Police

Maricopa County Attorney Andrew Peyton Thomas: Blame the Libertarians!

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Maricopa County Attorney Andrew Peyton Thomas has emerged as Sheriff Joe Arpaio's book-learnin' alter-ego, working with Arpaio to criminally investigate, indict, and otherwise legally intimidate anyone who dares to question the fearless lawman (as well as, now, anyone who dares to question Thomas). Thomas has gone after members of the Maricopa county council, journalists, even judges. Last month, after two prosecutors in neighboring counties publicly criticized Thomas and Arpaio's surreal, bumbling attempt at tyranny, Thomas threatened to criminally investigate them, too, calling their comments part of "an orchestrated campaign to pressure law enforcement in Maricopa County to drop charges against influential criminal defendants and suspects."

As it turns out, before running for county attorney, Thomas was an author and pundit, penning clenched-fist screeds on a variety of hot-button culture war squabbles for the usual roster of conservative outlets, including National Review, AEI, the Weekly Standard, and The Wall Street Journal. My favorite: Thomas once called parents who put their children in daycare "more respectable, less violent versions of Susan Smith." Smith, you may remember, was the woman who drowned her two sons in a lake in North South Carolina in 1995 . . . then told everyone a black guy did it.

Thomas has also written a couple books, one of which lays out his plan for restoring order to lawless America. Among Thomas's ideas: conscripted snitches. Per the Phoenix New Times:

"All able-bodied men without a criminal record should once again be subject to obligatory service for community crime surveillance."

Those men, he said, should patrol neighborhoods, armed with walkie-talkies. "Their sole duty would be to inform police of crimes in progress," he went on. "Women should not be subject to such conscription for the same reasons that they have traditionally been spared combat duty."

Then came the kicker: "Properly strong criminal penalties would deter those who might be tempted to dodge this draft [to patrol the neighborhoods] by committing a crime and acquiring a criminal record."

But Thomas saves the brunt of his ire for . . . well . . . you, Reason readers. Back in 1997, legal guru Walter Olson wrote a piece for Reason dissecting a particularly smirk-inducing article Thomas published in the Weekly Standard in which Thomas explained why libertarianism keeps him up in a cold sweat at night. Here's Olson:

The root cause of everything from street muggings and gang delinquency to rudeness at traffic lights to excessive lawsuit filing has finally been found, and it's…libertarianism. At least that's the view of Andrew Peyton Thomas, an attorney with the state of Arizona and a frequent contributor to conservative magazines. Writing in the August 26, 1996, Weekly Standard, Mr. Thomas referred to the above woes as "the libertarian-created problems of Southern California and elsewhere." Readers who hadn't known that libertarians got to run things in Los Angeles may rub their eyes, but Mr. Thomas isn't kidding one bit. He blames crime, rudeness, and litigiousness on the "live-and-let-live urban lifestyle" as spawned by "the moral laissez-faire disorder of libertarianism." Mr. Thomas, author of Crime and the Roots of Order, has made a momentous discovery: "The root of our crime problem," as he informed Standard readers on March 17 of this year, "is a rights-happy radical individualism."

Thomas is right. God help us if libertarians ever get any power in this country. Imagine, for example, the irreparable damage to the rule of law if a libertarian were ever elected Maricopa County prosecutor.

NEXT: That Other War

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  1. If only we could cleanse our governments of the ubiquitous libertarian pestilence.

      1. Extremism Police?

        Shit, I was hoping the thought police would at least have some sort of identifiable ideology. Apparently anyone with a non-bland viewpoint is a threat to the technocracy.

        I think the only solution is to let the UK go full Big Brother, exile all the fellow travelers here to the UK, and the nuke the fucker from orbit.

  2. I, for one, welcome our new libertarian overlords.

  3. This guy probably blames God’s permissiveness for Cain’s murder of Abel. If only The Almighty had the spine of a county prosecutor…

  4. So that’s what they mean by shit eating grin.

    1. I don’t know the guy, and I could be wrong, but I’d bet he’s wearing a pink teddy under that suit.

    2. I think that’s more of what they call the “shit-headed grin”.

      -jcr

    1. No, he’s a douche colostomy bag. And an LEO bootlicker.

    2. This is an unwarranted slander.

  5. Is it just me or does he look like Dondero?

    1. That’s Donderooooo?

      It’s an open secret that most of the time you can judge a book by its cover.

