Afghanistan

Taliban Spokesman Accidentally Unveils Email List, Says Nothing About it on Twitter

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A Taliban spokesman, Qari Yousuf Ahmedi, has accidentally revealed the names of his subscribers by CC'ing everyone on his mailing list.

The list has over 400 recipients and includes a journalist based in Afghanistan who is now understandably a little concerned about his safety:

"Taliban have included all 4 of my email addresses on the leaked distribution list," tweeted journalist Mustafa Kazemi, a prolific Kabul-based tweeter with more than 9,500 followers. "Quite reassuring to my safety."

Others on the mailing list include activists, legislators, and academics.

If you're interested you can follow Ahmedi on twitter. At the time of writing he has yet to mention his mistake. 

Ahmedi is not the only fundamentalist Muslim using social media or email. A piece from the Washington Times highlighted two twitter accounts that might be of interest to those who like to keep up with news from the Taliban and Al Qaeda:@alemarahweb, a news source from the Taliban, and @Al_nukhba, an account that links to Al Qaeda messages from affiliated groups across the Middle East. For those who are interested in Somalia you can follow Al Qaeda allies al-Shabab

Quite how the accounts of Taliban fighters and spokepersons are even permitted considering how the Taliban interprets Shariah is unclear. Thanks to twitter any of us could ask. 

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  1. Wait, these are the people that kept me in a state of heightened panic from September 2001 to around March 2002?!

    1. That’s nothing. We were scared of the Soviets when I was a kid.

  2. So easy, even a caveman can do it.

  3. Wile E. Coyote, Super Genius.

  4. From his Twitter feed:

    LOL, the vampires in the Twilight movies represent bloodsucking Jews, but they’re still cute #notgay

    So many infidels, so few scimitars to behead them with. #ThirdWorldProblems

    The entire opium crop in Afghanistan must be burned!

    1. #OneOpiumPipeAtATime

    2. …if necessary, burn it one opium pipe at a time, LOL! #I’msostoned

    1. He has a will?

  5. Is that Andrew Sullivan?

    1. Is that Andrew Sullivan

      Or his husband . . .

      Sullivan wrote a lengthy piece a couple years ago about beards, expressing a preference for full, thick ones (!) versus thin sparse ones. He really went into painstaking detail, so it’s an obvious turn-on of his.

      1. Well, duh, Karl. Sullivan has written quite extensively about the Gay Bear community of which he is a highly visible member. We like beards and body hair.

        1. “Can a twink be a top or is that reserved for bears?”

          1. “Can a twink be a top or is that reserved for bears?”

            Consulting Urban Dictionary now . . .

            Okay, that’s fuckin nasty.

              1. Nasty? Why?

                The image of large, hairy men getting it on with skinny, non-hairy boys . . . yep, nasty.

                But hey, I say they’re free to do it to their hearts’ content, even marrying if they so choose. That’s what my libertarianism requires of me.

                1. The image of large, hairy men getting it on with skinny, non-hairy boys . . . yep, nasty.

                  So basically, Afghanistan.

                  1. So basically, Afghanistan.

                    That’s gotta be the fastest way to get put to death in Afghanistan.

                    1. You’d think, but the Taliban loves them some adolescent boy-fucking.

                    2. That’s gotta be the fastest way to get put to death in Afghanistan

                      No. Blasphemy, adultery (with a woman), drug/alcohol use. These are all much faster.

                    3. No. Blasphemy, adultery (with a woman), drug/alcohol use. These are all much faster.

                      Still, Sharia law has got to frown on that big time, right?

                    4. Frown on what, pederasty? According to most schools of fiqh, a boy isn’t “male” until he has pubic hair. Also, since relations with “females” can begin at any age. (Thighing at any age, vaginal penetration starting at 9) Taliban style “boy play” is A-OK, Sharia-wise.

                    5. That’s totally disgusting, HM. And I know you’re only the messenger, but I just threw up in my mouth a little.

                    6. You do realize that the wiki link you provided states that most Mullahs consider it against sharia law but have a difficult time enforcing it, since the perpetrators are generally powerful warlords?

                2. Karl, while I’m sure there are some bears who are totally into twinks (ewww…), bear-on-bear is more typical. UD is useful as a rough guide, but nothing more.

                  But thank you for overcoming your personal squeamishness. Srsly.

                  1. bear-on-bear is more typical.

                    That I did not know.

            1. I always preferred the multi-player video game definition of twink.

              Which is a low level character with high level gear.

