Tonight on The Independents: Obama Spikes the Football, Paul Ryan Balances the 2024 Budget, Saudi Arabia Persecutes Atheists, Matt Kibbe Promotes Anti-Government Book, Albuquerque Goes Nuts…Plus After-Show!

Tonight's live episode of The Independents on Fox Business Network (9 p.m. ET, 6 p.m. PT, with repeats three hours later) begins with President Barack Obama's victory lap today crowing about the 7.1 million Americans who signed up for Obamacare by yesterday's sorta-deadline. Too bad a bunch of those people were just scrambling to re-insure themselves after the Affordable Care Act eliminated their previous plans, or that the administration with this law has a long track record of lying like a rug!

Joining to discuss this are Party Panelists Gavin McInnes (filmmaker/TakiMag beardy) and Brian Sack (commentator/non-Oscar winning actor), who will also have words to say about the House of Saud declaring all atheists as terrorists, the military's new allegedly racially insensitive grooming standards, Pat Robertson wanting to know why Jews are so rich, and whatever else they come up with on the aftershow, which will be live-streamed at this website.

Been following the police-brutality protests in Albuquerque, New Mexico, in the wake of cops shooting a homeless man to death in the desert? Associated Press reporter Russell Contreras will break down the latest developments. Rep. Paul Ryan (R-Mich.) released a new fantasy 10-year budget today, so we'll talk about that. And FreedomWorks President/CEO Matt Kibbe will be on to talk about his brand new book, Don't Hurt People and Don't Take Their Stuff: A Libertarian Manifesto.

Remember to follow the show on Facebook and Twitter, and go to this link for a playlist of previous segments.

Comments

[Fist of Etiquette]

What, no aftershow? I smell a pre-tape.

[Fist of Etiquette]

April fools on me, I guess. Aftershow it is.

[Fist of Etiquette]

Oh, God. McInnes and an aftershow. How are you going to top Muslim inbreeding? Russian devil worship? Venezuelan Hitler clones?

[kibby]

I was really hoping you'd respond to yourself a few more times here.

[Fist of Etiquette]

I was live blogging my reading of the particulars of the show. That's the only acceptable use of this comment thread before the show actually airs.

[kibby]

By responding to me, aren't you breaking that rule?

[Fist of Etiquette]

[crickets]

[Grand Moff Serious Man]

Pwnd! By a woman. For shame, sir.

[Rufus J. Firefly]

What are the good folks of Pitts-a-boorg (as my father pronounced it) saying about the Orpik hit?

[Fist of Etiquette]

Clean, of course. It would have to be pretty egregious for otherwise. Orpik is a physical player but not what I would call a goon and not dirty. I didn't see, was there even a league review of the hit?

[Rufus J. Firefly]

Not that I saw but I wasn't really paying attention. Shanahan with a pointer explaining his decision for a suspension as if it's JFK is too much for me to digest. I'd rather eat raw garlic.

[Ted S.]

Just not a "sexy" aftershow this time.

[Fist of Etiquette]

It's the Independents after dark. What could be more sexually charged?

[Rufus J. Firefly]

I've been thinking long and hard. Who am I kidding? I've bitten through enough pencils to last me the night. Even my beanie's propeller is sputtering. Alas, I have arrived at a conclusion.

The show needs more Canadian.

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

Finish your sentence.... ...Whiskey? ....Bacon? .....Geese?

[Rufus J. Firefly]

Just. Canadian.

I answered you about the balsamic. See it?

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

Yes. I confessed to cheating. For a glaze, I use this:
http://www.gourmetitalian.com/...../76306.htm

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

I do keep a nice bottle of Di Modena in the pantry, but I mostly use it for a beef short rib red wine reduction...

[Rufus J. Firefly]

/faints.

[Rufus J. Firefly]

I think you know the difference then.

http://whatscookingamerica.net/balsamic.htm

[Raven Nation]

More Canadian what? Whiskey? Snow? Ginger Ale?

[Francisco d'Anconia]

That's some scary shit.

[Rufus J. Firefly]

Inuit/Dene women?

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

Geese. The devil's bird. Praise jeebus for Captain Sully.

[SlV]

They're CANADA GEESE. Not "Canadian geese".

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

I don't know that, man. I don't demand to see their passports when they fly by.

[Grand Moff Serious Man]

Dear Prudence: Help! My girlfriend doesn't know she once slept with my twin brother

My identical twin brother had a drunken one-night stand with a woman two years ago. When asked for his name and contact the next morning, he gave my details?his idea of a joke. I looked her up on Facebook out of curiosity when she texted me, and realized she and I had a lot in common. I met up with her and eventually we became an item.

I always had a nagging feeling that I should confess how we actually met. I keep putting it off, fearing her response. I want to propose to her, but feel like maybe I should come clean before we take the next giant step. I'm a fan of your column and I know you often advise people to keep mum about irrelevant sexual details that would only hurt the other partner. Does this come under such category?

I think a devil's threesome is the only way to resolve this issue.

[Max Power]

What's the term I learned here? A spit-roast?

[jesse.in.mb]

Wobbly H is also acceptable.

[Max Power]

I just looked at the urban dictionary definition for spit-roast and the lathe modifier made me laugh out loud.

[Rufus J. Firefly]

Why don't I ever meet women like this?

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Are identical twin's junk the same size?

[jesse.in.mb]

I don't know, research must be conducted!

Bring me twins.

I'll need an assistant to measure breast size on lady-twins, my hands will be full with the men.

[Grand Moff Serious Man]

I know two twins from high school. One definitely has a bigger butt and bigger boobs.

[jesse.in.mb]

That's only one data point. The research must continue.

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

Birth control, maybe? Ortho causes a couple of lbs of water retention...

[Grand Moff Serious Man]

Hmmm, intriguing. She was known as the slutty one.

Now she's a cocktail waitress in Vegas that wears lingerie and bikinis to work. Her Instagram is nice to follow.

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

The science is settled. I'm right, QED.

*Spikes Football*

The real question is how did one of them turn out slutty?

