Barack Obama

Barack Obama is Getting Ready to Speak, But First Thank You and Also Could You Donate Money?


maybe one day

Barack Obama is set to accept his nomination at the Democratic National Convention shortly after 10:00pm ET tonight. So he made one last fundraising pitch before taking the stage, since he probably won't make one on the stage itself:

Edward —
Before I go on stage to accept the nomination, there's one thing I need to say: Thank you.

It's because you've got my back that I'm here. And if we win this, it will be because of you, too.

Can you pitch in $3 right now?
… I can't tell you how grateful I am.


P.S.—This is my last campaign, and knowing you're with me means everything. I can't do this without you.

I'd like to think my work keeping all these politicians honest is all the help they need, or something. You're welcome nonetheless, Mr. President.

Previous Obama campaign missives herehere,  here,  herehere and here

NEXT: Connecticut First Lady Cathy Malloy Gripes About Her Car, Media, Seat Belt Laws

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  1. well, Ed? Unless you hate womynz and childrenz and puppies, you will send the three bills becuase the administration knows where you live.

    1. These posts are priceless for him I’m sure!

      1. If only he did read them he would know what it would take to get my vote.


    1. No way man, him and the Koch brothers have already sent me wheelbarrows full of money just to post vile right wing rhetoric here and on other sites, and I still refuse to vote for Mittens! But hopefully, they will keep it coming, otherwise I might run out of beer.

  3. This begging is so. Fucking. Creepy. And Weird. And so very, very grifter-y. I think that’s why it creeps me out so much; it’s like some guy hitting you up for a few bucks on the street who isn’t a bum, and looks normal, but your warning bells go off.

    1. ^ You nailed it. I have been looking for those words. Perfect – Creepy and Griftery.

      Thank you Epi.

      1. Can you pitch in $3 right now?
        ? I can’t tell you how grateful I am.

        This is the grifter-y-ist part. Sure, buddy. Sure you’re super grateful.

        1. I think it’s the odd amount. Three bucks. Not something rounded off, not something that sounds like blatant grifting, more like “I need 30 and I have 27.”

          1. “I just need another dollar to catch my bus to New Jersey…”

          2. Reminds me of the old phrase “As queer as a three-dollar bill.” SUBLIMINAL MESSAGING!

        2. If he were worth a shit, he’d just say, “Two dollars!”

          1. A buck tree fiddy.

    2. My warning bell always goes off when a guy holding a homeless sign is wearing a 150+ dollar pair of new tennies. And that happens more often than most people might think.

      1. or $500 worth of ink piercings

        1. ink “and ” piercings
          fucking squirrels

    3. Chef’s Father: Say, would you crackers like to hear about the time we met the Loch Ness Monster?
      Stan: [impatiently] No, that’s okay.
      Chef’s Father: Ooh, it must have been about seven, eight years ago. Me and the little lady was out on this boat, you see, all alone at night, when all of the sudden this huge creature, this giant crustacean from the Paleolithic Era, comes out of the water.
      Chef’s Mother: We was so scared, Lord have mercy, I jumped up in the boat, and I said, “Thomas, Thomas, what on earth is that creature?”
      Chef’s Father: It stood above us looking down with these big red eyes…
      Chef’s Mother: Oh, it was so scary!
      Chef’s Father: …and I yelled, I said, “What do you want from us, monster?” And the monster bent down, and said, “I need about tree-fitty.”
      [long pause]
      Kyle: What’s tree-fitty?
      Chef’s Father: Tree dollars, and fitty cents.
      Chef’s Mother: Tree-fitty.
      Stan: He wanted money?
      Chef’s Father: That’s right. I said, “I ain’t givin’ you no tree-fitty, you goddamn Loch Ness Monster! Get your own goddamn money!”
      Chef’s Mother: I gave him a dollar.
      Chef’s Father: She gave him a dollar.
      Chef’s Mother: I thought he’d go away if I have him a dollar.
      Chef’s Father: Well, of course he’s not gonna go away, Mary! You give him a dollar, he’s gonna assume you got more!

  4. After being completely saturated with the cynical ploys and schemes and naked power grabs of this president and the incredible mountains of nuclear grade stoopid that his supporters have exhibited over the last 3.5 years it is easy to forget how bad the republicans can be. On the shitty scale, captain zero is an 11 to the republicans 9.

    There isnt much point in my pointing out the details of that anymore. They know how bad they are. They have no shame, they revel in it. I am not saying I dont care and wont watch the train wreck that never ends, just saying my interest has been downgraded to a morbid curiosity.

    1. what stands out to me is the ongoing blaming of Bush, as though no Dems voted FOR No Child, Medicare Part-D, DHS/TSA, TARP, even entry into both wars. Had a liberal proposed ANY of those things, with the wars a possible exception, the right would have strangled on its own pearls.

      1. Its called “leadership” even when it is the wrong kind.

        1. I think it is called projection.

  5. I’ll be missing the speech, as I am going to be playing Fallout 3 instead. Who knew that computer games could masquerade as snarky political commentary?

    1. Good choice, great game. I liked it so much that I have thought about buying New Vegas, but never have.

      1. In honor of the president and the first wookie, I will be sniping mutants from the Lincoln Memorial!

    2. I was watching Top Gear.

  6. Whoever is supposed to be keeping BO honest is doing a piss-poor job.

  7. From what I am seeing from the DNC, once you have healthcare, you become an immortal.

  8. The Big Dawg stole the DNC show though. That fucker had interns blowing him in the White House and is still beloved – contrast with Dumbya who was asked not to attend the last two GOP conventions.

    1. Hey shriek, after you getting done fapping to Bubba and wringing out your spankerchief on your Bush doll maybe you should get out of the basement for a few hours. That thing is airtight, right?

  9. I got a letter from Willard that also said he can’t do it without me. Promises, promises.


  10. This asshole’s already run up close to a hundred grand on my tab and he has the nerve to ask for more? Fuck him.

  11. If he’d done a good job managing the first six trillion, he wouldn’t need to beg so hard. If there were any justice, his next stop would be on a street corner where he could put his grifter skillz to good use. Every penny this parasite has ever earned has been leeched from government’s tit in some form or another.

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