The First Amendment Protects the Right To Put a Tiny Penis on a Beer Label
A federal judge ruled Monday that North Carolina bureaucrats violated the Constitution when they tried to ban a Flying Dog beer over a possible penis on the label.

A federal judge ruled Monday that North Carolina's beer bureaucrats violated the Constitution when they tried to ban a beer because they disliked the art on the label.
The offending label was wrapped around bottles of Maryland-based Flying Dog Brewery's Freezin' Season Winter Ale, and appears to show a tiny appendage between the legs of a Ralph Steadman cartoon character. Last year, the North Carolina Alcoholic Beverage Control (ABC) Commission told Flying Dog that the beer could not be sold in the state due to the "inappropriate" and "in bad taste" label design.
But there's no accounting for taste in the First Amendment—indeed, the most fundamental aspect of the constitutional protections afforded to free speech is that government officials can't prohibit expression or art simply because they dislike it.
On Monday, Judge Terrence Boyle confirmed as much, writing that prior court rulings regarding commercial speech "should have placed any reasonable state liquor commissioner on notice that banning a beer label based on its content would violate the First Amendment."
"The challenged regulation is facially unconstitutional because it is overbroad and otherwise not narrowly tailored to achieve North Carolina's proffered substantial interest," Boyle concluded.
Jim Caruso, CEO of Flying Dog, calls the ruling "a resounding victory for the First Amendment."
"With the First Amendment seemingly under attack from all sides, it is heartening to see court decisions like this that protect the freedoms that it embodies," says Caruso, who is a financial supporter of Reason Foundation, the nonprofit that publishes this website. "The First Amendment is the last defense against authoritarian and arbitrary government and it must be protected against any and all threats."
The North Carolina ABC argued in court documents that its beer label regulations are meant to protect shoppers' eyes from vulgar and sexual content. If Flying Dog wants to sell its beer in North Carolina, the ABC argued, then "it can do so in ways other than showing a naked cartoon figure with a naked cartoon penis."
A surprising amount of the legal back-and-forth in the case revolved around the question of whether the cartoon figure on the label is, in fact, sporting a tiny member between its legs. While the label "shows a small protrusion that is where one would expect to find a penis on most male humans," it is "otherwise not at all identifiable as one. There are no constituent parts of a penis, no testicles, and it is not engorged. It is a small nub that merely suggests a penis. It is certainly not sexually explicit," the brewery's lawyers wrote in court documents.
At one point, Flying Dog's lawyers entered a "super-zoom of the 'penis'" into the court record.
"It may not have all the bells and whistles, but it's a penis," attorneys for the North Carolina ABC wrote—yes, really—in response.
But Boyle noted that the state's rules are, in fact, far more expansive than merely policing sexual or pseudo-sexual content. And the judge sided with Flying Dog's contention that those rules are not only vast but also inconsistently applied.
As Reason has previously covered, the North Carolina ABC has blacklisted about 230 beer and wine brands since 2002 for having labels or names that offended the board's sensibilities. Ironically, the North Carolina ABC reportedly told Utah-based Wasatch Brewery that its "Polygamy Porter" could not be sold in the state because "polygamy is illegal." But the board also banned a beer named "Kissing Cousins" despite the fact that it is literally legal to marry your first cousin in North Carolina.
Boyle concluded that the North Carolina ABC's rules prohibiting speech that regulators deem "undignified, immodest, or in bad taste" could give the state "vast" power over the type of advertising allowed.
"Indeed, the Supreme Court has recently reaffirmed 'the bedrock First Amendment
principle [that] Speech may not be banned on the ground that it expresses ideas that offend,'" wrote Boyle, citing the landmark 2017 Supreme Court ruling Matal v. Tam. In that case, the court found that that the federal Patent and Trademark Office (PTO) could not prevent all-Asian dance-rock band The Slants from trademarking its name, even if the name violated PTO rules against disparaging "persons, living or dead, institutions, beliefs, or national symbols, or bring them into contempt, or disrepute." Restrictions on commercial speech must serve a "substantial" government interest and must be "narrowly drawn," the court held in Matal.
It's obviously silly for alcohol regulators to be concerned with what images appear on beer labels, but Monday's ruling leaves no doubt that it's unconstitutional too.
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Because of course it does!
Suspected wankers on beer labels?!?! OMGA (Oh My Government Almighty), what NEXT?!?
Well, it can always get worse!
Recall the gay Canadian airline steward way back when, spread (just then “going viral” literally) AIDS all over the place? See https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ga%C3%ABtan_Dugas … Kaposi’s sarcoma spread all over the place… (As a prominent sign of the new mystery disease).