    2. It’s the douchestache.

    3. Looks like someone gave him a Dirty Sanchez.

    4. I was thinking Officer Dangle.

      http://bit.ly/86WzFG

  6. The poor and the self-righteous petty tyrants will be with us always.

  7. Taking odds on him, son of the Ozarks, doing gods work.

  8. Note to self, never visit Maricopa County.

    1. It’s not all that bad, as long as you are not one of those brown people. Then make sure you have your birth certificate, your social security card, your driver’s license, and several notarized affidavits swearing your citizenship to show to a judge to prove that you are a legal citizen, but you won’t be able to see a judge until you spend a few weeks to a month in Tent City. Otherwise, it’s not all that bad.

      1. I hope you are being snarky here. If not then it IS all that bad.

        1. Oh, so your county doesn’t arrest you for suspicion of not being a legal citizen (by suspicion I mean you are brown skinned and speak broken English), well la de da Mister I live in a non-fascist county.

          In all seriousness, it’s out of control. I know a few horror stories, but the worse has to be one my mother told me. She is a teacher working in Phoenix. One of her students was an illegal, he was brought over here when he was just a baby. He didn’t speak a word of Spanish, had no family or contacts at all in Mexico and they still deported him. He was American as you or I (culturally speaking of course). Imagine being deported to a foreign country where you didn’t speak the language and knew no one.

    2. I live there.

      1. Another reason not to visit. You and your damn baseball stats.

      2. Voros McCracken, do you wear pink?

  9. Thomas once called parents who put their children in daycare “more respectable, less violent versions of Susan Smith.”

    Well, by definiton… we would be.

  10. “All able-bodied men without a criminal record should once again be subject to obligatory service for community crime surveillance.”

    Those men, he said, should patrol neighborhoods, armed with walkie-talkies. “Their sole duty would be to inform police of crimes in progress,” he went on. “Women should not be subject to such conscription for the same reasons that they have traditionally been spared combat duty.”

    And we’re sure this guy is a conservative?

    1. Well, he probably would have a mandatory prayer circle before each patrol, while the leftists would prosecute those who voluntarily had a prayer circle.
      Mandatory Prayer = conservative
      Prayer Banned = liberal
      The differences are vast.

      1. Mandatory Prayer = conservative
        Prayer Banned = liberal
        Praying? I am already praying too much in taxes=libertarian.

    2. That “once again” remark is interesting. Was he referring to the old Slave Patrols in the ante-bellum South? You know, where able-bodied white men were compelled to patrol the highways and bi-ways looking for escaping slaves?

  11. It seems clear to me that the worst part about our gay-intolerant society is that closeted homosexuals like Mr. Thomas* deal with their sexual repression by swinging WAAAY overboard in the opposite direction. See also Craig, Larry, and Foley, Mark.

    *Take a good, long look at that mustache and tell me he’s not gay. I dare you.

    1. I’m not gay!

      1. Tom Selleck has a manly, heterosexual mustache. Andrew Thomas, on the other hand, has the sort of mustache a woman would wear if she were pretending to be a man.

    2. I live for his kisses!

  12. “Properly strong criminal penalties would deter those who might be tempted to dodge this draft [to patrol the neighborhoods] by committing a crime and acquiring a criminal record.”

    Dizzy now.

    Must lie down.

  13. Huh, how did this guy get his job?

    1. Just like Sherrif Joe. He was elected.

      1. As I expected.

        Law and order America doing it’s thing. It the kind of experience that happens to other people.

    2. Ain’t democracy grand?

      1. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Democracy simply doesn’t work.

  14. I love the progression: “street muggings……to rudeness at traffic lights”

    Un-rewound VHS rental tapes didn’t want any of this?

  15. Caption: He wouldn’t even hurt a fly.

    1. But he’d suck one dry.

      1. A fly is the puzzle he has to solve to get to the treat.

  16. “The root of our crime problem,” as he informed Standard readers on March 17 of this year, “is a rights-happy radical individualism.”

