Ted Cruz

Ted Cruz Calls Mitch McConnell a Bald-Faced Liar, Thunders Against Ex-Im Bank

The best speech you'll see the Texas senator make

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It's not every day that a GOP senator, and top-10 presidential candidate, accuses his own party's Majority Leader of telling a "flat-out lie," but that's what happened this morning. Take a look at this speech:

Reason on the Ex-Im Bank here.

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78 responses to “Ted Cruz Calls Mitch McConnell a Bald-Faced Liar, Thunders Against Ex-Im Bank

  1. Wake me when one of them calls the other “a simpering bitch” or requests a duel at dawn.

    1. At dawn. Under the Washington Monument. With woodchippers.

      1. BAM!

        YOU understand!

    2. Wake me when one of them calls the other “a simpering bitch”

      How about “mewling quim”?

    3. Say what you will, but I listened to the whole damn thing and didn’t hear one thing he said that I disagreed with. I like me some Ted Cruz and some Rand Paul. They win their arguments ON THE MERITS, as opposed to using strawmen that begin “Some say….”.

      What is not to like?

    4. Ted can out-debate ANYONE!

      Let the debates begin.

  2. Argue with Ted at your own peril Mitch.

    Please, I’m begging you.

    1. When you resemble a turtle that strongly, you’ll know when it’s time to retreat into your shell.

      1. He’s more of a frog in my opinion.

        1. Well, that’s…disturbing.

    2. Yep, it would be like the asylum arguing against the real world. Go for for it Ted… You’re already Texas Toast!

  3. Oh Ted Cruz, sometimes you do stupid shit that makes me not like you at all, but this time, you’re a fuckin’ hero (well, in so far as anyone who is a professional politician can be anything other than a tax-payer funded scumbag).

    True story: a few days before Texas Frightmare Weekend in 2014 (a big north Texas horror con), they were showing Dawn of the Dead at Alamo Drafthouse in Dallas, and the cast was there along with George Romero. Afterwards, there was a Q&A.

    An audience member asked the cast, “What are you actually afraid of?” Most of them gave regular answers, but Romero said, “Ted Cruz”. There was hooting and applause, leavened with a few boos (or perhaps Boo-urns, I’m not certain).

    In summation: George Romero is an asshat.

    1. ^^ the above is based upon my presence at the event in question, not a media report of it afterwards.

      1. *notes Gojira is a self-admitted nerd for future reference*

        1. Dude, I’ve never hid it. I have an ASOIAF tattoo (from before they were made into shows, damnit!), a Warhammer tattoo, a Punisher tattoo (with some script underneath it from Cowboy Beebop, for good measure).

          I’m a walking nerdgasm.

          1. JJ needs McKenzie to make him cooler…with ninja training. Hai!

            1. Brack-u majick!

              1. Do you keep your numchucks in your locker?

                1. “I’ve got bowstaff skills, computer-hacking skills…”

                  1. He’s working on breeding a liger.

                    1. For its skills in magic, amirite?

          2. I’m hiding you from my son. He’s already at risk….

            1. He’s already playing Risk? That’s how it starts….

              1. JJ, if you don’t stop, I will be forced to give you an atomic wedgie. Over the internet.

                1. Oh, man – now Jimbo went and did it…

    2. Romero has done more for the world than Cruz could if he lived to be 100 and then died and became a shambling reanimated corpse.

      1. I never meant to imply that totally revolutionizing an entire film genre was somehow less significant than being a politician (which is…not significant in any way, shape, or form).

        Doesn’t mean the guy isn’t an asshat, though.

        1. Or maybe he gave a laugh line instead of a serious answer. I would do the same in that or any circumstance.

          1. It’s possible, but highly unlikely. He’s given other interviews and said similar things. It’s why Land of the Dead was so un-subtle. I mean the black zombie leader who led the workers to overthrow the evil rich guys literally wore a blue collar and only woke to his calling after he stopped being distracted by pretty things.

            Again, you can separate the fact that he made great films at one point, from the fact that one can disagree with his politics.

