Joe Biden

Creepy Joe Biden: A Living Argument for Keeping Politicians on a Leash

The authority that government wields is inescapable. And when government provides a welcoming home for the likes of Joe Biden, so is he.


Kelly Kline / Foter / CC BY-NC-ND

Years ago, I took a job with a company directed by a man who, it turned out, was a little erratic. He would call staffers at home late at night to discuss work, after disappearing for days he'd reappear and demand accounts of what everybody was doing while he was missing, and he would blurt out inappropriate and offensive comments without provocation. Morale took a bit of a hit from the shenanigans and I was brought in, not that I was originally told this, to act as a buffer between the seemingly unhinged boss and the chaos he'd created.

Pretty much everybody, myself included, quit one by one. The company tanked soon after. But as bizarre as employment at that outfit was for all involved, the damage was self-contained, since we were all free to leave and other businesses were able to avoid the blast zone of the operation's destruction. Nobody had to stick around to suffer the boss's increasingly weird antics. So we didn't.

YouTube screen capture

Which brings us to the issue of the vice president of the United States, Joe Biden, who is once again drawing attention with his "odd" behavior. Every bit as bizarre as my old boss, though perhaps less likely to ultimately be gunned down in a drug deal gone bad (yes, that's how that story ended), Biden is also inescapable, locked in to a fixed term in office. We can't just get fed up and quit—which is a damned shame, since the SOB is a heartbeat away from the power to issue executive orders and the role of commander-in-chief of the largest military machine in the world.

Maybe that sense that we have no choice is why we do little more than chuckle over his verbal gaffes, appropriation of other people's words and life experiences, advice to defend against assailants by unloading ammunition into the air in violation of the law, and public pawing of any women who come within reach (something he cautions others against).

Oh that Joe.

For years the official story on Joe Biden, always dogged by his inconvenient habit of doing stupid shit, has been that he's a hardworking and savvy political operative. After all, he climbed to the top of the political ladder.

But he did most of the climbing in Delaware, a flyspeck of a state overshadowed by its larger neighbors along the East Coast. The political ladder there is more of a stepstool, and rather than climb to the top, he may have simply tripped and landed there. On his first foray into the national limelight, he was famously caught stealing a speech from British politician Neal Kinnock without so much as adapting it to fit his own family history rather than that of the Labour Party orator. 

Then it emerged that this was a bit of a habit.

Twenty years later, still perched inches in the air atop Delaware's highest rung of political achievement, Biden reentered the national political scene. With comments and behavior you might expect from an uncle who doesn't get invited to family gatherings, he proceeded to demonstrate that he's either incapable of learning from hard experience, or that he considers self-control an overrated virtue.

"Here's the thing about impromptu moments in politics," wrote Josh Lederman for AP. "Often they work, sometimes they fall flat, but occasionally they turn out downright awkward. Vice President Joe Biden learned that the hard way Tuesday—twice."

But for Biden, every day seems to be Tuesday, year after year. And yet, perhaps as life insurance, Barack Obama brought him along for the ride, adding him to his party's national ticket in 2008, and keeping him onboard for reelection in 2012. Sure, the vice presidency doesn't have a lot of power, but it's a flu virus or a chicken bone away from the real deal.

There are a lot of good reasons to limit the power of government. The state is often abusive, it's intrusive, and it's incompetent. The coercive powers of regulatory agencies can be used maliciously. Government offices are often wasteful and inefficient.

Ultimately, unlike my old job, government is inescapable. And when government provides a welcoming home where the levers of power can be exercised by the likes of Joe Biden, so is he.

NEXT: White House Overhypes Obamacare Enrollment, Again

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  1. gunned down in a drug deal gone bad (yes, that’s how that story ended)

    Talk about burying the lede.

    1. Yeah, now I want THE FULL STORY of 2Chili’s old job.

    2. Welch has a lot to live up to.

      1. Wait, that’s *not* Matt?

        I thought that was why we don’t see him on tee-vee any more.

    3. Seriously, forget Uncle Joe, tell us about your old, dearly departed, boss.

    4. He should write a memoir about himself *and* his family.

      1. “Never ask me about my business. You can ask my anything else…”

  2. When I saw that picture of him trying to give the Sec Def’s wife a backrub during that press conference I was in disbelief I wasn’t looking at a picture from the Onion.

    Unstated in all the coverage of this is that the media will downplay Biden’s creepiness as harmless old guy antics because he’s a powerful Democrat, whereas any normal man would be lucky not to get hit with sexual assault charges for doing the same thing.