Well anyway, hopefully Terry Brazier will NOT be the starring attraction for a bunch of young fan boys, who might otherwise become the spreaders at the nexus of the next horror, known as SWANKER WANKER YANKER CHANCRE!!!
Greedy capitalists as usual will crank out new drugs to cure it, at VASTLY inflated expenses, backed up by their bankers, so then we’ll have SWANKER WANKER YANKER CHANCRE drug-CRANKER BANKERS!!! Riots in the streets, from the anti-1% folks, I’m a-tellin’ ya!!!
Conservative newscasters will take the side of the bankers… But one of these newscasters will be caught by a mob of angry anti-1% rioters, some of whom will proceed to PUNISH the newscasters… Said punishment-dishers-outers will be known as…
SWANKER WANKER YANKER CHANCRE pro-drug-CRANKER-BANKER-ANCHOR SPANKERS!
There will be those who are squeamish about personal punitive violence, but who still secretly support those with less such squeamishness. When no one is looking or listening, they will privately utter their support of the punitive ones. These more shy and secretive supporters of such things will be known as…
SWANKER WANKER YANKER CHANCRE pro-drug-CRANKER-BANKER-ANCHOR SPANKER THANKERS!
There will inevitably be those who will want to play gay hanky-panky with those who secretly oppose the bankers and anchors in this case, and make the often-mistaken assumption that those who merely sympathize with gays, must actually BE gay. Such prospective unwanted-gay-pass-makes will be known as “hanker-pankers”. The recipients of such unwanted passes will be tempted to SPANK the makers of unwanted passes! They will be known as…
SWANKER WANKER YANKER CHANCRE pro-drug-CRANKER-BANKER-ANCHOR SPANKER THANKER HANKER-PANKER SPANKERS!
And lets hope the Flying Dog Man pisses on the fires of all Witch-Burning Nazis! My social pages will say he's got the biggest balls of all!
Fuck Off, Witch-Burning Nazi!
Size apparently does not matter.
Not to the Alcoholic Beverage Control Commissions, it doesn't! They get to fuck us! We peons don't get to fuck them! So hell no, size doesn't matter to them!
Seems like it could be obscenity. But if they knew it when they didn't see it then fine. Though I'd have to read the opinion since the details given make it sound like it's an issue being overbroad.
Well said.
"Knew it when they didn't see it...Overbroad..." Subtle, but I see what you did there! Well played! 🙂
Obscenity is a subset of overbroad restictions on free speech all on its own. Its a frighteningly subjective thing, obscenity.
It's overbroad if it's missionary and underbroad if she's riding cowgirl. And it's frighteningly subjective if it's BDSM. 🙂
Where were these North Carolina bureaucrats when Crazy Frog was flaunting his tadpole for all the world to see?
If only we had this vigilance in our k-12 schools.
If only schools were not a coercive, Collectivist 'our.'
FTFY
This story is nuts.
C'mon, don't be a dick.
Not visibly so.
And now that the penis' nose is under the tent, and with all the excitement, watch as the penises on the label get larger and larger to test the limits of "explicit" or "lascivious." Hard penis cases make bad law, so they say.
I'm thinking they make one with a woman with something that may or may not be nipples.
You have to push from different directions to throw moralistic authoritarians off balance.
They are surprisingly bottom-heavy. It comes from being full of shit.
A Futanari figure would really make these Blue-Nosed Weebles lose their shit and never get back up! 🙂
Only if it's a 3-D label. And hard penis cases are chastity devices that keep them from growing and thus are perfectly legal. 😉
The Gonzo Imperial Porter is way, way better.
"Can't have any pudding!! How can you have any pudding if you don't drink you Flying Dog!!"
If North Carolina calls that a penis, that says more about North Carolina than it does for Flying Dog Brewery. Just saying.
This among other reasons is why I call myself a "Self-Hating North Carolinian." 😉
Madison Cawthorn is a very close second...close by a neck, so to speak.
"North Carolina ABC reportedly told Utah-based Wasatch Brewery that its "Polygamy Porter" could not be sold in the state because "polygamy is illegal." But the board also banned a beer named "Kissing Cousins" despite the fact that it is literally legal to marry your first cousin in North Carolina."
This is gorgeous.
If I can get the beer in IL and MO, the irony will be complete.
Well, speaking for myself as a North Carolinian, I have no use for any Single Helix Brand Banjo Strings.
This is something I have issues with libertarians on - the erosion of common decency. It’s not enough to make me pissed and angry, but it’s annoying and sad.
