Cops May Throw Wet Blanket on Nude Maid Service

A 26-year old single mom in Texas decided she’d kick-start her own economic recovery last month, starting the Lubbock Fantasy Maid Service, a housekeeping service with nude maids. The New York Daily News reports:

[Melissa Borrett said] she came up with the idea while working as a waitress at a local strip club, where she couldn’t find enough work and wasn’t thrilled with the management, whom she described as “chauvinistic.”
“I had heard of this kind of service being available in other cities,” Borrett said. “So I started the service in Lubbock, where I would have no competition so I figured it (would do well).”

Unfortunately, there’s no competition for Borrett and her business in Lubbock because local law enforcement doesn’t look kindly on it. In fact, they consider the service a sexually-oriented business. KCBD reports:

Lubbock Police Sergeant Jonathan Stewart disagrees. He says this is considered a sexually oriented business, and that requires a permit to operate in the city limits. Lubbock Fantasy Maid Service does not have one, so Stewart says they cannot operate.
"Just the fact employees are topless or semi nude in this case - it's just not allowed," Stewart said.

The Lubbock Fantasy Maid Service insists on its website it is not a sexually oriented business:

Lubbock Fantasy Maid Service is a maid service. While we do offer nude maid service, this is not a sexually oriented business. At no time may a client ever make physical contact with the maid. A maid may accept tips, however if a maid accepts tips for physical contact, she will be terminated immediately and the customer will not be able to schedule services with Lubbock Fantasy Maid Service again.

Why does it matter if Borrett’s is a sexually oriented business?  Because sexually oriented businesses requires a permit in Lubbock, and prices vary. From the webpage for the city’s business permits:

The fees are in direct proportion to the funds that your business type may receive ... Not all costs are published online, therefore, it is recommended that you speak with a representative of the City of Lubbock for an projected estimate.

There is no “plain English” definition of a sexually oriented business for any resident of Lubbock that might be interested in starting one, but it is defined by ordinance:

Sexually oriented business  shall mean and include any commercial venture  whose operations on any calendar day include: The providing, featuring or offering of one  or more employees or entertainment personnel who appear while in a state of nudity,  semi-nude or simulated nudity and provide live performances or entertainment intended  to provide sexual stimulation or sexual gratification to customers and which is offered as a feature of a primary business activity of the venture; or, the providing, featuring or  offering, as a "primary business activity," as defined herein of nonlive, sexually-explicit  entertainment materials, or items for sale or rental to customers, or the providing or  offering of a service or exhibition of materials or items which are intended to provide sexual stimulation or sexual gratification to its customers, said materials, items or services being distinguished by or characterized by an emphasis on subject matter  depicting, describing or relating to "specified sexual activities" and/or "specified anatomical areas."

The penalty for running a sexually oriented business is $2,000, per day. We’ll wait to see if the Lubbock Police Department feels Borrett’s business is sexually oriented. She even offers law enforcement a discount, so maybe they can go see for themselves.

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  • ||

    Oh thank goodness, a dedicated thread.

  • Soc Indv Sparky||

    Hoorah. Now we don't have to keep putting something in AM Links.

  • Pound. Head. On. Desk.||

    Yeah, dedicated to what do the conversations afterward sound like?

    "Honey, I know you had the maid come in today, so what are all these spots on the floor?"

  • ||

    Oh thank goodness, a dedicated thread.

    Who says Reason is not sensitive to the desires of its readers commentariat?

  • Rich||

    The penalty for running a sexually oriented business is $2,000, per day.

    One might think the penalty would be assessed per hour.

  • Pound. Head. On. Desk.||

    Hour? Oh to be young again!

  • shamalam||

    Yeah, I know what you mean. I pay by the fortnight, but then I prefer serial monogamy.

  • Old Mexican||

    A 26-year old single mom in Texas decided she’d kick-start her own economic recovery last month, starting the Lubbock Fantasy Maid Service, a housekeeping service with nude maids.


    Next, she'll franchise the theme as French Maid MILFs - all young single moms, guaranteed.