              1. Where do you think the MMO people got the term from, Corning?

          2. I suppose they do…with other twinks. The twinkosphere is a mystery to me.

            1. I’m sure there’s a great deal of switching back and forth but I think more often then not bears are tops, unless they happen to be power bottoms.

              Work with me here, Tonio. Always Sunny.

              1. One of the top (ha!) Columbus trivia teams is called The Power Bottoms.

                1. Actually, Randian, you’ve got it backwards. You see, the power bottom is actually generating the power by doing most of the work.

              2. Sorry, Epi. Bear is defined by appearance.

                The top/bottom/versatile breakdown in the bear community seems about the same as in the rest of the homosphere.

                Many bears are exclusively attracted to other bears, but not always.

                And then there are the bears from body- and facial-hair-challenged gene pools.

                1. And then there are the bears from body- and facial-hair-challenged gene pools.

                  Aww.

                  That seems like a life of heartbreak right there.

                2. God damn it, Tonio. Here.

              3. Eh. I know an uberbear who is a total bottom. He just happens to be a large, hairy dude that other gay men who are into bears find attractive.

                1. Sorry, Epi, don’t watch the show so didn’t catch the ref. But on my viewing list. I can still hang with you and the other cool kids, right?

                  1. AS LONG AS IT’S ON YOUR VIEWING LIST.

                    Otherwise, get out!

                  2. I can still hang with you and the other cool kids, right?

                    If you think Epi is one of the cool kids, you’ve got a long way to go.

                    1. Hey, I’m the coolest monster since cool came to Cooltown!

                    2. Ok, that explains a lot. Thanks, Sparky.

                    3. If you think Epi is one of the cool kids, you’ve got a long way to go.

                      So sayeth he who whore-shipeth at the altar of Ke$ha, keep casting those stones, Sparkster. -)

                      Epi is admittedly one of my favourite posters, and the mental voice I have of his posts is John Cusack.

                    4. the mental voice I have of his posts is John Cusack

                      More like John Pinette.

                    5. What, are you a fucking limey now, doc? “Favourite”?

                      “I have great fear of tools. I once made a birdhouse in woodshop and the fair housing committee condemned it.”

          3. God damn it, Episiarch, we must have the same taste in everything. GOT, Sunny, Futurama, Archer, Boardwalk Empire….

            You watch Curb?

            1. I recognize the comedy that is Larry David, but I cannot handle the abject humiliation and embarrassment he subjects himself to. It’s like the British The Office; absolutely brilliant, yet extremely painful to watch. So no, I do not regularly watch CYE.

              1. The word is Fremdschaden. And I can’t bear it either.

              2. Yea, it can sometimes make me cringe as well. Parks and Rec is the same way, but I love that show. How about Breaking Bad?

        2. We like beards and body hair.
          That explains it. We don’t.

          1. Who is “we” in the context of your post?

            1. The kind of guys I’ve ever been attracted to. My partner claims that no one with a beard can be even remotely attractive. I at least can occasionally look beyond the beard, though it’s always a flaw, he cannot.

              1. Then your handle is quite ironic, FTW.

        3. Just because Sullivan considers himself a bear does not mean he is attracted to other bears, though.

          1. Just because Sullivan considers himself a bear does not mean he is attracted to other bears, though.

            Here I was thinking that pitcher and catcher just about covered it. But now we’re into twinks and bears, too . . .

            1. Nope, way more complex than that, Karl.

              1. Wait a second, Tonio, are you saying that homos are individual human beings with a full range of human desires and tastes?!?

                1. That can’t be right.

                  1. What can’t be right, Trouser?

                    1. The “homos are human beings” thingee.

                      Just doesn’t make any kind of sense.

                    2. Oh, we’re not human, Trouser, we’re spawn of satan. And for every three humans I corrupt I get a toaster, five for a toaster oven, etc. I haven’t had to buy a gift in centuries.

                      But srsly, there are some evangelicals who really, really believe that all homos are possessed or are devils and all kinds of other crazy bullshit.

                2. “They fight just like real people.”

            2. Oh hell no. You know that old joke “ask 12 libertarians about something and you’ll get 13 different points of view”?

              There are more gay subcultures than there are gays.

            3. Don’t forget the Queens and the Butches.

            4. What do you call women who are attracted to men with hair?

          2. True, but in his case he is (based on reputation and his husband).

  6. Quite how the accounts … are even permitted considering how the Taliban interprets Shariah is unclear.

    Why is this? Do they use an image of The Prophet as an avatar, or something?