There doesn’t seem to be any social impulse to protect innocence where it still exists.
Suck my dick.
I don't think that word means what you think it means.
If it's in common use, that by definition is common decency. If customers or store owners are offended and don't buy it, they'll stop selling it. There's your "common" right there. If customers demand it, store owners will stock it, even if they also hide it under the counter.
Your "common" isn't mine. As the guy said, "suck my dick".
Did you just assume my gender?
I assumed your "dickiness", an altogether different thing than CLM1227's "dickishness".
If he's an octopus, you couldn't even assume his "dickness," since the dicks of octopi are detachable.
And as Benny Hill always said: " You must never ASSUME anything! Because when you ASSUME, you make an ASS out of U and ME!" 🙂
That would require assuming the position. 😉
These things used to be common and we no longer accept them as common because of the erosion of common culture.
It’s just annoying. Defining decency down has been a major tenet of libertarianism.
I think the label is funny and it’s presence in a bar wouldn’t be an issue, but picking it up in the store with kids in tow? I might think differently.
The subject is high in mind as my oldest is doing sex Ed and we just had the conversation today about protecting his younger siblings’ innocence.
But you’re right! Who cares. Listen to Easter music on Spotify early Easter morning? Get an abortion ad. Watch c.s. Lewis doodles on you tube? “What the fuck is in your mug?” Every damn morning.
I should just be perfectly ok with these things.
Has all that happened to you?
Your comprehension of history is pretty short-sighted. I don't know when you would date your common decency, but I guarantee that i would have been scandalously indecent just 50 years before, and quite probably have gotten you arrested on morals charges.
Society changes; what is common changes.
“Defining decency down has been a major tenet of libertarianism.”
You’ve confused libertarian with libertine.
I would hope everyone but our resident Totalitarian Trolls would agree that is is not "decent" for Government to send agents with badges and guns around to individual's homes and businesses and threaten them with fines, imprisonment, and death for making abstract nudie pics for beer bottles that are only bought and used by consenting adults.
But the children! Won't anyone think about the children?
As Geirge Carlin wisely observed: I don't believe "the children are our future!" Because by the time the future becomes the present, the children are grown up and are no longer children!
"Our children are our future, unless we stop them NOW"—Homer Simpson
"A mind is a terrible thing...And it must be stopped in our lifetime, before it kills someone."
https://youtu.be/tI4c21w77JU
No one is forcing you to buy Micropenis Beer.
The beer-company guy, if he agrees with the magazine he supports (i. e., Reason), may have slightly skewed priorities regarding censorship.
If you can't sell micropenis beer it's the dark night of fascism, but the government and tech coordinating to keep certain political content off the Internet, or minimize it...well, you know, it's not like that's the biggest censorship story in the country or anything.
It's almost like there is a difference between government action and private action when it comes to the Constitution.
Trying to make it the same by insinuating a conspiracy between government and "tech" (I admire your detail and specificity) is weak tea.
Yes, Nelson, I'm making the whole thing up, go back to sleep.
As Lenny Bruce would put it, If you can't say 'micropenis,' then you can't say Donald Trump/Joe Biden/Gary Johnson/Jill Stein have micropenises.
So you're pissed at indecency, you say? 🙂
Fuck indecency. Which is to say, Joe Biden.
Fuck Be Unto Joe Biden!
When you say "common decency" it sounds a lot like "get off my lawn, you disrespectful young whippersnapper".
The latter battle cry is perfectly cromulent with Libertarianism. In fact, I'm a 54- soon to be 55-year-young coot, and I'll yell it from my 2-story apartment to the asphalt below. That really scares the young whippersnappers away!
Mind you, I have nothing against anyone of any sex snapping my whipper, but they must be of legal age of consent and I would prefer closer to my own age.
Older people grew up in a different time and at that point don't have "buyer's remorse" consent issues. When they click, they fuck. When they don't, they don't. (Sounds like a Jerry Reed song could come from that.) 🙂
Jerry Reed--Wben You're Hot, You're Hot
https://youtu.be/3g89tmXK_LU
protect innocence
Damn *urp* straight! Becaush when I think of places designed to protect the innocent, liquor strohs... strohs... liquor shops and beer and wine sections of your local grocery store and liquor stores are at the top of the list. Keep your filthy cartoon micropenises painted on the ceilings of your chapels you teetotalling degenerates!
LOL!
🙂 In all fairness to our upright CLM1227, if I recall correctly,they do serve alcoholic beverages for adults at Chuck E. Cheese, so maybe that wouldn't be the best spot for Flying Dog...unless maybe the man on the bottle had a big fig leaf sticker over the appendage.
