TSA

"Keep Telling Yourself That You're Free" #TSA Thought for the Day

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Bill Owen's Twitter Feed

Courtesy Alice Salles' Twitter feed.

Reminds me of two things:

1. Why is there a TSA again?

2. I'm glad that I passed the TSA Pre test, even as that program simply allows TSA and generally useless and expensive security theater to continue.

Here's Reason TV's TSA playlist, featuring the big, big hits "The TSA's 12 Banned Items of Christmas," "44 Ways to Say TSA," "TSA 'My Ding-a-ling' Sing-along," "Con Air 2012 (TSA Remix)," and many more.

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  1. I haven’t told myself that in at least 15 years.

  2. The only people who keep telling themselves that they’re free are people who think following the orders of authority is the best fun in the world, like Tulpa. There’s a reason the phrase “it’s a free country” never gets uttered any more. Because, at heart, most people know it’s just not true.

    1. “It’s a free country” can be uttered accurately enough, assuming the apostrophe s is understood to refer to “was” rather than “is.”

      We’re “free” at the whim of bureaucrats and thugs at all levels of government. That’s not true freedom or even close to it. I mean, people have been “free” to do things under totalitarian systems, provided they didn’t get caught or get on a hate list for some reason.

      1. Haven’t heard that phrase in a long time except ironically.

        1. When did people say “It’s a free country”? I hadn’t lived in the US for a long time before 9/11. Still I have an impression that I used to hear it. But can’t recall when.

          1. 9/11 was the Rubicon for that, as it were.

            You used to regularly hear that during the sixties and seventies. Don’t recall much either way about the eighties and nineties, but definitely haven’t heard that since 9/11. The people know.

            1. Still used it in the schoolyard in the eighties, stopped hearing it in the nineties (but by then I was out of schoolyard age).

              My teenage nieces – they never heard the expression used as a way to say “fuck you, I can do what I want to.”

          2. Heard it all the time in the 70’s and 80’s. It was the standard response whenever somebody told about his crazy plans.

            1. Exactly. Kind of the same way a wife tells her husband “fine.” As in “fines and penalties.”

  3. I live as free as political circumstance allows. That’s the best hope of freedom one can have until the state is abolished.

    1. “I am free, no matter what rules surround me. If I find them tolerable, I tolerate them; if I find them too obnoxious, I break them. I am free because I know that I alone am morally responsible for everything I do.”

      1. Freedom that results from a lack of state omniscience is not liberty.

        1. What is it then? Mad Max and/or the Thunderdome?

  4. I guess I was a little more blind. I woke up about 8 or 9 years ago.

    As to the question “Why do we have a TSA?”, I think I know at least ONE reason?. To teach us all to conform and take orders from ANYONE in a government issued uniform. Armed or not. For our own good, of course.

  5. Awwww?that nice young TSA agent is offering that weary traveler a blow job!

    Who says customer service is dead?

    1. He’s from the government, and he’s there to help.

    2. No, he’s searching that poor bastards dignity glands, so he can take his last ounce of it…

      1. No, he’s searching that poor bastards dignity glands, so he can take his last ounce of it?

        Nonsense?this is America, where the dignity glands are removed at birth.

  6. Why is Philip Seymour Hoffman looking at Ed O’Neill’s junk?

    1. You idiot. That’s obviously Brian Posehn in a wig about to go down on TV’s Coach, Craig T. Nelson.

      1. Obligatory Craig T. Nelson. And no, it isn’t The Osterman Weekend.

        1. There’s plenty of meat on that bone. You take that home, throw it in a pot, add some broth, a potato, baby you got a stew going.

          1. There’s plenty of meat on that bone. You take that home, throw it in a pot, add some broth, a potato, baby you got a stew going.

            “…I think I want my money back.”

  7. it looks more like Chris Pratt and Denis Leary.

  8. Who cares anyway? We should all just be getting drunk right now, because THIS TIME, we only have 500 days left!

    500 days until climatepocalypse

    1. 500 days? I assume it doesn’t happen all at once on Day 500. How long until inland Tampa is underwater? Should I get stilts for my house?

    2. Can I borrow a few hundre thou? I’ll pay you back in 2 years!

    3. Idiotic end of the world prophecies aren’t just for Christians anymore.

      1. So the world will end with a Gallic shrug. Okay.

        1. Shhh.. I just signed on an outrageous 30yr balloon mortgage.. Hehehee, those crooked fools at the bank don’t know that we’re all gonna die in 500 499 days… It’s fool proof!