    1. Not only are the worst possible people drawn to the positions of power we create, they also feel free to go outsides the boundaries of regular behavior that the rest of us follow, partly because that’s an expression of their power: they can do it and not be punished for it.

      It’s all an example of how corrupting power is, and how imperative it is that we not allow anyone to have too much of it if we can.

      1. While this is true Joe Biden is probably the least craven (or clearly the most handicapped) politician this country has had in some time. The man is worth less than a million dollars and he was a senator for 36 years.

        1. Good grief, talk about a total failure. He can’t even do vanilla level corruption right.

          1. Or all the money is going to settle complaints under the table.

          2. The real money is well hidden.

            Of that I have no doubt.

          3. He could have made more than that just by investing averagely. What a maroon.

        2. That’s actually scary, because it most likely means he cares far more about being VP/Senator/powerful than he does about money. Money I get. Money is simple; you can bribe someone who wants money. But people who only want the power…they’re dangerous. Good thing Joe is a mongoloid, I guess.

          1. Your assuming that Joe can do anything else at all, besides win a popularity contest in a state where less than a million people reside and considerably less vote.

            1. I did not realize Delaware was that small.

              Holy fuck, they make Michigan look HUGE!

              1. California has 58 counties. Ohio, much smaller, has 88. Georgia has 158. Even Rhode Island, smallest state, has 5 counties.

                Delaware has three.

              2. Heck, they make Dallas look huge.

          2. I suspect his IQ is around 90. He really is the Forrest Fumo of politics. Just without courage, decency, conviction, integrity, kindness or honesty.

        3. Or no one told him you could use the office to steal. And the nudges and winks went over his head. You’ll note that his son was with MBNA juuusst as the bankruptcy law got changed in their favor.

          1. “Or no one told him you could use the office to steal. And the nudges and winks went over his head.” Than he has either the aptitude of a mongoloid or the social awareness of one which explains his past and present behavior.

            1. Than he has either the aptitude of a mongoloid or the social awareness of one…

              Which is inconsistent with what that we know about Joe Biden?

              Yes, I really think he might really be Just. That. Dumb.

        4. How much are his kids worth?

          1. Well, one’s a politician, so we know he’s worthless.

      2. Saw a great quote from Ragnar Lothbrok on a Vikings preview: “Power is only given to those willing to stoop down to pick it up” (or something along those lines).

    2. the media will downplay Biden’s creepiness as harmless old guy antics because he’s a powerful Democrat,

      This is why, when the rubber meets the road, I tend to favor Republicans over Democrats. The majority of the media will not hold Democrats accountable for shit. They tend to treat Republicans unfairly, but I prefer that to the whitewashing, excuse making, or memory holing that they engage in when their team is in charge. Which sucks balls because there is so much to hate about Republicans.

      1. Dan Quayle misspells a vegetable and we got regular reminders that he was a bullet away from the presidency for about a decade. Joe’s long list of much worse transgressions is met with a shrug.

        1. Yeah. Quayle, who was no genius, still had an easy twenty IQ points on Biden, and no history of creepy behavior or ridiculous gaffes.

      2. Bush massages Merkel’s shoulders and it’s front page news.

      3. And republicans tend to be less tolerant of Biden’s kind of antics among their own. Democrats tolerate, rape, murder, academic cheating, severe substance abuse, and generally horrible treatment towards women.

        But enough about Ted Kennedy.

    3. When I saw that picture of him trying to give the Sec Def’s wife a backrub during that press conference I was in disbelief I wasn’t looking at a picture from the Onion.

      What I don’t get is why these women don’t give him stinkeye and tell him to get his fucking hands off them right NOW — or else.

      1. Because they don’t want to be the wife of the ex-SecDef.

    4. I still can’t believe this picture of Biden with a biker chick is not an Onion Photoshop job.

      1. Look at the dudes’ expressions…!

        1. The SS must have had their hands on their guns just out of frame.

    5. pa-

      Here’s the creepiest Joe Biden photo… The expressions on everyone’s faces are funny as hell

      1. Prior to seeing that photo, I was going to ask if he only felt up women. Now I know he goes both ways.

  3. You know, Tuccille, your story is a cautionary tale of drug use and its devastating effects on those around it. Is that what you meant?

  4. Leave Joe alone, without his political career to fall back on he would be a homeless drunk.

    1. Joe Biden is a properly credentialed TOP MAN with a law degree (sure he had to plagiarize, but he’s a TOP MAN, the people need him), not like that dropout Scott Walker.

  5. though perhaps less likely to ultimately be gunned down in a drug deal gone bad

    JD worked for Llewelyn Moss? Are we sure he wasn’t actually Anton Chigurh, brought in to recover something?