    1. I’m guessing in addition to the rest of their batshit insanity, they’re also luddites. But I’m not really sure.

      1. They use machine-made firearms, don’t they? So, it’s got to be something else.

        1. That’s for killing the infidel. Anything is excusable to confound and destroy the kaffir. Seriously. They can even false convert so as to “blend in” as long as the secretly stay true to Allah.

          It’s a religion that one could easily think has pernicious deceit and murder as its core values

    2. Do they use an image of The Prophet…

      Good one, Rich.

      1. They take the injunction against “idolatry” very seriously. That’s why lots of art from the muslim world is non-representational – geometric patterns, calligraphy. Depictions of the prophet are most particularly verboten.

        1. Really want to piss ’em off – send that picture of the dogs playing poker – DOGS, UNCLEAN! GAMBLING! RRRRARGH!

          1. You’re a genius, Col.

          2. I never got this whole dogs are unclean thing. Mine have all been housebroken and don’t eat their own shit.

            1. Dogs as a species are held to be particularly “unclean” in traditional muslim and jewish cultures. Yes, it’s the feces-eating (their own or that of other animals) that drive this.

              But the list of “clean” animals that may be eaten (according to Leviticus) is pretty narrow – clean land animals must divideth the hoof and cheweth the cud.

              1. Don’t forget that pesky shellfish, bottom feeder, and lack of scales prohibitions. -)

                1. That, too, although I was focused on land animals not aquatic life (“fishes”).

                  And there’s another set of rules for birds. Chickens, A-OK; buzzards, right out.

              2. That’s not entirely true. There is nothing in the Jewish religion that defines dogs as ritually impure; however, for many religious European Jews there is a cultural aversion to dogs as they have inherited memories from their grand-parents and great-grand parents of vicious dogs being sicced on them during pogroms and such.

                1. And thanks for the link, HM. As with everything in jewish law it’s insanely complicated, ie:

                  Actually, I’m presently learning in seminary in Israel and we were discussing neutering/spaying a dog or cat and one of the rabbis said that the way around this is to go to a non-Jewish veterinarian and sell him your pet before he spays/neuters and then buy your pet back after the deed is done. Easy squeezy!!!

                  (“Easy,” yeah, right.)

                  1. But a dog has personality

    3. Its fine, but one cannot follow any user name other than @TheRealz_Allah.

      User names like @JusttheJesus, @JumpinJehovah, @Buddatastic, or @HolyBrahma shall not be followed.

  7. In the future, this will be a new method of information warfare. Assination by fake accidental CCing.

    1. In America we call it SWATting. In Afghanistan they call it DRONEing.

      1. I thought we called your posts droning. On and on.

        1. Is that the best you’ve got? I expected something more … creative. Maybe you’ll get some of your energy back after you snort another line off Jim’s dick. Or is he still coring out your ass?

          1. We’re done with the coring, we’ve moved on to spooning at this point.

            1. Little spoons in the spoon drawer! What does the first spoon say?

              1. “I’m glad you didn’t kill…”

                Reno 911, nicole? And I thought you were cool.

                (shakes head)

                1. Well that was awfully silly of you wasn’t it.

                  1. I was trying to be optimistic. But when you revealed your love of Twilight I should have revised my opinion down.

          2. Although blue humor is enjoyable, I wish you would be a touch less on-the-nose.

            1. Lighten up, Francis.

              1. You’re like the male version of Lindy West.

                1. Oh yeah? Well I had sex with your wife!

                    1. *facepalm* It’s the end of the day and it’s Friday. Maybe you could track down Tulpa and have a serious discussion in another thread.

    2. I’m all for assination. LOL.

      1. If you hurry you can get in on Epi and Gojira’s action.

        1. Oh, I don’t think he has to hurry.

          1. You’re probably right. Once the two of them get all coked up it’s like a brown tornado.

          2. Everyone’s welcome to join in! Except ProL. He’s too messy.

            1. Too messy after being compared to a brown tornado? That’s messy indeed!

              And I am very careful to wash my insides out on a regular basis to avoid infection from the various sharp impliments Epi seems to favor.

              His Chinese dick-trap even had spikes in it. Totally goth.

              1. I am what I do. Which I guess means I’m you?

                1. That sounds like Neil Diamond lyrics.

                  1. Neil Diamond had a song about a Chinese dick-trap?

                  2. Then I have succeeded beyond my wildest aspirations.

                  3. Neil Diamond? That’s going too far, Jimbo, even by the tolerant standards of HnR.

              2. So Jim, I see you are a follower of Maurica?

                (NSFW)

                1. Well unfortunately since I am at work, that’ll have to wait until I get home.

                  Actually it’ll wait until tomorrow b/c my friends are really really wanting have a round of L5R roleplaying tonight, so I’m going to send the wifey on a nice girls-night-out so I can gay out and pretend to be a fantasy samurai.

