Review: Barbie
All dolled up.

Everything in Barbie Land is perfect, and mostly pink (or salmon, or coral, or some variation). The skies are a flawless azure blue, and the palm trees, of which there are many, are frankly fake, although the residents of Barbie Land—largely Barbies, of course—have no way of judging this. For them, everything is just right, and every day is a great day.
Also resident in this femme-centric realm is a subsidiary tribe of Kens—blandly hunky guys of various races whose purpose is to explain things to the Barbies (like the plot of The Godfather, for example) or to demonstrate their unremarkable skills as campfire guitar players. A Ken will sometimes have a great day, too, but only after a Barbie favors him with a glance.
That director Greta Gerwig and her cowriter, Noah Baumbach, have managed to build a movie around a near-sixty-year-old doll that's beloved almost entirely by little girls is a rare feat. (Not unique, though: Who would have thought that a Disneyland amusement park ride could be turned into a world-conquering pirate-movie franchise?) Barbie, the picture Gerwig has made, is smart, funny, and swooningly gorgeous (its color design suggests several luscious flavors of sherbet). It also explores bold new extremes of product placement: The Mattel corporation, which manufactures Barbie dolls, is also credited with helping manufacture the movie, the plot of which involves key scenes set in a fictitious version of Mattel headquarters. In addition, a new collection of movie-related Barbie dolls and games is being introduced in tandem with the film.
Despite this symbiotic creative/commercial relationship, however, the picture manages to be subtly satirical as well—and, in its opening scene, an elaborate take on the opening of 2001: A Space Odyssey, kind of brilliant, too. (Unfortunately, the movie also indulges in occasional Hollywoodian social japery, as when Barbies are described as sexualized objects of "rampant consumerism," or when one woman denounces the idea that corporations could have rights.)
Margot Robbie and Ryan Gosling, the central iterations of Barbie and Ken here, embrace their knowingly silly characters with total commitment. Robbie is a sunbeam of sweetness and determination, and Gosling, resplendent under blindingly blond hair, is her lovably clueless quasi-boyfriend. (When he suggests staying over at Barbie's house one night, and she asks why, he says, "I don't really know.")
The story is cute, which is all that's required. One day, Barbie's feet, which are abnormally high-arched to facilitate the wearing of super-high heels, suddenly go flat. Unnerved by this first experience of standing on solid ground, she consults an older, rather battered Barbie (played by Kate McKinnon), who explains that this foot damage has been caused by a little girl out in the real world who's been playing too roughly with her own Barbie doll. So Robbie's Barbie sets out in her pink Corvette, with Gosling's Ken stowed away in the back, for a visit to this real world they've heard about. It turns out to be California, and as Barbie and Ken make their way through Santa Monica and Venice Beach on chartreuse roller blades, they learn about such real-world problems as sexism (horny guys on the loose) and the vaunted patriarchy (Barbie's car radio will suddenly only play Ken's favorite songs). Barbie also meets a girl named Sasha (Ariana Greenblatt), who hates playing with dolls, and her mother, Gloria (America Ferrera), who for her own part has fond memories of the Barbie she had as a kid.
In due course, Barbie also meets the CEO of Mattel (Will Ferrell), who's enraged that a Barbie has escaped into the real world and dispatches his black-suited minions to track her down and put her back in her box. Throughout all of this, there's more music than you might expect (by Mark Ronson and Andrew Wyatt) and quite a bit of high-kicking choreography, too. The movie is unapologetically focused on women's concerns, but it doesn't feel anti-male. It's just that women's concerns are not often dealt with at such length (or so good-naturedly) in a straightforward mainstream movie. As one Barbie says in discussing the many Kens all around them, "It's not just about the way they see us. It's about how they see themselves."
