Floridian Steals Neighbor's Obama Signs, Cites Neighborhood Safety Concerns

A neighborhood-oriented thief in Sarasota has written a postcard to a neighbor to explain exactly why her Obama signs have been repeatedly removed from her lawn.

A neighborhood-oriented thief in Sarasota has written a postcard to a neighbor to explain exactly why her Obama signs have been repeatedly removed from her lawn. It is not, as might first be expected, vandalism. Rather, the anonymous thief explained, the signs were removed for the sake of public safety. Burglars apparently view residences with signs showing support of left-leaning candidates as easy pickings.

The thief explains:

When thieves drive through Sapphire Shores scoping out possible targets and see pro-Democrat yard signs they automatically assume that the subdivision is filled with retards and half-wits.

The thief goes on to explain that potential intruders view Democratic supporters as not just retards, but unarmed retards:

It is common knowledge amongst burglars that Democrats are anti-gun and anti-second amendment so when they see campaign signs that promote Democrats they know the homeowners are not armed and therefore unable to protect themselves from attack. 

The note was written on a postcard featuring portraits of Obama and Reagan, with the word "Hero" written under the latter, and "Zero" under the former. It is signed "Bat Masterson." Ms. Green, the owner of the missing Obama signs, was understandably a little creeped out:

It was scary and it was creepy, because the person says they lived around the corner from me.

Reason will be keeping an eye on whether the candidate being supported by "retards and half-wits" or by "Bat Masterson" will prevail in Florida. You can keep track of our live tweeting of tonight's results on our blog from 7:30pm ET.