Drug War

Middle Schooler Forced to Take Drug Test to Join Scrapbooking Club


Here you go, folks, the latest in drug-war hysteria: A 12 year old girl wants to join the "scrapbooking club" at her middle school in Milford, Pennsylvania. She can, it seems, on the condition that she pass a drug test:

One day she took home a permission slip. It said that to participate in the club or any school sport, she would have to consent to drug testing.

"They were asking a 12-year-old to pee in a cup," Kathy Kiederer said. "I have a problem with that. They're violating her right to privacy over scrapbooking? Sports?"

The New York Times reports

The Kiederers, whose two daughters are now in high school, are plaintiffs in a lawsuit against the Delaware Valley School District, with the daughters identified only by their first initials, A. and M. The parents said that mandatory drug testing was unnecessary and that it infringed on their daughters' rights. (For privacy reasons, they asked that their daughters' first names not be published.)

A lawyer for the school district declined to comment, citing the pending litigation.

It is difficult to gauge how many middle schools conduct drug tests on students. States with middle schools that conduct drug testing include Florida, Alabama, Missouri, West Virginia, Arkansas, Ohio, New Jersey and Texas.

Read the whole thing here. And then call your local middle school to see what sort of idiotic hoops they're making kids jump through.

But before you go, school yourself on the sad cases from years gone by in which the Supreme Court has ruled that it's all good to require drug tests as a condition for participation in extracurricular activities at public schools. The most recent SCOTUS ruling, in 2002, pathetically involved a girl who participated in choir and an academic quiz team. And acknowledged that students inolved in extracurricular activities are actually less likely to use drugs than kids who don't participate.

Must-reads on the topic:

Jacob Sullum's 2002 story, "Urine — or You're Out: Drug testing is invasive, insulting, and generally irrelevant to job performance. Why do so many companies insist on it?"

Matt Welch's 2006 Los Angeles Times piece, "His Cup Runneth Over with Annoyance"

Greg Beato's "The Golden Age: How Americans Learned to Stop Worrying and Learn to Love Workplace Drug Testing"

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  1. Wow. I’m shocked. This is an outrage. Someone [besides me] should do something.

    Now – back to “Dancing with the Idol Jackass Night Awards Family”!!

    /typical American

  2. Scrapbooking while high? My God, it’s the ruination of America. Meanwhile, one can be a state legislator, a school board member, or a Congressahole without being subjected to random surprise drug tests.

  3. But Romney will appoint a Justice who will stand up for individual freedom when Ginsberg croaks. I just know he will!

    Save us, Mittens!

    1. He is our only real hope, sadly. It’s akin to Princess Leia being forced to ask Jabba the Hutt, rather than Kenobi, for help against the emperor.

      1. Actually, that would have been a better choice. The Hutts were businesspeople. Ruthless in their execution of contracts, but remember that all of those contracts were entered into voluntarily.

        Obi Wan had problems with Annakin from day 1 and when he had an opportunity to exact justice on him for going berzerker mode and killing all the younglings at the Jedi school, he did jack fucking shit and let him go.

        Jabba’s judgement is a lot better than Kenobi’s any way you cut it, as is his fairness and adherence to agreed-to contracts.

        1. Yeah, especially those slavery contracts. Voluntary.

  4. Man this is so fucked up. Might I suggest a collage highlighting the DEA’s greatest accomplishments, a single blank page would suffice. Scrapbooking WTF is that anyway?

    1. Scrapbooking WTF is that anyway?

      according to Arrested Development, it’s a major entrapment tool for law enforcement

  5. Aside from the obvious privacy and mind-your-own-business concerns here, I always thing that this sort of thing is ridiculous for another reason. Shouldn’t a school that is trying to help students stay on a successful track want the students who are smoking a little weed (because that is what the testing is going to catch) to participate in sports and other after school activities rather than wandering the streets looking for new and exciting drugs to do? It seems totally counter productive to exclude students who are supposedly “at risk” from what are supposed to be more positive activities. But I suppose that little that drug warriors do makes any sense or is consistent.

    1. They’re state-operated bullshit dispensaries. They don’t give a single flying fuck about kids with actual narcotics-related issues.

      1. yeah. the big issue here is school power, not drug/anti-drug.

    2. Nope. Once a person is found to be a drug user, they are written off.
      They will never be a productive member of society because they have demonstrated contempt for arbitrary rules.
      Rules are to be obeyed without question. That means no questions.
      Drug users have questioned the rules. They’re tainted for life.

