We interrupt your regularly scheduled programming to give you one more reason to donate to Reason's 2016 webathon: Our journalism is so incendiary that prisons are scared to distribute our magazines to their inmates, lest chaos erupt.
I'll tell you about how things went down below, but in case you're already glazing over at webathon posts, let me give you the TL;DR: If you're on the outside, subscribe to savor your freedom to consume illicit dead tree reads about free minds and free markets, and donate because producing the kind of articles that gets wardens' panties in a bunch ain't cheap, but it's the Lord's work and you know it.
Reason
As you may recall, in September a Florida prison censor impounded our latest issue, claiming that the magazine "presents a threat to the security, good order, or discipline of the correctional system or the safety of any person." More specifically:
"it depicts of describes procedures for the construction or use of weapons, ammunitions, bombs, chemical agents, or incendiary devices"
What was the fuss about? Oh, a little infographic on popular accessories for AR-15s. To be clear, designer Jason Keisling did not offer instructions for how to construct an AR-15 from ramen noodles and plastic sporks, nor strategy on how to use one to kill a warden; the piece offered some snack-sized tidbits about how the military firearm's many interchangeable accessories accounted for some of its popularity with civilians.
But Reason just learned we're on the outs in Arizona as well. The irony is more delicious than a plate of mystery meat from the cafeteria, given the subject matter of the issue. That's right, it was our "How Not to Build a Jail" cover story about prison reform in D.C.—a thoughtful treatment of an issue that might be of rather significant interest to our incarcerated readers, natch—that caught the eye of clink censors this time.
Here's the explanation we got from the Arizona Department of Corrections Office of Publication Review when we requested an appeal of the decision:
Reason
DO 914.07 deems certain publication content contrary to ADC's penological interests to "assist with rehabilitation and treatment objectives, reduce sexual harassment and prevent a hostile work environment for inmates, staff, and volunteers . . .." See DO 914.07, § 1.1….The December 2016 contains Unauthorized Content pursuant to DO 914.07 §§ 1.2.3 and 1.2.7. Specifically, the cover page and pages 20-27 contain depictions of prison riots, among other descriptions concerning prison institutions and prison populations, that may be detrimental to the safe, secure, and orderly operation of the institution. §1.2.3.
Not to mention that the issue acknowledges the existence of DRUGS. Which are BAD, you guys. And no one in the pokey knows about marijuana already, so it's best if they don't read about legalization efforts in California, right? It could only give them ideas.
Page 11 of the issue contains an article discussing marijuana, which is Unauthorized Content under § 1.2.7 as promoting drug paraphernalia. Accordingly, the issue was withheld and contrabanded by the complex, which is the first level of review.
The authorities at Arizona's finest crowbar hotel conclude with a reminder that they have their eyes on us:
Accordingly, any future issues of Reason addressed to an ADC inmate will be reviewed on an individual basis to ensure contents meet the standards and guidelines set forth in DO 914….This deliberative process is critical in order to facilitate ADC's penological interests in maintaining the safe, secure, and orderly operation of the prison system.
We always appeal these bans and will continue to do so. Why not donate today support those efforts, as well as the kickass journalism that keeps getting Reason bounced from America's hoosegows?
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Hey man, be clearer with your words next time. You had me clicking the link to her bio hoping for a new picture because she's a pretty lass but nooooo.
Unless I'm misrembering, Dalmia is the only Reason writer who ever said she would vote for Hillary, and she wasn't even sure about it. If you count contributors, Chapman too. So that's 2 out of how many?
You know those are good reasons to donate. Yet at the same time, I worry that my donation will contribute to the paychecks of Robby Soave, Shikha Dalmia, Steve Chapman and Nick "Welfare State" Gillespie.
Make sure that you're as close to the car as possible so you can confirm that they aren't just using pyrotechnics. Inside would be even better, if you can manage it.
When Reason belatedly covers the Media collusion with the Dems, we will talk and I will open my wallet. You guys didn't even scratch the surface on that subject and a host of others. But you made sure I donated last year, will not donate this year & will hold you to the same standard next year.
I'm sure there are plenty of prostitutes in your local area that will be willing to act out whatever deluded fantasies you demand of them for the price you're offering.
KMW - like the new look.
Hey man, be clearer with your words next time. You had me clicking the link to her bio hoping for a new picture because she's a pretty lass but nooooo.
Yeah, I wrote that and then it occurred to me it would be misinterpreted. The new look of the magazine.
Right, like the creepiness of the commentariat is news to anyone.
Actually Sugarfree tends to make the rest of us look good by contrast.
says you...
That is his primary function.
Yeah, I had to go see if maybe she changed the color of the drapes...
Still purple.
As to the carpet? Imma guess 'hardwood floors'.
How much for an edit button? Gimme a number!
Dude they'd have to recreate the whole wheel. It'd be like recreating the internet from scratch; it can't be done!
When they outlaw Reason, only outlaws will read Reason
Awesome.
