TSA Agents Spotted Working at Florida Paul Ryan Campaign Event


Via infowars, but backed up by other sources, here's your government-creep image of the day. Check out these bored-looking Transportation Security Administration (TSA) agents spotted at a Paul Ryan campaign event by a Florida political blog. That August 18 event, by the way, took place at an enormous retirement community. So we've arched from horror stories of Grandma getting groped or shamed at the airport, to the potential gropers coming straight to where Grandma lives; or at least where she considers her options for November 2012. As the Florida Examiner set the scene:

At 7 a.m. they opened the gates and then we had to go through a screening process with Secret Service and TSA members before we could access the 'secure' area, which was the area where we could get right up close and personal to our special guest. 

What the Transportation Security has to do with elderly potential Romney-Ryan voters is not clear. The slow progression of the TSA into port and bus station security is one thing —logical, though a bad sign — but their presence at a campaign event is baffling. Is this what TSA chief  John Pistole meant when he told USA Today back in 2010 that he wanted "to take TSA to the next level"?

Reason TV's mighty playlist of TSA-related mocking and worrying:

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  1. This is clearly not TSA’s mission. My guess is that the USSS didn’t have enough agents to do the job. So they contracted with TSA under the economy act to provide goons to do the grunt work of screening everyone.

    1. This is clearly not TSA’s mission.

      Since when does a gov agency stay within its mission? They started with airports; then train stations, bus stations, highways, etc. Just a matter of time before they are everywhere.

      1. They generally stay withing their mission. GAO audits are never fun. The problem is their mission is way too big.

        1. “withing ”

          Is that the antonym of othering?

        2. The problem is their mission is way too big.

          That is what I meant to say. They never stay within the mission they were created for; they always seem to grow the mission for new “threats” or “situations.”

          1. Yes. No one ever got promoted in the federal government by shrinking their staff or asking “should we even be doing this?”. It is a sick upside down culture.

            1. It’s why we need an anti-government that lives outside of government and preys on it when it does anything at all outside the rules of the Constitution, laws, ethics, or basic human morality.

              The Censor! [Webmaster, please insert video and music loop from Monty Python’s “The Bishop” sketch here. Thank you.]

              1. If they ever make you Censor, I want to work for you. And I want my first morning on the job to be a reenactment of that scene in the 1980s Dune where Baron Harkonen tells his nephew to crush and oppress Dune once he takes over. Just give me that speech and insert “DHS” in the place of the word “Dune”.

                1. It’s that kind of commitment that makes the Censorial Order the great place to work that it is. Well, will be.

                  That, and the togas.

                  1. Squeeze, Squeeze and drive them into utter submission as only I can!!

                    1. I love the idea of a Censor walking into a federal agency, and the agency head looking at his secretary in distress, shouting, “The Censor!” [Webmaster, please insert video and music loop from Monty Python’s “The Bishop” sketch here. Thank you.]

                    2. You would have to have your own set of trumpeters that announce your arrival at any federal agency.

                    3. It would be better to make unannounced visits. Nobody expects The Censor!

                      [Webmaster, please insert video and music loop from Monty Python’s “The Spanish Inquisition” sketch here. Thank you.]

                    4. You still have the trumpets Sparky. That way the sound of it sends a bolt of fear through everyone as you approach but after it is too late to do anything about it.

                    5. Censor! Bring out the Comfy Chair!

                    6. You would have to travel in your own sedan chair.

                    7. Oh, sure, that goes without saying.

    2. Uh, hello? People weren’t magically appearing at the event. They had to take some sort of transportation there, even if it was only the Shoe Leather Express.

      Also, once inside, Paul Ryan was going to transport them back to the wonderful/terrible days of the Reagan era.

    3. I have heard from those in the know that we’re going to be mighty short on law enforcement help in Tampa during the convention. By “we”, I mean the citizens of the Tampa Bay area, of course. You know, the one who pay for all of this. The delegates and assorted supporting staff will be protected very, very well.

      1. The conventions are a National Security Special Event. The Feds will be all over the place handing out checks.

        1. One thing I have seen are a shitload of cops on my commute. Used to be almost none, except for one speed trap on occasion.

          1. That’s the way it was in Minneapolis in ’08. Felt like a war zone.

          2. Every once in a while I’ll see a border patrol or DHS vehicle on my commute-lately it seems like everyday they are out there.

            I drove up to The Villages and was shocked to see TSA there. I thought it was a little silly for them to go through my wallet. It isn’t like I had a grenade launcher hidden there.

            1. Yeah, but they might have found something humiliating in there. That’s what they’re looking for, you know.

  2. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KIsv1YOFNys

    That should be the TSA’s anthem.

