Does Obama Response to Death Star Petition Signify End of Seriousness in Political Discourse?

Over at the White House's petitions website - where citizens can post demands and the Obama administration has pledged to answer them if 25,000 people sign on within 30 days - President Obama's crack team of smartypants has responded to a suggestion that the government build a Star Wars-style Death Star as a jobs program and defense plan:

The Administration shares your desire for job creation and a strong national defense, but a Death Star isn't on the horizon. Here are a few reasons:

  • The construction of the Death Star has been estimated to cost more than $850,000,000,000,000,000. We're working hard to reduce the deficit, not expand it.
  • The Administration does not support blowing up planets.
  • Why would we spend countless taxpayer dollars on a Death Star with a fundamental flaw that can be exploited by a one-man starship?

Ha ha ha!

This White House crew is so hip and funny, isn't it? Star Wars references! I mean, I bet Mitt Romney doesn't even know how many moons Tatooine has! Watching the Obama admin connect with the kids these days is like listening to This American Life on an iPad while riding a fixed-gear bike wearing a retro hat (not from the lounge-era retro fad, but from the newer, even more double-plus-good-ironic era of 20 minutes ago).

I mean, remember the Obama team's great Easter Egg Roll video that showed the administration's mastery of the new media? (I'm talking about the 2009 Easter Egg Roll, not the 2010 one during which Michelle Obama replaced candy with hand sanitizer and "pre-screened fruit").

The administration may not support blowing up whole planets, but it is clearly 100 percent in favor of blowing up portions of our own big blue marble, whether it has gotten the requisite authorization from Congress or any court in the country. Actual, publicly discussed and debated and settled legal frameworks for dropping semi-accurate bombs on people (actual assumed bad guys on the initial strike, then emergency responders on the second) are for lesser people.

And the administration is working hard to reduce the deficit? So that explains why the $22.5 billion in new revenue from hiking taxes on the richest Americans is offset by $65 billion in foregone revenue for special-interest business tax credits? Am I misremembering or didn't Obama actually promise to cut $2.50 in spending for every $1 dollar he jacked taxes? Yeah, it must be me.

It's kinda funny that the answer to the Death Star petition ironically references a famous Jedi mind-trick ("this isn't the petition response you're looking for") because the entire petition site is a classic gesture from the repressive tolerance handbook. I mean, it gives all of us a voice and a way to work within the system!

You can't get up against the wall motherfucker when the wall is actually a series of unlocked doors and open windows, know what I mean, Chewbacca? And we know that the Obama administration is the most openest admin ever (well, except for an endless closetful of shrouds that puts Turin to shame) because it keeps telling us it is.

Remind us again: Who is the adult in the room again? Because it isn't obvious.

And to answer the question in the title of this blog post: No, the Obama admin's response to the Death Star petition doesn't signify the end of serious political discourse. That would imply the most transparentest, coolest regime ever never had made executive power claims that would make George W. Bush think twice, or hadn't deported record numbers of immigrants, or wasn't prosecuting the drug war its fans don't seem to mind anymore.

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  • Guy Laguy||

    This is a change in policy from the Bush presidency.

  • sarcasmic||

    no what I mean, Chewbacca?

    Knowhutimean, Vern?

  • ||

    no what I mean, Chewbacca? ... No, the Obama admin's response to the Death Star petition signify the end of serious political discourse.

    Might want to give this a quick proofread Nick. But even with the cock-ups, it's a spanking read

  • Whiterun Guard||

    They fed Lucy to the sarlacc for less than that.

  • Ted S.||

    I thought they got rid of her for wearing a shirt to Go Topless Day.

    (That would also explain why there are no female libertarians.)

  • LTC(ret) John||

    "no what I mean"

    No, I do not know.

    But nit picking aside, I am sad this will get more coverage than serious issues - I had already heard this on the radio on the way in to work this morning. Fast & Furious? Never heard of it. Death Star petition, hahahahahaha, in'it cool!

  • LTC(ret) John||

    Cripes, three of us jumped on that one tine error in seconds!

  • sarcasmic||

    One tine? Is that like a mutant fork or something?

  • LTC(ret) John||

    So in pointing out that many had seen an error, I made an error (tiny, not tine)

    It is errors all the way down.

  • ||

    But I was the only one to find two errors. Thus I win the interwebz for today

  • Ted S.||

    Differences between Real American English and Mutant Aussie English aren't errors.

  • ||

    No, the Obama admin's response to the Death Star petition signify the end of serious political discourse.

    Funny man, but this is wrong either side of the Pacific. Either this is missing a "doesn't" or the verb ("signify") does not agree with the noun ("response")

  • Bam!||

    Best tweet: We choose to build the death star not because it is easy but because it is hard.

