Target that morning and was parading them in front of the committee as if they were medical marijuana-infused products.

      And your point is …?

      1. Soo… Reps aren’t under oath when they speak before a committee? Because that seems to walk the line of perjury.

  8. Extra-Frosted Chocolate-Covered Krusty Flakes?

    1. Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs >

      1. Down-for-the-Count Chocula

        1. Boo Berry (snort, snicker)

      2. At least TWO bowls of Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs before bed.

        (And they don’t taste good unless you sprinkle pour sugar on them first!

        1. It’s easier if you just use sweetened condensed milk (or Karo syrup if you are lactose intolerant) instead of milk.

          1. Tyrannosaurs are not lactose intolerant.

            1. I’m keeping that one.

      3. I trade all my Sugar Bombs to that ghoul who makes Ultrajet.

        We were talking about Fallout 3, right?

        1. No, it’s a Calvinist discussion.

    2. Sounds too much like rather’s drawers…

    3. Extra-Frosted Chocolate-Covered Krusty Charlie Sheen Flakes

      Even worse.

    4. Extra-Frosted Chocolate-Covered Krusty Charlie Sheen Flakes?

      Cuz’ you know he’s the good stuff.

      1. I am on a drug, it’s called Charlie Sheen. It’s not available because if you try it you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body.

  9. During a full hour and a half of testimony from law enforcement, no one could produce an actual medicated ‘Pot Tart’ or any medicated ‘Cap’n Chronic Cereal.’

    What were they smoking?

  10. Maybe we can get Sarah Palin to advocate that the Pot Tarts and Cap’n Chronic be kept illegal but to put them at a low priority for local law enforcement. Yeah, that’s it.

  11. Yeterday Colorado’s House Judiciary Committee heard testimony on a bill that would regulate edible cannabis products sold to patients who are permitted to use marijuana as a medicine under state law. Supporters of strict regulations, who originally advocated a complete ban, claim cannabis comestibles are a threat to children (who else?).

    See why medicalizing marijuana as an inroad to legalization is a really bad fucking idea?

    1. * rising intonation *

      What about children with terminal cancer?

    2. Sorry Paul, my sarcasm detector is on the blink. Was that a serious comment?

        1. In that case, I respectfully disagree.

          No state legislature (let alone the Fed) is ever going to have a moment of clarity regarding pot and just legalize it for recreational use.

          Once medical marijuana has been a thing for long enough that it demonstrably fails to bring about Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome, people will start to talk seriously about legalizing it for recreational use.

          There will always be asshole nannies who want to demonize and outlaw anything even marginally bad for you, but when weighed against the lack of vampirism in medical users, and the horrors of the WoD, saner heads will eventually prevail on legalization.

          1. In that case, I respectfully disagree.

            That’s a nice turn on Hit & Run. And thank you for making a clear, concise and lawyerly, well stated argument. Overruled! 😉

            No state legislature (let alone the Fed) is ever going to have a moment of clarity regarding pot and just legalize it for recreational use.

            You may be correct about this, which is why I don’t hold it personally against those who strive for medicalization.

            Once medical marijuana has been a thing for long enough that it demonstrably fails to bring about Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome, people will start to talk seriously about legalizing it for recreational use.

            On this I disagree. If there’s one thing I do know, it’s regulators. Marijuana, if ever broadly medically legalized at the federal level (I laughed a little when I wrote that), it will be a Schedule II drug. I would also further bet that because of its past history of being a Schedule I drug, it would be regulated more tightly and more onerously than other Schedule II drugs.

            Because of the deep prejudices against marijuana with almost every sitting policy maker, regulator and politician, regulating Marijuana will be a magnet for pernicious regulations and oversight. Out of this will rise a dog-eat-dog world of rent-seeking, early adopting medical marijuana dispensaries which will beget more pernicious regulation.

            Also, because regulators will burn the midnight oil to find ways of controlling a market they’re already skeptical of, at some point, someone is going to notice all the relatively young, healthy kids with Bob Marley tee-shirts and vague medical symptoms who have prescriptions to medical weed. That will be another very attractive magnet for overzealous regulation, and people and doctors will start getting thrown into jail for violating the Schedule II regulations– like we’ve seen with current Schedule II medication.