                  Complete with the buggery.

                  1. JJ, remember that it’s your turn to bring the Astroglide. I’ve got the beer and amyl nitrate, and NutraSweet will bring the nameless horror from beyond space.

                    1. …the nameless horror from beyond space.

                      Is that what he’s calling it these days?

                      Last month he just referred to it as “my little sugar-cube”.

  8. “Frylock, order the intelligence helmet immediately.”

    1. “Frylock, order the intelligence helmet immediately.”

      Speaking of intelligence, did you get a chance to watch the Gilbert Gottfried video?

      1. No, I don’t even have time to watch my DVD of Aqua Unit Patrol Squad #1, let alone that. Plus, I forgot.

    2. So anyway, about the one-party state that is Connecticut…

      I keed I keed!

  9. Quite how the accounts of Taliban fighters and spokepersons are even permitted considering how the Taliban interprets Shariah is unclear.

    I’m guessing it’s “tweets for me and not for thee.”

  10. Another thing we could do is set up fake twitter feeds that purport to be from legitimate Taliban and Al Qaeda news sources, and see who subscribes to them.

    1. You’d undoubtedly pick up some journalists who report on but don’t support their cause.

      1. Locking up inquisitive journalists…a feature, not a bug.

  11. ALT-TEXT: “Siri, please out all of my friends.”

  12. How is anyone suprised at this? After all Homer Simpson runs a Nuke Power Plant!

    1. A friend of a friend works in a nuke power plant and it’s scary how close “The Simpsons” comes to the real truth.

      1. I was a Navy nuke, and there was a long held myth that Groening was a Navy nuclear vet because of the perverse accuracy of his portrayals of nuke world.

        Most people in the nuclear industry are dorks. People who are very smart and well-educated and can perform very complex reactivity calculations on the fly who are dumb-founded by simple shit. The twidgets (nuke ETs) were the worst offenders in this regard. Meanwhile MMs like me saw any problem as solvable by repeated and vigorous, but inappropriate, application of pipe wrenches until either the item began working again or was broken enough that the Bubbas (civilian shipyard guys) had to fix it.

        /sea story

  13. So, does that mean we can sign them all up for gay porn spam now?

    1. If you can find something they aren’t already subscribed to.

  14. alt-text: “What the… I thought I searched for goats.”

    1. Thread Winner. Assuming you’re referencing what I think you’re referencing.

        1. In this context, you have to spell that ewe.

  15. OT: Had to reinstall Chrome, and reasonable won’t install.
    ERROR from Chrome Store:

    Package is invalid.
    details: ‘illegal path (absolute or relative with ‘..’): ‘/img/icon_16.png”

  16. Check the box if you’d like to receive bombing updates, special offers, or promotions from the Taliban and occasional promotions from our trusted partners, such as al Qaeda, Inc.

    1. Or FBI training and funding for your next attack.

  17. Alt-Text: “Finally, something not controlled by teh jooz. Thank Allah this thing is made in China.”

    1. Uighur made, to be Shaira complaint!

      1. You really are the worst. And I mean that. The worst!

  18. The funny thing, to me, about that picture, is that if you broke out your time machine and sent the device he’s holding back to the US or USSR in the ’60s, the country you chose would have won the cold war within the span of a couple of years.

    And yet, this guy uses it to REPLY ALL his contact list to everybody.

    And yet further, neither the US nor the USSR have been able to subdue that region.

    1. Have you seen Iron Sky? The moon Nazis couldn’t attack Earth because they didn’t have enough computing power to run their space battleship. Until they captured an astronaut’s iPhone. But then the battery died on them.

      1. They can survive on the moon generate power using Hydrogen 3 and build a space battleship but they can’t figure out how to connect a copper wire to a hole on an iPhone.

        I hate Space Nazis.

      2. Another thing:

        Everyone always complains about Independence Day where they wrote a virus to take out the mother ship.

        Why is this implausible yet somehow an iPhone, without any programing let alone reverse engineering, is suddenly running a friggin space battleship.

        Hell in Independence Day they even spent 5 min of the movie explaining how they figured out how to turn off the shields….in Iron Sky they just plug it in and it works….preposterous!!!