      1. I suppose one of the unwritten rules of the drugwar is that you have to pretend that using drugs means that your productive life is over and are a danger to all around you.

        1. What’s to pretend? If you are a drug warrior then you believe that rules are to be obeyed because they exist. If you don’t like the rules then you work to change them, but in the mean time you obey them. Rules are always to be obeyed without question.

          Drug users have shown contempt for the rules. They might as well be murderers.

          1. Well, you have to pretend because it is not true, regardless of what those assholes believe.

            1. I see you too question authority. That means you cannot be trusted.

              Too bad. Because if you blindly obey authority then there is a chance that authority will be given to you. If you do not, then not only will you never be trusted, but you will never receive the benefits given by those with authority.

              If you are a drug user and your home is broken into, it will be assumed that the burglar was looking for drugs. TFB.

              If you are a drug user and you are assaulted, it will be assumed that you were on drugs and deserved it. TFB.

              Doesn’t matter what crime you are the victim of, if you are a drug user then you’re not worthy of authority’s time. TFB.

              Student loans? Fuck you. Employment by government or a contractor? Fuck off. Professional license? Ha! Firearm ownership? Get real.

              Drug users aren’t even human.

              1. This is how it’s done people. This is an almost perfect rant.*

                *I would have spelled out “Too Fucking Bad” and likely would have italicized it for effect, but the rant still deserves an A+

  6. Our public schools are sacrosanct. They’re utterly indispensable. The provide our children everything they’ll ever need in order to become subservient, uncritical serfs. All they ask is that you bend over and accept the benevolent dick of government. Or fucking else.

  7. The parents should take their education business elsewhere.

    1. More specifically, they should take it as far away from public schools as possible. The Mojave Desert, for example.

      1. A friend of mine grew up in the Mojave…she went to public schools.

        1. Samolia, then?

          1. That road? They didn’t build it…

      2. The Mojave Desert,

        Let them scavenge for copies of Dean’s Electronics and Lying, Congressional Style.

        Worked for me.

    2. You can send your children to private school, what’s the problem? Just be sure to pay for this public school you’re not using or we’ll take your house.

      1. But your opposition to a our present clusterfuck of a tax system means you’re one of the following:

        1) A neo-Confederate hatemonger from a town in Hick Negro-Lyncher Flyover Country (anything below the Mason-Dixon line).

        2) A crypto-fascist.

        3) An unenlightened, silly instigator of civil unrest who deserves to die a painful death.

        Mr. Smith the Unionized Public School History Teacher, PBUH, told us so.

        1. I think sage is “All of The Above”. Plus, RACIST!

  8. I missed at least one class every day my senior year, and at least one full day every week. Yes, I pretty much smoked pot every day (except during Cross Country and Track season – I was an ATHLETE!).

    Plus I was in the concert and jazz bands. And some other shit I don’t remember. Probably cause I was stoned.

    I had a 4.0 GPA was was bored out of my skull. Pot and skipping school and getting into (mild) trouble – kept me from becoming an actual JD. Band and sports kept me from getting into SERIOUS trouble, cause I liked both and knew I couldn’t go too far or I’d get kicked out.

    With today’s laws and definitions, I’d have been a full on hoodlum and no doubt ended up in jail instead of on a college track, where I grew up, got a real job and paid a shitload of taxes.

    Fuck you, nanny government and parents. The End

    1. Yeah, I don’t think I’d make it through highschool today either.

      1. I know my teachers were pissed I was 4.0ing. I was like, “Sorry you weren’t as smart as I and couldn’t skip half your senior year….but I can, so I will.”

        I LOVED High School! Cause we WERE!

        1. Lucky you. I couldn’t pull the 4.0 thing thanks to my teachers insistance on counting homework in your final grade.

          That said it was rather fun to ask the teacher on the first day of class when the reviewed the syllibus if the fact that Homework counted for 20% of your final grade really meant you could skip it all and still pass the class. Then watch them stammer about how it was technically possible but of course there is no way you could get high enough grades on the tests if you weren’t doing your homework.

          That said I skipped the drugs and most of the extracurriculars cause my parents owned a small business and your own kids are the cheapest labor around.

          1. Same here. I got 96-100% on all of my tests but ended up with a B+ in AP Calculus because I did zero homework (10% of final grade). I like how people insist going to public school for 12 years is so important. I graduated in 11th grade at age 17 and probably could’ve another year or two earlier; all I did sophomore and junior year was sleep through my classes.