    Also, the root of our nation.

    BTW. He reminds me of Ed Rooney.

    1. Nine times!

  17. Maricopa County Attorney Andrew Peyton Thomas has emerged as Sheriff Joe Arpaio’s book-learnin’ alter-ego, working with Arpaio to criminally investigate, indict, and otherwise legally intimidate anyone who dares to question the fearless lawman (as well as, now, anyone who dares to question Thomas).

    They hate US for OUR freedoms!

  18. The only thing between us and freedom is…

    FREEDOM-LOVERS.

    You bastards.

    1. FREEDOM LOVERS:FREEDOM FUCKERS as CHICKEN LOVER:CHICKEN FUCKER?

  19. “Properly strong criminal penalties would deter those who might be tempted to dodge this draft [to patrol the neighborhoods] by committing a crime and acquiring a criminal record.”

    This, perhaps?

  20. Fearless lawman? Cops that will shoot because their imagine ran a little wild are not fearless. They pull the trigger quickly because they fear.

  21. URGENT THREADJACK

    H&R MUST write something about this:

    http://www.cnn.com/2010/SHOWBI…..index.html

    1. Then suck on this.

      Sheesh, I thought *I* had problems.

    2. It is a powerful film. Powerful films can elicit (sp?) powerful emotions. One wonders though, there must be deeper issues with these people. Issues that would still be there within them had they never seen the film. It is not the film that is to blame but these other, unresolved issues. They need to get to the root of the problem. They should probably thank the film for uncovering these problems. By the way, this is a very interesting review of the film from a psychological perspective:
      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ryHvg-6Wy2A

      1. It’s 3D graphic effects are powerful. The message and plot… not so much.

        http://www.cnn.com/2010/SHOWBI…..index.html

        1. I saw it and happen to disagree with you. I WILL agree it is not original. It is a rip off of Lawrence of Arabia. Lawrence just happens to be a disabled Marine in this film and the Arabs are blue. Lawrence of Arabia is a powerful film. It may not seem so this time because, since, LoA the plot has been recycled more times I can count.

          1. Cameron ain’t Lean, man.

            1. I am not comparing him to David Lean. But he has better technology at his disposal. And he ripped off Lean’s (or perhaps I shoud say T.E. Lawrence’s) plot.

              1. He also lacked the acting talent exhibited in Lawrence of Arabia, I’m sure.

                Haven’t seen Avatar, so I can make no comparisons.

                1. You should see it, really, it is well worth the price of admission. If you have an IMAX near you it should really be seen on an IMAX screen in 3D. The 3D is far superior to what you are used to. 3D used to look like a children’s pop up book. This is NOT like a children’s pop up book. This really is life-like.

                  1. I suppose I might.

              2. David Lean only seems original because he had ultra-wide-screen cameras. Erich von Stroheim would have come up with similarly stunning images 40 years before Lean in the desert scenes of Greed if only he had had wide-screen cameras back in 1924.

          2. No,No, it’s Disney’s Pocahontas.

            1. I thought it was Dances with Wolves meets The Blue Man Group

              1. There aren’t any Ewoks in this, right? I can’t abide Ewoks.

            2. You are correct sir:

              http://www.cnn.com/2010/SHOWBI…..index.html

              1. aah shit, I mean:

                http://www.huffingtonpost.com/…..10538.html

                1. “It’s 3D graphic effects are powerful. The message and plot… not so much.” Heller, I agree with your review. Now chew on that bone!

                  1. @RCTL

                    Where is the video of you chewing on Peter North’s bone?

  22. That is the face of a man who spent his boyhood years looking out of the legholes of his jockey shorts.

    1. Anterior wedgies are a bitch.

  23. For the record, that’s pretty close to what I picture Eric Dondero to look like.

    1. That’s actually pretty close to what he looks like. It’s the ‘stache, yo.

  24. Those men, he said, should patrol neighborhoods, armed with walkie-talkies.

    Andy correctly understands that his army should use police scanned radios rather than generic cellular telephones.

  25. Other fans have expressed feelings of disgust with the human race and disengagement with reality.

    “Jump, you fuckers!”