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I can't wait to see this Barbie movie since I've always been fascinated by how there's so little discussion of how the United States helped so many Nazi's escape prosecution for their crimes against humanity. Barbie was given protection for his escape to Bolivia and actually aided the coup that overthrew the Bolivian government in favor of the cruel dictator General Maza. It wasn't until he had outlived his usefulness that the US apologized to France for sheltering this monster and he was extradited to France where he spent the rest of his miserable life in prison.
It's interesting that this Barbie movie is coming out at the same time as the Oppenheimer movie which also raises questions about how the US collaborated with Nazi scientists in an amoral manner.
I mean... Oppenheimer was American, even if he had a German last name.
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Physics puns are bohring
Sometimes two wrongs can make a reich.
I did notsee that coming.
It's a Godwin lose lose situation.
Let's just put a paperclip on this and revisit it later.
One small difference.
The doll Barbie has everything.
The Barbie you're thinking about, "The Butcher of Lyon," was part of a movement that wanted everything.
By the way, Jerryskids, you might like the Netflix mini-documentary Camp Confidential, which talked about Naturalized Jewish German U.S. Citizens who served in the U.S. Army and all of the degrading things they were forced to do for Werner Von Braun and the Nazi scientists behind the V-2 Rocket Program, who later worked with NASA.
Why not combine the two Barbies? Concentration Camp Commandant Barbie, with spiffy Nazi uniform and whip.
It would probably sell a lot...but the purchasers would all be acting "ironically" of course.
Parents would want to ghetto the store and buy them for their kiddos.
Hey, barbie's dream house doesn't have glass in the windows. Now we know why.
Neither does her camp Sobiborbie.
That is the set where her head gets shot off Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robot-style by the armed escapees.
No, that would be the pretend Jewish shop that comes across the street from her dream house.
Barbies are for girls, I want an Auschwitz train set, complete with easy bake oven.
Barbie's hot Nazi sadist friend is named Ilsa.
Shhhh...You'll summon a horny Herr Misek.
Oppenheimer and Barbie battle for the Prize in the forthcoming sequel.
There can be only one.
She is become Death, the Destroyer of Toys.
So Robbie's Barbie sets out in her pink Corvette, with Gosling's Ken stowed away in the back, for a visit to this real world they've heard about. It turns out to be California[.]
Well, sort of real, then. As real as people in California know about, anyway.
What if it were instead a bear stowed away in the back of the Corvette?
It'd be damned uncomfortable for the bear, I'd imagine.
This movie will flop like Marcus Smart.
It’ll have a solid opening.
…followed by a MASSIVE week 2 dropoff
You mean LeBron James.
https://variety.com/2023/film/box-office/box-office-barbie-oppenheimer-opening-weekend-shatter-records-1235677601/
For Vietnam, this movie crossed the line.
Yeah, Barbie was seen by the Vietnamese as a real Ho Chi Minh.
It's just that women's concerns are not often dealt with at such length (or so good-naturedly) in a straightforward mainstream movie.
HAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Kurt, it doesn't matter how much you simp for her, Barbie still isn't going to have sex with you.
Tabitha Soren
Neither will Greta Gerwig. Probably.
This is at odds with what I have seen other reviewers say, which is that Barbie is a toxic feminist revenge fantasy, which is philosophically self-contradictory and makes one wonder who, exactly, the target audience is.
The target is Grrrls. They've been told for years that they are oppressed victims who are simultaneously fierce and independent. FWIW, this is pretty common for EVERY market- identify a group, throw around some cultural touchpoints to prove that you "get them" and then tell them how noble and overlooked they are, and that they are the meek who shall inherit the earth. Nerds, women, minorities of various flavors, and even conservatives. This is a standard marketing tactic.
The big difference here is that Barbie appears to be so formulaic as to be laughable, and 90% of critics are tripping over themselves to preemptively declare a cynical, derivative, mass-media exploitation flick to be something else.
I've never not had a penis, but I've been around a few not-penis-havers and if you really wonder who the target audience of this movie is, whether from the thematic Barbie name plate to the toxic revenge fantasies to the philosophical self-contradiction, you probably have a penis and are not the target audience.