[SlV]

She must have had the "slut gene"...
Wait, if they're identical twins this blows the bad science of genetic determinism right out of the water...AGAIN!
Maybe she has a slutty fMRI.

[Grand Moff Serious Man]

I don't really know the other twin. The cocktail waitress I worked with for my first job. She's not a bad person, or at least she was always nice to me.

She kind of had a thing for me but I was a really awkward 17 year old so that didn't happen.

[Grand Moff Serious Man]

I don't really know the other twin. The cocktail waitress I worked with for my first job. She's not a bad person, or at least she was always nice to me.

She kind of had a thing for me but I was a really awkward 17 year old so that didn't happen.

[Suthenboy]

Who comes up with that shit? I am tempted to say that it has to be real because no one could make up some of that shit...but....it can't be real.

[Notorious G.K.C.]

What are the odds this is real?

[Fist of Etiquette]

Breaking news: Stannis Baratheon is about to sack King's Landing. I have a good feeling about his chances.

[Grand Moff Serious Man]

Guys, I think they are quietly attempting to quash the Two Minutes of Hate. If they don't do it tomorrow it will be one week overdue.

Are we going to stand for that?!

[kibby]

Maybe they don't feel there's enough hate. You guys should amp it up tonight. I'm too ashamed about hurting Kmele's feelings to participate still.

[Grand Moff Serious Man]

Gay Cowboy Welch must have given Bernie enough material for the next 6 months.

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

I don't have much to offer. I only have 1 Pliny left, and then it's lite beer after that.

[Rufus J. Firefly]

I'd rather sit.

[Bam!]

They can get a solid two minutes on Matt's outfit last night.

[Francisco d'Anconia]

INDEPENDENTS ASSEMBLE!

[Grand Moff Serious Man]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bo-qweh7nbQ

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Most awesome.

Haven't heard that in decades.

[Rufus J. Firefly]

Zzzzip!

Not unless you beam me up.

[Derpetologist]

Gawker writer wants everyone to stop using the word "derp":

http://gawker.com/stop-using-t.....316347/all

It's only a matter of time before "derp" joins the list of trigger words.

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

Do you have standing to sue The Derprider for handle infringement?

[Derpetologist]

It's the next case on the docket after Rufus v Rufus.

[Ted S.]

Derp derp derp derp derp derp derp.

If I didn't have to sign up at Gawker I'd think about going to that cesspool and commenting with a bunch of "derp"s there.

[pan fried wylie]

Sign up for gawker? I can't even load the site, too many domains to whitelist.

[Derpetologist]

Gawker writer wants everyone to stop using the word "derp":

http://gawker.com/stop-using-t.....316347/all

It's only a matter of time before "derp" joins the list of trigger words.

[SweatingGin]

Even your handle is ableist.

[RannedPall]

8.0 earthquake in Chile. A tsunami was generated, and is headed toward the SoCal coast, to cleanse the area of progs and hipsters.

[Grand Moff Serious Man]

I'm hoping Santa Catalina Island shields Orange County.

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

Check yo geography. It's protecting me.

[Grand Moff Serious Man]

Wouldn't you have the Palos Verdes peninsula? And on a clear day you can see Catalina from Huntington Beach.

[jesse.in.mb]

Yeah, but it's north and west of you, no?

a friend of mine is keeping track of whether they're going to get a tsunami on vacation in Hawaii.

[Swiss Servator, mehr Spr?ngli]

FTA (AP) "The only U.S. impact might be higher waves Wednesday for Hawaii's swimmers and surfers, it said."

[RannedPall]

I saw Catalina from Buena Park, the other day. It was a pretty clear line of sight.

[Grand Moff Serious Man]

Is that what it is? I could never decide what I was seeing in the distance from the 91 heading west through Buena Park.

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

WSW

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

You can also see PV pretty clearly from 91 west in BP. Left hand side.

[Grand Moff Serious Man]

Yeah, that I figured out long ago. When you take the interchange from the 5 to the 91 you can also see clear to downtown LA and the Hollywood sign.

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

Any surge from Chile would come from almost the southeast. Catalina wouldn't really protect either of us.

Avalon is due west from San Onofre.

[Sudden]

Fortunately, I have miles of urban sprawl and progs to slow down the waves.

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

It's going to come up your storm drains.

[Rufus J. Firefly]

If.

Only.

[jesse.in.mb]

Ha, I'll be shielded by PV.

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

Dude, we are on a hill. Ventura harbor night get hit hard, though. Mark my words. If, and only if, there is a tsunami coming this way from Chile, that's where the damage will happen.

[jesse.in.mb]

You're no fun. I would think Santa Barbara/Lompoc.

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

It's all about the bathymetry.

[RannedPall]

8.2*, and Catalina has bison that scared the shit out of me on a 5th grade class trip. So, by all means, wash away Catalina!

[Ted S.]

I blame global warming.

[Sudden]

Speaking of Bison being scurried about:

We need not worry about tsunamis or L.A. quakes, the Yellowstone Supervolcano will kill us all

[GILMORE]

The Independents Attire Review, 32 March 2014

"How the Oyster Makes its Shell"-Edition

- Kennedy: Spring has sprung and Claude Monet is wondering where his drapes went. If last night was a Bauhaus left-hook, we just took an uppercut from Impressionism/Art-Neuveau. We're 100% on board with Kennedy's new more-daring dress-experiments, particularly in how they enliven the occasional unimpressive showing from the betesticled members of the panel.

- Matt: Perhaps following from our positive note last week, Matt again breaks out the black-suit/grey shirt combo with a striped tie; We note that the 'garishness' of the black suit is better tamed by the added shades, and we hope, perhaps vainly, that the Gay Hitman era may be coming to a close. This is Matt at his (accidental?) best, in fact. Well done.

- Kmele: Long the default winner of the Independents Attire game, Kmele naturally suffers whenever our other 2 panelists get their swing on. If anything we feel the challenge should motivate him to go to the proverbial 'next level'. We see opportunity in future expansion of the shirt-tie color palette, and new experiments in "Kasual Kmele".

