Meat

Meat Eaters Beware: Carnivory Declared Cancerous

Bacon, ham, and sausage are especially hazardous (and tasty).

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RedMeat
ambrosekane

The hyper-precautionary International Agency for Cancer Research, a arm of the World Health Organization, has just declared that processed meats are definitely human carcinogens. Steak and chop lovers are also warned that red meat is probably a human carcinogen. From the IARC press release:

Red meat

After thoroughly reviewing the accumulated scientific literature, a Working Group of 22 experts from 10 countries convened by the IARC Monographs Programme classified the consumption of red meat as probably carcinogenic to humans (Group 2A), based on limited evidence that the consumption of red meat causes cancer in humans and strong mechanistic evidence supporting a carcinogenic effect.

This association was observed mainly for colorectal cancer, but associations were also seen for pancreatic cancer and prostate cancer.

Processed meat

Processed meat was classified as carcinogenic to humans (Group 1), based on sufficient evidence in humans that the consumption of processed meat causes colorectal cancer.

The experts concluded that each 50 gram portion of processed meat eaten daily increases the risk of colorectal cancer by 18%.

"For an individual, the risk of developing colorectal cancer because of their consumption of processed meat remains small, but this risk increases with the amount of meat consumed," says Dr Kurt Straif, Head of the IARC Monographs Programme. "In view of the large number of people who consume processed meat, the global impact on cancer incidence is of public health importance."

The IARC Working Group considered more than 800 studies that investigated associations of more than a dozen types of cancer with the consumption of red meat or processed meat in many countries and populations with diverse diets. The most influential evidence came from large prospective cohort studies conducted over the past 20 years.

For what it's worth a portion of 50 grams of processed meat is equivalent to two strips of bacon. Cancer Facts & Figures 2015 notes:

Incidence rates [for colorectal cancer] have been decreasing for most ofthe past two decades, which has been attributed to both changes in risk factors and the uptake of colorectal cancer screening among adults 50 years and older.

Earlier this year, the IARC classified the popular herbicide glyphosate as a probable (Group 2A) human carcinogen. The California EPA is going to list the herbicide as a probable carcinogen which requires that businesses with 10 or more employees that use chemicals on Calforinia's list must provide a "clear and reasonable warning" of the product's potential dangers. Will the Golden State now require steaks, chops, and burgers to have such labels?

NEXT: Donald Trump: "It has not been easy for me..."

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      1. That prop is a great illustration of regulatory failure. Everyone ignores those prop 65 warnings because they are on absolutely everything. Someone should tally up how much that stupidity costs the economy for changing absolutely nothing.

        1. Prop 65 was basically a giveaway to trial lawyers to extort money out of any biz that forgot to post that stupid friggin’ ubiquitous sign.

        2. I saw a car the other day with California plates. On one of its windows was an official-looking sticker that said (I paraphrase) “some of the stuff this car is made of causes cancer”.

          I do not believe it was a joke.

  1. I send my deer to a “processor”, so are they counting that as “processed meat”? Cause, technically, it is.

    It is also lean and DELICIOUS! Try the backstrap cut into pieces, done in some oil in a fondu pot with garlic. Oh. My. GOD – so good.

    Now I want venison, and rifle season doesn’t open for three more weeks….hamburgers…

    1. Sounded like a manly man right up to the fondue pot…

      1. Oil in a fondue pot is manly. Cheese or chocolate less so.

        1. Melted cheese is plenty manly, dammit.

          1. But not in French.

            What do you want? I’m a uniter, not a divider.

            1. IT IS IN SWISS GERMAN!!!!!

              *glares and brandishes fondue fork*

              1. Really good Gruyere and Emmental make for very good eats.

              2. It is in English too, but it’s still a French word for “melted”.

        2. Maybe if you drink the oil afterwards…

          1. Maybe if you drink the oil afterwards…

            What…after it’s had a chance to cool down some? Sissy.

        3. If you don’t get a chubby when cooking raw meat in scalding hot melted cheese, I feel sorry for you.

          1. I thought people just put bread in the cheese. Seems like you’d burn your cheese if it was hot enough to cook meat in any reasonable amount of time.

            1. Excuse me if I’m ignorant. I’ve only ever really done the hot oil think in a fondue pot.

            2. I usually make new potatoes, cocktail weiners, ham cubes, gherkins, cornichons, olives, and figs to dip, in addition to bread.

              1. new potatoes, cocktail weiners, ham cubes, gherkins, cornichons, olives, and figs

                These are all euphemisms for his junk.

            3. I’ve put beef in the cheese instead of the oil, but that might be because I don’t care if my beef (or lamb) is basically completely raw when I eat it (in fact I prefer it), but I realize that might not be usual. Still, it’s delicious.

              1. I’m with you on the beef or lamb. That would be good.

                1. Refrigeration is a wonderful thing. Particularly for those who enjoy raw meat.

                  Or was that a whorehouse recommendation for Episiarch?

        4. Chocolate fondue is less . . . erotic, than you would think.

          Shit burns.

          1. That’s what you get for just dipping your balls in the pot.

            1. You just need to use that chocolate shell stuff.

      2. Jeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaalous

    2. Yeah, everything that isn’t a whole animal is processed. I think they mean cured/preserved.

      If cured meats mean a shorter life, then shorter life it is.

      1. The shitty, $1.25 a pack Bar S brand crap. SUE ME. THEY WERE DELICIOUS

        1. I wonder how they feel about these?

          1. *gets the vapors and faints*

            Prolly like that

          2. Or this?

            The farts that follow are can actually be seen by the naked eye.

          3. Oh, yeah. I love those.

            Since pickles are likely carcinogens too, they must be doubly bad.