        2. I lost my 4.0 my senior year because for a physics project where we were supposed to turn a Coke can into a car, I painted mine flesh-colored, put half of a Leggs pantyhose egg on the front and wrote “Holmes II” on the side. I even painted veins and put large Tonka wheels on the back and matchbox ones on the front so it looked like it had balls.

          Then it got me a three day suspension and a D- on the project*, which caused me to have a B in the class. Today it would have resulted in me being expelled, charges of sexual harassment being brought and my future ruined.

          *The teacher called my dad and wanted to give me a zero because my car “resembled a male penis.” My father, ever the smart-ass, asked her what other kind there was. He also told her that he thought she was punishing me for embarrassing her (the car won “Most Original” and was displayed in the library with the fastest and the one that rolled the furthest off the ramp) instead of not meeting the requirements of the project. She relented and gave me the lowest possible passing grade.

          Damn, I miss high school sometimes.

    2. Sadly, that sounds exactly like my time in high school… I was in a magnet high school and about 25% of my class smoked massive amounts of pot and we had full-class parties with tons of booze (only 64 kids in my entire class so it was easy). So pretty much my entire class would have been considered juvenile delinquents – which is bad considering that high school is consistently ranked #1 in the country for math and science, had a 98-100% college acceptance rate and an average SAT score of around 1350 (when it was the 1600 scale).

    3. Same here, Twin, except I went for debate and dropped band.

  9. The single most important lesson imparted by the government schools:


      1. Isn’t RETARD a badge of honor among those people?

        1. My wife and daughter teach teh RETARDS in schools and privately. Schools and families definitely have a hard time finding teachers who are willng to take on those classes. My wife and daughter like it.

          Me, I work in a union shop, so I also work with RETARDS all day.

          Also, fried chicken.

  10. Drug laws exist to separate those who blindly obey from those who do not unquestioningly submit to authority.

    Drug users consider themselves to be above the rules.

    How can you trust someone who does not obey the rules? You can’t.

    Someone who uses illegal drugs has no morality or respect.

    I mean, what other rules will they disobey? Murder? Rape?

    Drug users cannot be trusted.

    1. And we know this because one of them is now President of the United States, and he sure can’t be trusted!

  11. Federal and state governments need to be banned from using tax-financed incentives to obtain “voluntary” waivers of enumerated rights they would be unable to directly violate using the police power.

  12. This is actually a good thing. The last thing you want is some drugged up high schooler around scissors, exacto knives, and other sharp objects. And the chemicals in the glues, you just know they are going to experiment with them. I know I would not want kids subjected to that danger. *shudders*

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    1. looks like O3 has a new handle

      1. This was way more coherent, though. It actually spelled the words out instead of using text-speak.

        1. fair enough, but if anonbot can become self-aware, O3 can write at the level of the average third-grader

    2. You. Are a Fucking moron.

      1. is that addressed to me or the incoherent bot?

  14. He is our only real hope, sadly.

    And a slim faint hope it is.

    But at least he probably has enough “respect for the office” (har-de-fucking-har) to not appoint his in-house counsel as a political reward when a seat on the Supreme Court comes open.

    1. I’m available. I’ll eschew tradition and wear a toga on the bench. I’ll also have a stamp that says “NOT AUTHORIZED UNDER CONSTITUTION. DENIED.

      1. Im also available. Im not a lawyer or anything, but that isnt a requirement for the job (see, Ive actually read the constitution, so I know the requirements).

        1. You may have read the constitution, but you obviously don’t understand it.

          Being a non-lawyer you probably read words like “shall not be infringed” and actually believe that’s what the words mean, or you read “Congress shall make no law” and don’t see all of the exceptions.

          There’s no fucking way you’re qualified to be a Supreme.

          1. I’ve always found it amusing that there are no constitutional requirements at all to be appointed to the courts. Other than the nomination and confirmation process, anyone or anything could become a justice. A non-lawyer. A non-American. A non-human.

            1. Triumph the insult dog. Can sit next to Kagan.

              1. That’ even better.

            2. If I ever became president (haha!) I would nominate a labrador retriever to the supreme court just for the lulz.

              “But, but, but… respect for the office of the presidency! Impeach President Loki! He’s not taking his job seriously!” etc., etc. Frankly a little irreverence could be exactly what this country needs.

              1. nah, Go full Caligula and nominate Ann Romney’s horse.