    1. Don’t worry about it, friendo.

  6. Speaking of creepy…

    Harassment Charges Against RK Pachauri

    A 29-year-old female employee of The Energy and Resources Institute (TERI) has lodged a police complaint against director-general Rajendra Kumar Pachauri, 75, alleging harassment.
    The complainant, who works as a research analyst at the New Delhi-based energy think tank, has cited unwanted physical advances besides being the recipient of SMS and WhatsApp messages, emails and a handwritten note with dates and time that began soon after she joined TERI in September 2013.
    Pachauri has denied all the allegations and said he’s been a victim of hacking

    Pachauri is the head of the IPCC, and posed next to fellow sexual molester Al Gore when the Norwegian Parliament gave them a prize for encouraging more world conflict. They both, incidentally have college degrees, but did not major in any field of science.

    Of the 33-page police complaint, a copy of which is with ET, 31 consist of printouts of the messages and a copy of the handwritten note. They indicate that she repeatedly asked for a halt to the alleged messages and other advances. The complainant said she conveyed that she “was not interested in any such relationship with him on countless occasions, but he refused to give up.”

    I’m not sure how a hacker can generate a handwritten note, but that’s probably because I am older than 40. 😉

  7. He is 72. What are the odds he’s developing dementia? It wouldn’t be the first time I’ve seen old people start losing their impulse control.

    1. I tend to think the man just walks around drunk off his ass all the time. It’s not like this behavior is new.

      1. You win this round, Idle.

    2. If this was new behavior, that would be a possible explanation.

      1. Well, he’s always been an idiot, but the public groping is relatively new. It’s like the all of his restraints have been removed.

        1. Well, his boss brags about being good at killing people and has a drone hit list with no accountability, and has killed American citizens without any due process, and yet no murder charges or even impeachment efforts have been brought against him — so who is gonna take on his number two guy in the largest mafia operation in the world?

        2. Him being VP and thus photographed everywhere he goes is also relatively new.

    3. Biden has been doing this sort of thing for a very long time. I’m sure his age doesn’t help matters though.

  8. The cog/diss on Biden is immense. Even another Democrat would be torn up over this, but Biden is part of Obama’s Glorious Eight Years, so he gets a pass.

  9. This seems relevant: Even if you helped O get elected, don’t you dare criticize a powerful Democrat, or your fellow travelers will destroy you.–100590

    1. The top comments are all attacks on the author. No rebuttal, just attacks.

      1. Exactly.

    1. Don’t slander a great man, like that.

      besides, Benny Hill had better comedic timing, music and T&A.

  10. Hmm, strange behavior, lack of social cues…maybe Biden is just autistic because he was circumcised?

    1. How do you know he was circumcised?

      No, wait, don’t tell me.

      1. Well, I was at a swearing-in ceremony, and I felt hands on my shoulders and heard a glue-smelling whisper in my ear. One thing led to another…

        1. I take it that you’re one of Biden’s Butt Buddies? 🙂

  11. Henry the VIII killed some of his *WIVES*, as such, I’m not sure that we can really get on a high horse about Biden being Biden.

  12. “perhaps less likely to ultimately be gunned down in a drug deal gone bad (yes, that’s how that story ended),”

    What exactly is this place of work you speak of, eh?

    1. But creepy old men who behave exactly the opposite of your supposed beliefs are sexy too, NutraSweet, if they’re on your TEAM and are associated with the leader of your TEAM. Don’t you understand anything?

    2. The Secret Service made sure that she consented later that day.

      1. Bingo. How much pressure is brought to bear on these women (and girls) to say that it was perfectly acceptable and didn’t creep them out in the least?

  13. As creepy as Biden might be at times, he’s no way near as creepy as Obama.

    Joe is creepy in a silly court jester sort of way.

    Obama is creepy in a very disturbing way.

    1. Well, Obama is one of the most evil men in the universe.

  14. I remember watching a Fox News interview with Biden during a convention several years ago. The reporter, a young black man, would ask Joe questions, to which Joe would invariably respond “Well, Brit…” directing the response back to the studio as though the black reporter was a microphone prop. Biden is the master of bad optics.

  15. In related news, Anna Levinson writes a piece for Talkingpointsmemo entitled “Why Does Creepy Uncle Joe Biden Get A Pass From Liberals?” and commentators wage a War on One Woman viciously attacking her as an idiot and Fox News lackey writing a smearjob, with numerous people vigorously agreeing about how Biden–who personally pressured governments to not grand asylum to Edward Snowden–is literally the second coming of Christ and oh so warm and caring.

