ClickHole, the new viral media satire site from the makers of The Onion, has done it again. Following up on President Barack Obama's announcement of a new war in Iraq (and Syria!) with airstrikes and ground troops and all that good stuff, the parody site presents a Buzzfeed-esque quiz: "Which Iraq War Are You?"
Which personality traits best describe you?
Loud and outgoing
Impulsive and inconsiderate
A little bit quiet and introverted for now, but who really knows?
If you have a crush on someone, what do you do?
I don't really think about it too much; I just try to kiss them whether they want me to or not
I tell them how I feel, no matter how it affects our relationship
I sort of feel things out for a little while and then reassess the situation further down the line
What is your favorite Star Wars trilogy?
The second, terrible one
The third one, where we don't really know what's going to happens
What is your greatest fear?
The Iraqi occupation of Kuwait
What is your ideal first date?
A quick movie, so that even if it's really bad, I'm still home by 11
A romantic candlelit dinner with a person who doesn't want me there that goes on for way too long
A night of casual flirting, where the other person isn't sure if I'm going to really go for it or not
You'll have to play it yourself to see which one you are, but this was my result:
You're unpredictable, mysterious, and a little bit reserved—in other words, you're the United States' current counterterrorism campaign against ISIS! You're slow to open up to people, and it's sometimes difficult to tell what you're thinking, but in a little while, who knows what you'll be like?
For more serious Reason coverage of the new Iraq War, watch each of the last four presidents announce their own bombing campaign, read about Obama's b.s. justification, why waging war is Congress's business, responses from Sen. Rand Paul (R-Ky.), Rep. Justin Amash (R-Mich.), and even one congress critter who is "glad people have this 9/11 mentality again."