Police Abuse

Is This America's Shittiest Cop?

The San Antonio Police Department tried to fire this officer for giving a crap sandwich to a homeless man. It was overruled.

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Matthew Luckhurst
San Antonio PD

If you want to see some shitty cop behavior, direct your attention to San Antonio. Fired bike patrol officer Matthew Luckhurst has had his employment restored following one feces-related incident, but a second stunt still has him up a creek without a paddle.

Luckhurst was initially fired in October 2016 for allegedly giving a literal dogshit sandwich to a homeless man while clearing out an encampment. According to the arbitration report, the homeless folk had set up camp in a parking lot facility that had "no trespassing" signs; Luckhurst was trying to get them to clean up their trash as they cleared them out. By Luckhurst's account, he saw what appeared to be dog feces and worried about stepping or riding through it. So he grabbed a discarded piece of bread, used it to pick up the dog shit, put it in a food container, and apparently tossed it on the ground next to a homeless man.

He claimed, after the fact, that he thought the man would realize it was trash and throw it away. He says it was not his intent to try to trick the homeless man into eating dog shit. But apparently Luckhurst had a good laugh about it when he spoke to two other bike officers about what he did, and the other officers were apparently horrified by Luckhurst's behavior.

This spun into an even bigger mess because the officers didn't immediately report what Luckhurst had done. Rumors spread around the department, and a telephone game ensued, which apparently Luckhurst himself contributed to by changing the details of the story, according to the report.

Police have reportedly been unable to find any body camera footage of the incident to clear up what happened. But Luckhurst did acknowledge that he deliberately put a container with a shit sandwich in it next to a homeless man while ordering him to clear out. If the homeless man had eaten it and gotten sick, the City of San Antonio could have been found liable. And so the department fired him.

But he fought back and apparently won on a technicality. There's a 180-day clock on disciplining police officers for misbehavior (absent criminal charges). Apparently, due to some confusion over when the incident took place, they authorities missed the window. So this month an arbitration panel has ruled that the San Antonio police could not fire Luckhurst over this incident.

But as Luckhurst is still in deep shit and faces termination yet again for another stunt. In another 2016 incident, KSAT reports,

Luckhust and another male officer defecated in the women's restroom at the bike patrol office and intentionally didn't flush the toilet. Luckhurst and the other officer then spread a brown substance over the toilet seat, "giving the appearance that there was fecal matter on the seat," the disciplinary documents state.

Read the arbitrator's report for yourself here.

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  1. Well I voted for the giant douche.

    1. Best comment so far, well done.

    2. Oh jeeeeez.

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  2. Jeez. Most of us outgrew that poop fascination about the time we outgrew diapers.

    Maybe a just punishment would be to make him wear adult diapers for a few months.

    1. Most of us outgrew that poop fascination about the time we outgrew diapers.

      Does https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TPxiXGr9nFMhumor constitute fascination? I’ll admit it is exceedingly juvenile if not a bit self-defeating but, either way, that shit’s still funny.

      1. Oh, SNAFU, awesome.

  3. Is This America’s Shittiest Cop?

    bike patrol officer

    Without a doubt.

  4. Huh. So we’ve finally discovered who Last of the Shitlord really is.

    1. Swing and a miss

  5. I read that as up a crack without a paddle.

  6. Dude has issues.

    1. He doesn’t have issues.

      He has an entire subscription.

  7. I learned in college that cops are among the most brutal enforcers of this country’s various systems of oppression. We see evidence of this all the time, whether it’s this story or the HANDS UP DON’T SHOOT incident.

    Maybe when Democrats are back in the White House we can nationalize our law enforcement system. Meaning even “local” cops patrolling our neighborhoods would be federal employees and, therefore, subject to federal oversight. I believe this system would be a major improvement that would substantially reduce abusive behavior.

    1. Yes, because no federal authorities have ever done anything wrong. Heck, the FBI is so awesome that they’ve never had an unjustified shooting in their entire history. It doesn’t get any more awesome than that.

      1. Heck, the FBI is so awesome that they’ve never had an unjustified shooting in their entire history.

        Does burning men, women, and children alive count for anything anymore?

    2. “we can nationalize our law enforcement system”

      No we can’t.