    1. They are such a fucking disaster. They could have done it right and made them more of a coordination and regulatory and training agency. Let TSA set standards, run drills, train and such. But leave security to the airports. Then let TSA go out also and work with foreign airports negotiating agreements and acting as security experts.

      But no, they couldn’t do that. They instead created this fucking incompetent, menacing hydra known as TSA.

      1. We call upon our troopers in this, our darkest hour.
        Our way of life is what we’re fighting for.
        The flag that flies above us inspires us each day
        To give our very best in every way.

        It’s a good day to die
        When you know the reasons why,
        Citizens, we fight for what is right.
        A noble sacrifice — when duty calls, you pay the price.
        For the administration I will give my life.

  3. All the TSA goons need now are blue gloves to match their uniforms.

    1. Hands of blue!

      1. (takes weird device out of his pocket, out pops two ends)

        1. Please stop talking about your penis.

          1. Never!

            1. This reminds me of Niven’s cautions about Superman’s super-speed ejaculation.

          2. I’ll be in my bunk.

    2. You know, do we lose earplug technology in the far future?

    3. I have those in the house for prepping raw poultry. I chase the cats around with them, screaming “TWO BY TWO, HANDS OF BLUE.”

      My wife is going to leave me.

      1. Did you explain to your wife that the cats probably deserve to be punished for the bad stuff they do when you let them out of the house?

        1. They are in-door only. We have a special needs cat who wouldn’t last two minutes outside. The other one runs away whenever you open a door.

      2. Hahahaha.

        Your wife is very lucky.

        1. I’m the worst mistake she ever made.

          1. And the same holds true for your mother.

            1. That’s true. My parent’s tried and tried to have a child. I was the result.

              HA! Joke’s on you, suckers!

      3. Are you really that afraid of salmonella, you big wimp?

        1. Twice is enough. Besides, not being able to keep food down for a couple of days is bad for diabeetiacs.

          1. I’m not sure I believe you. I suspect you actually have them for giving yourself full body cavity searches.

            1. You never know what you’ll find until you go looking.

              1. I can’t argue with that kind of optimism.

  4. I swear to God that guy with the pedo-beard was at DIA when I flew to Mexico last month. Are TSA agents just clones? Are they like failed beta versions of stormtroopers?

    1. There is actually quite a limited set of high school dropout stereotypes for the TSA to hire.

  5. Look at those fucking epaulets on their uniforms.

    1. All other considerations aside, those uniforms suck.

      1. Much like the Army’s new shoulder rank insignia. you can’t fucking see the whole thing unless the officer turns around.

        They should have made them Mass Effect-style, full-shoulder pads instead.

        1. Look, if we’re going to be this great military power and are going to make the transition from proto-empire to actual empire at some point, we need fucking cool uniforms. That’s just the way it works. Didn’t see the Romans or the Nazis in outfits like that, now did you?

          America has a responsibility to history.

          1. No, seriously, they’re fucking retarded. The Army’s gone from great to green monotony to office costumes with CW-era rank markings. It’s sad.

            But if we DO go imperial, we should bring in some 40K-style epaulettes and shit.

            1. We could simply steal designs from fiction, which have produced some quite excellent uniforms.

              For instance, I can think of no reason we shouldn’t adopt Star Wars stormtrooper uniforms when we go to powered suits at some point. Remember, armor in real life serves a purpose, unlike in the films, and our soldiers generally kill what they shoot at.

            2. Bolt rifles?

            3. Usually hard, energetic kingdoms become empires, then eventually they get soft and bureaucratic. I don’t think you can do it in reverse.

      2. Hey, these uniforms are lame, man.

  6. http://io9.com/5918644/swordfi…..hink-it-is

    Interesting article on how sword fights actually worked. The guy writing it is hard core. They have a whole society for this stuff. The “who we look for” page is great. It is just one long letter saying “SCA geeks stay the fuck away”.


    1. Video of the guy. Looks like a lot of fun.

      1. I know. I am kind of thinking it would make a cool hobby. I have never done anything like that. So I wouldn’t have any bad habits or stupid ideas.

        1. Here’s one thing to keep in mind. Swords are for killing, not for hitting other swords.

          1. I’ve seen similar stuff before regarding claymore tactics. Lots of grappling and and surprising number of moves that involve a hand on your own blade.

            I learned knife fighting in the Marines – everything you see in the movies is wrong there too. You keep the knife close to your arm while grappling, slash when there is an opportunity. Then when the grappling or slashes put your opponent in a vulnerable position, stab.

        2. It’s surprising but yet not at all surprising that there’s a lot of grappling in it. I wonder if wrestlers or judo or jiu-jitsu guys would pick it up any quicker than a normal athletic guy.

