Protect the Dead; Screw the Living (Definitely Not the Dead)
Problem: Fearing criminal charges, people sometimes move the bodies of friends or acquaintances who die of drug overdoses, complicating official investigations. Solution: Make it a crime to move the bodies.
An Illinois bill sponsored by state Rep. Dan Beiser (D-Alton) would make "unauthorized removal of a corpse" a Class 4 felony, punishable by up to three years in prison. "In recent months," the St. Louis Post-Dispatch reports, "Metro East prosecutors have filed charges of drug-induced homicide against several people who allegedly supplied drugs to people who died of overdoses. Police regard the sites as crime scenes." If police were not so eager to file charges in such cases, some of these people might still be alive, because bystanders would be less afraid to call for help or bring overdose victims to the hospital. Then there would not only be less incentive to move corpses without authorization; there would also be fewer corpses.
While coming up with exactly the wrong solution to the overdose problem, Beiser noticed that Illinois had never bothered to criminalize sex with a corpse. His bill would correct that oversight, making it a Class 2 felony, punishable by up to seven years in prison, to do the deed with the dead. Madison County, Illinois, State's Attorney Tom Gibbons "said a law prohibiting sex with a corpse is needed out of respect for the dead." How many unprosecutable cases of necrophilia have Illinois police come across in the state's entire history? At least one. Gibbons "said he has been told there was one such case in the county many years ago that could not be prosecuted for lack of such a law."
In 2010 Brian Doherty noted the movement to protect Good Samaritans from criminal liabiity in drug overdose cases.
[Thanks to Richard Cowan for the tip.]
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Dead people don't require respect.
Or wallets.
And you won't be needing that pacemaker anymore!
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As icky as it seems, necrophelia is a victimless crime.
Not to the family
http://rctlfy.wordpress.com/20.....dolls-wtf/
As a Klingon, I always find it amusing that you Terrans are so attached to the shell a warrior leaves behind after his or her journey to Sto'Vo'Kor.
Perform the heghtay' and be done with it.
Why do I think you didn't need to google to spell that?
tlhIngan Hol ngeD. 🙂
Vuhlkansu guv ek'es-pid-tin t' sanosh sviribaya
Derka derka! Muhammed jihad!!
toy'wI''a' bang vulqanganwI'
koyik trensu
sayik kafeh
stau rasahkos ashau
That depends on whether or not the person having sex with the body has ownership of the body (or permission from the owner).
Couldn't this be easily covered in the will?
Sure, that's what I meant. Just like the rest of your property, when you die, your body belongs to your next of kin or whoever you designate in your will.
Time to polish the ol' humor receptors a bit, my man.
By the time the will gets through probate, the body may not be in a suitable condition for necrophilia.
Easy man, you're getting the real necrophiliacs here excited.
shhhh...
Don't ruin the moment.
😀
As long as it's consentual.
she was not unresponsive
I can't believe I skated on that necrophilia charge whenever I got caught all those years ago. Glad to see they remember me!
So you're the reason I can't get caught fucking corpses now, Jimbo. Fuck you. You ruin everything you touch, including corpses.
To be fair, at the time of entry, I thought he was alive.
/Tim Roth
Who wrinkled my Randy Travis poster?!?
I see this is part of a series. Very nice.
DON'T TALK SHIT ABOUT TOTAL!
I almost died laughing at that line.
It looks like you finally put on some weight, Episiarch. Good for you.
Well, I know you like me with some curves, Hugh, so it was really for you.
That neck brace really brings out your bald spot, too.
Aren't you just the sweetest thing, Hugh. What did I do to deserve such flattery? That dump I took in your shoes can't have been enough to cause this.
Having adopted a new puppy on Sat. who promptly took a dump in my slippers last night, I do not find this joke to be funny.
But I do. Give that puppy a treat from me, and if he takes a dump in your work shoes, I'll buy him some Neuticles.
Jim already got breast implants for his dog. Now you want to give it fake testicles too? What do you think Jim is, some kind of sick fuck?
Why are you so judgmental? If Jim wants fake nuts on his sex toy dog, who are you to judge?
I saw those fake nuts on Penn & Teller and couldn't believe it.
No fake balls for my little man; he's not that insecure.
Despite his gay name (I wanted to name him Axis, because he's a german shepherd/akita mix, but since he's fluffy, my wife insisted on Totoro).
What kind of puppy?
And since when is a puppy taking a dump in your slippers not funny?
I think the more important question is why Jim was looking at Penn & Teller's nuts in the first place.
What kind of puppy?
Shepherd/akita mix.
And since when is a puppy taking a dump in your slippers not funny?
Since about 10:00 am yesterday. Though in a few weeks I'm sure it will be funny again.
Shepherd/akita mix.
Large, powerful, and territorial.
R C approves.
Yeah, he's not going to get as big as I had originally wanted (he'll top out at around 85, 90 lbs), but he's all fur and fangs, so should make one hellacious guard-dog.
We've downsized our current generation of dogs. We still have our rescued pit bull (70 pounds of cranky female), but the new ones are your smaller, British Stafforshire Bull Terriers. The male will probably get up to maybe 45 pounds, which is pretty impressive considering he's only 15" at the shoulders.
They have never dumped in my shoes.
I love the bullterriers, they're great family dogs when socialized properly.
We have a pembroke corgi and a boxer. I had originally gotten the boxer to be the home defense dog, but she turned into a big goof that loves everybody, strangers included, so I had to try again with this new addition.
It's important to make the people you care about feel special. Like the way Jim tells his girlfriend he loves her every morning when he changes the bathwater that keeps her from decaying.
His photos of her are so romantic.
(Jimbo, if you haven't seen this film, you need to, right away)
This is my life.
BOB SAGET!
SHHHHIT!