The Wise Man Has the Power
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QTF_tTKRdb0

Thank You

[Swiss Servator, mehr Spr?ngli]

"the occasional unimpressive showing from the betesticled members of the panel."

I laughed.

[Fist of Etiquette]

Prediction: Some kind of earwear.

[Bam!]

Nope.

[Grand Moff Serious Man]

April Fools! No earrings!

[Fist of Etiquette]

Do glasses count as earwear? I say maybe.

[Bam!]

Did her daughters make her that dress in kindergarten art class?

[Grand Moff Serious Man]

Kennedy is shiny!

[kibby]

Did Matt & Kmele mean to be mirror images?

[Max Power]

Maybe Kmele is giving him lessons after last night's sartorial tragedy.

[kibby]

Good gosh, we can only hope. If that happens again, I may have to stop defending Matt here.

[Fist of Etiquette]

Foster should be wearing a Mr. Roarke and Welch should be wearing a MiB.

[Fist of Etiquette]

So we have the second member of our Independents Village People tribute band.

[SweatingGin]

I think we might have seriously offended Matt last night.

[Soros' Wank-noose]

Why? He looked tasty...

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

What happened? I was stuck waiting an extra 45 minutes for my pizza...

[Soros' Wank-noose]

45 minutes?!? Fuck coal.....

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

I assume the actual cooking part only took a few minutes. The rest is human error.

[Byte Me]

Did you hear that? "It's kindof opposite day." So he dressed normal.

[Rufus J. Firefly]

Either he's clueless or a fucking, shameless liar.

[Derpetologist]

OK, so Matt isn't just as a gay cowboy tonight. Bummer. Next time he decides to flame up, I demand he eat pudding during the show.

[Bam!]

Gavin McInnes looks like a hipster Mad Max.

[Rufus J. Firefly]

That's the population of part of Canada.

CLA-SSIC.

[SweatingGin]

Tonight, and for the last 5 nights or so, I've sounded exactly like Gavin does. I assume he's got some liquor in the bottle, too.

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Welch, calling it like it is.

Impressive.

[Soros' Wank-noose]

Ahh...He's just dressed to be in a new Aquafina Flavorsplash commercial!

[kibby]

I'm glad Matt gave all those facts in a nice, normal outfit. It's nice to be able to take him seriously!

[Grand Moff Serious Man]

Kmele laying some hardcore truth down. Why can't he be promoted to Big Fox News?

[kibby]

Because who will we get as his replacement? I shudder to think!

[Grand Moff Serious Man]

I'd say Mr. McArdle, but if they need a minority maybe Naomi Brockwell?

Ginger is totally a minority! As is Aussie.

[Fist of Etiquette]

Cost and quality of care? Oh sure, you say that now, Foster, now that Obama has been vindicated on the numbers.

[Grand Moff Serious Man]

In a sense the website debacle was a boon for Team Obama. The expectations had been so ridiculously lowered that simply getting the program off the ground is being hailed as a major victory.

And the flip side to that is progs deluding themselves even more.

[Fist of Etiquette]

The mid-terms are going to be an eye opener for someone.

[Big Chief]

Obama should have made this announcement from an aircraft carrier wearing a flight suit with a big banner behind him that said "Mission Accomplished". That would have been fitting and proper.

[Palin's Buttplug]

BUSH DRAFT DODGING HOMO? Unite here!

[Derpetologist]

Smithers, who is this blubberput?

[jesse.in.mb]

I feel like you're not even trying anymore, PB.

[Palin's Buttplug]

You see, I respect the "homo" part of you but just not the BUSH DRAFT DODGER part.

[Sudden]

Seriously Jesse, you clearly dodged a draft that occurred a decade before your entrance to this planet. And you did it so you could go do blow on a trust fund fueled spring break trip with Dubya. We know you secret.

[jesse.in.mb]

Wait, are we to interpret that as a BAD thing?

I'm fairly certain that'd get me high fives from even my most diehard liberal friends.

[Sudden]

I don't. I would merely require an invite.

[jesse.in.mb]

When I travel back in time to dodge the last draft, I'll make sure to send you an invite.

[Sudden]

Just make sur its not an evite, otherwise it'll never arrive because of the time travel.

Can you also jump forward for me and just let me know when the great Cascadia subduction zone/Puente Hills megaquake/Yellowstone Caldera simultaneously world destroying event is scheduled to occur?

I have some affairs I must tend to prior to that.

[jesse.in.mb]

That could be awkward. I'd have to jump in right as shit was going down. Everyone will be dead if I'm too late, so nobody will be there to give me the deets.

[Sudden]

Only the good die young Jesse.

[jesse.in.mb]

I was planning to go "All Our Yesterdays" instead of dying.

[SlV]

You could dodge draft registration.

[Fist of Etiquette]

So we're judging other people's cultures now?

[Rufus J. Firefly]

A-hole word used.

Welch unleashed.

[Rufus J. Firefly]

Is this guy for real?

[Bam!]

Gavin McInnes has been talking about Saudi Arabian for two minutes and has yet to mention inbreeding. He's changed.

[jesse.in.mb]

He's thinking it really loudly.

[Soros' Wank-noose]

OK, who here accused Kmele of being a cynic??

[kibby]

Yeah, let's ask Gavin about anything Muslim. That'll end well.

[Fist of Etiquette]

So far it's seven minutes of Obamacare and four minutes of Saudi Arabia.

[Soros' Wank-noose]

Well, at least it wasn't 7-11.

'Cause that would be racist (in this context).

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

Ask Great-Uncle Biden.

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

Gavin really might die. They should cut his mic when he is hacking up the ebola.

[Bam!]

No cough button? Seriously, Fox News?

[Byte Me]

Molesting yourself? I, for one, have never told myself "No".

[jesse.in.mb]

I dunno, I've pressured myself into some things I'm ashamed of.

[Rufus J. Firefly]

Let's ask him about the PQ.