            Lastly, because of the way marijuana has already been stuttered into a hazy medically legal structure in some areas, there is some evidence that it does become an attractive target for criminals (links available upon request). While I admit this argument is weak, I consider it plausible because we have a system where marijuana is illegal (still a schedule I drug) for the population at large, but allowed for a select few who meet some vague criteria. As a result, here in Washington we’ve seen shootouts and murders of people who had medical weed in their houses (legally) but were targeted because of the existence of said weed. Again, another attractive magnet for overzealous regulators.

            I believe we’ll end up with a mess of unintended consequences.

            I’m not naive enought to suggest that legalization (non-medical) would occur without ANY regulation. I envision it should come under the same exising regulations of beer, wine or distilled spirits.

            1. I defer to your experience with our masters in the statehouse, but I hope you’re wrong.

              On an optimistic note, hopefully the economy will continue to tank long enough that alternate sources of government revenue will be sought, and prohibition will go the way of Prohibition.

              1. On an optimistic note, hopefully the economy will continue to tank long enough that alternate sources of government revenue will be sought, and prohibition will go the way of Prohibition.

                My guess is prohibition will go the way of Prohibition the way gambling went the way of the State Lottery.

                  1. State run Head Shops?

                    Imagine, if you will, buying your weed from the Post Office.

                    1. or worse, buying weed from the DMV

            2. Oh, and if you ever refer to me or my posts as “lawerly” again, I’ll pull your fucking larynx out.

              1. THIS is the H&R I’m used to!

              2. Oh, and if you ever refer to me or my posts as “lawerly” again, I’ll pull your fucking larynx out.

                Pro Libertate resembles that remark!

                1. In that I sound lawyerly in my posts or in ripping larynxes out?

                  1. In that I sound lawyerly in my posts or in ripping larynxes out?

                    Yes.

            3. It is important to note that medical marijuana is a high value product that is attractive to criminals. We should ban it and solve this problem once and for all. Those criminals won’t know what hit them when the product they want to sell gets a black market premium added to it.

  12. Protecting Colorado Children From Imaginary Pot Products

    The imaginary ones are always the worst of the lot! Good for Colorado!

    *smacks hand on forehead*

  13. Rep. Acree had purchased several random food products at Target that morning and was parading them in front of the committee as if they were medical marijuana-infused products.

    I bet the manufacturers of those random products would be super psyched about that implication. Come on, Quaker Oats, sue this bitch.

    1. They were random purchases.

      This bit, I mean, I’m way ahead of you.

    2. Quaker Oats, sue this bitch.

      We’re considering it.

  14. Is it too much to ask that people like these get thrown under Barack Obama’s re-election campaign bus?

    1. No. It’s better if they get eaten by the Loch Ness monster.

      1. No. It’s better if they get eaten by Puff the Magic Dragon. (snort, snicker)

        1. Better that than them eating “Puff the Magic Dragon Pastries” or something equally horrible…

  15. So my idea to market “Tai Stick Chocolate Easter Bunny Heads” is right out?

  16. What a dumb ho bitch. Probably bought that shit with the government credit card, too.

  17. But who’s protecting the children from the Charlie Sheen?

  18. Won’t someone please think of the children?

    1. Their livers are delicious when served in a red wine reduction.

      1. I prefer their kidneys with some fava beans and a nice chianti. *slurps*

      2. With Creme Fraiche.

  19. From Rep Acree’s website:

    “The Friend of Farm Bureau designation was granted to you because of your exemplary voting record over the last two legislative sessions as well as your sponsorship of legislation that is favorable toward agriculture. We have taken into account your willingness to advocate on behalf of the AG industry in committees or on the floor and are grateful for your support in standing beside us.”

    So add ag subsidies to the things we don’t like about her

  20. Paul makes an excellent case for the coming regulatory capture/Baptists and bootleggers debacle of medical pot.

    I tend to be an incrementalist, myself, but this won’t end well.

    For an excellent post on regulatory capture visit the Belmont Club today:

    http://pajamasmedia.com/richar…..is-coming/

  21. On the flip side, this bill:
    http://apps.leg.wa.gov/documen…..ills/House Bills/1550.pdf

    …is getting serious consideration in Washington. Make of that what you will.

  22. we be likin bans n shit

  23. “””it was determined that Rep. Acree had purchased several random food products at Target that morning and was parading them in front of the committee as if they were medical marijuana-infused products.”””

    Good enough for Colorado’s House Judiciary Committee.

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