Joe Biden Caption Contest

Over the weekend, this image of Vice President Joe Biden has been tearing up Twitter, provoking an endless stream of funny, abusive, and demeaning captions from a trans-partisan crew of folks. Finally: America is coming together. Thanks, Joe!

Courtesy of the Wash Post, here are some highlights:

Popehat @Popehat

I don't give a damn what Lucas says. Han shot first. I saw it with my own eyes.

6:40 PM - 7 Dec 2014

Gabe Rosenberg @GabrielJR

SOON

10:52 PM - 7 Dec 2014

Jamelle Bouie @jbouie

"I shall never sleep calmly again when I think of the horrors that lurk ceaselessly behind life in time & in space."

10:42 PM - 7 Dec 2014

Matt O'Brien @ObsoleteDogma

"Barack promised that I'd get to pardon the turkey this year"

11:31 PM - 7 Dec 2014

Reason's own Jesse Walker offered up this gem: "Weird place for a urinal."

Add your own captions in the comments below.

And while we're on the subject of Joe Biden, here's Reason TV's Christmas video featuring the irascible plagiarist front and center:

Comments

[antisocial-ist]

What difference at this point, does it make?

[Agammamon]

Santa's not here yet.

[Almanian!]

I will say this has truly been a gift from the Tweeterz this weekend. I haven't contributed...let me try:

"How much wood COULD a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?"

[sarcasmic]

Oh, that's deep.

[Almanian!]

Deep...IN A PILE OF WOOD, SARC!

PWND

[sarcasmic]

[Almanian!]

Don't hate me because I'm beautiful, dude

[sarcasmic]

Don't worry. That's not why people hate you.

[Almanian!]

#jealous

[Notorious G.K.C.]

Seriously, I remember my English teacher gloating when Biden withdrew from the Presidential race because of plagiarism. "See what happens when you cheat?"

Now I suppose the answer would be, "you get to be next in line for the Presidency and you're spoken of as a potential Presidential candidate again?"

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

Yeah, but Dan Quayle was dumb.

[Almanian!]

+1 potatoe

[Mainer2]

What a terrible thing to waste your mind

[PapayaSF]

The flash card was misspelled!

[Almanian!]

"It's a trap!"

[anon]

I told 'em it was a big fuckin' deal. Nobody ever listens.

[UnCivilServant]

"When do I get to play in the yard? I was told I could play in the yard! Is it still wet out?"

[OldMexican]

"I don't care what they say, he's still a clean and articulate black man!"

[$park?'s head exploded]

To put a caption here would imply that there is some level of thought going on.

[Rich]

Joe's just Biden his time.

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

If we're at a tipping point in re: the level of trust in our government, I say nominate that man immediately.

[$park?'s head exploded]

On a lighter note:

So tell me what you want
What you really really want...

[Mainer2]

Maybe hairplugs do cause brain damage...

[SugarFree]

"I miss my Trans-Am."

[Scruffy Nerfherder]

dammit, I came here to say this

[SoCal Deathmarch]

"Either Michelle farted again or I just soiled my Depends, I just can't tell anymore."

[Bones]

"A wooden leg named Smith... wooden leg named Smith... I still don't get it."

[Mainer2]

+1 Navckid Keyd

[AlmightyJB]

3 minutes 'till Wopner

[Warty]

SOON.

[Warty]

Fuck. Fuck Gabe Rosenberg. I thought of it first. Fucking asshole. What a fuck.

[$park?'s head exploded]

Way to read the article numbnuts.

[Warty]

Who does that?

[SugarFree]

Assholes like Sparky, apparently.

[anon]

what article?

[Riven]

I was made to understand there would be grilled cheese sandwiches here.

[Warty]

The best thing about visiting the President is the food! Now, since it was all free, and I wasn't hungry but thirsty, I must've drank me fifteen Dr. Peppers.

[JW]

"Did those Secret Service fucks miss a spot on Trans-Am 1?"
or

"HELLO....ECHO ECHO ECHO"

[Rich]

"There really *is* something about a train."

[JW]

"OKLAHOMA OKLAHOMA OKLAHOMA!"

[sarcasmic]

....where the wind comes sweepin' down the plain!

And the wavin' wheat can sure smell sweet, When the wind comes right behind the rain!