Now there's a thought for getting around the Blue Noses. If a kid's peeling the sticker, the kid's handling something he or she shouldn't anyway.
if I recall correctly,they do serve alcoholic beverages for adults at Chuck E. Cheese
In Chicagoland, this is exceptionally *urp* pointed:
Suburban Chuck E. Cheese to Close After Violent Incidents
This wlso happened several years back with a Chuck E. Cheese in the Atlanta area, only the problem was not alcohol, but that parking lot was a hang-out for drug-dealing and thus, the drug deals gone bad that come with Drug Prohibition.
the issue is not decency, it is legality.
it isn't decent to call everyone you meet a cunt, but the government has no right to stop you. you might face other consequences, but they won't come from the government.
the defense of free speech is the most important when there are people who think the offense isn't decent.... (but seriously.... we are talking about a small nub on a distorted cartoon figure...... you might be operating on an exaggerated sense of what is indecent.)
Ding, winner. Libertarianism doesn't define decency down, it defines down what an institution should be able to do at the point of a gun.
I daresay few people here would have any problem with churches or clubs or women's groups or satanic cults encouraging social decency and speaking up for it vigorously.
But the real indecency being highlighted here is not the micropenis-- it's that government tried to prevent a liquor store owner from running his business and making a living because of a stupid cartoon label. That's fucking indecent.
Ackshuyally, the NC ABC Board forbade Jim Caruso, who's a beer manufacturer, not a liquor store owner, from selling his Flying Dog beer anywhere in the State.
As for liquor stores, in NC, those are State-owned Commie-style operations by the ABC Board, who, of course, would ban tbe sale of Flying Dog there too.
"It is a small nub that merely suggests a penis. It is certainly not sexually explicit"
De minimis non curat lex.
https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/de%20minimis%20non%20curat%20lex
I believe a 'small nub that merely suggests a penis' is called' "packing underwear".
Is there a tighty-whitey version of a training bra? I'm asking for a cartoon friend.
"It is a small nub that merely suggests a penis."
That's what she said.
If only...
"shows a small protrusion that is where one would expect to find a penis on most male humans,"
Boy oh boy, how un-PC can you get?
I am reliably informed, by the disinformation board, that penis is not a male characteristic, but available to all. Additionally, just like someone can decide to be male, they/them can also decide where a penis would be, if they choose to have one.
(which is a good thing, because either I need a new monitor, or the "apparent" calves and "apparent' face indicate that thing is hanging on the wrong side. But cartoons have options)
…If my ear was a pussy I’d fuck it.
So many better limericks than that.
Like the man from Peru, who dreamed he was eating his shoe.
He woke up with a fright! That very night! To find that indeed it was true!
*quick bow, runs away*
Except that doesn’t relate to his post.
But don't put your tiny penis in the milkshake machine. ( this may be what's keeping SPB busy)
https://news.yahoo.com/vancouver-arby-manager-faces-assault-175846559.html?fr=yhssrp_catchall
And I thought the name "Horsey Sauce" was bad enough! 🙂
Possible Penis would be a great band name.
According to the president you voted for it also includes the right to put your tiny penis into a child
C'mon, Man! I didn't vote for the motherfucker. If I had my way, he'd be taking his Boost and Jello Pudding from a feed trough in a nursing home.
Ew!
and stuff
That's exactly how I pronounce the Roman Catholic media network. EW!-TN. 🙂
It is certainly not sexually explicit
Mr. Boehm, I'd like to introduce you to Mr. Soave. He's the one who suggested that the depiction of corpses left lying naked, beaten, and stabbed in a graveyard as the result of a labor dispute was (homo)sexually charged.
Just think: The ABC Board is not only going to be forbidding Jim Caruso from selling Flying Dog with the nakey label. They are also going to have to hunt down every last bottle with the offending label to stop any pruient interest from *ahem!* arising among the general pubic--er--public.
The scene from the SBI Office will probably be something like this:
Porky's TallyWacker, Have you seen this Prick?
https://youtu.be/VwnOU3UHBLM
🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂
"It may not have all the bells and whistles, but it's a penis."
You could have told me at dinner.
Great News on the Free Speech Front! 🙂
DHS pauses disinformation board amid free speech questions
https://apnews.com/article/government-and-politics-national-security-83c67505703c02b0de154b21abd5c569
I see an extremely small knub. It took me a long time to see it due to the fact I was looking for it in front of his legs not between. I think the whole thing is that the cartoon character is without clothes and some perv was looking between the legs. People have nothing better to do with their lives is all I can say.