[Derpetologist]

Tales from the Derp

It's only Tuesday, and so far, I have already heard the following:

-action item
-follow up
-thrown under the bus
-red flag
-at the end of the day

[Corning]

Pat Robertson wanting to know why Jews are so rich

A long long long history of literacy....and a strong commitment to family.

Maybe a bit of alien lizard men.

[Derpetologist]

What is being cheap, chopped liver?

[Corning]

Refusing to pay protection money to Irish and Italian mobsters is not being cheap.

[Corning]

You almost never find Jews tinkering with their cars on the weekends or mowing their lawns

WTF?!?!

Jerry Seinfeld is a huge car nut.

You also have Lucas making American Graffiti which is semi-autobiographical and all about kids and their cars in the 1950s.

I am calling shenanigans.

[Corning]

I am also pretty sure every Jewish kid whose parents had lawn had to mow it.

[Derpetologist]

My favorite Pat Robertson moment was when someone wrote in to ask "if god created marijuana, why can't I smoke it?"

Can't find the video, but here's one in a similar vein: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yfiJinUA51o

[10percenter]

George Lucas is Jewish?

[Grand Moff Serious Man]

My second favorite Kibbe.

[kibby]

Even I am rolling my eyes at this, kid.

[Grand Moff Serious Man]

Um, APRIL FOOLS!

[Fist of Etiquette]

I don't think he's getting his money's worth out of those sideburns.

[Rufus J. Firefly]

Of course libertarianism transcends political colors.

[Derpetologist]

Politics is popular because it allows people to steal and coerce without the threat of direct retaliation. See Spooner's secret band of robbers.

[sloopyinca]

So we get Mortician Matt tonight instead of Organ Grinder Monkey Matt?

Meh, maybe the left will take us seriously again.

[sloopyinca]

And Kennedy's top looks like a retarded blind kid got ahold of a bedazzler.

[Rufus J. Firefly]

Heh.

[Grand Moff Serious Man]

But let's add this corollary: It is perfectly permissible, a more imperative even, to raid Welch's closet for that outfit he wore yesterday so it can be destroyed.

[OldMexican]

"And don't give it away to charity - trust me, you will not be helping anybody!"

[OldMexican]

Tsunami!

[Francisco d'Anconia]

I need an ab carver pro.

[Byte Me]

I need an ab carver pro.

I just airbrush mine on.

[Fist of Etiquette]

Rand Paul Ryan.

Too many first names not enough last names.

[jesse.in.mb]

Paul Ryan, not dreamy.
Aaron Schock, reasonably dreamy.

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

You don't like charts and graphs?

[Rufus J. Firefly]

Ryan fiction.

[kibby]

All of these politicians have first names that sound like last names. It's getting confusing.

[OldMexican]

Ryan Budget Redux.

"Paul Ryan is better understood as the centerpoint of the Republican economic policy!"

Nice, Matt. Wrong, but nice. Ryan is actually to the LEFT of the Republican party (he's also a big-government spender), but keep prevaricating.

[OldMexican]

Tony just converted to libertarianism!

April fools!

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

You got the fool part right.

[Rufus J. Firefly]

Tony admits he's a sockpuppet.

April fools!

[Sudden]

He did a children's puppet show with his #cockinasock bit.

Didn't go over too well with the authorities. Apparently a permit for a puppet show in a mall parking lot doesn't quite cover something of that nature.

[Byte Me]

Do you know who else had "five year plans"?

[Soros' Wank-noose]

The grandpa dating Kristie Swanson in Big Daddy

[Soros' Wank-noose]

?

[sloopyinca]

Craig Krenzel?

[Big Chief]

Captain Kirk?

[Swiss Servator, mehr Spr?ngli]

Nice.

[Fist of Etiquette]

The Independents would let the Spaniards into the pantry.

[Francisco d'Anconia]

I am very sneaky, sir.

[OldMexican]

Help! My girlfriend doesn't know she once slept with my twin brother

Dear unfulfilled twin,

Go and sleep with her sister without knowing it and you will be even!

[jesse.in.mb]

I hope they know the helium beer thing is an April Fools joke.

[SweatingGin]

I bet it gives you terrible gas,

[jesse.in.mb]

Oh funny, Stone Brewery did exactly the same gag.

Kennedy's gollum is exceptional.

[GILMORE]

The Independents Attire Review, 32 March 2014

"How the Oyster Makes its Shell"-Edition

- Kennedy: Spring has sprung and Claude Monet is wondering where his drapes went. If last night was a Bauhaus left-hook, we just took an uppercut from Impressionism/Art-Neuveau. We're 100% on board with Kennedy's new more-daring dress-experiments, particularly in how they enliven the occasional unimpressive showing from the betesticled members of the panel.

- Matt: Perhaps following from our positive note last week, Matt again breaks out the black-suit/grey shirt combo with a striped tie; We note that the 'garishness' of the black suit is better tamed by the added shades, and we hope, perhaps vainly, that the Gay Hitman era may be coming to a close. This is Matt at his (accidental?) best, in fact. Well done.

- Kmele: Long the default winner of the Independents Attire game, Kmele naturally suffers whenever our other 2 panelists get their swing on. If anything we feel the challenge should motivate him to go to the proverbial 'next level'. We see opportunity in future expansion of the shirt-tie color palette, and new experiments in "Kasual Kmele".

The Wise Man Has the Power
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QTF_tTKRdb0

Thank You

[Sudden]

Might I recommend Kmele wear something culturally appropriate? I'm thinking a dashiki or FUBU/Sean Jean.

[GILMORE]

....

what?

[BigT]

Sorry I'm late. Stopped at the Growler filling station and had flights of Dark Horse Fore Smoked Stout, Oskar Blues Ten Fidy Imp Stout, Brooklyn Dry Irish Stout, and Smutty Nose Old Brown Dog (after hitting the happy hour in the hotel and quaffing Negra Modello with dinner.)

[Derpetologist]

No Marston's Oyster Stout? Back to the bar with you!