      2. I have been hearing for decades that “processed” anything is BAD but they never provide a definition. It’s just BAD.

        1. A lot of “processed” means adding sugar or cheap fats. Which are not terribly good for you.
          Of course that doesn’t mean that processed is necessarily bad.

          It’s probably a good rule of thumb that food made from basic ingredients is going to be better for you. But some people want to make it a religion.

          1. But some people want to make it a religion.

            Complete with sermons, confessions, and indulgences.

        2. We are also wanting a definition of Bad.

    3. Anything with nitrates and nitrites. Grinding deer up into a burger patty isn’t “processing” unless you cure it.

      BTW, the “uncured” meats that have added celery powder are far worse for you than regular cured meats. It’s yet another marketing ploy that does more harm than good.

      1. a marketing ploy like calling something organic or cage-free so that a 30% premium, at least, can be added?

        1. At the very least. Plus, a shorter shelf life.

          1. Then you put a very “conservative” consume by date and demand doubles because half of it is getting thrown away. Then everyone gets to feel good about themselves (except the poor).

      2. “uncured” meats also taste like SHITE. We’ve learned to avoid them absolutely.

        1. Well yeah, they taste like celery.

        1. I was gonna politely ask for a link. That looks like good reading.

          1. Keep talking like that and people are going to wonder if you have Canadian sympathies…

      3. My artisanal Sea Salt is gluten free.

    4. Now I want venison, and rifle season doesn’t open for three more weeks

      That seems really late. What state are you in?

      1. MI. Nov 15. Bow season right now. #1 son in law hasn’t scored yet (I don’t hunt so much any more – and don’t bow hunt at all, so I’m at the mercy of a couple guys who work for me and my kids and friends 🙂

        1. Nov. 15? In Michigan? Isn’t that pretty much the dead of winter up there? Do they make the date so late just to make hunters suffer?

          1. Its supposed to coincide with the usual rut peak.

            Firearm deer seasons in the midwest are pretty short (8-12 days), so who knows just how often they hit the mark.

            1. Interesting. Being from farther South, I didn’t realize there was a peak rut, and this nicely explains why.

            2. I don’t know why the peak of the rut would be considered a good time to harvest. The bucks may be distracted and a little less cautious but they are also gamier, necks swollen, testosterone levels sky high, frequently beat up and run ragged from trying to thrash or screw everything else on four legs in the county. There is also the fact that they “chase the ass and forget about the grass” during this period, frequently burning off a good portion of the summers gains in fat and weight. The quality of the meat is much better IMHO before they get into the rut and after is usually too far into fall/winter for recovery.

            3. Firearm deer seasons in the midwest are pretty short (8-12 days)

              I can’t fathom how much my car insurance would be if the hunters around here didn’t massacre as many rats with antlers as they possibly could both in and out of season.

              Of course, we didn’t actually have any deer populations until the TWRA released whitetails into the wild in the 1970s. Brilliant move, releasing a large herbivore into one of the most productive farming regions in the nation. But never mind the billions of lost revenues to farmers every year, the state makes bank by selling hunting licenses.

      2. Same here. In Louisiana we can’t shoot deer properly until early to mid november.

    5. Do it yourself, Almanian.

  2. You’re a towel!

  3. Since not eating causes death faster, I’ll take cancer. Of course, red meat has also found itself in the climate change crosshairs, so hopefully it will stick around.

  4. Throw some fiber in there with your ribs and bacon, you’ll be fine.

    I’m thinking spinach salad, walnuts, strawberries, with pork burnt ends, and just to nasty it up, blue cheese crumbles!

    Seriously, it’s about moderation, and eating a variety of foods.

    You CAN have it all!

    1. Burnt ends are the shit.

      A sammich with those things? Like jerking off for lunch, but less of a mess.

    2. Tough to beat brussell sprouts and bacon. Recently we did them this way-

      Sous Vide 1 hour brussels sprouts with bacon and garlic

  5. I’m eating red meat RIGHT NOW!!!!

  6. Two to three strips of bacon a day is worth the occasional ass cancer.

  7. Surely this is the nutrition study whose conclusions will stand the test of time. I mean it has to happen sooner or later, right?

    1. Look, what’s important here is that everyone starts shitting their pants over this.

      1. No it is usually too much fiber, not meat that causes pants shitting

  8. The experts concluded that each 50 gram portion of processed meat eaten daily increases the risk of colorectal cancer by 18%.

    So, (100/18)*(50/28) =~10 ounces of processed meat eaten daily *will* give you colorectal cancer.

    1. 18% of nothin…. Carry the nothin… Yep. Your chances of colorectal remain essentially zero.

      1. According to the CDC (take it for what you will) the odds of a 40-yr old developing colorectal cancer within 30 years is about 2%. 2%*1.18 = 2.36%, which is still, basically 2%.

        Your math checks out even when the probability isn’t essentially zero.

    2. 18% of nothin…. Carry the nothin… Yep. Your chances of colorectal remain essentially zero.

    3. This is problematic since anything a person ingests promotes some kind of cancer to some extent and since everyone’s chance of catching cancer is 100% if he lives long enough.

    4. So, (100/18)*(50/28) =~10 ounces of processed meat eaten daily *will* give you colorectal cancer.

      So then I’m good-to-go if I don’t cut back to that amount…right?

  9. Let them eat tofu!

    1. Oops – that probably causes cancer, too

      1. It doesn’t produce greenhouse gasses, which means it doesn’t cause cancer.

        1. There is a shocking correlation between the two…

        2. When I eat tofu, I produce an astonishing amount of greenhouse gas.

      2. I think the research shows that soy is actually pretty terrible for you.

        1. Causes colon cancer, but inhibits some other kinds. Something like that is true for everything.

          1. Soy is estrogenic, so if you’re a dude who eats lots of tofu, have fun growing some moobs.

  10. Will the Golden State now require steaks, chops, and burgers to have such labels?

    I’m quite sure someone in the Assembly is writing the bill as we speak.