[Brett L]

"The keep calling me Rupricht, but I'm one bad GOP candidate and one Hillary slip away from making sure THEY get the genital cuff in 2017."

[$park?'s head exploded]

I wish they hadn't taken my trident.

[PapayaSF]

Such a funny movie.

[GILMORE]

"I'm Vice-President, and he still gets to play more Golf than me. I don't get it."

[Mr. Soul]

You'll have a fun time eating Sunshine-on-a-Stick!

[JW]

"Are the endless appetizers really endless?"

[EDG reppin' LBC]

"I'm not sure that was a Tootsie Roll I just ate. Might have been a cat turd..."

[SugarFree]

"I wonder what Barry is going to get me for Christmas this year. I hope it's not another signed picture of himself."

[JWatts]

"I wonder what Barry is going to get me for Christmas this year. I hope it's not another autographed copy of his book."

[sarcasmic]

"If you walking through a forest with a canoe in your purse, and the wheels fall off, how many red flags does it take to cover a dog house?'

[Reverend Draco]

"If you're riding your bicycle down Main St., and the front tire falls off your canoe, how many pancakes does it take to shingle the roof of your house?"

[$park?'s head exploded]

If you wanna be my lover
You gotta get with my friends
Make it last forever
Friendship never eeeeends

[Fist of Etiquette]

"Someone has to let me out soon or I'm not responsible for the carpet."

[sarcasmic]

"I don't believe it. 'The Neverending Story' is over. That's false advertising!"

[$park?'s head exploded]

If you wanna be my lover
You gotta get with my friends
Make it last forever
Friendship never eeeeends

[JW]

"The Ellipse would be a great spot for 'Joe Biden's Splash Park.'"

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Fucking Hillary!

[DK]

No door, no balcony - I guess I can't use my shotgun.

[JW]

"Did I forget pants, again?"

[Pro Libertate]

"At last we will reveal ourselves to the Jedi. At last we will have revenge."

Or. . .

"Wait a second. That was Earth in Planet of the Apes! Holy shit!"

[JW]

"PresiDENT Joe Biden. No, wait. PresIdent Joe Biden. No.... PRESiDENT Joe Biden."

[Pro Libertate]

"What does it mean to be president of vice? Is that president of Miami Vice? That would be great--me, Crockett, Tubbs. I'd look damned good in a white suit."

[EDG reppin' LBC]

"I am the President. The President of Vice!"

[Rich]

"Stand up, Joe, let 'em see you."

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

You don't win friends with salad! You don't win friends with salad! Sorry, it was catchy tune.

[Rufus J. Firefly]

Funny video.

[[e-mail]]

I wonder if Jill would use the shotgun from here.

[Danite]

The little boy that Santa Claus forgot.

[PapayaSF]

He never called back... I guess he probably never will....

[Almanian!]

"You can see Chuck E Cheese from here....man, I bet they're havin' fun..."

[crabbysob]

Now that's funny!!

[R C Dean]

"You mean, there isn't really a Santa Claus?"

[Bam!]

Gumby: Thank you, Frank! It's been so long! It's been so long! [ hugs Frank ] Thank you, Francis! And thanks to all my guests - Donny and Marie! The King Family! And to everyone out there - a merry Christmas! And to my producer, my director, my manager, and my lawyer - Happy Hanukkah, boys! Good night!

[ credits roll over quick zoom to rear of room to reveal Joe Biden pressed against back window freezing in the cold ]

[antisocial-ist]

"There's a bad moon on the rise?" Damn, how many people have heard me sing "there's a bathroom on the right"?

[Bee Tagger]

"I can't see my reflection. I'm a vampire."

[Mr.Krinkle]

"Orwell, you magnificent bastard."

[Francisco d'Anconia]

I read your book!

[UnCivilServant]

Which one?

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Something about tank warfare...oh, wait...

[Pro Libertate]

"You don't understand. I coulda had class. I coulda been a contender. I coulda been somebody, instead of a bum, which is what I am, let's face it."

[Crusty Juggler]

"Crackers."

[Tony]

That is one big pile of shit.

[sarcasmic]

Quit staring at the mirror.

[Bam!]

"Dick Chaney wouldn't have put up with this."

[The Laconic]

"I think that there is that special equation for everything, but I don't think our mathematics have evolved enough for us to even, I think there's, like, a whole new mathematics that we'd have to learn to get that equation."

