San Francisco

San Fran Locals Hate Tourists, Frustrated That Bus Ban Doesn't Work


San Francisco is a beautiful and strange city, and the locals want to keep it all to themselves. Last year they banned tour buses from driving around Alamo Square where the famous Victorian "Painted Lady" houses are located. Confronted with the fact that the ban is a failure, residents are now literally kicking and screaming.

"We try to block them, but they knock us out of the way," boasted Heidi Knodle to the San Francisco Chronicle. "I egged one bus. We're marking them. I was kicking a bus the other day, and neighbors were cheering along."

"There's still drivers coming through the neighborhood, and they're still as aggressive as ever," Knodle's boyfriend and homeowner Kelly Edwards fumed without a hint of irony. "They still think it's a thoroughfare. It makes me mad as hell." He proudly hangs a sign in his window that demands, "Get off your big, fat tour bus and experience San Francisco."

"This is primarily a safety issue," assured local ban fan Gus Hernandez. "The residential streets in San Francisco are too small to accommodate large tour buses." He breathlessly estimates that "in peak season… upward of 50 buses cruised through the neighborhood each day."

Despite Hernandez's claims, there doesn't seem to exist any proof that these buses are more hazardous than the rest of the 4.5 million metro residents trying to navigate San Francisco's serpentine roads. To the contrary, since people are going to look at the pretty houses one way or another, it seems like busing is the safer and more environmentally friendly option, as it cuts down on the number of vehicles on the road. And, it may be the only option for elderly people who want to sightsee.

The Chronicle notes that the police hardly enforce the bus ban because, frankly, it's almost impossible to do so and they have far larger problems than stopping a couple dozen people who earn their pay by chauffeuring others around.

Residents should take note, chill out, and maybe even embrace the fact that these kinds of services can rake billions of dollars into a local economy.

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  1. …””This is primarily a safety issue,” assured local ban fan Gus Hernandez”…


    1. It’s always primarily a safety issue, especially when it plainly isn’t.

      1. Unless it’s FOR THE CHILDRUNZZZZZ!

    2. “This is primarily a safety issue” = “if we don’t get what we want, we’ll be concerned for your safety because we’re nice like that”

  2. Live by the public roads, die by the public roads.

    “I egged one bus. We’re marking them. I was kicking a bus the other day, and neighbors were cheering along.”

    Every once in a while I can understand why progressives once openly promoted eugenics.

    1. KY, the local press occasionally covers another set of self-deluded twits; they bought homes on the twisty block of Lombard Street and now they’re griping about the tourists.

    2. Yes, always with Teh Roadz they are.

    3. Folks like this are exactly why I left that hateful place – I lived there one year and couldn’t stand it.

    4. I thought they were all peace-loving hippies out there? They seem awfully angry and upset

  3. Progressive = We celebrate all kinds of diversity except the kinds we don’t like.

  4. Obvious solution is for Heidi Knodle to get her neighbors to agree to form a HOA and then let them buy the street.

    1. ^This, this, a thousand times this. I’d love to see her sputter in apoplexy if someone suggested that to her.

      1. Who knows, maybe they’d be able to think of a way to reconcile it with their progressivism.

        1. Throw in some meaningless “affordable housing” requirement – they seem to like that.

          1. Whoa, whoa, whoa! Not near where they live!

  5. And, it may be the only option for elderly people who want to sightsee.

    Check your able-bodied privilege, San Franciscans.

  6. I was in Ess Eff Easter weekend. It’s just one big food court with shitty streets and drivers.

    1. Are the bums still allowed to defacate right out in public on the streets and sidewalks like they were several years ago?

  7. This sounds like a dreadfully boring tour.

    “On your left, you’ll see a row of modest, well-kept, single-family houses. And oh, look! It’s a fine example of the full-throated, warbling leftist snoot! They’re native to the area, and I think it’s a female of the species. She’s really in a state that we’re in her nesting grounds. The neon yoga outfit is a territorial warning display.”

    1. “Due to the environmental policies governing this preserve, these modest single family dwellings do run upwards of $1.5 million. Also, you may recognize them from such nature documentaries as Full House. In light of this you can understand the full-throated warbling leftist snoot’s desire to protect her indigenous environment. She’s even careful not to upset the local ecology. She actively preserves every species within this ecological environment by subsidizing the indiginous drunken homeless layabouts whose mating calls of yelling agry jibberish add to the ethos of community here. In exchange for her money, the drunken homeless layabouts mark the whole of San Francisco with their highly alcoholic urine, a sign to predators to avoid this area.”

      1. Of course all of this should be read in your heads with the voice of David Attenborough narrating.

  8. I think it may be a climate change issue. All these buses are emitting fumes that are interfering with the locals ability to smell their own farts.

  9. So now the people on the tour get to see the city and liberal hissy fits – good deal.

  10. I’m completely confused as Muni buses go by the same area, so seriously, wtf?

    1. That’s completely different! Those busses lose money!

    2. These are the same types who hate Google buses too. In their view, everyone should be forced to cram into the corner of a Muni bus that reeks of the bum passed out near the driver.

      1. Would be great if there were competing muni buses in SF, one priced lower than the other. Would be interesting to see which one the bums would take: the low-cost one to save money or the higher cost one because the panhandling pays better. Would also be interesting to see which ones the proggies would take.

        Of course, we already know the proggies use Uber instead of the city taxis.

        1. Silly Finger. Progs don’t take muni buses. Those are for the little people.

        2. In my experience the bums were just always passed out on the bus, not panhandling. Buses aren’t really good for panhandling anyway.

  11. Sounds like it’s about time for another massive earthquake.

    Don’t come crying for my tax dollars to help dig yourselves out this time, either, pals.

  12. Most of the problems the homeowners face in this neighborhood are buses blocking their driveways and streets with idling buses for 30 minutes to an hour while the tour group gets out to take pictures. I can’t think of anybody who would like a huge diesel engine pumping exhaust right into their homes but don’t let that stop your hate on SF.

    1. How about SF homeowners constantly parking on the sidewalks. God I fucking hated that.

  13. Chill out? San Francisco “locals”? Not likely. Seems like most of them are underemployed but vocal about their “rights,” especially versus people with good jobs and tourists. Not much time for self-examination, though–no questions like “why did I major in ethno-gender-bicyclelane studies rather than something that would pay a decent salary?”

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