[BigT]

This place had 41 taps! Nice.

[Derpetologist]

Northwind Stout is mighty fine as well.

[Fist of Etiquette]

Why do people grow mustaches? It's unacceptable.

[GILMORE]

Some people have fucked up faces and it helps.

Some people are actors, and they have to.

The rest are assholes.

[Rufus J. Firefly]

Renting is a pain in the ass.

[Suthenboy]

Too fast for me. My wife watches NCIS in the living room where the computer is, I turn on the TV in the bedroom on the other side o fthe house to watch and I have to run back and forth during the ads. The segments are too short. If I try to catch up on reading I miss the next segment.

[kibby]

Thank you for trying to help him out, Kmele.

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

That's just unprofessional.

[Fist of Etiquette]

Seems this would counteract beer goggles.

[Bam!]

Don't whisper your opinions, Kennedy.

[BigT]

Why not infuse the beer with nitrous oxide? Double high.

(Helium doesn't dissolve much in water)

[Francisco d'Anconia]

NYE GOES DOWN!

[Fist of Etiquette]

Anchorman quote. Probably a first for Fox Biz.

[Grand Moff Serious Man]

I'll be the fist customer for the Scent of the Kmeleon line of cologne.

[Rufus J. Firefly]

This is why...libertarianism remains obscure.

[Fist of Etiquette]

Worf!

[Derpetologist]

"My name is Michael Dorn!"

[Fist of Etiquette]

I should kill you where you stand.

[jesse.in.mb]

I don't think I've ever heard "man musk" outside of fetish websites.

[Rufus J. Firefly]

Why hssn't Reason or TI picked up the Justina Pelletier story?

[Grand Moff Serious Man]

Kennedy was in a Star Trek episode? To IMDB!

[Fist of Etiquette]

Voyager.

[Corning]

And why are their not youtube videos and gifs posted here showing her in star fleet uniform on a daily basis?

Hit and Run commentors fail me yet again!!

[OldMexican]

Star Trek: Voyager, as a crew member, 1995, episode: Persistence of Vision (whatever the hell that means)

[OldMexican]

Colorado Town Considers Letting Residents Shoot Down Drones

Drones could join coyotes as prey on the dun-colored prairie if voters in Deer Trail, Colorado, population 563, approve a measure today allowing the town to issue hunting licenses for unmanned aerial vehicles.

Phillip Steel, a 49-year-old welding inspector, wrote the proposed law as a symbolic protest after hearing a radio news report that the federal government is drafting a plan to integrate drones into civilian airspace, he said. The measure sets a bounty of as much as $100 for a drone with U.S. government markings, although anyone who shoots at one could be subject to criminal or civil liability, according to the Federal Aviation Administration.

Yeah, FAA, like your threats make a difference! Ever heard of "shoot, shovel and shut up"?

[Bam!]

A ruse? Brrring, brrring. Hello. Hi, it's the 1930's. Can we have our words and clothes and shitty airplane back?

[Grand Moff Serious Man]

Lisa Kennedy Montgomery was played a crew member in the Star Trek: Voyager episode Persistence of Mind

[Notorious G.K.C.]

I got more trivia than you.

[kibby]

I think you used the passive voice there incorrectly. Unless, oh my heck, is Kennedy being played by a Star Trek crew member tonight?

[Grand Moff Serious Man]

Obviously I used too many words. If you remove either the "was" or the "played" it becomes a more coherent setence.

[kibby]

Dunno what a "setence" is, so I'll take your word for it.

[Grand Moff Serious Man]

🙁

[SweatingGin]

Of course it's the holodeck.

[Notorious G.K.C.]

IMDB says Kennedy was a crew member on Star Trek Voyager in 1995, and Bernice Hipple on "The Help" (another TV series) in 2004.

[OldMexican]

She's also as old as my wife! Wow!

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Albuquerque- turn left

[Derpetologist]

I never thought yarn could be so exciting.

[Bam!]

Why do police have those military weapons?

[SweatingGin]

Because the military can't do domestic law enforcement. So they just give extra weapons to police at a massive discount.

[Fist of Etiquette]

They're at war.

[kibby]

Yeah, just listening to this is endlessly upsetting. Thanks tons, guys.

[Notorious G.K.C.]

A yarn-spinning mill? That reminds me of the time me and Virgil was goin' fishin', and I caught a trout that weighed ten...twenty, heck, thirty pounds! I felt sorry for it and threw it back. And the time I met Elvis down at the Whole Foods, he didn't know where anything was and I had to show him...

[SweatingGin]

We can't bust heads like we used to, but we have our ways. One trick is to tell 'em stories that don't go anywhere - like the time I caught the ferry over to Shelbyville. I needed a new heel for my shoe, so, I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on 'em. Give me five bees for a quarter, you'd say.

Now where were we? Oh yeah: the important thing was I had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time. They didn't have white onions because of the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones...

[Rufus J. Firefly]

Get on the ground now. And then they shoot him. Wow.

[Suthenboy]

Hmmm. A little while back Jack Dunphy over at PJmedia wrote an article defending one of the shootings in Albuquerque. I noticed that cop cheerleaders were being mostly lambasted in the comments, which is encouraging. I commented also and Dunphy and a couple of others jumped on me. Just a few days later they are having riots over police shootings in spite of Dunphy's "Its all good!" article.

I wonder if I will have a chance to go over that again with them. Will they see the light? Or do we have to end up burning down the country?

[Francisco d'Anconia]

What

The

Fuck?

[OldMexican]

Welcome to Albuquerque! Wear a bullet-proof vest when going to the mountains.

[GILMORE]

Progressives are all over huffington post now talking about how the Koch bros have funded all of this coverage of police brutality and have been calling for restrictions on the police state for *years*? Its fucking crazy!? They must have only learned it through this New Mexico thing. They did a whole article on it!

Here
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/.....h-brothers

[SweatingGin]

If the Kochs are for it, Huffington Post will be against it, right?

More police brutality! Boo libertarians!