    1. The cake has been taken:

      I feel so bad for Biden. He would seriously have been one of the best qualified and most-loved presidents ever, if he hadn’t had the bad timing of history putting Obama and Hillary out there at the same time. If Biden had been elected in 2008, he could have pushed through policies more liberal than Obama has, and since the right-wing nuts wouldn’t have had the racial issue to play on, there would have been no “Tea Party” to rise up against it. The same people who are willing to believe Obama is a secret Muslim socialist would have loved “just folks” Joe, and we’d likely have had a public option in the ACA, would probably already have dealt with immigration reform and people would be saying Joe was the best president ever.

      And now that Hillary is going to run in 2016, we get articles like this. In spite of the fact that Biden is also more liberal than Hillary, we have to start somehow painting him as out of touch, to make sure he won’t challenge her.

      1. What’s Rule 34 for politics?

        1. They’re always worse than you can imagine?


          There’s always people delusional enough to believe in them?

          1. I’m thinking that Joe wrote that himself.

        2. That dumbfuck partisans can masturbate over anyone who they can project their TEAM wishes on because that person never got the chance to do all the things they want, just like the right people have never been in charge of communism?

          I have to say, partisan glorification of politicians is creepy as fuck, because it’s so absurdly divorced from any reality whatsoever. These people literally live in Fantasyland.

          1. Speaking of which #ILoveObama has been trending on Twitter for 2 days now.

          2. [That dumbfuck partisans can masturbate over anyone who they can project their TEAM wishes on because that person never got the chance to do all the things they want, just like the right people have never been in charge of communism?]

            And Tony and Schreech reply in unison……Booooooooooooooooooosh!

          3. Agreed.

    2. oh so warm and caring

      And here I thought that was Biden’s problem.

  16. It’s his turn!!!!!!

  17. So. Joe’s in trouble. Must be Tuesday.

  18. Who among us has not creeped out a woman in pursuit of some of that sweet, sweet firecrotch? Can any of you really cast the first stone?

    1. Yeah, but we mere mundanes do so at the risk of our jobs or even arrest. Or least getting our asses kicked by the woman’s brother or dad. The issue is that Creepy Uncle Joe can do it without consequence.

    2. Who among us has not creeped out a woman in pursuit of some of that sweet, sweet firecrotch?

      I was young and stupid and I don’t even have the excuse that she was a redhead. She was a brunette with tits the size of her head, trim waist, and baby-making hips.

  19. you know, Joe only works as life insurance until he’s considered an upgrade.

  20. I recall when Biden had to drop out of the Presidential race for plagiarizing Kinnock. My English teacher told us kids, “that’s what happens when you plagiarize!”

    Ah, you mean if you plagiarize you serve in the Senate for a lengthy time and end up a hearbeat away from the most powerful position on the country (perhaps the Earth)?

    1. Depends who you plagiarize.

  21. Despite the rumors (and thank you all for the inquiries!), I am not Joe Biden.

  22. Put Joe down if it makes you feel better, but I really like the way he handles things.

    1. If that ain’t rugby….oh, look it isn’t. NO SALE!

      1. Goddamn cricket.

        Super Rugby started last week, though!


  23. Remember the full retard on display when GWB massaged Angela?

    I guess this isn’t as bad because it’s just the Sec Def’s wife, not, like, a real person.

    1. When was that? I might have missed that, apparently.

      1. Jeepers creepers, Swissie!

        (BTW, I found at least one Google Image of the incident hosted by some county’s Democratic Party)

  24. J. Biden: For you, the day Biden graced your village was the most important day of your life. But for me, it was Tuesday.

  25. Ron Bennington doing the best Joe Biden ever.

  26. Another terrible right-wing republican hit piece from Reason. Before it was bought by the Koch’s, Reason was a decent place for libertarian information. Now, it’s just another cog in the mindless echo chamber of right wing Republican politics.

    1. That’s good, but it needs the /sarc.

    2. Now all Tony or BP has to do is cut and paste that for their own comment.

    3. You may be right. But Libertarians are generally boring as h3ll.

  27. Lets roll em up real good dude.

  28. I don’t know about leashes, but how about retroactive birth control?

  29. Six months ago I lost my job and after that I was fortunate enough to stumble upon a great website which literally saved me. I started working for them online and in a short time after I’ve started averaging 15k a month… The best thing was that cause I am not that computer savvy all I needed was some basic typing skills and internet access to start…
    This is where to start???.


  30. Career politicians are some worthless people. Why do we defend them when they sniff little girls’ heads??????

  31. Career politicians are some worthless people. Why do we defend them when they sniff little girls’ heads??????

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