"Penological interests" is a really fun phrase.
LOL - look at you.
Nope, you fucking clowns rode the "vote Hillary cause she's the known suck" train, you get nothing from me, til you get back to doing good work.
Also, Robby, Shikha and Suderman are awful and you'll get no money from me while you're giving them time.
I'll donate one dollar for every Trumpkin tear shed here in the next 8 days.
Yeah, tempting, but still not enough, Trumpkin tears aren't the point of this place.
So... how long you been predicting $500 gold? Well good luck with that....
"So... how long you been predicting $500 gold? "
Just following your advice, so, about a day after you predicted it.
They will decriminalize Mohammed cartoons in Saudi Arabia and offer cash prizes for the best ones. You should go there and try your hand at it.
I'll do that right after gold hits 500 like you predicted it would.
Robby is beloved. We like to pick on him, leave him alone.
I get that he's the "lovable" mascot.
So, I'd be willing to negotiate that part of my demands.
Keep your money, cow.
Ok, done.
So are you just submissive or easily manipulated? A little column A, little column B?
They're not getting my money, in either case.
Imma guess that Robbie's carpet is just as glorious and well groomed as the drapes.
Unless I'm misrembering, Dalmia is the only Reason writer who ever said she would vote for Hillary, and she wasn't even sure about it. If you count contributors, Chapman too. So that's 2 out of how many?
What does that have to do with what I said?
I didn't mention voting at all.
I like Robby. He's a fucking troll, and he deserves our respect.
Ikr? How could he possibly be worse that what we do ourselves below the fold? We're making a man of him. That's all.
To be clear, designer Jason Keisling did not offer instructions for how to construct an AR-15 from ramen noodles and plastic sporks...
So if we donate enough, he will?
I'm waiting for instructions on how to make an M-79 out of old newspaper and a cup o'noodles myself.
You know those are good reasons to donate. Yet at the same time, I worry that my donation will contribute to the paychecks of Robby Soave, Shikha Dalmia, Steve Chapman and Nick "Welfare State" Gillespie.
So I see we are, YET AGAIN, looking for donations at a time when most people are strapped...
For a magazine called Reason...
Strapped? What you did there...
Thanks for not reluctantly droning me today, Frankie!
DRINK!
Didn't y'all use this pitch last year?
This kind of thing never happened when Welch was in charge. OR DID IT?
There was a Postrel article in the latest dead tree edition. KMW must have promised Postrel that she would never, ever post her articles online.
How glamorous.
Postrel... Glorious thick berber.
Do you guys mail to Gitmo?
Accordingly, any future issues of Reason addressed to an ADC inmate will be reviewed on an individual basis...
Jesus, Katherine. Brag that Reason magazine is considered an absolute must-read by today's prison officials. Do I have to think up everything?
Totally using this.
See? You guys should be paying me.
Oh, as if they aren't already.
I TOLD YOU I DON'T WANT TO JOIN YOUR CULT.
/slams door. Reopens door.
Here's my number. Call me.
/gently closes door.
"...free minds and free markets..."
Go on.
I think I've been self-radicalized. What should I do?
Find like minded individuals to express your concerns to.
The FBI can put you in contact with a group if you're interested.
Seek professional help.
Have you told the FBI yet? Evidence would suggest you're still probably okay until your second or third interview with the FBI.
However, if they offer you a bomb, its definitely a setup. Make them demonstrate on a car of your choosing.
Make sure that you're as close to the car as possible so you can confirm that they aren't just using pyrotechnics. Inside would be even better, if you can manage it.
Uh oh - are you self-radicalized too??
I don't trust you not to spend the money on drugs. So I'll buy you a sandwich.
KMW likes to spend donation money on robots.
Ironically, on robotic sandwich makers. And, yes, it's the sandwiches that are robotic.
How much do I have to donate to get someone to sneak a copy into a FLDOC facility to my father-in-law?
to sneak a copy into a FLDOC facility...
Is your sphincter too tight to take a rolled up magazine? Or too loose to hold it in?
When Reason belatedly covers the Media collusion with the Dems, we will talk and I will open my wallet. You guys didn't even scratch the surface on that subject and a host of others. But you made sure I donated last year, will not donate this year & will hold you to the same standard next year.
I'm sure there are plenty of prostitutes in your local area that will be willing to act out whatever deluded fantasies you demand of them for the price you're offering.
Ha! They've been burned before. They've all got him on call-block.
I don't know any hookers with phones. That's too classy.
"Can you act out a world in which Hugh Akston makes a point in an interesting and thoughtful manner?"
"Honey, there ain't enough money in the world..."
I love you Hugh. You're my hooker.
How much do they charge to jack you off on Citizen X's front lawn?
Too damned much.
So I need to donate to Reason before I go to prison so they will care about me, personally? Interesting trade.
"We don't want you printing articles reminding the inmates they're in prison!"
"You think they forgot?"