I heard it's a movie where Barbie's boyfriend discovers a world not run by women and then, in a very, very, very short time completely disrupts the idyllic Barbie World with ideas which came from other cultures, other ways of knowing and other ways of doing. The former Barbie elites push back against this cultural invasion, Take Back Barbie World from these foreign ideals and customs, thus restoring order.
So Barbie World Built That Wall and Made Mattel Great Again? 😉
“It’s just that women’s concerns are not often dealt with at such length (or so good-naturedly) in a straightforward mainstream movie.”
Riiiiiight.
Forgive me, but a movie that suggests that the Patriarchy only plays the favorite songs of men is not seriously dealing with “women’s concerns”. Taylor Swift is not the highest paid singer in the world blasting on every streaming device in my house because MEN want to listen to her.
Women’s concerns have been regularly dealt with in movies and other pop culture for decades. Since Mulan, more Disney films have dealt with “Women’s Concerns” than not. And countless “brave” films have been “making men uncomfortable” and taking “warning shots at the patriarchy” throughout the 2000’s.
I don’t think there is anything wrong with recognizing that women are a substantial portion of our economy and there is nothing wrong with mass-media targeting their entertainment dollars. Yet, this breathless, “It’s about time someone stuck up for the women!” nonsense should be beneath critics.
A fucking MATTEL-PRODUCED film is selling women a story where EVIL MATTEL is oppressing women as part of the patriarchy. If you see that as “refreshing” instead of the cynical and hackneyed cash grab that it is, you may be more the mark than the conman.
I suspect this review was created on a group of bien pensant tropes entered into ChatGPT.
Yet, this breathless, “It’s about time someone stuck up for the women!” nonsense should be beneath critics.
I continue to be astounded by the ability and degree to which the plot gets flipped against any/all reason. Men slaughtering other men for perpetrating no-shit evil, frequently against women, is toxic masculinity, but women oppressing men and saving them from wrong think and their own agency is virtuous because the plot line where someone stands up for women has never been done before.
It's like Bill Burr talking about arguments with his wife or girlfriend where he knows he's right, she knows he's right, he knows that she knows he's right, and then she somehow flips the script and starts crying about how life is unfair and he winds up apologizing to her for being right.
What movie featuring men stopping misogynistic evil is decried as toxic masculinity? By more than a few twitter nuts, please.
"Women’s concerns have been regularly dealt with in movies and other pop culture for decades"
Centuries. William Shakespeare. They were plays and poems though. Jane Austen, George Eliot both wrote novels about women's concerns. Have you tried Middlemarch? Arguably the finest novel in English, certainly in the 19th century.
"A fucking MATTEL-PRODUCED "
I wouldn't let that upset you. The director and others involved have a history of solid work behind them. I'm interested to see what they've made.
Watch for new Transition Ken with a penis that turns inside out.
There is a tranny in the movie
Action figure contains small, removable parts. Choking hazard.
Queue King Biscuit here
loved the Flour Hour.
Wait, how about a movie called Into the Barbieverse, where all the different Barbies unite to fight evil?
Godzilla slagged Mechabarbie many prequels ago.
I dont need to read a review of this movie. It's Greta Gerwig and Noah Baumbach.
Kicking and Screaming was his debut and it was pretty good. Been pretty bad every since.
everything about this screams fucking hilarious I may even goto a theater
Like unintentionally meta-hilarious, IMO. Loder’s cherrypicking the fabricated or red-herring narrative while ignoring the deliberately baked-in counter narratives. Akin to how one version of The Black Panther Movie is a power struggle between a young prince and his estranged worldly brother over the Kingdom’s role in helping or controlling humanity while the other version of The Black Panther Movie is about a secret, technologically-advanced civilization of black people literally acting like gorillas, wearing robes and sandals, chucking spears at each other, and tending crops and livestock… and people exonerated it as a watershed piece of African American film making.