      The police enforce state laws. The states are not going to let the Feds federalize their police. And we already have Federal agencies to enforce federal laws.

    3. Nationalize, no. Eliminate, yes.

    4. It’s hilarious that you think ‘federal oversight’ means anything.

    5. All of these people being whooshed by OBL this hard.

      1. Maybe they’re from Betelgeuse.

  8. Will the San Antonio City council reward him with an airport sandwich concession? LGBT groups approve, tastes like love.

    1. And they’re open on Sundays!

  9. Having solved and/or reported on all of libertarianism’s other issues Reason is left with nothing other than shaming a poop prankster who’s job with the local police department was already in hot water.

  10. 99% of cops give the other 1% a bad name.

  11. But he fought back and apparently won on a technicality.

    Oh, police procedurals. Why did you make me believe that only police were the victims of legal technicalities. “What about the rights of that little girl, Your Honor???”

  12. All policies and procedures were followed….

  13. “an arbitration panel”

    Established under what authority? Appointed by whom? Accountable to whom? Are these arbitrators subject to being impeached? Voted out of office?

  14. I think it was Michael Malice who said no matter what city you’re in, the dumbest people are always the cops. I think he’s got it substantially correct.

  15. So it’s OK for homeless people to shit in public, but it’s wrong for a cop to make a sandwich out of it?

  16. The entire Eastvale, OH police department tried, but couldn’t manage to beat this particular backbirth.

  17. Here in San Antonio, we’ve had worse. We had Officer Jackie Neal, the serial rapist, who got busted for rape, -and got his job back-. Yeah, roll that one around. Only reason he got stopped is someone shot him in the neck. And even then, he didn’t have the decency to die.

  18. San Antonio is like that. Their teevee news is watched by fans of “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre”. Their local paper is famous for oozing blood if you roll up a copy and twist it.

    1. The San Antonio Express News might as well be named the Daily Beto Castro Democrat. No one reads it.

  19. Reading the title of “The Shittiest cop in America”, I had just seen the video of the officer who shot a fleeing young man. This issue was settled in Garner V Tennessee. Mike Cody is a relative; he was the attorney of record for Tennessee. He also did pro bono work for Martin Luther King. The Supreme Court ruled clearly about using lethal force to stop anyone fleeing who is clearly no danger to the officer, nor the public. Oddly, they ruled it as an illegal taking of property. This case has immediate application to what is happening in the streets of this country. Please ask any attorneys you may know, to read this case. Please read it yourself; it is clear and easily understood. The Supreme Court; Garner V Tennessee.
    Please; I have tried to put this information, this ruling, this law, to people’s attention. The case was in the early 80’s, and is NOT the most recent Garner case, though almost eery in similarities of recent tragic events.

  20. If you handed someone a knife and said it was a popsicle, it would be reasonable to assume they’d figure out not to lick it.

    A dog shit sandwich wouldn’t look like a real sandwich and it wouldn’t smell like a sandwich. This story stretches credulity.

    1. The target smelled it and did not eat it. However, the cop put it in a container used to distribute sandwiches to the homeless, and it is not unusual for someone who is homeless to have sensory or cognitive limits which would make eating it far more likely. If you slipped something similar into a pile of containers of sandwiches for cops, you can be pretty sure you would be punished for it one way or another.

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  25. Only law enforcement officers should be allowed to carry deadly weapons….

    1. Democrats will rethink that and conclude only illegals, criminals and celebrity/politician bodyguards need to be armed.

  26. Hey, kids! This just in: Luckhurst will be leaving the force to host a kid’s show, “Officer Matt’s Clubhouse.” I can just imagine it: “Uh-oh, boys and girls–here comes neighborhood bum Homeless Harry! Let’s offer him a sandwich, shall we?”

  27. I’m not going to lie… This is hilarious. Anybody who can’t tell a sandwich has a piece of shit in it deserves to eat it!

    Also, the other thing is just a prank… Kind of childish for an adult, but should people be FIRED for a prank? My grandpa and his school teacher buddies did FAR worse than this according to gramps and my dad. One of those guys is the mayor of my home town now. Guys play pranks sometimes. This is just a bunch of lame fags being overly sensitive, as is the problem with half the stuff in the world today.

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