[Grand Moff Serious Man]

Koch Brothers Cure Cancer, Progressives Outraged!

Koch Brothers Start Foundation to Help Victims of Child Sex Abuse, Progressives Outraged!

Koch Brother Donate Large Sum of Money to New York Hospital, Progressives OUTRAGED!

[kibby]

They did all those things for the WRONG REASONS.

[Derpetologist]

Current top comment:

"Hmmm, let's see...the Koch brothers stand for anti-education, anti-science, global warming denying, misogyny, anti-LBGT rights, anti-choice, and anti-workers. The Stayer brothers are trying to save the planet and children. You judge whose causes are more just, more American, and better for the world that we inhabit."

I forgot how potent HuffPo derp is.

[jesse.in.mb]

I could be misremembering, but hasn't the Kochtopus actively offered to fund Republicans to are pro-gay rights and lose funding from socially conservative sources over it?

Bringing more pro-LGBT Republicans to power would be the quickest way to get rid of this as a culture war issue.

[GILMORE]

They fund the fucking NYC ballet

and more cancer research than almost anyone else in the country. But they're 'anti-science'. yerp.

[Sudden]

The irony is that the comment was likely written by someone who thinks vaccines cause autism and GMO crops cause cancer.

[Sudden]

To repeat a phrase I mentioned earlier today:

With each passing day, I'm further convinced that the raison d'etre for the internet it dicrediting the Flynn Effect.

[Irish]

I've never read the comments on a HuffPo article that Drudge links to.

Given that HuffPo and Drudge have the worst commenters on the internet, that would be a pretty fucking vile comment section.

[Rufus J. Firefly]

Koch should buy Huffington.

[Sudden]

Can they call it the Huffingkoch Post?

[Pathogen]

"Koch should buy Huffington."

Only if they turn it into a Christian fundamentalist dating website, focusing on common interests in whaling, seal clubbing, dirty coal combustion, machineguns for the unwashed masses, and biggest 4X4s...

[Rufus J. Firefly]

If I want to listen to shrill, half-crazed progs drone on irrationally...wait...I don't want that.

[OldMexican]

Re: GILMORE,

Progressives are all over huffington post now talking about how the Koch bros have funded all of this coverage of police brutality[...]

Ok, now it's official - proggies have finally lost their collective minds!

[GILMORE]

APRIL FOOLS BITCHES

[Sudden]

Goddamn the comments are an endless parade of teh stupid and uninformed.

"The Koch brothers have been dabbling in American and Canadian politics since the 1990's"

Uh, David Koch was the libertarian candidate for POTUS in 1980, so I'd say their activism predates the 90's.

"They waste such vast sums of money on so many low IQ's they positively make the government look like it is on a severe austerity program"

Because the $100 million that they may spend over a POTUS election cycle makes a the $100 million that the federal govt spends every other hour seem austere.

[SweatingGin]

Kind of involved in the founding of the LP prior to '72, right?

[Irish]

I swear to God, you could write a Huffington Post comment with a computer. They don't even read like human sentences.

"They waste such vast sums of money on so many low IQ's they positively make the government look like it is on a severe austerity program"

I've seen spam bots more charming.

[Irish]

LOL CLICK ON MY LINK FOR NAKED PICSK OF MEGAN FOX LOL! - The quality of writing generally seen on Huffington Post.

From the writers. The commenters probably wouldn't spell that many words correctly.

[Sudden]

Thanks to HuffPo commenters, I can now thank the Koch Brothers for owning the trademark for Lycra, and therefore yoga pants.

These men really are heros.

[jesse.in.mb]

It upsets me that there's no youtube clip for "spandex is a privelege, not a right."

[Fist of Etiquette]

Time to do away with the lapel cams.

[Fist of Etiquette]

Who said police are supposed to protect you?

[kibby]

Seriously, they are towards the end of the list of people I want doing that.

[Suthenboy]

Ask one. They will tell you gladly that that is not their job in theory or practice.

[Derpetologist]

The Supreme Court ruled the police have no obligation to protect you or come to your aid:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/W.....f_Columbia

[Suthenboy]

Is Pat Robertson a bigot or an anti-semite.

Aren't those the same thing?

Anyway, the answer is yes.

[Grand Moff Serious Man]

What just happened?

[Bam!]

She censored herself. Coward.

[Bam!]

Army should practice gender equality and require women to shave their heads.

[Derpetologist]

And do the same number of push-ups.

[Bam!]

Gavin goes full retard.

[SlV]

Army bitches should have to wear their hair just like the men.

[GILMORE]

THESE PEOPLE!?

[kibby]

Can we not have Gavin on anymore? He's really just a creep.

[SweatingGin]

I'm thinking he's in full troll mode.

[kibby]

Beginning to wonder if you're right. He still gives me the heebie jeebies, though.

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

He seems "medicated". For his cough, obviously.

[OldMexican]

I do wonder how Kennedy would look wearing a standard issue TOS uniform.

[GILMORE]

Why talking about Black Hair leads to very-bad-things

http://www.crunkfeministcollec.....lack-hair/

[OldMexican]

This desire to intimately touch and engage with the body of the 'other' is one mark of what Sharon Patricia Holland might call "The Erotic Life of Racism."

Am I to guess that the compulsion to rub the belly of a pregnant woman could be called "The Erotic Life Of Womb Envy"?

Anyway, I get why Black women are uncomfortable. The fixation and demonization of our cultural style is a discomfiting thing.

"Because we believe that taking out picture will indeed steal our souls!"

[Grand Moff Serious Man]

Gavin is making this segment pretty uncomfortable.

[SweatingGin]

and he's about to talk about JEWS!

[kibby]

Do SoCons know literally NOTHING about Ancient Rome??

[Soros' Wank-noose]

Well, he certainly knew/knows about ancient jewish law...

[GILMORE]

This episode has hit like a dozen new lows for 'awkward & disorganized'

I expect them all to have Gavin's cold by Friday

[Fist of Etiquette]

Careful. Pat can leg press two thousand pounds.