          1. Not with a sword sticking out of their belly.

            1. I’ll stick my sword in your belly. And, yes, that was a proposition.

              1. Ewww.

                I’m with Episiarch–sabers are the best. Well, for swords. Personally, I like the idea of heavy bludgeons, like maces.

                1. The Cleveland Museum of Art has a great exhibit of medieval weapons. The elaborate warhammers have always been my favorites.

                  1. Because when I think medieval, Ohio comes to mind first.

                    1. It should. You fucking bigot.

                    2. YeahKentucky is so much better

                2. You’re all a bunch of fucking idiots. Everyone knows that actual swordfighting looks just like the battles in Kill Bill.

          2. Probably so.

      2. It should look more like this

    2. Yeah that article is cool.

      This is one of my Kickstarters I’m most anticipating:


      1. That is pretty cool. Maybe I will kick in a hundred bucks.

      2. That’s fucking awesome.

      3. I wish them much luck, and I hope it comes out really well, but I have my doubts about how well it can really work. IME, all video game swordfighting has the same basic problem: lack of real physical feedback. I see they’re trying to address that a bit, but I don’t know how they’ll really pull it off. If your virtual opponent catches your sword in a bind or an X block, your virtual sword is trapped; your real one is not, and you can’t feel the block.

    3. I disagree with a lot of what the idiot says. His general gist is reasonably accurate however the first comment on that pose sums it up perfectly…

      “Oh, yeah…plus, this really gave _no_ detail to support the arguments it made, and came across as really defensive and grandiose.”

      Basically the whole thing reads as I’m so awesome and my way is the only right way and even though I havn’t taken as much as 10 seconds to look into your way I’m going to criticize you for what I think your way is.

      1. For example, with those “recreation societies” all but one of these are core elements of the fighting style…

        “You don’t stand still. The sources specifically tell us to be in constant motion. You don’t just dance around. The sources specifically tell us to cover and close in. You don’t just parry and riposte. The sources specifically tell us not to try to block. You don’t attempt to be passive or stay defensive. The sources tell us in particular to be aggressive, audacious, and take the initiative. You don’t try to just win the range and timing by sneaking out blows and feints. You seek to displace the adversary’s blows with counter-strikes timed in the middle of their action. You don’t just hit out wildly, or bash on their weapon. The sources tell us specifically to intercept and stifle their attacks, by binding on their weapon and using body leverage. And you don’t try to receive blows of their edge on your own edge in a static fashion ? but set them aside with your flat, or better still, counter-hit them with your edge against their flat. And lastly, both thrusting and cutting as well as grappling were always recognized as integral components for wielding all swords and weapons.”

        the sole exception being grappling which is outlawed for safety (and more importantly liability) reasons. Is SCA combat an exact replica of medieval combat? No of course not, if it was people would be killed, but then the same can be said of this guys training.

        1. You get the feeling it is a real geek fight between these guys and the SCA guys. But if this guy actually studied the manuals and is following them, he is doing it right.

          1. Having known several SCA knights over the years (in the SCA being a Knight means something because it is the only “title” you have to earn by virtue of demonstrated skill over a long period of time, the rest you get either for service, or for being in the right place at the right time) and all of them have studied those exact same books. Probably not quite to the same level as this guy and their form is almost certainly not as practiced but on the flip side their experience is in far closer to realistic combat situations (for reference, the SCA does not use padded “swords” and I can tell you from experience they hurt plenty enough to give you a LOT of incentive to avoid getting hit) than his training matches.

        2. Also, with that description, I have seen quite a few “realistic” swordfights in media the past few years. I’ll try to come up with the specifics, but when I was reading that, I thought “wait, I’ve seen all that before. What are you on about?”

          1. I think the book he uses is:


            1. That looks way cool.

          2. Off the top of my head, Rob Roy did a pretty good job in the handful of sword fights they showed (albeit they would not have been very late medieval post renaisance styles) and honestly some of the stuff I have seen in Game of Thrones was pretty good, especially the way “The Hound” fights.

      2. Basically the whole thing reads as I’m so awesome and my way is the only right way and even though I havn’t taken as much as 10 seconds to look into your way I’m going to criticize you for what I think your way is.

        Talk to any martial arts master, especially ones that have developed their own “style”, for 10 seconds. You’ll see the same mindset.

    4. I like how one of those anti-self-defense “continuum of force” idiots is getting lambasted in the comments there–by that I mean somebody who thinks that if you’re getting the shit beaten out of you, it’s wrong to pull a gun because you don’t know if the other guy intends to merely rape/maim you or kill you, until your skull gets caved in, of course, so you’re “escalating” the situation by defending yourself.

