My E-mail Exchange With Michelle Obama

This just popped in my Inbox:

Shikha --

Every night in the White House, I see Barack up late poring over briefings, reading your letters, and writing notes to people he's met.

He's doing that for you -- working hard every day to make sure we can finish what we all started together.

This week, I need you to have his back.

Will you donate $3 or more to support Barack before Saturday's critical fundraising deadline?

https://donate.barackobama.com/Support-Barack

Thank you.

Michelle

My response:

Dear Michelle:

I feel really bad for you that poor Barack has to work so hard. Being the most powerful man in the world is a bitch, what can I say. I can’t give you my $3 dollars but I can give you my two cents. (With the price of gas going up, my date with Uncle Sam on April 15 approaching, and years of moribund wages, thanks to a bad economy that has only gotten worse as Barack has worked harder, life has been tough for some of us on Main Street too, you’ll understand.)

Here’s my suggestion: Why doesn’t Barack work out a deal with Congress to go part time? I know Rick Perry was the most recent figure to float the idea, but that is no reason to dismiss it out of hand. Just as smart presidents can do dumb things, dumb people can occasionally come up with smart ideas. At any rate, think of the benefits. If Congress is in session only half the time, Barack’s workload will be cut in half. That way you can have long, romantic, candle-lit dinners with Barack in the White House. My and my fellow taxpayers’ wallets will be safe(r). And businesses on whom Barack has imposed $46 billion annually in new regulations since he took office might be shielded from further costs.

It’ll be a win-win-win.

Hope that helps.

Shikha

P.S. You might want to rethink your mailing list.

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  • WTF||

    Nice.

  • Michelle Obama||

    Bitch!

  • Suki||

    When did you stop calling your guy "Barry?"

  • Michelle Obama||

    When that stupid fucking intern wrote that e-mail for me!

  • Suki||

    Awesome response!

    Michelle's letter sounds like those yarns they used to tell the masses about Stalin staying up late figuring out how to win WWII, complete with a light burning in his office 24/7.

  • ||

    Stalin was a night owl, frequently staying up until 3 or 4 AM. Then he would sleep until late morning. For the most part, his late nights were drinking binges in his dacha. (See Khruschev's memoir)

    In The First Circle Solzhenitsyn told how the lights of Moscow offices would burn far into the night because apparatchiks feared that The Great Man might want to know something and the question would filter down to them. In which case, it would be dangerous to be in bed at home.

  • ||

    You know who else was a night owl?

  • Jeffersonian||

    Churchill?

  • red eye guy||

    Lots of people.

  • Ted S.||

  • shrike||

    Hitler

  • ||

    "The Premier is a man of the people."

  • rts||

    Every night in the White House, I see Barack up late poring over briefings, reading your letters, and writing notes to people he's met.

    Boo-fucking-hoo.

  • Jeffersonian||

    I thought the guy wanted the job, now he's got his old lady bellyaching to the boss?

  • rts||

    How many letters is Shikha writing to the poor guy anyway?

  • ||

    Yeah, you really told Michelle's surrogate fundraisers. I'm sure Michelle will be forwarded your brilliant suggestions and you will be getting a response shortly.

  • Rev. Blue Moon ||

    I cannot tell if you are ironically playing the straight man or are actually a dim wet blanket.

    Either way: D-, see me after class.

  • ||

    Rats. Will there be a curve?

  • Jeffersonian||

    Wait...are you saying that Michelle didn't take time out of her busy shopping/massaging/mai-tai-ing day to personally write Shikha?

  • ||

    Re: Proprietist at 3:44pm--

    And I'm equally sure Shikha will be added to quite another list, if she isn't on it already. I hope she doesn't need to fly anywhere soon.

  • IMS||

    Checking her immigration status now...

  • David Frum||

  • Jeffersonian||

    You see what we get for having open borders?

  • WTF||

    He can't possibly really be that stupid. Can he?

  • [Rectal] STACK||

    Oh he can! He can!

  • Jeffersonian||

    Uhhhh...Frum?

  • David Frum||

  • A Serious Man||

    Oh Shikha, you might want to lay low for a while. Or at least you'd had better be looking up for those predator drones.

  • Suki||

    Doesn't Reason have a gold armored bunker for situations like this?

  • Reason's Gold-Plated Bunker||

    IN CASE OF EMERGENCY, BREAK GLASS FOR MONOCLE AND TOP HAT

  • Suki||

    +10

  • Appalachian Australian||

    I think you're supposed to tap the leaded glass with your cane, carved out of irresponsibly-harvested Indonesian hardwoods.

  • Salty Ham Tears||

    But on Wednesdays I use my elephant ivory cane tastefully encrusted with baby dolphin teeth.

  • Anonymous Coward||

    Gold makes for really bad armor.

  • rho||

    WOOKIE FIGHT

  • Tim||

    At least the speel check didn't mangle it:

    Dear Shiksa

    Dear Shitake

    Dear Shake and Bake

  • ||

    Raise denied!

  • Tim||

    Clinton stayed up late and worked hard too, but he always had an intern to help.

  • Suki||

  • Tim||

    Shikha --

    Every night in the White House, I see Dubya up late poring over The Family Circus, trying to use the TV remote, and writing notes to families who's kids he killed.

    He's doing that for you -- working hard every day to make sure we can finish what we all started together.

    This week, I need you to have his back.

    Will you donate $3 or more to support George before Saturday's critical fundraising deadline?