              2. If I ever became president (haha!) I would nominate a labrador retriever to the supreme court just for the lulz.

                Ain’t nothing in the Constitution says a dog can’t be on the Supreme Court!
                /Air Bud logic

            3. I think there was an assumption that legislation should be able to be understood by anyone. Like, common sense, and stuff.

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  16. And then call your local middle school to see what sort of idiotic hoops they’re making kids jump through

    I just might. Anything that makes public schools less appealing is something I support. I really think that they should give every single person inside a public school a drug test every hour.

    Don’t like being fucked by the government? Get out of bed with them.

  17. You libertarians don’t realize the amount of doping that goes on in scrapbooking.

    1. When is 20/20 going to have a Special Report? on this?

      Is 20/20 still on TV? I actually don’t know…

      1. Why? Are you TOO STONED?

      2. Is 20/20 still on TV? I actually don’t know…

        Yes. They had a segment on Friday detailing local law enforcement’s Gestapo tactics on DUI enforcement and had the temerity to call them Gestapo tactics. I was proud of the legacy media for the first time in my life.

  18. If I have to help pay for their education, then I can demand they pee in a cup to participate in extracurricular activites.

    1. If I have to help pay for their education, then I can demand that they don’t pee in a cup to participate in extracurricular activites.

      Works either way, as far as I can tell.

    2. This is insane.

      State and local governments extort money from taxpayers to pay for the extension of public benefits.

      They then demand that individual citizens surrender enumerated rights in order to utilize the benefits they paid for.

      To me this is in principle no different from surrounding private property with public roadways, and then demanding that before you can step on to the public roadways you have to submit to a drug test. Because that would be “voluntary”, and not a violation of the 4th amendment at all.

      1. This was for the dickhead from the other day.

        We could also say that since we’re paying for both the girls education and healthcare, that we can demand annual virginity inspections starting in middle school.

  19. they should give every single person inside a public school a drug test every hour.

    As long as this includes teachers, coaches, principals, secretaries, lunch ladies and school board members.

    1. Of course. The purpose is not to catch the evil drug users but to make socialized education as unappealing as possible.

  20. I’ve known a few high school coaches, and I doubt more than 1 in 5 of them could pass a regularly administered drug test. So, absolutely: any time a student gets tested, the “supervisory” personnel must be tested.

    1. I have learned to keep my good booze hidden when schoolteachers come to the house. They may not smoke dope, but they drink everything within arm’s reach.

      1. If I had to deal with kids all day I’d probably drink heavily too.

        1. The combination of children and idiotic bureaucracy would definitely do it.

  21. And acknowledged that students inolved in extracurricular activities are actually less likely to use drugs than kids who don’t participate.

    Duh. Of course the burnouts and stoners don’t participate in extracurricular activities. Afterall, most practices for extracurriculars go later than 4:20.

    States with middle schools that conduct drug testing include … Texas.

    This must be newer than 1996, because when I was in high school in TX, I never had to piss in a cup to participate in any activities.

  22. With four kids (2 have since graduated), I’m not surprised at all by the stupidity of school districts. They put french fries on my son’s lunch plate because he had to have a vegetable. They use police dogs to sniff out drugs in the high school parking lots and arrest the kids when they find trace amounts of dope in their cars. They bleep out words like “athiests” and “freethinkers” in school announcements because they are of religious nature, but allow “christian athletes” signs all over the school hallways. My kids have learned to hate high school.

    1. They bleep out words like “athiests” and “freethinkers” in school announcements

      Wouldn’t want them getting any ideas now would we?

  23. Man it must truly suck to be a kid now days! Can you imagine? Wow.


    1. Pithy, on point… bless you anonbot. One day you will express an opinion about Bar Rafaeli* and then you will be truly indistinguishable from the rest of us

      * the sarcasmic test, HyR’s version of the Turing test

      1. Bar Rafaeli naked.


  24. I kind of think that letting a drug user do extracurricular activities could be good for them. Drugs aren’t as interesting when you have a hobby.
    Like Kubrick said, “I believe that drugs are basically of more use to the audience than to the artist.”

  25. Schlafly Oktoberfest — good malt, but a bit too hoppy for the style, doesnt allow the malt to shine.

    Gah…american brewers mostly suck at oktoberfests.

    1. We do love our hops in this country, it’s probably the reason I’m a complete homer when it comes to drinking. Have you had Brooklyn’s? I thought it was a fine beer, but I’m not exactly an authority on what an Oktoberfest is supposed to taste like.

  26. Wonder if they’re going to scrapbook their drug tests.

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