[Grand Moff Serious Man]

The Jews don't control the media, they control Hollywood. There's a difference.

[Bam!]

I expect a giant hook to appear on screen and pull Gavin off.

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Live TV.

[Fist of Etiquette]

Could Jesus bake a cake so gay that even He couldn't eat it?

[SweatingGin]

I kind of blocked that out. He was really going on about a dick cake, wasn't he?

[jesse.in.mb]

I don't know why he hates bachelorette parties so much...

[Rufus J. Firefly]

That guy is Canadian folks.

[Soros' Wank-noose]

Hey, I love the little snow-back.

[jesse.in.mb]

Wow, so your little Canadian Make-A-Wish play there worked out well, eh?

[Soros' Wank-noose]

Huh?

[Rufus J. Firefly]

I 2nd that huh.

Huh?

[jesse.in.mb]

Hmm play in the athletic, not theatrical sense.

[jesse.in.mb]

Rufus indicated a need for more Canadian on the Independents. He got it, and it was Gavin.

[Rufus J. Firefly]

Ah.

Yeah. And that was a total fluke.

[Soros' Wank-noose]

It's all good, Rufus.

[SweatingGin]

"Thanks, Gentlemen, we'll see you on the after show. Or at least we'll see you, Brian"

Yea, Gavin is drunk. That was "Gavin's Cough Medicine" he was chugging on at the beginning of the show.

[Rufus J. Firefly]

I can't believe an ignorant, dumbass Asian cunt who has no clue what satire is has this much power.

I can't.

I don't want to believe.

[Grand Moff Serious Man]

That's the downside of the internet and the concept of instant fame.

[Rufus J. Firefly]

Instant fame, instant retard.

[Suthenboy]

A dude that spent all his time with a close knit group of other dudes, who never had a girlfriend or a wife....he wouldn't bake a cake for a gay couple. Riiiiight.

I hate the Robertson is so old. After he dies we will miss all of his nuclear grade stupid. I mean, who can top that? He is like shreek, each time he speaks it is something dumber than the last thing he said, and keeps proving that Einstein was right.

[Notorious G.K.C.]

"My son, why do you ask me to bake you a cake? Do you not see the sign saying 'Carpenter's Shop'? Verily, I believe thou art baked yourself."

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

Aftershow link?

[Derpetologist]

http://video.foxbusiness.com/v.....show-clips

[Derpetologist]

oops- click the livestream on the left

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

Thank you sirs.

[Grand Moff Serious Man]

http://video.foxbusiness.com/v.....show-clips

[jesse.in.mb]

http://video.foxbusiness.com/v.....show-clips

[Fist of Etiquette]

This just in: Outrage pimp gets outraged.

[Fist of Etiquette]

AH! Lou Dobbs.

[GILMORE]

AHHHDAAAAAHBS!

[GILMORE]

Brought to you by *cracker barrel*

[Fist of Etiquette]

I just scanned the entire Voyager episode on Netflix and found no sign of any Kennedy cameo.

[Grand Moff Serious Man]

Are you sure she didn't play an alien crew member?

[Fist of Etiquette]

Yes. Perhaps you see her at or near the 16 minutes mark.

[Derpetologist]

Looks like the livestream is set to the West Virginia coal miner's channel...

[SweatingGin]

They're propping Gavin up.

[GILMORE]

OMG! the aftershow is a fistfight between Gavin and Kmele? Are you guys getting this??

[Bam!]

Kmele totally wins that.

[Derpetologist]

April Fools!

[GILMORE]

I had no idea Kmele knew Judo?!

[Bam!]

Harvard (cock)

[Fist of Etiquette]

Independents intern?

[GILMORE]

I love Gavin

[SweatingGin]

I finally figured it out. They asked him on once, he was fine. Entertaining even. Then they brought him back. So now he has to push it as far as he can.

Jesus making dick cakes, on national TV.

Pretty far.

[BigT]

He plays water polo - because fat floats!

[GILMORE]

aw.

That's sad, but true. My fat friend was a swimmer too.

[Bam!]

Gavin is drunk.

[Grand Moff Serious Man]

Do I really want to watch Gavin be a dick to the intern?

[kibby]

Clearly you should have waited a couple of years to start school -- you could have interned for The Independents!

[kibby]

Russia, guy? BORING.

[jesse.in.mb]

So much buffering.

[GILMORE]

The 'aftershow' is just medicated gavin verbally abusing haavaad kid

[Suthenboy]

Yep. Gavin is definitely not sober. Cool.

[Francisco d'Anconia]

This has been THE WORST SHOW EVAH!

[GILMORE]

I agree. Which I think is one of those things that has to happen sooner or later. Its all just part of growing up.

[Derpetologist]

When Gavin blacks out, I hope the intern draws on his face with a sharpie.

[SweatingGin]

That would be passes out. Blackout just means you aren't making long term memories, so it's gone in a few minutes, probably little memory of one's terrible behavior the next day.

I'd say he's not blacked out now, but by around midnight he will be. This is the start of a bender.

[Francisco d'Anconia]

I hope he pisses all over him and takes a shit on his forehead.

[Fist of Etiquette]

I think it's pretty obvious Putin downed the plane as misdirection. Or vice versa.

[Soros' Wank-noose]

In Soviet Union, plane downs Putin!

[Big Chief]

I'm living a nightmare. I had TI on Foxfire and it got hung up. So I went to Task Manager and shut it down and I'm still being assaulted by non-stop Dobbs audio. This must be what Hell is like, but I think Hell would have the HD video as well!!

[GILMORE]

WTF, the Independents turn to fucking TMZ whenever you take the pressure off them. Buncha fucking teenage girls they are.

[Grand Moff Serious Man]

C. S. Lewis died the same day as Aldous Huxley and JFK.

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

Lots of people and not a lot of days.

[Grand Moff Serious Man]

Yeah, but I'm just using it as an example of a person famous in their own right being eclipsed in death by the concurrent death of someone more famous.