      I was reading some older Volokh post with one of the usual suspects there talking about some guy who came into a pharmacy with an unloaded shotgun to rob it and some concealed carrier popped him, so the concealed carrier “escalated” the situation and that’s bad, mmkay, so this kind of shit was already on my mind.

  7. Maybe they were volunteers?

    Hahahaahah. I kill myself. Voluntary government.

  8. an enormous retirement community.

    So it took place in Florida?

    1. The event happened at Lake Sumter Landing in The Villages, which is about 10 minutes from my mom’s house.

    2. Actually, I don’t really have a source for it, but I heard bak in the early 90s that more people leave Florida to retire to North Carolina than come to Florida to retire.

      Florida, the retirement haven is over. It ended sometime last century when the state stopped being the low cost of living and cheap real estate paradise.

      Since, 1980 or so, IIANM, the mass of immigrants to the sunshine state have been younger people moving for employment and business opportunities.

      And that would be younger people with children so Florida went against many of the trends in North America of having to ramp up for increasing school enrollments after the baby boom burst.

  9. Maybe all those hollow-point bullets Obama has ordered recently are going to be used on the people showing up at at Romney/Ryan rallies.

  10. …the potential gropers coming straight to where Grandma lives…

    “I’m gonna have to look inside yer asshole.”

    You know, it could be a good opportunity to score some cheap points by vowing to disband the TSA if elected. Not that they’ll actually do it.

    Also, the one with the glasses kind of reminds me of Milton from Office Space. Either that or the wanted poster for every pedophile I’ve ever seen.

    1. “I’m gonna have to look inside yer asshole.”

      Is it tattooed?

    2. Could be him. Stephen Root attended the University of Florida–maybe he’s still living in the state and pretending to be a TSA agent for some reason?

      1. They stole his stapler.

        1. I always think of him in his News Radio role.

          1. Bill Dauterive

  11. What the Transportation Security has to do with elderly potential Romney-Ryan voters is not clear.

    They bring their peculiar expertise.

  12. talk about mission creep, with emphasis on creep. one of the few +’s about TSA is that they WERE limited to airports (and apparently train stations in some cases?) but like every other aspect of the federal govt, they seek to expand, like a cancer and get more and more power/scope and find more ways to justify same, for loose definition of justify.

    if ryan KNEW there would be TSA agents at this event, is he that tone deaf (some of the things he has said recently make me wonder) such that he wouldn’t want to say ixnay on the TSA agents. im reasonably confident he would be able to veto their presence at his event, although i could be wrong

    he could have some kind of security for the entry to the secure area, but really just the SIGHT of a TSA agent at an event like this is enough to make many potential ryan voters vomit, and certainly would only hurt his popularity.

    if i was a conspiracy type, i’d suggest this was some kind of 3 dimensional chess move by the obama admin who planted those TSA guys

    1. What authority / jurisdiction do they have? Are they part of the Secret Service protection the candidates? Is there some kind of federal law that supersedes state laws a certain distance from a candidate?

      I certainly wouldn’t submit to a TSA search on the street. There are a lot of folks with CCW permits walking around FL armed who wouldn’t either.

  13. I have heard from those in the know that we’re going to be mighty short on law enforcement help in Tampa during the convention.

    *Studies assortment of

  14. tag fail

    *Studies assortment of bank robbing Halloween masks*

    If I robbed the Ybor City Bank and Trust disguised as Ben Bernanke, would they even report it?

    1. I’m picturing a Point Break style bank robbing gang. Except instead of former presidents the robbers wear masks of Ben Bernanke, Tim Geithner, Allen Greenspan, Hank Paulson, etc.

  15. TSA Agents Spotted Working at Florida Paul Ryan Campaign Event

    Because somebody could take over the campaign and fly it into a building or something! Why do you have to be soooo sensitive and cynical! God!

  16. was shocked to see TSA there. I thought it was a little silly for them to go through my wallet. It isn’t like I had a grenade launcher hidden there.

    Don’t worry, that’s just the Fundraiser-in-Chief’s way of closing the donation gap.

    1. Well then he was sorely disappointed.

  17. i wants me a nifty borat uniform w zipties hung in the epaulets und an electrified trans-vag probe.

    when i spark it, all the libtoidz in line will lose bowel coontrol und go into apoplectic seizures !11!!11!

  18. They should change their name from TSA to The Grope Squad (TGS) now that they can apparently show up anywhere.

  19. How does a Presidential campaign fit within the Transportation portion of TSA’s mission? This agency has no business acting as security in any non-transportation venue, whether a campaign appearance or a sporting event. This agency is completely out of control and its personnel and management need to held responsible and punished for this overreach.

    Is TSA now a National police force, like the German Stasi? Anyone attending these events should tell the TSA goon to get lost and defy them to do anything about it.

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