    1. I always thought it was,

      Jump mutherfucker jump mutherfucker jump

  26. “live-and-let-live urban lifestyle”

    Translation: “I suspect those freewheeling, individualistic libertarians are having much better sex than I am. This displeases me.”

    Well in that, at least, you wouldn’t be wrong, AP old chap.

    1. Somewhere there is a video of rather crazy that Libertarian schlong slurping my member.

  27. Those men, he said, should patrol neighborhoods, armed with walkie-talkies. “Their sole duty would be to inform police of crimes in progress,” he went on.

    LOL! I’ll bet the police would just love that, a whole army of morons stumbling around the streets, calling in a flood of radio reports.

    “Central, this is Braindead 174…crime in progress at 14 Elm Street…when I was standing on the trash can peeking in the window watching the Smiths have sex I observed they’re not having safe sex…send backup…over…”

  28. Anyone else think he resembles Dave Foley, of The Kids in the Hall and NewsRadio fame? It’s a bit disturbing.

    1. I saw the resemblence as well.
      Dave Foley often dressed up in women’s clothing.

      1. And likes girl drinks. Especially the chocolate choo-choo.

        1. So that link made me realize I don’t have Brain Candy on DVD, which led me to discover that it’s offered as a two-pack with . . . Back to the Beach??? WTF???

    2. I saw the resemblance, too. Is Dave Foley a libertarian by any chance? Would he be willing to put on a fake mustache and be seen with a prostitute in order to disgrace Thomas?

  29. I’m certain his underwear has santorum stains.

  30. But Thomas saves the brunt of his ire for . . . well . . . you, Reason readers.

    I wear his ire as a badge of honour.

  31. “the libertarian-created problems of Southern California and elsewhere.”

    When were libertarians ever in charge of Southern California?

    1. Anyone who has ever been to SC knows that the aging hippies/actors are in charge.

  32. Joe M,

    Was just about to post that. He doesn’t look like Dave, he is Dave.

  33. The root cause of everything from street muggings and gang delinquency to rudeness at traffic lights to excessive lawsuit filing has finally been found, and it’s…libertarianism.

    WTF, they already blame Libertarians for the financial collapse. I guess they’re making a list. Yeah, we killed Jimmy Hoffa, also.

    http://www.newsweek.com/id/164502

  34. He blames crime, rudeness, and litigiousness on the “live-and-let-live urban lifestyle” as spawned by “the moral laissez-faire disorder of libertarianism.”

    …someone, somewhere is having fun.

    Really though, Andrew, life is more comfy without that massive stick up your ass.

  35. He doesn’t look like Dave, he is Dave [Foley].

    That explain his hilariously moronic political views. And I love the bit about the ex-con Stasi spies roaming through neighborhoods. No, nothing bad could come of that.

    Here’s hoping that Arpaio or Thomas asphixiate one another during their next orgy with farm animals, and are too wasted to have it covered up.

    1. Dave’s just doing performance art. And working undercover for some Canadian spy agency for some unknown but surely benevolent purpose.

  36. Armed with walkie-talkies? Steven Speilberg is so going to sue him for copyright infringement.

    1. Did he beat that Indian Jones rape charge?

  37. The root cause of everything from street muggings and gang delinquency to rudeness at traffic lights to excessive lawsuit filing has finally been found, and it’s…libertarianism.

    Yep, that’s it, the libertarians. Who would have thought 114 people could have so much influence?

    1. 113. Milton Friedman died.

    2. LOL…

      Come on we know what that statement is really about. Making libertarian a dirty nasty word because he knows that kind of thinking is a threat to his status quo.

      1. It’s patently ridiculous. Just like the accusations that the “free market” brought us the housing bubble and its collapse and the healthcare “crisis.”

        1. “Free market?” My county sheriff told me it was Libertarians…

  38. It is pretty clear that Maricopa County is home to the world’s shittiest people. They elect these scumbags over and over again. They don’t want any kids on their lawn, and by lawn, they mean entire county. It reminds me of the Nick Cave song “God Is In The House”

    1. They don’t have lawns in Phoenix. Just dirt and rocks and pebbles.

      1. I saw lawns there. Sure they were made out of plastic, but they were green.

  39. And this is the state that gave us Barry Goldwater, isn’t it?

    1. don’t forget that governor that was all mavricky and stuff.