[Irish]

Yeah, but C.S. Lewis, Aldous Huxley, and JFK are all massively famous. It isn't as if one C list celebrity died on the same day as JFK.

Lots of people and not a lot of days.

Except that C.S. Lewis always could have held out until the next year. When you look at it in terms of a life instead of an individual year, there are literally thousands and thousands of days he could have died on in which no one more famous would have died.

[Tejicano]

For me the biggest coincidence in history is how Thomas Jefferson died on the same day as John Adams which was exactly 50 years - to the day - after the Declaration of Independence. Really bizarre.

[Grand Moff Serious Man]

And there is evidence to corroborate that Adams' last words were "Thomas Jefferson...".

[Francisco d'Anconia]

"Thomas Jefferson survives."

I believe.

[GILMORE]

MAGIC BULLET?!!

[Bam!]

Harvard Boy will be proud to put this after show on his resume.

[Derpetologist]

Does anyone else think Yawn Vanity looks like he has 2 sets of eyebrows?

http://blogs.star-telegram.com.....db9970c-pi

[Fist of Etiquette]

That intercourse didn't really sound smart and it was lousy with foreign policy discussion.

[GILMORE]

YOU GUYS ARE INTERRUPTITARIANS

[kibby]

Wow, interning for these guys sucks I guess.

[Fist of Etiquette]

Poland? Due south.

[BigT]

Why did they invent the wheelbarrow??

A. to teach the Polacks to walk on two legs

[Bam!]

Hear about the Polish guy who won the gold medal at the Olympics? Got it bronzed.

[Derpetologist]

How do you get a one-armed Pollack out of tree?

Wave to him.

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Guy walks into a bar, says to the bartender, want to hear a polack joke?

Bartender says, see the 270 lb bouncer over there? He's polish.

The guy at the end of the bar...polish.

See those two big guys playing darts....both polish.

Me, I'm polish. Still want to tell that joke?

"Well, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five fucking times."

[Fist of Etiquette]

THEY'RE NOT ALLOWED TO HAVE GUNS.

[kibby]

WELL THAT IS STUPID.

[Derpetologist]

The purpose of the after show is to make the regular show look good.

[kibby]

Against all odds, they managed to accomplish that tonight.

[GILMORE]

Matt goes ballistic on his own intern.

[GILMORE]

"I also learned never to dress like Matt"

[Fist of Etiquette]

Thankfully this mess is over.

[GILMORE]

This is definitely The Worst Episode Ever

[Francisco d'Anconia]

If Gavin comes back, I'll be turning the shit off.

[Grand Moff Serious Man]

That was painful.

[Notorious G.K.C.]

Wow, what did I miss?

[Fist of Etiquette]

The train wreck carried its momentum right into the web feed. Welch tries to get Kennedy's intern to prove a negative or something, McInnes talks about tits and pubes, Kennedy yells bullshit and everyone shows their skin graffiti.

[Coeus]

Rawstory commenters are furious that Perry won't fire most of Texas's female prison guards and replace them with males.

Just like the Tesla motors story, hatred of Texas overrides their most cherished beliefs.

[Notorious G.K.C.]

Hollywood take heed:

"Armed forces have been dispatched to Iquique, Chile after 300 inmates reportedly escaped from a women's prison in the wake of an 8.2 magnitude earthquake and subsequent tsunami wave along the country's northern coast.

"PDI, one of Chile's two police branches, said at least 16 prisoners attempting to escape have been recaptured."

http://rt.com/news/chile-quake-prison-break-725/

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

The buoys off of Iquique were showing a surge of over 2 meters...

[Archduke von Pantsfan]

Lets go surfin now
Everybodys learning how
Come on and safari with me

[Archduke von Pantsfan]

SUP FOOLS?

[jesse.in.mb]

Pantsfan is bringing all the Canadian you need, Rufus.

[Archduke von Pantsfan]

DeSean Jackson to the Redskins? The Universe is really ending.

[Archduke von Pantsfan]

Riots, Towns Gone Dry, Soaring Prices: The Food-Pocalypse Is Already Upon Us

[Francisco d'Anconia]

The horror!

Heat spikes have also been withering maize crop

MAAAAAAAAAAAAAIZE.

Maize.

[GILMORE]

in the spirit of Epi?

"
Nelson ? 10 hours ago

The environmental shit is going to hit, and it is all because mankind is too selfish and stupid to breed responsibly.

8 ? ?
?
Reply
?
Earl of Sandwich -= Nelson ? a minute ago

I blame your mom

[Archduke von Pantsfan]

Uh, April Fools?

[Archduke von Pantsfan]

Since the 8.2, Chile has had 16 "aftershocks" greater than 4.5

[Archduke von Pantsfan]

Libertarian PD, "We're going to figure out who did this and we're going to take them down... provided someone pays us a fair market rate to do so"

[Francisco d'Anconia]

That was great.

[Cytotoxic]

I just wanted to say that April Fool's Day is stupid and anyone who partakes in it is stupid. Also, you still haven't fixed the html typo in the header you dorks.

[Grand Moff Serious Man]

**tumbleweed blows through**

[Archduke von Pantsfan]

nothings been the same, since Tiger pulled out of the Masters

[Warrren]

Yeah Denny's waitress Tina Masters was pissed!

[Francisco d'Anconia]

I spent the afternoon arguing about the back-up cameras over at CNN. (I was actually heartened by how many were against it.)

I've noticed it's been quiet here lately. I think we need some new blood. We are all argued out. Everyone knows everyone else's position on everything, no one is going to change their minds and we agree on everything else. We've become an echo chamber. Everything has been said. Even the memes are getting stale.

[Archduke von Pantsfan]

and any opposition is considered a parody.

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

I vote for a meme with John as Farva from Super Troopers.

I got John'ed yesterday, and Sloopy got John'ed today.

[Snark Plissken]

I had a long argument with John about the term neocon a while back. He was making a valiant effort to squish all use of it, I think he finally gave up on that.

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Night.

[RishJoMo]

Heck yeah dude lets roll with it.

http://www.GotzAnon.tk