  • fried wylie||

    She even offers law enforcement a discount

    Yeah, she knows how the game works.

    Judgement: Not Sexually Oriented.

  • Fist of Etiquette||

    ALL NUDITY IS SEXUAL. You are completely sexual under your clothes right now and you don't even know it.

  • Scruffy Nerfherder||

    FOE - changing my perspective on life, one post at a time.

  • Fist of Etiquette||

    Duh.

  • Douglas Fletcher||

    You only think that because you haven't seen my ass. And because you think like that, you never will.

  • ||

    The fees are in direct proportion to the funds that your business type may receive ...

    So it's okay as long as the city is your pimp.

  • ||

    "Not all costs are published online, therefore, it is recommended that you speak with a representative of the City of Lubbock for an projected estimate."

    Would this 'representative of the City of Lubbock' be a cop by any chance? Isn't it common for one of them to provide an estimate of the department's cut fees, either financial or 'other considerations'for new businesses? Or am I getting them mixed up with organized crime again?

  • fried wylie||

    RE: Alt-Text

    Duh? If there's an "outfit" involved, it's not Nude, now is it?

  • Ed||

    They have to show up wearing something right?

  • fried wylie||

    you've exposed (heh) why I'm not in the Naked Maid business.

  • Soc Indv Sparky||

    Put that shriveled up thing away.

  • AlmightyJB||

    Alexandra Breckenridge as the maid in American Horror. Damn, that was hot.

  • AlmightyJB||

  • Scruffy Nerfherder||

    Mein Gott

  • AlmightyJB||

    Yeah, it's great show. She's definately the whip cream on top though.

  • kinnath||

    One of may favorite moments in that show was when the detective was interviewing the husband with Moira "working" in the kitchen.

    After Moira leaves, the detective says "How do you do any work with that walking around?".

  • AlmightyJB||

    I think the funniest is when he was going off about her to his wife and she's looking at him like he's a loon.

  • kinnath||

    Every show had at least one completely over the top, killer gag.

    I anxiously await the next season.

  • Urkobold™||

    WHAT? WHAT'S NEXT, THE BANNING OF HOME-BASED NUNS?

  • AlmightyJB||

    I would like to confess all over those.

  • The Immaculate Trouser||

    This reminds me of the time the government shut down my nude electrician/plumber/pizza delivery boy contracting service.

  • fried wylie||

    no IT support? You deserved to be put out of business.

  • shrike||

    As the biggest liberal in history my ideal maid service involves not just nudity but MDMA samples, vaginal sex, and hot girl-on-girl action on my front lawn.

  • wareagle||

    oh please...yours is not a liberal position at all. Lubbock, in this case, is no different than LA and its efforts to crack down on the porn industry.

  • Pip||

    Eeew.

    Seriously?

    That's so gross.

  • A Serious Man||

    I don't quite get the appeal of paying someone a lot of money to clean the house nude and not get to touch them. Wouldn't it be cheaper just masturbate to internet porn?

  • Soc Indv Sparky||

    How about masturbating to Internet porn while a nude maid clicks through the links. Then you can do it with both hands.

  • Zeb||

    I'm pretty sure that breaks the rules.

  • shrike||

    You're not liberal enough. See my post above. Freedom must start somewhere.

  • Pro Libertate||

    I'm just guessing here, but maybe that whole business about not touching them is, well, a lie? You know, to cover up the prostitution going on?

  • Soc Indv Sparky||

    Hogwash! The cops wouldn't be making such a big deal out of it if there were prostitution going on. They'd just demand their cut and leave.

  • Pro Libertate||

    They haven't figured that part out yet.

  • AlmightyJB||

    They bust them in Columbus. They have sex with them first, but then they bust them.

  • A Serious Man||

    That to me seems likely. Probably one of those escort deals where it is nominally up to the girl if she wants to do anything.

  • Pro Libertate||

    It is up to her! So long as the bitch has my money at the end of the week.

  • Soc Indv Sparky||

    You forgot your cane and velvet tophat sir.

  • Pro Libertate||

    Thank you. You try my bitches? Make sure they treat you right, or they'll be hearing from the back of my hand!