  11. Bacon is the base of my seven-year-old boy’s food pyramid, and there aren’t too many additional layers to that pyramid. I should probably peer through the blinds more often for visitors from Child Protective Services.

  12. The anti-meat crowd has been pushing this idea for a LONG time. I remember hearing about “meat is cancerous” ten years ago from a cousin who had read some book pushing the idea, and I’m not sure when the book was written. Unsurprisingly, he completely dropped the entire idea after trying not to eat meat for a little while.

    I mean, this is classic tactics. Can’t put a dent in people’s enjoyment of/desire for something, and can’t ban it because it’s too popular? Of course! It’s *bad* for you! Like, super bad! Cancer bad! That’ll work!

    People’s food animism is just off the fucking charts. Paleo! Atkins! Gluten! They’re all supernatural totems! Carbs are evil totems! Meat is an evil totem! Preservatives are evil totems! Holy fuck are animists tedious.

    1. Bovines produce greenhouse gasses which are killing the planet, but that by itself isn’t enough for deniers to stop eating beef. So they’ve got to approach it from a different angle. Maybe deniers will eat less beef if they believe it causes cancer.

      1. That’s pretty much how NPR is presenting it.

        1. I’m sure I’ll hear about it on the drive home. I heard a bit of the lead-up on the morning drive. They seemed absolutely giddy in hopes that the study would say beef causes cancer.

    2. Everything that is naturally good to you is bad, mkay?

      1. Everything
        Everything gives you cancer
        Everything
        Everything gives you cancer

        There’s no cure, there’s no answer
        Everything gives you cancer
        Don’t touch that dial
        Don’t try to smile

        Just take this pill
        It’s in your file
        Don’t work hard
        Don’t play hard
        Don’t plan for the graveyard
        Remember ?

        Everything
        Everything gives you cancer
        Everything
        Everything gives you cancer
        There’s no cure, there’s no answer
        Everything gives you cancer

        Don’t work by night
        Don’t sleep by day
        You’ll feel all right
        But you will pay

        No caffeine
        No protein
        No booze or
        Nicotine

        Remember ?
        Everything
        Everything gives you cancer
        Everything
        Everything gives you cancer
        There’s no cure, there’s no answer
        Everything gives you cancer

        1. One of my favorite Joe Jackson tunes

    3. Mutton and venison. Not really much reason for anything else, except perhaps Porcus, for those to whom it isn’t immediately poisonous.

    4. It’s in a press release so it must be true.

    5. Preservatives, GMOs, fertilizer, water redirection, gasoline, anything that increases the availability of food is bad according to these people. It’s almost as if they think we have too many people. Or perhaps too many of the wrong type of people…

    6. I’m still trying to figure out how to infuse bacon with gluten.

      1. Make your toast by frying it in the leftover bacon grease in the pan. That should do the trick. Bingo – instant bacon infused gluten product. Try it next time you’re out camping or hunting (or even at home). You will wonder why you ever used to eat the old style lame-ass-vegan-pussy type toast with margarine/butter.

  13. Next: a tax on red meat to curb the cancer epidemic it has caused, which is double-awesome because it will presumably result in fewer bovine-produced greenhouse gasses which are killing the planet.

  14. Is anyone else bothered by saying that “X causes cancer” in stories like this? It seems to me that if X causes Y, then whenever X happens, Y follows. These things don’t cause cancer. They are associated with higher incidence of cancer, or perhaps risk factors for cancer.

    1. That’s pretty confusing. Does it give me tumors or not??

      1. Maybe.

        No, seriously, that’s actually the correct answer.

        1. OK. So if I stop eating bacon and prosciutto, I won’t get cancer?

          1. No. If you live long enough, you will catch cancer, regardless. Thing they aren’t looking at, which holds true for most things, is that while it may improve your odds at colon cancer, it’s likely it also reduces chance of catching some other kind.

            1. If you live long enough, you will catch cancer

              What if I don’t chase it?

          2. No. If you live long enough, you will catch cancer, regardless. Thing they aren’t looking at, which holds true for most things, is that while it may improve your odds at colon cancer, it’s likely it also reduces chance of catching some other kind.

          3. Life without salted pork products isn’t worth living.

          4. Maybe.

    2. Well, the human body is like a 10,000,000 variable equation, so proving X causes anything with even a remote degree of certainty is fairly difficult.

      1. That’s my point.

    3. I got a Trivia Crack question that asked “Which of these things causes addiction?”. The choices were Cocaine, Nicotine, Heroin & All of the Above.

      I wasted a few seconds shaking my head before clicking the “right” answer. I didn’t check but I’m hoping that it was a question that was written in a different language and incorrectly translated to English, but probably not.

  15. I get the feeling that some point in the future the foodologists will publish a study akin to the one from the Michael Keaton Batman movie.

    Bacon is fine as long as it’s not paired with eggs
    Ground sausage should not be mixed with pasta and red sauce
    Beef tenderloin should not be mixed with salt, black pepper, garlic, or sage or any combination thereof.
    Etc etc

    1. If it tastes good then it must be bad for you.

      1. If the progtards don’t like it, it must be bad for you and if you question the processes they used to reach their conclusion, you are a retrograde health denier!

  16. And no shellfish or meat of the cloven hoofed animal, you pagans!

    1. Scallops are my #1 favorite food.

      Delmonico or Ribeye steak, #2

      Shrimp (grilled) #3

      I’m going to hell, aren’t I?