  40. “All able-bodied men without a criminal record should once again be subject to obligatory service for community crime surveillance.”

    What happens if I see a cop committing a crime?

    1. Obviously a libertarian agent provocateur in disguise. No duly sworn officer of Maricopa Co would ever commit a crime.

      1. Especially if it is in a courtroom, and on video.

  41. He looks like a child molester. Someone should look into that.

    1. Joe has Neighborhood Watch tonight beginning at 8:00 and will make a full report on his walkie talkie – thank you, Citizen!

  42. His cry about “radical individualism” likely comes from reading too much Rober Bork. If you read Bork’s books (which actually are interesting), you’ll find he complains of the same syndrome – rampant individualism.

    1. I’ve noticed a lot of the trolls here lately pretty much accuse Libertarians of this: we’re selfish children who don’t want to share our earnings with the state, er, downtrodden.

      I guess I’ll have to try to find a way to sleep at night, knowing Bork, Andy Petey Thomas and their socialistic opposites disdain me. Oh, so hard to sleep.

  43. Andrew and Eric swirled their tongues around the other’s like buzzards over a fresh carcass of roadkill. The redness of their cheeks crept up their faces as their eyes narrowed to complementary steely glints. Their mustaches were wet with each other and excited, stiff like the spine ridge of a threatened dog.

    “It’s about law and order,” Andrew murmured, “we can’t let chaos reign.”

    “Of course not,” Eric replied in a hoarse whisper. “Our enemies want to kill us. They wait for us around every corner.”

    Eric gasped as Andrew’s thumb slipped into the scaled confines of his anus. Eric rubbed Andrew’s slack testicles in response, gently fondling each veined oblong in turn.

    “How,” asked Andrew, “how can it be that I love a libertarian? What will I tell Joe?”

    “Tell him,” Eric said, between the flutter of small kisses he was peppering Andrew face with, “that I’m barely a libertarian anyway. I hate Mexicans too.”

    1. I think the internet just broke.

    2. I’m chuckle-ralphing.

    3. OMG, I spit a whole gallon of milk out of my nose! Post of the day, right here – LOLLOLLOL!

    4. way to channel Burroughs.

    5. Watch me swallow Peter North’s member!

  44. I’ve been blaming “dem blacks” this whole time. Now I feel really dumb. Even dumber than normal.

  45. I tell you, the libertarians are the Jews of the 21st century.

    1. I am a libertarian and I still have my foreskin.

      1. I think Andrew lost his foreskin in Joe’s rectal orifice – don’t let him fool you, he’s no Jew

    2. The libertarian Jews are the libertarians of forever.

  46. When the M.C.S.O murders people in custody why does Thomas look the other way?
    A hispanic woman chained to a post in the summer heat for I believe 16 hours until she would die?

    No biggy, she was just a poor Hispanic person right Andrew?

    Besides Jupeto didn’t pull your strings?

    Good Boy Thomas, you trash!

  47. Maricopa County Attorney Andrew Peyton Thomas is a light-skinned white American with no Negro dialect, unless he wanted to have one.

    1. Well, then – no wonder they keep electing him

  48. Thomas is a complete idiot. He and Arpaio together have the collective intellectual capacity of my computer’s mouse. What a fucking Nazi. All I have t say to him and his inmate murdering Sheriff pal is that justice involves more than submitting to their idiocy – it means freeing our county OF it. Good riddance at the next election you fascist anti American pin head.

  49. “Arpaio” sure doesn’t sound like the name of a white main to me. Anyone checked that boy’s papers?

    -jcr

  50. Well, the truth is that people love facist dictators who can style themselves. They like that he takes the hard way with criminals. It is the same all over the world, because the worst always hits only a minority.. and that is a-ok with Repucrats…

    Sometimes humanity disgusts me =)

  51. Live and let live – oh my God in heaven the horror!

  52. Let’s take this opportunity to resist the real threat of the draft.
    Please visit http://www.draftresistance.org

  53. I hate lawyers. Especially when I have a tequila hangover.

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