            1. The genre is largely a commentary on social order. That there are mindless legions of virtually unstopable, insatiable people coming to consume all that is yours, right down to the bone. What’s worse is that their mindlessness and hunger is highly infectious and every individual they infect makes them harder to stop. From a libertarian point of view, I feel like that’s a dramatic analogy for the prevailing social order we have already. The horde grows stronger every day, powered by it’s mindless hunger for more of what others have.

              So Romero’s singularly awful innovation with Land of the Dead was this over-the-top repudiation of that metaphor, by making the mindless hordes out to be some sort of unawoken proletariat that needs a spark and a leader to overthrow those evil capitalists in the shining city. If I remember correctly, what initially inspired that blue collar zombie to stop performing his job, was a group of evil capitalists treating him poorly. He was really beating the audience over the head with that class struggle bullshit.

      2. Did you see Land of the Dead, Hugh? The Romero that gave us Dawn of the Dead, Martin, Season of the Witch, The Crazies, Knightriders, Monkey Shines, and The Dark Half is now the guy that gave us Bruiser, Survival of the Dead (which I saw at SIFF when it was first shown) and the aforementioned Land of the Dead. Original George is gone, dude.

        1. I had totally forgotten he did Monkey Shines. That movie scared the SHIT out of me when I was a kid, for some reason. Like more than other films that would generally be considered “scarier”.

          1. It’s very psychological, which is a Romero specialty. I love Season of the Witch for the same reason. It’s all in your head.

          2. I was too little to actually see the movie, but I remember the fucking commercial for it scared the shit out of me.

        2. Epi, It’s perfectly acceptable for people to coast for the rest of their lives on the strength of prior accomplishments if they are significant enough. Like that one time you showered.

          1. Look, I fell into that pond! No, I was pushed! You can’t prove anything!

          2. So coating himself in a thick layer of Axe every morning doesn’t count? Since when?

            1. Axe?!? I’m old school! I use Drakkar Noir! What are you, an amateur?

              1. Brut or GTFO

                1. This is why there are no female libertarians.

      3. “Romero has done more for the world than Cruz could if he lived to be 100 and then died and became a shambling reanimated corpse.”

        That doesn’t make the fact that he threw in a retarded comment about Ted Cruz any less retarded.

      4. Ace of the Ace of Spades blog made a comment dismissing politically-active musicians. Turns out one of his regular readers is Buck Dharma of B?C fame. Ace invites him on the show and proceeds to have an hour-long one-on-one with the musician during which Buck demonstrates exactly why politically-active musicians are insufferable. Not because his politics are horribly progressive or because his anecdotes are tiresome, but because he has no political insight whatsoever.

        Celebrities parroting popular political tropes are insufferable, whatever their accomplishments.

        1. Well in this case I assume Ace’s regular had insufferable conservative views rather than progressive views. I seriously doubt a prog is a regular poster at Ace of Spades..

          1. Oh, yeah. Conservative. But the show regularly has on columnists from all over the spectrum (including Popehat) all of whom are, whatever their personal sins, interesting to hear speak. And it’s a funny podcast. Interviewing an accomplished musician outside his bailiwick is a waste of time when you’re regularly lining up guests whose bailiwick it is. Even as a big fan of B?C I had to skip ahead.

        2. Having no political insight whatsoever puts politically-active musicians on par with at least 100% of the population.

          1. And I can’t slag either Ace or Buck for the interview, because Buck (as far as I’m aware) isn’t politically active. He just happens to be conservative in his views. At least he isn’t Ted Nugent.

        3. The thing that makes them insufferable is they seem clueless or unaware of the fact the shit they think is so smart has already been said. To an informed crowd, they sound vapid. To and uninformed one they come off as oracles.

  4. Boeing must have spent a lot of time on the phone with Mr Turtle. Give it to him Cruz!

    1. I responded to you in the video game article, but this one is fresher.

      Yes, there is a reason group on Steam. There’s about ten of us in it right now. Agommomon is the owner, but I believe a few others can do invites.