      1. The first scallop doomed you.

        1. +1 original sin

          It was worth it

      2. You’re posting here, so you may already be there.

  17. I do hope this will lower the price of beef. Pork is already selling at a huge fiscount for everything but bacon. Its a great time to be alive and eat meat.

    1. My wife made a pork roast and we had some leftovers, so she cooked it in gravy in a crockpot for ANOTHER couple hours till it just fell apart – served it over a piece of bread. Just stupid good for something so basic. I had three servings. Ridiculous….and cheap, as you note!

  18. This strikes me as the sort of junk science that is rife within the public health industry. Epidemiological studies are shit.

    1. Perhaps, but that won’t dissuade our wise and mighty overlords from using it as a justification to further control our lives.

  19. 1) How is this news? The carcinogenic effects of cured meats have been known for decades.

    2) This is only problematic insofar as the government’s subsidization of healthcare makes an individual’s health and therefore, his eating habits, a collective problem and thus an issue they will be calling to regulate. Here’s a solution: make people pay for their own goddamned healthcare and face the consequences of the choices they make. (Spoiler: That won’t happen)

    3) If nothing else, maybe the progtards will set their sights on farm subsidies and big agriculture.

    1. 3) If nothing else, maybe the progtards will set their sights on farm subsidies and big agriculture.

      Nah, they’ll clamor for more taxes. After all, using the government to raise the price of something encourages people to use less of it (unless we’re talking about minimum wage that is).

      1. Yeah, you’re right. Sorry, I sometimes naively think they might engage in behavior that actually addresses the problem, rather than trying to exert further control over people’s lives and/or take more of their money.

        Silly me

      2. And more farm subsidies and bigger agriculture for those producing the right sorts of foods.

    2. No. Progtards will lobby for the government to pay cattle ranchers and pig farmers not to raise cattle and pigs.

  20. The beatings will continue until cancer improves.

  21. An old one from my mom we resurrected over the weekend:

    – Club crackers – as many as you want on a backing sheet
    – Put a little Parmesan cheese on each cracker
    – Cut up strips of bacon (we used thick sliced)into pieces just big enough to fit the cracker and place on crackers

    Bake @ 250-300 for a couple hours, turn off when the bacon’s cooked – let stand till room temp. (my mom swore by “2 hours at 200 and then let it sit”, but we’ve found the bacon doesn’t cook enough – I think my mom’s oven just ran a little hotter than advertised). Eat until gone.

    Best. Appetizer. EVAR. My wife made a batch for daughter #2’s birfday….I made a second batch Sunday because we finished the first batch.

    This is a great appetizer in the winter, for some reason. We rarely have it when it’s warmer (tend to prefer cold veggies then, I guess)

    Anyhoo – TRY IT!

    1. Why not just eat a spoon of salt?

      1. Nope, this is sweet and just a bit greasy and DELICIOUS! Not too much salt at all.

    2. Bacon wrapped around cocktail weiners, sprinkled with dark brown sugar. Bake at 350 in the bacon is done (usually 30 min.)

      1. God damn you – a man after my own diabet….er, heart. attack….

        I TILL TRY THIS! THANK YOU!

        1. I pointed out the warning above…

          He can do this kind of stuff because he’s worked up calluses.

          You may see blisters.

      2. Bacon wrapped around chicken tenders, drizzled with maple syrup. Bake at 400 until chicken is done and bacon is brown. Cook at a lower temp if you prefer softer bacon. Drizzle with more maple syrup. Enjoy.

        1. Bacon wrapped around dates that are stuffed with chevre.

          Or, if you’re worried about the colon cancer thing, bacon wrapped around prunes.

          1. prosciutto, dates, blue cheese

            1. Yum, man!

      3. We’ve had these at parties many times. They are absolutely delicious.

      4. Bacon wrapped around shrimp and scallops and grilled (mind the gaps). Glaze in your favorite sugar based BBQ sauce then back on the grill for a minute. (Precook the bacon before wrapping if you want it more done.)

      5. Wrap thick cut bacon around apple slices and sprinkle with cinnamon and brown sugar to coat the bacon, bake at 350 for ~20 minutes till the apples become soft and try not to burn your mouth off eating them becuase waiting till the cool is basically impossible.

        Then once the oil in the pan cools down fish out the carmelized brown sugar from the bottom of the pan for what is essentially bacon apple carmel

        1. Oh this also works with Pineapple, Pears, and Honeydew but apples are the best

        2. Oh, also, bacon chocolate cookies. Just precook the bacon crispy and add it to your favorite chocolate or chocolate chip cookie recipe. It turns two great things into something magical.

          1. Oh, man. I’ve got bacon and chocolate chip cookie dough at home. I’m so trying that tonight.

    3. What are “club crackers”?

      1. They literally have “Club” written on the box. They’re buttery and salty. Pretty good with most anything.

        1. Gracias!
          Now I recognize them.

  22. This junk science doesn’t deserve a platform, Ron.
    Burnt meat may be carcinogenic. Processed meat, it varies depending on how much non-meat filler there is. But red meat per se is incredibly healthy. There’s far too many conflating factors that are never accounted for in these observational studies. And observational studies say nothing about causation.

    Another huge conflating variable is that red meat is frequently paired with processed wheat flour. Hot dogs and hamburgers.

    http://authoritynutrition.com/…..u-or-good/

    1. that and people who consume large amounts of red meat are also more likely to smoke.

  23. Now I’m fucking hungry and my delicious Club crackers with bacon and parm are at home, goddamnit!

    Oh, I think I’m getting ill!! I’d better hit the road….