If you read the plot of the Barbie Movie the Mattel power dynamic is clearly not the intended or thematic polemic and any real-world power dynamic that’s even remotely close in recent history to the other intended polemic or fable, reveals it to be a similarly astoundingly accidentally horrifying film. The Barbies are in charge, the Ken’s have literally no autonomy or purpose, upon visiting the real world, Ken realizes what he’s missing and starts a revolution in Barbie world. Conflict ensues and the issue is resolved by the Barbies regaining control but granting Kens more autonomy in exchange for not going to the real world until it’s their (the Barbies) notion of more equal and their’s no risk of misogyny returning.
Imagine a movie where pre-Civil War black slaves go to Europe, learn of freedom, come back, revolt, and the movie winds up with the slaves getting to pick which jobs they want to do, but they can’t ever leave the plantation until the rest of the world conforms to the plantation owners expectations… and people celebrated it as masterpiece of South pre-Civil War culture. Or imagine a movie were 20s-30s era Jews travel to the future, learn the details of the Nazis defeat, return, set about defeating them, and the movie ends with the Nazis still in charge, but the Jews safe and free to choose any unpaid labor task they want so long as they don’t hold any positions of fiscal or political power until the Nazis decide the power balance has been equalized and say it’s OK… and people celebrated it as a beacon of modern government-corporate anti-capitalist sanity.
It’s a joke. A wild ass joke.
ah. I hadn't put that much thought into it but I see your point.
I think you missed the point where men in barbie world are afforded all the agency and respect that women have in the real world. Which, in light of the fact that you see it as akin to slavery, kinda drives their point home.
The director Greta Gerwig has talent. It looks like a fun movie. I like the visual design too.
The movie is unapologetically focused on women's concerns, but it doesn't feel anti-male.
The movie's existential dilemma is that Ken brings toxic masculinity/The Patriarchy back to the matriarchal Barbieland where it's actually rather literally more akin not even to equality but anti-slavery. The Barbies pit the Kens against each other, regain power, and reinstall their systemic dominance with the truce being that Ken's will be more freely autonomous but they can't visit the real world/disrupt the matriarchy unless/until it (the real world) becomes the matriarchal Barbies' idea of equal.
It doesn't feel anti-male the way The Last Jedi feels like a Star Wars film.
Ken has never been Barbie's equal. Barbie dolls outsell Ken by a very large margin in the real world.
ENB supports equal pay for Ken despite this.
The movie is a critique of open borders. Prove me wrong.
AFAICT, you swap the genders (back) and it’s a pro-Taliban movie.
The funniest thing is, there’s gotta be a dozen middling-to-good movies like The Lego Movie or Free Guy that they could’ve literally dropped Barbie into the script virtually unchanged otherwise and it would’ve been better aimed at kids *and* more pro-women/less anti-male.
AFAICT, you swap the genders (back) and it’s a pro-Taliban movie.
*thinks*
The Taliban were against open borders and the invasion of their culture against Western Imperialism, so this tracks.
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Sheesh. What's next? Live action Rock 'em Sock 'em Robots or live action Mr. Potato Head movies?
The biggest obstacle women face today isn't the patriarchy, but other women. High heels, for example. No straight man can figure out why in the hell women wear high heels.
Nursing homes are full of women in wheelchairs from a lifetime of ridiculous shoes.
The much better review by The Critical Drinker on YouTube mentioned that this movie had been the subject of an incredibly successful marketing aimed at hiding what it was about. Clearly Loder is part of that campaign.
Congrats on covering this critical issue while people starve
So, if Barbie is affected by what happens in the real world, and the real world is misogynistic, then why is Barbieland a feminist paradise? I think Barbieland is the fake world that only exists in women's minds. Barbie dolls are how girls avoid taking responsibility for growing up and making the world a better place.
Or, it could just be fun to play dress up.
Your choice.
Iranian women arrested for not wearing hijabs = American women not getting paid extra mor moniez because they choose lower-paying careers.
They're SO oppressed.