  • Pro Libertate||

    Say, what kind of education does pimping require? Is there a degree in Whore Management somewhere? Surely some school offers that degree.

  • Pro Libertate||

    Perhaps there's specialization beyond Whore Management. Like Whore Marketing. Or Whore Accounting. Certainly, there's Whore Law.

  • Soc Indv Sparky||

    I would think any animal husbandry degree would be good enough.

  • AlmightyJB||

    So are there pimp consultants then?

  • Pro Libertate||

    Oh, sure. I mean, there's a consultant for every industry with revenues, right? "No, no, no, this is how you bitch slap your whores."

  • Soc Indv Sparky||

    Maybe a tennis course to strengthen the backhand.

  • Pro Libertate||

    That makes sense. Probably Russian and Spanish, too, so the pimp can talk to his bitches.

  • T||

    At UT they call the undergrad degree 'Government' and then you can get a Masters in 'Public Affairs'.

  • Pro Libertate||

    Oh, Pubic Affairs. I think Florida has Pubic Administration.

  • shamalam||

    In the voice of Kim Jung Un:

    We offa whore rot of deglees, you choose!

  • Pip||

    Any degree from Harvard's JFK School of Government will do.

  • AlmightyJB||

    I'm sure the "security" she mentioned makes sure that happens.

  • Bardas Phocas||

    In a filthy house?

  • ||

    Allow me to mop that up for you, sir.

  • Pound. Head. On. Desk.||

    she came up with the idea while working as a waitress at a local strip club, where she couldn’t find enough work

    I'm sure she could find enough work. She means she couldn't find enough pay. Looking at her picture, I see the problem.

  • Soc Indv Sparky||

    I'm pretty sure everybody knows you make more money if you run the stable than you would being one of the horses.

  • Soc Indv Sparky||

    Or should I say whorses.

  • wareagle||

    right....becuase you wouldn't hit that.

  • A Serious Man||

    Also how much cleaning could these girls really do nude? Working with chemical cleaners while naked would be ill advised.

  • ||

    I considered that, but light housekeeping doesn't usually, if at all, require harsh chemical cleaners. Nude just means sans the lingerie, not rubber gloves, sponges and vacuums. (I see how URKOBOLD does this. It just writes itself.)

    I also imagine clients are screened and houses are inspected first to verify the level of filth is appropriate for their "services."

    Otherwise, OSHA would be on their pretty little asses PDQ.

  • Auric Demonocles||

    +1 alt-text

  • ||

    Oh, by the way, Ed K., were you researching this on your own, or is there an errant, unrealized hat tip waiting to be given?

  • Evil Otto||

    I would make a joke about why women don't visit H&R, but I was called a twat earlier and am currently on a commenting strike.

  • Zeb||

    Oh, stop being such a twat.

  • shamalam||

    That's all it takes?

  • The Unknown Pundit||

    ...any commercial venture whose operations on any calendar day include...

    What if they have operations on non-calendar days?

  • Soc Indv Sparky||

    Then they are REALLY operating outside the laws (of physics).

  • T||

    If she can operate on non-calendar days she's wasting her time with this schtick.

  • Pip||

    Soup Not Poop

  • Registration At Last!||

    Did this nation ever have dignity? Or was there a day certain when we gave it up?

  • Zeb||

    I'm not sure dignity is something nations can have.

  • Pip||

    BARE BREASTS ARE FREE SPEECH!

  • Zeb||

    I'm kind of amazed that there haven't been more hypercritical comments about the appearances of the maids on here yet (surely I'm not the only one who looked at the website). Or is that just for the morning?

  • Night Elf Mohawk||

    I don't see how what the maid service is doing fits that definition of sexually oriented business.

  • mad libertarian guy||

    Because fuck you, that's why.

  • ||

    "Just the fact employees are topless or semi nude in this case - it's just not allowed," Stewart said.

    Fuck you Stewart. I can hire a maid if I want, and I dont have a dress code at my house. See, MY HOUSE. Allowed? Fuck you Stewart.

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