  24. Shorter version of every precautionary principle study ever:

    “Everybody dies of something. We must ban something. This is something, we must ban it!”

    1. I wonder if the AGW crowd has something to do with it. After all, cow farts cause global warming. That means cows are bad. So eating cow meat must be bad. Oh, look! A cancer correlation! Cows cause cancer! Ban them!

      1. I have heard bleating from vegetarians and vegans about how eating meat uses so much more energy and water than non-meats and how cow farts produce methane since at least the mid 80s. Like I said above, this is a not-so-new propaganda push in an old campaign from them. They try this every decade or so and it fails so miserably that that’s why it’s so long before they try it again each time.

        This will be utterly ignored by most people, and they will go lick their wounds for another decade.

        1. But this time it’s SCIENCE!

        2. Yes but it is fun when they bring up this tired argument to make their heads explode by pointing out to them that eradicating the eating of meat means the death of 99% of the living livestock through starvation and disease

    2. R C Dean|10.26.15 @ 1:10PM|#
      “Shorter version of every precautionary principle study ever:
      “Everybody dies of something. We must ban something. This is something, we must ban it!””

      Ron does it better in the book:
      “Don’t try anything for the first time.”

      1. Holy hucksters, man! Ron is already selling his book.

  25. OT: The ad on the side of this page for me: “Stop Paul Ryan, the homosexual lobby’s Trojan horse for Speaker.”

    What the actual fuck?

    1. homosexual trojan horses will also give you cancer

      1. And homosexuals WITHOUT Trojans give you teh AIDS….so,…

    2. What the actual fuck?

      I’ve got nothin’.

  26. So are eggs good for you or bad for you this month?

    1. I think the white is still good but the yolk will kill you.

      1. I believe the infallible TOP MEN recently changed their minds about the yolk.

        1. Well, it was a lie in the first place. The yolk has always been the most nutritious part, loaded with vitamins.

          1. “The yolk is the baby chicken. That’s the part i want to eat.”

      2. Oh, SURE – the whites are ALWAYS good. Typical Mister Charlie keepin’ a brother down….

        #YolkLivesMatter

    2. As long as you don’t smoke.

  27. I farmed rats for years, and at first they were like cancer machines. Trial and error, I ultimately hit on three things that actually make a difference. These were a diet with plenty of greens (seems like dandelions and mustard are adequate, while other kinds may not be particularly helpful), minimal soy, and distilled water. Any of the three seems to knock the rate of cancer way down, by orders of magnitude. All three, and it’s rare now for one of the animals to catch cancer before it’s time to go. And I’ve had breeders that have lived over three years without ever catching a tumour. If they get plenty of greens and minimal soy, it seems very near maximal effect is attained and using distilled water doesn’t add much. Feeding them on diets high in red meat (useful as it produces more massive, tastier product), doesn’t promote cancer enough that I can tell.

  28. We haven’t had a gay, recipe-sharing thread in a while.

    I’d like to thank you all for your recipes. Happy holidays in advance, and may your souls avoid hell for some period of time!

    /mirth

    1. While we are sharing recipes:

      Enemy of the State Margaritas:

      4 oz tequila
      1 oz or so Salerno liqueur
      3/4 oz lime juice
      1/2 oz agave nectar

      Shake over ice, serve on the rocks. Serves 1.

      1. *toasts RC Dean with my Rusty Woodchipper*

        2 shots Stoli
        chocolate milk to taste

        1. Brandy sarcasmic:

          Brandy
          your favorite flavored coffee creamer (I used pumpkin spice)
          hot chocolate mix, preferably dark

          Amounts vary by taste.

          Shake well with ice, strain into rocks glass.

          1. The Tony:

            shot of grenadine
            cock ring floater

            1. The Episiarch

              Half-can can of warm Natural Ice Light
              Cigarette butt

              1. The Warty

                All the booze you have, poured into a bucket. Garnish with orange wheel.

                1. While drinking the Warty, alternate power-squats with eating handfuls of creatine powder.

                2. Bender: I’ve been perusing your fortified wine list and I’ve selected the ’71 Hobo’s Delight, the ’57 Chateau Part? and the ’66 Thunder Chevitz.

                  Waiter: Exquisite choices, sir.

                  Bender: And mix them all together in a big jug.

              2. Gotta make sure there’s plenty of saliva in the Natty, too.

              3. Natty Ice?!?

                1. Only because they stopped making Red, White and Blue.

                  1. What does Krzysztof Kie?lowski have to do with beer?

                    Also, if you wanted to pick something really gross, Rainier would have sufficed.

                    1. Also, if you wanted to pick something really gross, Rainier would have sufficed.

                      When I was a kid I loved this commercial.

                      Do they still run that one on the west coast? I’m way out of their marketing range up here in Maine.

            2. The NutraSweet:

              Fermented blood. That is all. And the chunkier, the better.

              1. You left out the saltine garnish.

                1. He’s an uncultured fool, X.

                  1. He likes it neat! Don’t listen to his lies! He is the father of them, after all!

        2. I recommend salted caramel Stoli with chocolate milk. Unbelievably good.

          1. For a minute, I thought you were recommending flavored vodka for human consumption.

            1. It’s GNS–you might as well flavor it. Plus if I’m recommending drinks with that urbane and sophistimicated mixer chocolate milk it probably won’t be 2013 Four Roses Small Batch…

  29. I’ll go on a limb here for a simple reason: with the left, you cannot view things through a rational construct; you have to consider the outlandish as the reason for their ideas. In this case, climate change. Many of you have seen others espousing a low- or no-meat diet over some harm to the planet. Much easier to scare people when presenting it as harm to the consumer.