    4. “We should all just be getting drunk right now, because THIS TIME, we only have 500 days left!”‘

      Women and minorities…
      Ah, the hell with it!

  9. That settles it, there is no afterlife from which we can return. Because if there were, the guys who pledged their lives, fortunes, and sacred honor in signing the Declaration of Independence would come back and slap the face off every one of us for being pussies who let their project go to abject fornicating ruin.

    1. When you blow the Horn of Heroes and the Founders reappear, I will gladly follow them into battle.

      1. We’ll launch our siege of DC from the hill at Monticello.

      2. Since I have proof they won’t return, what difference, at this point, would it make?

      3. Is this the horn you speak of?

        1. Awesome. I believe the Onion and I are both riffing on the Horn of Valere from the WOT series.

  10. OT alert!

    Question for new parents: I have a friend who has a new baby. I’m sure she’s been getting lots of baby-oriented gifts. I gave her a gift for baby, too. But I was thinking it would be a nice gesture to get her something for herself – a gift certificate for a shoe designer we both like.

    When you were in new baby mode, would you have appreciated a “just-for-mom/dad” gift, or would you think “dang, I really need ____ for the baby – I wish they’d gotten me a Toys R Us gift certificate”?

    1. If you already gave a gift for the baby, then getting the mother something for herself would be an act of impressive generosity.

      So not sure why they would object if they are already being showered with baby gifts from other people.

      1. This has nothing to do with the question, but I just had a weird question pop in my head: Is there such a thing as gift certificates for strip clubs?

        1. That’s what I was thinking.. Hookers and blow for dad, a new mop and maybe a sack of pampers for mom… Problem solved!

          1. I don’t know about whore gift certificates, since whoring is mostly illegal (which would make the certificate hard to enforce), but, since freelance whoring is apparently a side-gig for at least some strippers, maybe the gift certificate could serve a dual role.

            1. That’s a fair point. Alright then..

              “.. Hookers and blow bail for dad..” .. Problem solved!

            2. Soon whore gift certificates will be called bitcoins.

          2. Get mom all the latest i gadgets. The i-Clean, the i-Cook …

            1. I dunno, a robot stripper? That seems a bit premature, if you ask me. Not everybody likes gadgets, either.

        2. Yeah. One dollar bills.

          1. Of course you could give cash, but that’s impersonal and viewed as rather gauche by Miss Manners. A stripper is hard to gift directly, so the next best thing is a stripper gift certificate. I wonder if they could be purchased for a specific stripper?

      2. The other day I mentioned that I got a new pair of shoes from ____ designer and she said “Ohhhh…you got another pair of ____?” It’s not that they can’t afford the shoes, I guess it’s just that maybe she thinks it’s frivolous at this time? Anyway, I thought it would be nice to get her a gift cert for the designer so she can do something nice for herself, as everything is always babybabybabybaby.

        1. Is there somewhere where she could possibly get either? Like an more upmarket Target?

    2. We could always afford baby stuff, so maybe my privilege is showing (ha). But both I and my wife would’ve liked, say, alcohol. Preferably a pitcher of pre-mixed cocktails. Trust me, for a new parent that is exactly on point. Especially a new mom who has been laying off the sauce for nine months. That or sushi.

      1. so maybe my privilege is showing

        Did you check the ‘privileged’ checkbox at login?

    3. Definitely get her the shoe gift certificate. These days dads get moms things that are grossly called “push gifts,” and I have to assume moms want shit for themselves if that is the case.

    4. Would be kinda strange to receive it at the baby shower — it’s all about the baby after all. Probably not unappreciated, but you’d stand out.

      Maybe save it for the birth? (Besides, as any pregnant mother can tell you, shoe sizes change during pregnancy anyways, so getting spiffy new shoes would be a mistake.)

    5. She didn’t give birth, and the baby is already a few months old, so alcohol and raw fish and cankles aren’t really much of a consideration. The shoes are expensive and I think she might think they’re a frivolous expense at this point. But we both drooled over them at an event we went to a while back.

      1. My wife is a shoe fiend. There’s some brand of boots she wants so badly but always gets outbid on Ebay. With that in mind, I say go for it. You women are weird about shoes. I don’t understand it, but I accept it.

        1. “She’s shoe mad! All women are.”