    2. Defeating an army – Easy
      Conquoring a people – Hard

      1. Defeating an army – Easy
        Conquoring a people – Hard

        You need to read “The Gallic Wars” and Xenophon’s Anabasis.

        It is not hard to conquer a people…you just need to be willing to kill lots and lots of innocents.

        1. It is not hard to conquer a people…you just need to be willing to kill lots and lots of innocents.

          Pretty much.

          One can find far more recent references than that:

          Germany and Japan.

          South Vietnam.

    3. if you broke out your time machine and sent the device he’s holding back to the US or USSR in the ’60s, the country you chose would have won the cold war within the span of a couple of years.

      Bullshit.

      Neither country would even the technology to properly study an iPhone let alone duplicate it.

      The best they could do is have one really really fast compact low power supercomputer…that is if they ever figured out how to program it.

      1. A couple of years is hyperbolic, but I think you underestimate the power that comes with knowing, concretely, that an idea is feasible.

        1. I also think there would a problem with an iPhone being in the hands of Government.

          I would imagine the thing being studied in a top secret government facility…not studied in the open.

          The knowledge that makes up the technology of an iPhone is spread out among literally 100s of corporations with 1000s of researchers….I really do not think a handful of government bureaucrats with top secret clearance could get anything out of it….they would probably “brick” the thing in under 2 months.

          Your scenario could work if say some researchers experimented with the device then went into the private sector and implemented some of the ideas they saw.

          Sort of like how Apple and a whole host of other companies got a ton of ideas from seeing demonstrations of Xerox GUI technology way back in the day.

          Of course the Soviet Union of the 1960s would never be allow this.

          1. This.

            The Soviets failed because of who/what they represent. Their policies caused their collapse and it was inevitable. The fact that they were so woefully behind technologically is indicative of their neo-luddism. With the return of The State to Russia they are even given to wistful re-imaginings of how things went. Hell, some of these idiots actually claim they were ahead technologically and their is a widely believed myth among Russians that Intel’s Pentium chip was developed using theories created by and named after some Russian mathematician named Pentius. That is some next-level denialism that would shame even our most logically-challenged progs.

            They would have had no fucking clue what to do with an iPhone if it had been presented to them in even the ’80s.

            1. Correction, went and looked, some dude named Vladimir Pentovski.

  19. Wait, is he on the shitter?

    1. He does look a tad constipated.

  20. A Taliban spokesman…accidentally revealed the names of his subscribers by CC’ing everyone on his mailing list.

    Ouch! That’s such an Internet 1.0 Faux-pas. He must be *sooo* embarrassed. I bet he had to totally like email all his friends and be like ‘dude, I didn’t mean to’

    It so reminds me of that time i accidentally issued a Fatwa against my mom.

  21. MOTHAFUCKIN HOSTESS IS IN TROUBLE!
    http://uk.reuters.com/article/…..EN20121116

    We need to make sure that the products will live on.

    All you health cunts who are itching to disparage Twinkies, shove it up your ass.

    1. WHAT?!?! HOSTESS IS CLOSING??!?! Why are we just hearing about this now?????

      1. Hostess can close all it wants as long as my breakfast favorites such as Mini Muffins and Brownie Bites will be produced with the same formula by another manufacturer.

        WHY COULDN’T IT BE LITTLE DEBBIE? THEIR MUFFINS SUCK ASS.

        Otis’s are alright.

        1. Little Debbie rules them all.

    2. Yet another venerable American institution ruined by Unionism.

      1. I am actually happy.

        It always brings a smile to my heart when union shops fail.

    3. I linked to this story in yesterday’s PM links, it included a few interview quotes with the striking workers.

      One of them, I shit you not, said that he was okay with losing his job since he figured he would get more money from unemployment anyway. Another guy lamented the greed of the company despite the fact that he made $17.50 an hour mixing water and sugar together in a factory.

      1. What the fuck? I did practically the same job at Clorox, makers of Hidden Valley, and made just above minimum wage. And that’s all it was worth.

      2. Damn, even entry level for a skilled, college educated profession is only worth about $12.

  22. Feeney, look at all the alt-text options the commentariat has come up with, and they aren’t even professionals! You sicken me.

    1. When alt-texts can write themselves like the one above it is best just to leave it blank.

      I am no Feeney fan, especially when he writes about the Eurocrisis, but in this I think he made the correct choice.

      1. I’ve never seen anything as wrong as your comment.

  23. Going for 72 virgins 140 characters at a time.

  24. Wasn’t this the plot of Skyfall?

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