[The Laconic]

"How can mirrors be real if our eyes aren't real?"

[Crusty Juggler]

"If it's yellow let it mellow, if its brown flush it down."

[Crusty Juggler]

"Time is a flat circle? What the fuck?"

[Pro Libertate]

"Plate o' shrimp."

[A Frayed Knot]

Wherever you are,
Whatever you do,
I'll be right here waiting for you

[Mr.Krinkle]

"This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
Not with a bang but a whimper."

[Bobarian (Mr. Xtreme)]

Something about gamboling in the yard?

or

"Stay off my lawn!"

[This Machine Can Handle a Rope]

"What's the difference between a duck? I bet it's oranges, because trees can't have doors."

[Libertarian]

People have to be told. One out of five vice presidents are sexually assaulted.

[SugarFree]

"I raped myself. This could happen to you and you not ever even know it."

[Charles Easterly]

"Hey Joe," he says to me, "Check the temperature outside for me, will you? There's a thermometer just outside the window on your right."

"Sure Barack," I say. Now here I am and guess what? No thermometer! I'm staring right out the window like he said, and no thermometer. Ha ha Barack, very funny.

Sigh.

[Ewald Von Kleist]

"He called me 'boy' again."

[Kaptious Kristen]

"Why do I have to stay locked in the bedroom while Prince William is here?"

[Chthonic Lurker]

"As soon as the front door opens, I am totally chasing that Buick down the road."

[Scruffy Nerfherder]

LOL

[Ewald Von Kleist]

"At least Albert Speer got to flee the bunker."

[creech]

"I wonder if Hillary would screw me if I agreed not to run against her? She can't be getting much at home."

[Kaptious Kristen]

"I have a thoughtful staring window just like Alec Baldwin!"

[Derpetologist]

Take your pick:

1. That's where I saw the leprechaun. He tells me to burn things.

2. Death is but a door; time is but a window. I'll be back.

3. What if the hokey pokey really is what it's all about?

4. As the sound of drum calls for my life,

I turn my head where sun is about to set.

There is no inn on the way to underworld.

At whose house shall I sleep tonight?

[Ewald Von Kleist]

"Death is but a door; time is but a window. I'll be back." THAT is some funny shit

[Scruffy Nerfherder]

"It's Howdy Doody time."

[Kaptious Kristen]

There's always the "classics":

"I had fun once. It was awful".

[Ewald Von Kleist]

"Only four more months till that convertible motorcade in Dover. Only four... more... months."

[Crusty Juggler]

"Ben Affleck as Batman?"

[Some call me Tim?]

"Have you ever seen Back to the Future? Is that possible, to time-travel speed? I feel like people can do that and some people are ahead of us."

[Ken Shultz]

"If only I'd used my powers for good instead of evil".

[Schempf]

"Now you tell me it's casual Friday"

[PRX]

If a tree falls in the forest, never trust your farts.

[Anteyematter]

"The Sith will crush this rebellion... I want a place in the Emperor's bed... is my hair pretty?"

[Anteyematter]

"They keep placing scary fools in the VP position to minimize assassination attempts...wait..!"

[Ska]

"If only I had Russel Crowe's commander hat from Far Side of the World."

[GILMORE]

"That guy has walked his dog past here every day, and I'm positive he's going to let it shit in the yard"

[nailzer]

I told them to buy a shotgun.

[Butts Wagner]

Choo Choo!!! chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga CHOO CHOO!!!

[Tyler Nixon]

"God, I really need to sue the shit out of that hair plug clinic in Scranton."

[kenj]

Who *does* build the roads?

[Stevie OneLeg]

"The Aristocrats"? I don't get it.

[crabbysob]

1. VP Biden with his mouth shut, longest 3 seconds of his life.

2. Rare photo proof of VP Biden NOT screwing up.

[Ze'ev]

Dear Diary: Incredibly excited about my first day as a newly deputized Secret Service Agent. Spent some time erasing Lois Lerner references from visitor log.

[Marc St. Stephen]

"Yeah, I see you sneaking a cigarette, Barry - tsk, tsk, tsk"

[zaphod]

Somebody took today's advent calendar chocolate.

[Christopher_T.]

Standing in the corner. Again.

[Rick Stewart]

I wanted to wear a red tie.