      1. I see where you made the same reference above. Looking first, then commenting is often a good strategy.

  30. You can have my bacon when you pry it from my cold, dead hands. After the heart attack/cancer/whatever else you come up with to try to turn my smile upside down you fucking ass clown.

  31. Dean Martin’s burger recipe:

    1 lb ground beef
    2 oz. bourbon?chilled

    Preheat a heavy frying pan and sprinkle bottom lightly with table salt. Mix meat, handling lightly, just enough to form into four patties. Grill over medium-high heat about 4 minutes on each side.
    Pour chilled bourbon in chilled shot glass and serve meat and bourbon on a TV tray.

    1. needz moar bourbon

      1. ^This. To everything, always.

    2. But you have to grind your own meat. It’s fantastically better that way. I bought some ground beef recently because I was being lazy and didn’t feel like grinding my own for a moussaka dish. The 93/7 beef was on sale and was actually cheapest, so I bought that instead of the 80/20 or 85/15 I normally buy if I’m going to be lazy.

      OH MY GOD they put so much connective tissue, tendons, and the like in the “lean” ground beef. It’s like chewing rubber bands. It’s not so bad with the 80/20 and 85/15 because the filler is fat, not connective tissue, but this was horrible. It was barely edible. Never again will I buy that shit. And the kicker is they charge more for it.

      1. I’m not really set up for meat grinding.

        1. You can get a perfectly good grinder (complete unit, including motor) from Amazon for probably $100. And that’s all you need.

          You will never go back once you’ve ground a London broil and then thrown the burgers made from it on the grill just long enough to get a char on the outside (but still raw as shit in the center, of course). It’s *so* tender, so flavorful. Also, it makes divine steak tartare.

      2. It tastes like rubber bands, too.

        1. Yes, it is *completely* flavorless. It’s absolutely disgusting. I can’t believe people eat it. Food animism is shockingly powerful.

      3. They charge more for it because idiots think animal fat = wrongbad. I always get the 73/27.

      4. This makes me think of last week’s Fargo episode.

        1. Yeah [SPOILER ALERT], I dunno what he was thinking, grinding the bones and everything. How’s he gonna make sausage out of that?

      5. I hate it when the old man fries up burgers – dry Sirloin. I prefer the 80/20 or even higher fat.

        1. This – 80/20 or GTFO (or add some fat with oil or something)

          1. Pat of butter on top after you flip it.

            Regardless of the fat content of the meat, IMO.

  32. Is this another example of where scientists study reports, review data, and compile evidence in order to serve their Marxist masters?

    1. AMSOC ZOMG I AM SOOOO HAPPY TO SEE YOU!!! I HOPE YOU HAD A GREAT WEEKEND AND WENT OUT AMERICANSOCIALIZING!!!!1!1!!1!!! ITS SO GRESAT YOU ARE HEAR WITH US!!!!!

      1. No problem. I do it because I like the crazies. You guys are a lot of fun.

        1. OMGZOMGZOMG!!!!!! ITS SO TRUE ABOUTTEH CRZAYS!!!!!! IF YOUWERENT HEAR THEN NOONE WOULD BE SMART BUT YOU ARE THESMARTEST OF THE INTERNETZ!11!!11 LOL!!!!!!!

    2. american socialist|10.26.15 @ 1:35PM|#
      “Is this another example of where scientists study reports, review data, and compile evidence in order to serve their Marxist masters?”

      Well, not quite. Just lefty assholes trying for one more reason to control people.
      Pay your mortgage yet, or are you still free-riding on honest people?

    3. Tell us more about your dominatrix fantasies.

      1. No way, that’d just completely RUIN dominatrixes for me.

        1. Like NutraSweet hasn’t already done that to you.

          1. It’s true, he is the Ruiner.

            1. Whereas I feel great.

              1. Well, aside from the ‘beetus.

    4. To AmSoc, observational studies count as “evidence”. What he uses to generate hypotheses, then, is a mystery.

      1. So, Nature shouldn’t allow “review” articles because the data in those articles wasn’t generated by the author? What if there is just a lot of data in the field– as there surely is on the subject of carcinogens and meat consumption– and the intellectual trick needed is the ability to compile and parse data in sometimes conflicting studies?

        1. american socialist|10.26.15 @ 2:14PM|#
          “…and the intellectual trick needed is the ability to compile and parse data in sometimes conflicting studies?”

          Yep, parsing data into misleading innuendo is what the left is all about.

    5. Re: american stultified,

      Is this another example of where scientists study reports, review data, and compile evidence in order to serve their Marxist masters?

      Maybe their Hindi masters, a-s.

  33. The hyper-precautionary International Agency for Cancer Research, a arm of the World Health Organization, has just declared that processed meats are definitely human carcinogens.

    Settled Science!

    The IARC Working Group considered more than 800 studies that investigated associations of more than a dozen types of cancer with the consumption of red meat or processed meat in many countries and populations with diverse diets.

    And all found the common link to all was ?you guessed it!? red meat!

    I imagined that they considered and accounted for other factors such as genetic propensity to suffer cancers, whether people cook the meat by burning it in a grill (in which case they should say that lousy cooking skills cause cancer) and other factors like that.

    Because without being able to do a double-blind test, the results of those studies should be taken with a very healthy grain of salt.

    1. the results of those studies should be taken with a very healthy grain of salt.

      Oh, sure. Kill yourself with sodium.