  • Auric Demonocles||

    Slightly better: We to choose to build a moon not because it is easy, but because it is hard.

  • Fatty Bolger||

  • Whiterun Guard||

    Why would we spend countless taxpayer dollars on a Death Star with a fundamental flaw that can be exploited by a one-man starship?

    X-wings are Starfighters NOT starships.

    And actually they're not even one man, since they have a Turing level AI droid in them as well.

    Idiots.

  • Bam!||

    How do we actually know it is a AI-controlled droid and not an Awesome-O style robot?

  • RBS||

    Luke: "There it is, R2. Dagobah…I'm not picking up any cities or technology. Massive life-form readings, though. There's something alive down there."

    R2D2: "Lame"

  • Restoras||

    FFTW.

  • SugarFree||

    Prepare yourself for "Let the hate flow" references.

  • Ted S.||

    Just let your hate flow
    Like a mountain stream
    And let your hate grow
    With the smallest of dreams....

  • Fist of Etiquette||

    Space isn't right to work. Think of all the votes one could get from the Death Star unionized construction force and their families.

  • Auric Demonocles||

    Since they're all dead now, they're already voting Democrat.

  • Whiterun Guard||

    I don't know, defense contractors usually vote for the other team...

  • gaijin||

    The construction of the Death Star has been estimated to cost more than $850,000,000,000,000,000.

    Can't they just mint some kind of $850Q Beskar coin to pay for it?

  • Tim||

    This White House crew is so hip and funny, isn't it? Star Wars references! I mean,

    All Hit and Run posters are losers?

  • Restoras||

    Speak for yourself....Tim.

  • RBS||

    "Why would we spend countless taxpayer dollars on a Death Star with a fundamental flaw that can be exploited by a one-man starship?"

    I think Paul Krugman would consider that a feature...

  • Jerry on the road||

    We're working hard to reduce the deficit, not expand it.

    The WH is as serious about reducing the deficit as it is in responding to these petitions.

  • wareagle||

    to answer the headline question: no, we reached the end of seriousness long ago. This kinds of stuff mostly serves to highlight the unserious nature of things.

  • VG Zaytsev||

    You mean a presidential campaign centered on a Fluke's reproduction and a Big Bird's income wasn't serious.

  • ||

    Why would we spend countless taxpayer dollars on a Death Star with a fundamental flaw that can be exploited by a one-man starship?

    This White House is wise in the dangers of computer-controlled fighter jets.

  • $park¥||

    You can't get up against the wall motherfucker when the wall is actually a series of unlocked doors and open windows, no what I mean, Chewbacca?

    Spelling errors aside, what does this even mean?

  • SugarFree||

    It means we all hope that your mom follows through on her New Year's resolution to finally make you take a bath.

  • $park¥||

    Oh, well I can assure you that that's another promise that won't be fulfilled in Obama's new term.

  • VG Zaytsev||

    That he's actually Tom Friedman.

  • Rich||

    From TFR: If you do pursue a career in a science, technology, engineering or math-related field, the Force will be with us!

    If you pursue a career in law or community organization, OTOH, we're off to the Dark Side.

  • Not a Libertarian||

    There was a concurrent White House petition to end the federal prosecution of Aaron Schwartz, the internet "hacktivist" who just committed suicide.

    Well, we have to grant that the White House must have priorities and cannot answer _all_ petitions, right?

  • Matrix||

    did they ever answer those secession petitions that garnered hundreds of thousands of signatuers?

  • Not a Libertarian||

    How overlapping is the set of people who were committed to the "Aaron Schwartz" cause and those who thought that our White House gave the "most awesomest reply ever" to the "Death Star" petition?

    If only the Little Father had actually heard of the Schwartz case. His ministers are preventing him from hearing the truth.

  • Mike M.||

    Good grief, it's like Episiarch is the freaking president.

  • Mickey Rat||

    Who is more foolish? The fool who petitions the government to build a Death Star, or the President who responds to him?

  • Aresen||

    "The Administration does not support blowing up planets."

    I believe this translates from WhiteHouseSpeak as: "We've given the design contract to Boeing."

  • Gladstone||

    Seeing Gillespie complaining about hip pop culture references to appeal to the youth is quite something.

  • Russell||

    It matters little that the fine print has relegated the 31,000 who signed the Oregon Petition to life service aboard the imperial climate control flagship, because the warm weather long,long ago on Tatooine proves global warming is just a Hoth

  • Chmee||

    I say we build it anyway. I've been looking for a ship to get me off of this rock.

    Regardless, the response was humorous. What more could you expect for petition like that?

  • ||

    You could expect them to blow off the joke petitions the same way they have blown off the serious ones.

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