      1. Well, now isn’t that interesting. I sent a friend request, and it looks like the group is up to 15 now.

    2. He’s Texas Toast! Rude and unprofessional would be the description of his rant.

  5. Can one hope for a duel? Woodchippers at dawn?

    I would pay good money just to see the turtle get fed feet first into the hopper.

    As a bonus, we can throw Paul Begala in as well.

    1. Oh, oh . . . I hear the swoosh of a subpoena being Fed-x . . .

  6. Looks like

    *puts on Fist’s sunglesses*

    It’s time for some Turtle Soup

    *WHAAAAAA*

    1. I like the

      [puts on own sunglasses]

      cut of your jib, sailor

      1. I struggle to understand

        *puts on regular glasses*

        the point of this meme.

        1. legitimately, though. I’m really bad at this meme. I’ve been trying to do a topical one for 3 days, but nothing made it through my self-filter.

          1. It looks like you

            *puts on sunglasses*

            Got topical creamed

          2. That is because your filter is still functioning…

            [stomps on Almanian’s glasses]

            Other people’s don’t

            1. Seems like someone doesn’t want this meme to see

              [puts on other pair of own sunglasses]

              the light of day.

  7. Darryl Issa loves EX-IM.

    1. And so should you if you have half a brain.

      1. I and W4J have whole brains and so we oppose the Ex-Im bank.

  8. So I went to Mitch McConnel’s wikipedia page and found something I was very happy with him about, and then the next sentence ruined it:

    “McConnell opposed the Flag Desecration Amendment in 2000. According to McConnell: “We must curb this reflexive practice of attempting to cure each and every political and social ill of our nation by tampering with the Constitution. The Constitution of this country was not a rough draft. It was not a rough draft and we should not treat it as such.” ”

    Good for him! I mean, his point about the Constitution ‘not being a first draft’ is stupid because otherwise there’d be no need for an amendment process, but at least he opposed the Flag Desecration Amendment. But then:

    “McConnell offered an amendment to the measure that would have made flag desecration a statutory crime, illegal without amending the Constitution”

    Okay. So he was okay making flag burning illegal, he just opposed an amendment…for some reason.

    Goddammit, Mitch.

    1. Irish,

      He has to COMPROMISE.

      Don’t you know this is a necessary feature of democracy?

      1. People who don’t compromise are radicals, and radicals go in the camps.

    2. How would making it against the law to desecrate the flag be considered “tampering with the Constitution”?
      Because “freedom of speech”?
      There are so many, universally accepted, exceptions to that freedom that to protect the symbol of our nation with another one wouldn’t make the slightest bit of difference.
      The translation of actions into being considered speech is tenuous at best, but a line can be drawn for conduct that permanently destroys that which represents the freedoms we support.
      It is not just a symbolic protest – it actually is destructive of the object being used.

  9. The best speech you’ll see the Texas senator make

    Yet most people will never see it, much less learn about what the Ex-Im bank is and why it matters, because the media will be too busy bloviating about whatever shit came out of Donald Trump’s mouth today.

  10. Cruz interviewed by Limbaugh after the speech.

  11. If Ted Cruz didn’t already know that McConnell is a lying cunt, then he simply wasn’t paying attention.

    -jcr

    1. He knew, this was just iron-clad proof that the other members of the Majority Caucus couldn’t deny.
      Now, something will have to be done about the Mitch Problem.

  12. It’s too bad that most of the general public will not have any idea about what just happened or even what the Ex-Im Bank really is, but it’s the one rare Ted Cruz speech or remarks that not even Salon can really use against him. They tried today, but they couldn’t muster a single point that wasn’t “BUT TRUMP BUT TRUMP BUT TRUMP” ad hominem. It was amazing.
    Link: http://tinyurl.com/qzadbmt

    1. Yahoo was doing the same, claiming that speech was something Trump would do.

    2. Do YOU know what Exim is or does? Or are you just parroting what the Tea Party tells you?

      1. We are 100% aware that Ex-Im is about shovelling money at Boeing and other cronies.

  13. How was he able to talk for 20 minutes without a teleprompter?

    1. The 64gb SDHC card full of assorted text files in that little slot behind his ear…

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