      1. About that…

  34. Interesting comment about this on reddit:

    2.5% is the lifetime diagnosis number, with median diagnosis age of 69 (which isn’t too relevant to me right now). I was talking in terms of annual occurrence rate, so it’s more of an annual return.
    You can compound that over a mean lifetime (say, 25 years), but then also factor in the 90% survival rate of colorectal cancer. Let’s assume based on your stats that having no family history doesn’t help much, that’s still an annual mortality of 35/100000 * 0.1, which is 0.0035%.
    Compounding that for 25 years, you get 0.09% total death risk in a lifetime. 30% of that is negligible. And like my initial post, it certainly isn’t compelling on a per year basis.
    EDIT: forgot to mention about the 0.016% – 5-year risk is how I typically look at things, so that brings you to 0.014-0.018%. Regardless, I think it’s important to look at the effect size closely when faced with correlations.
    It’s hilarious how much energy is still being poured into these tiny effects when we see things like nearly 10% of Americans being diabetic and another 30% pre-diabetic. Added sugar consumption is at ludicrous levels, multiple times above what the WHO recommends, yet we’re still arguing over bacon.

    1. Now with formatting…

      2.5% is the lifetime diagnosis number, with median diagnosis age of 69 (which isn’t too relevant to me right now). I was talking in terms of annual occurrence rate, so it’s more of an annual return.

      You can compound that over a mean lifetime (say, 25 years), but then also factor in the 90% survival rate of colorectal cancer. Let’s assume based on your stats that having no family history doesn’t help much, that’s still an annual mortality of 35/100000 * 0.1, which is 0.0035%.
      Compounding that for 25 years, you get 0.09% total death risk in a lifetime. 30% of that is negligible. And like my initial post, it certainly isn’t compelling on a per year basis.

      EDIT: forgot to mention about the 0.016% – 5-year risk is how I typically look at things, so that brings you to 0.014-0.018%. Regardless, I think it’s important to look at the effect size closely when faced with correlations.

      It’s hilarious how much energy is still being poured into these tiny effects when we see things like nearly 10% of Americans being diabetic and another 30% pre-diabetic. Added sugar consumption is at ludicrous levels, multiple times above what the WHO recommends, yet we’re still arguing over bacon.

    2. Yeah, but sugar is a natural part of a Plant Based Diet, which doesn’t make Gaia weep.

  35. I cured a slab of salmon last week with three parts sugar, one part salt, fresh dill and sliced lemon.

    I guess I’m OK because salmon farts don’t cause global warming salmon doesn’t cause cancer.

    1. Interesting, when I make gravlax (which I just did yesterday, it’s curing in the fridge right now), I do equal parts salt and sugar. And I don’t add lemon. Do you find your gravlax to be particularly sweet?

      As an aside, I’ve also tried variants with cilantro and a touch of tequila instead of dill and they were disappointing.

      1. I just find using more sugar results in it being less salty. And now that I think about it, it was probably two parts sugar to one part salt. This was one of my best ones too. First time I used lemon. Very good. Made an omelet with it for breakfast yesterday. It was fucking awesome.

        1. Normally I just serve it on crackers with cream cheese, cucumber, and fresh dill. But I saw eggs and cheese in the fridge and figured I’d try a salmon omelet. I do that with leftover roasted salmon, so why not? Glad I did.

          1. The lemon is intriguing. I usually have it on rice crackers with capers and good mustard. I also like to put it on a toasted bagel with cream cheese as if it were lox.

            Yeah, I’ve made it in omelettes before. My thing is that I really like it when it’s still raw-like (meaning the proteins haven’t been denatured by heat), so I tend to avoid cooking it at all.

            1. I usually have it on rice crackers with capers and good mustard.

              That sounds good.

              I also like to put it on a toasted bagel with cream cheese as if it were lox.

              At one restaurant I worked at ages ago, a waiter would show up some mornings with bagels and lox from the local Jewish deli. I’d grill a bagel while frying an egg, then complete the sandwich with mayo, lettuce and tomato. The lox basically replaced the bacon. Damn that was good. I’m gonna have to do that again some time.

            2. My thing is that I really like it when it’s still raw-like (meaning the proteins haven’t been denatured by heat), so I tend to avoid cooking it at all.

              When I roast it I cook it in a hot oven until it’s cooked maybe a third, then let it rest. That way it’s cooked on the outside and warm on the inside. I don’t like it cooked all the way through.

              1. Look at you la-de-dahs.

                I just made fancy sloppy joe’s.

                1. I just made fancy sloppy joe’s.

                  One pound ground beef.
                  One can condensed tomato soup.
                  One cup salsa.

                  Brown beef, add soup and salsa, bring to a simmer. Reduce if necessary.

                  That’s how I do sloppy joe.

                  1. I used veal. And Pomito tomato sauce.

                2. You got any leftovers? – he asked, hopefully

    2. No cancer, but the mercury will DESTROY your nervous system.

      And let’s not get started on that sugar!

    3. salmon doesn’t cause cancer.

      Fish is packed with mercury and PCBs, according to the public health wallahs, leading them to spin furiously in continuing to recommend it.

      Avoiding fish is certainly one way to avoid mercury or PCBs. But is that the wisest choice, given the benefits of eating fish?

      http://www.hsph.harvard.edu/nutritionsource/fish/

      Note how the precautionary principle is discarded for a cost/benefit analysis when necessary to sustain the narrative.

      1. Depends on the fish. I live in Michigan – trust me – we know mercury in fishes..

  36. Who want’s to live forever anyways?

    1. Hitler?

    2. Who wants to love forever?

      1. Your mom? Because last night sure *felt* like forever with her.

        1. What is this thing that builds our dreams, yet slips away from us?

          1. No, NutraSweet. Highlander was a documentary, and it was filmed…in real time.

    3. It would be really cool to see what happens in the distant future.

  37. Episiarch is talking shit.

    I saw him the other night shopping with his mom – in the frozen dinner aisle.

    1. I saw him the other night shoppimping with his mom – in the frozen dinner aisle.

      FTFY.