  • Kwanzaa Cake||

    Every night in the White House, I see Barack up late poring over briefings, reading your letters, and writing notes to people he's met.

    ______________________

    Except when he's vacationing in Hawaii, Martha's Vineyard, or when Michelle is jetting off to Spain or Aspen for yet another getaway. But yes, other than those times, he's hard at work for you . . . er, except when he's playing golf. Almost forgot about that.

  • o3||

    dont forget michelle renting the taj mahal for blow-out parties w the entire us navy ordered to attend.

  • Appalachian Australian||

    Aww, look at Orin, trying so desperately to fit in.

  • o3||

    i wasnt invited to michelle's rock-the-casbah party.

  • Romulus Augustus||

    Don't worry Michelle, it's only for another ten months. Then you two can
    stay up late together counting the untold millions that will be rolling in for the rest of your lives from book royalties, speaking engagements,
    and directorships.

  • ||

    "Every night in the White House, I see Barack up late poring over briefings, reading your letters . . ."

    If it were me, I'd be more concerned about his reading my private correspondence - I know I haven't sent any letters to him so he must be stealing and reading my mail.

  • ||

    "I can’t give you my $3 dollars but I can give you my two cents."

    Every once in a while I run across a line I wish I'd written. This is one such case.

  • BelowTheRim||

    Shikha,

    You just catapulted yourself onto my imaginary list of heroes. I always have liked your articles but damn that was awesome.

    noteworthy people on my list:

    -Honorable Judge Andrew Napolitano
    -Former DC Schools Chancellor Michelle Rhee
    -Ron Paul
    -Gary Johnson
    -Rand Paul

  • ||

    What?

    I am not on your list. You can forget about getting a holiday card from me.

  • ||

    With all that hard work Barack is doing when does he find time to go golfing or take Michelle and their kids on multi-million dollar vacations?

    He must be a true multi-tasker

  • Bobarian||

    I somehow found myself on this same mailing list.

    The first letter--
    Friend --

    Here's what Mitt Romney said after he won the Florida Republican primary last night:

    "While we celebrate this victory, we must not forget what this election is really about ..."

    ... What do you think he said? Not getting the economy moving. Not keeping America safe. Not improving people's lives.

    "While we celebrate this victory, we must not forget what this election is really about: defeating Barack Obama."

  • Bobarian||

    Then he launched a "One-Term Fund" drive to get his backers to contribute $1 million to make Barack Obama a one-term president.

    That's not how it's going to be. So I just had the team create a "Two-Term Fund" page on BarackObama.com that's going to track our progress to a $2 million goal. Most importantly, we're going to show the number of people giving to make it happen.

    Please donate $3 or more to our Two-Term Fund now.

  • Loki||

    Every night in the White House, I see Barack up late poring over briefings, reading your letters, and writing notes to people he's met.

    Perhaps if the executive hadn't grown so far beyond its original scope and purpose to the point where the president feels that he should bloviate about things that are clearly none of his concern, such as local law enforcement issues in FL, he wouldn't have to work so hard.

    working hard every day to make sure we can finish what we all started together.

    And what exactly would that be? "Fundamentally transforming the country"?

    This week, I need you to have his back.

    Blow it out your fat fucking ass, slaver.

  • Bobarian||

    It may not take the Romney camp very long to get to a million -- they announced today that just 9 percent of their money comes from donors giving less than $200.

    It's also clear that there's lots of money to be raised from far-right Tea Party types appealing to a very personal dislike of Barack Obama. When Romney tells a reporter that we need a president "who believes in American principles" or that President Obama will be just a "footnote in history," that's who he's talking to.

    Last night Romney summed it up in one line -- for them, it's all about beating one man and sending his family packing from the White House.

    Everything else the Republicans say or do is just means to that end.

    .

  • Bobarian||

    Our campaign is different. It's about bringing people together to protect the progress we've made and make a lot more in a second term. And 98 percent of the donations people like you make to this campaign are $250 or less.

    You can make a second term a lot more likely right now by giving to our two-term fund -- you'll even get to see exactly how many others are joining you:

    https://donate.barackobama.com/Two-Term-Fund

    Thanks -- we'll keep you posted.

    Messina

    Jim Messina
    Campaign Manager
    Obama for America

    My Response --
    Please don't send me SPAM on one term wastes of space.

    I'm still getting the damned e-mails

  • nono||

    Where's Kenny Loggins? When are you guys gonna have a reunion?

  • Wesley||

    What a brilliant strategy by the Obama campaign. A $3 donation probably doesn't even cover the intern required to send out these emails and collect the money, but it shows up as another small donor, and gives them cover for all of the $38,500/plate dinners that they're having. And I'd think that people are a lot more likely to give $3 when it's asked for than say $25 (which I usually see from campaigns).

  • Janet Napalitano||

    Col. Wilson Hamfist
    Director of Compliance, Northeast sector

    Re: Possible domestic threat

    Will,
    I forgot to mention in our meeting Monday the case of one Shikha Dalmia who recently sent a subversive missive to the FLOTUS recently. I have enclosed the missive and I think you should make it a priority to look into Dalmia's background and political leanings.

    I have Abner in the Cover Story group working up a treatment in case action against Dalmia proves necessary. You will have to speak with her about her angle, but I suspect that she will go with one involving immigration status since that should be an easy sell to the American People.

    Keep me posted.

    Janet

    P.S. Is your son Thomas still leading his Little League in RBIs?

  • shrike||

    Britain Deserves Better

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