          “That’s a bit sexist, don’t you think?”

          “Do you know one woman who isn’t shoe mad?”

          “No. But I only know one woman, and she just ran out of the room shouting ‘THE SHOES, AAAAH!'”

        2. I used to wear shoes like this. I would buy one pair every few months or so and wear them every day.

          Then I started to really appreciate fashion as an art form and my outlook on shoes changed.

          1. You couldn’t pay my wife to wear those. I don’t know if she appreciates fashion as an art form or not, but she does have her own sense of style.

    6. The best shower gift we got was about two months worth of diapers. But beyond that, my wife would have loved to get new shoes. (Although, you might want to think about clothes. She’s going to change sizes several times in the next six months if any of the baby weight comes off.)

    7. it think that’s great. it’s silly, but the best gift we received was from a friend who dropped of a few trays of lasagna that we stuck in the freezer. having a few meals done was awesome

    8. Also OT but.on T for your diversion: have you and Nikki launched your line of stylish CCW handbags yet?

      1. Work stress and lack of any kind of design and construction experience has stalled my project.

        I did find this, though. Not exactly what I was thinking, but a very nice step in the right direction!

        1. Cool, I’ll have to show that to my sister. She has a nylon carry purse but has.expressed a desire.for.something nicer.

    9. Well, my son is two now and my wife is due in July with our second. Even so, we have piles of baby junk in our house that we never really used with the first one and don’t even plan to use with the second. This is after we attempted to not ask for/accumulate a lot during the first pregnancy.

      That said, shoes that get worn 5 times a year also seem silly to me, but my main point is people overdo it with baby crap anyway, so a different gift would be appreciated.

      1. Well, my son is two now and my wife is due in July with our second. Even so, we have piles of baby junk in our house that we never really used with the first one and don’t even plan to use with the second.

        It’s like being in combat. New parents are easily spotted: pushing the stroller with the huge diaper bag loaded with EVERYTHING, struggling down the street, trying to keep everything organized, struggling to get through doors, trying to fold the stroller.

        Veteran parents just carry weapons and ammo, put your blood type on your backpack, and go with the umbrella stroller.

        Basically, unlearn everything you learned in Basic.

    10. When you were in new baby mode, would you have appreciated a “just-for-mom/dad” gift, or would you think “dang, I really need ____ for the baby – I wish they’d gotten me a Toys R Us gift certificate”?

      I think the ‘just-for-mom/dad’ gifts are better. A lot of people get you things ‘for the baby’ that are fine and thoughtful, but end up not being useful.

      Baby wipe warmer. Great idea on paper, more hassle than it’s worth.

      The baby industry is like any other– it’s full of ‘accessories’ that are sold to the public, and first-time parents go hog wild on that stuff- and about two months in, they’re sitting in a corner unused, and if you move on to baby number two– the ‘sterilize everything’ mentality turns into the ’30 second rule’. (Parents will know what I mean).

    11. I also plan on getting them some of the books I read (or had read to me) as a child that kind of shaped my outlook on life. The two best ones are Elmer the Patchwork Elephant and The Big Orange Splot

      1. Right now my daughter’s favorite book is Fox in Sox. She’s four.

        That book’s a rough read.

      2. General tip: Read children’s books that you enjoy as well. Don’t be afraid to push above their level. Even if they’re reading at ‘x’ level, you can read to them at ‘y’ level.

        1. I mean, for your friend…

        2. My daughter (7 years old) loves Bastiat’s The Law, and loved learning about the Constitution, the Declaration, etc. even before she could read them. It is amazing to see how much they pick up, even at that age.

          We were at a banquet the other day where a speaker was taking about agents coming onto his property without a warrant, and she leaned over, held up four fingers and hoarsely whispered, “Fourth Amendment?!?” I love that kid.

    12. I sure wouldn’t want a gift certificate for designer shoes!

    13. But I was thinking it would be a nice gesture to get her something for herself

      Wrong.

      This gives the parent the impression that self indulgence is OK. This is a horrible thing to encourage as it will inevitably set an example for the child.

      Get them a Reason subscription instead and learn ’em a few things.

      /Jacket

  11. 1. Why is there a TSA again?

    Because Hillary demanded it.

  12. 1) So Congressmen can be Seen To Be Doing Something, of course.

  13. I am so relieved.
    Everyone was saying that TSA was taking my freedom away.
    Now I know better.

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