  38. These guys disagree: http://www.smithsonianmag.com/…..28/?no-ist

    We are omnivores. We evolved eating meat. Asserting that red meat is a carcinogen is absurd.

    I had steak and eggs for breakfast. A couple of weeks ago my brother and I made about 100 lbs of sausage. For you uncivilized types that is a little more than 45 Kilograms.

    *my recipe – 50/50 mix of 80?ef and pork butt, rosemary, garlic, red pepper, salt and coriander – yeah, basically a knackwurst minus the milk

    His recipe – pork butt, garlic, paprika, salt, black pepper, file, chile powder, red pepper and cumin- andouille.

    After we got it all stuffed we smoked half each over hickory and oak. Then we split the batches between us.

    Yum.

    Fuck vegetarians. I mean that.

    1. Fuck vegetarians.

      Esp the hot, female ones. I approve this message.

      1. Nah, they smell funny.

    2. Q) What do you call a vegetarian with diarrhea?

      A) Salad shooter!

    3. I’m sure that you also feel that the assertion that Cigarettes are carcinogens is also absurd.

      I think another conservative name Morton Downey Jr, said the same about cigarettes until they cut his lung out and then, after years of pushing the safety of cigarettes and that the “assertion of cigarettes” giving someone cancer is absurd and a bunch of liberal bla bla bla.

      In his final days of suffering from stage four small cell, he went to congress and repented and said he was wrong and that he too been duped by Big Tobacco.

      It’s probably not the Beef, per se. It’s probably the processing, additives, growth hormones, feeds, env, etc. etc. etc.

      1. Alice Bowie|10.26.15 @ 3:14PM|#
        “I’m sure that you also feel that the assertion that Cigarettes are carcinogens is also absurd.”

        Why, look there! Lefty ignoramus confuses libertarians with ‘another conservative’.
        Fuck off, Alice.

        1. Oh Sevo, you and I both know that a

          – conservative is a liberal that was mugged
          – liberal is a conservative who’s been laid off or has been indicted on a white-collar crime
          – libertarian is a conservative that smokes.

          1. specifically, a libertarian is a conservative that smokes weed.

          2. Alice Bowie|10.26.15 @ 4:19PM|#
            “Oh Sevo, you and I both know that a”

            lefty is what you (meaning YOU) become after major brain injury.
            Fuck off, slaver.

            1. If it makes you feel better, I’ve been having intestine surgery so I’ve been out.

              But even after the Morphine, I’m still lefty. But not as lefty as you make me out to be.

              1. Alice Bowie|10.26.15 @ 4:48PM|#
                “But even after the Morphine, I’m still lefty.”

                Not at all surprising; opiates make you stupid.

              2. Oh, and:
                Alice Bowie|10.26.15 @ 4:48PM|#
                “If it makes you feel better, I’ve been having intestine surgery so I’ve been out.”

                Lefties have a wonderful record of murdering millions who resisted their theft, so when I’m told that a lefty is in physical danger, sympathy may be hard to find.

      2. Over the years I have found that sureness does not equal rightness.

        I will keep eating steak and sausage and you can keep making ridiculous assertions.

        Fuck you Alice.

  39. Surveys commentary, looks at Ronald Bailey:

    Seems Mister Bailey…

    *dons Fist’s sunglasses*

    …threw some red meat to the commentariat….

    YEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

    1. I knew this thread would eventually turn into a thread about the best ways to cook and eat meat. Wasn’t disappointed.

      1. Dude, stop squinting. Don a pair . . .

        of sunglasses, already.

  40. “The experts concluded…”

    These leftist shithead bureaucrats are not experts at anything but propaganda.

  41. Leftist propaganda is bad for your health and probably causes cancer. Believing leftist propaganda causes brain damage.

  42. I am 2nd degree vegetarian – I only eat vegetarians.

  43. Red meat ain’t nuthin’. It’s that green & blue meat you have to look out for.

  44. well, since so many people are kicking tobacco there’s got to be a renewed focus on a plausible cause in order to find one that will stick in our lil pointy heads like a commercial ditty we can all happily hum and never question, nod, hand over the money. Oh…and from what I hear, poop will cure us. I’m still working on that haiku

  45. Processed meat meaning bacon, lunch meats, hot dogs. I has nothing to do with “red meat”, beef, pork, chicken or most things we cook and put on the table. It only says “probably” to meat eating and there are no numbers given! And, 18% increase means increase over the cancer that occurs meat eaters or vegetarians alone? It might mean that the risk goes from 2% to 3.5%! The study does not say what the title, here, implies.

    In the past, no one knew that Oriental kraut caused increase in esophageal cancer. That happened because of the way it was processed, buried in pits! I was a fungal contamination that caused the increased cancer. That has been known for over forty years, when I was in medical school!

  46. Oh look – a thing that progressives hate causes cancer. Big f’in surprise.

    Next up: heteronormative sexual intercourse causes cancer. Watching comedy causes cancer. Chewing gum causes cancer. Buying AAA auto insurance, rather than Progressive, causes cancer.

    Of course, we all know that driving a car doesn’t cause cancer, as long as it’s GM. Only Fords and VW’s now cause strokes, polyps, illiteracy, and impotency.

  47. If there is one thing I have learned it is don’t trust the government. Not on this, not on anything, their always full of shit and there is a angle, now health, control freak statists are going to use this bogus study as a way to control what we eat. Fuck em’, if the government is right and you get cancer from eating red and processed meat, its your fault and you bear the consequences. At least that is the way its supposed to work, instead, the tax payer normally bears the consequences and the meat company gets bail out money because the company funded some dumb shit’s campaign, but I digress.

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