This isn't helping our clearance rates, people.
In our faculty break room, there is a poster from the American Cancer Society. One of the functions of the society that is proudly displayed is "Advocating to pass laws that fight cancer and keep families healthy."
As you can see, the reason people still die from cancer is that they haven't figured out the proper legal language that will stop cancerous cells from multiplying.
They mean banning anything that according to them is bad for you. Whether or not the bad thing it does is cause cancer.
And banning cancer - lots of money in that work.
So could the dead person also include in their will that they give their next of kin permission to move their body?
A corpse is basically refuse that must be dealt with in some way. I will move a corpse affecting my property or safety if I have to. Moving a corpse does not affect ownership of the corpse for whoever inherits it.
Christ I need more coffe. At first I read that as, "A corpse that basically refused to move must be dealt with in some way."
You forgot the dots over the o in your European spelling of coffee.
Just more evidence of my need for it.
". . . How many unprosecutable cases of necrophilia have Illinois police come across in the state's entire history? At least one. Gibbons. . ."
He's full of shit - there are plenty of laws that make necrophilia a crime. Most jusrisdictions have laws against descrating corpses and even those that don't have laws against vandalism and theft.
These charges are more than enough to deal with the rare case of a person sick enough to fuck a corpse. And that's what's important here - someone who does this is mentally ill and needs treatment, or at least segregation, in a medical facility and not be thrown to the wolves just because they did something the rest of us consider squicky.
vandalism
"I just had sex with the corpse, I did not sign my name on it with semen."
If you left any behind, you kind of did.
Blacklight Graffiti
I'm a big fan of your work.
I have no moral responsibility to keep my property in any condition in order to assist them with an investigation.
Apparently nowadays you do, from being required to turn over passwords to encrypted files, coerced breath tests and blood draws, to this - the 5th amendments protections are almost gone.
I can't imagine how bad it must sting to get enbalming fluid in your urethra . . .
It's like extra-strength Gold Bond on your balls; it hurts, but in a good way.
It's like extra-strength Gold Bond on your balls; it hurts, but in a good way.
I guess if there's an upside to it, it's that the burning sensation would counteract the general coldness of the surrounding flesh. Still, if I ever do have sex with a corpse, NO ANAL. If I ran into a cold turd on my way in, I would simply lose it.
Mammals lose all bowel control at the moment of death and anything in the lower intestines comes gushing out of the body. So running into a cold turn on the way in should be the least of your concerns.
BTW, enjoy lunch time everyone!
If we weren't suppose to have anal sex with corpses, then why do they provide their own lubrication?
If we weren't suppose to have anal sex with corpses, then why do they provide their own lubrication?
I never thought about it that way. But I suppose once you loosen the stitches, all kinds of slippery stuff bubbles forth. At last, no more of that "foreplay" bullshit!
Something to do with preserving the sanctity of marriage.
Adam and Eve, Not Adam And Dead Steve's Rectum!
I actually saw a mouse shit itself after it died when I accidentally dropped something heavy on its head.
I actually saw a mouse shit itself after it died when I accidentally dropped something heavy on its head.
I think that's more an instance of hydrostatic pressure than it is a reflex.
And then you had sex with it?
He had to wrap electrical tape around it to keep it from exploding.
"instance of hydrostatic pressure"
Nope. The thing (piece of steel the mouse was sleeping under) hit its head, and then the mouse bounced around limp for a few seconds, then stopped moving and shit and pissed itself. Then the mouse got thrown outside for someone else to have sex with or eat.
Hydrostatic pressure would be when I hit a lizard on the neck with the frame of a net, and its eyeballs and tongue popped out.
Speaking of penises; Should Males Be Circumcised Or Just Licensed?
Why do you think this has to be an either/or proposition?
If ya think they whine over circumcision, wait till ya hear about the bitching over tagging
loses his virginity with pink pony.
Considering that dead people still vote in Illinois, I'm surprised they don't prosecute necrophilliacs for rape.
Oh Necrophiiiilia!
You're breakin' my heart!
You're shaking my confidence daily!
Necrophiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiilia!!!
I'm down on my kneees!
I'm beggin' ya please to come home!
Come on home...
I took a shit in my death bed once...
Does anyone really think someone willing to have sex with a corpse will be deterred by a law? Mr. Gibbons justifies the bill with the argument it provides a means to prosecute necrophiliacs. Does he think time in prison will rehabilitate them? Just last week during his heroin summit in Madison County, IL Gibbons acknowledges convicting and imprisoning drug addicts is a waste of time--they need medical (as in mental health) help. How 'bout necrophiliacs?
On a side note, read the Post-Dispatch article. I couldn't help but notice this: "The bill would exempt emergency responders, physicians, medical students, funeral directors and employees of coroners' or medical examiners' offices."
One can only hope lawmakers were more specific than the writer of this article about which part of the bill these workers are exempted from...
It's OK! I'm a physician!
I'm just like anyone else, I put my pants on one leg at a time...
after I steal them from the corpse I just had sex with.
Damnit Jim, I'm a doctor not a cosplay enthusiaist.
Dear Jacob (and other Reason bloggers),
Please let this be a lesson to you: never post about corpses here again.
Sincerely,
Joe M
I was waiting for someone to tie the above mouse-shitting-itself-when-it-died subthread into SF's description of the little bird that French people eat that shits in your mouth when you bite down on it.
That would be a different "philia". Fecophilia to be exact.
Ortolan Bunting.
Dear Jacob (and other Reason bloggers),
Please let this be a lesson to you: never post about corpses anything here again.
FIFY
Dude is making a whole lot of sense man.
http://www.Totally-Private.tk
Hello
Saving morons who "accidentally" overdose on drugs is WAY down on my list of priorities. Great way to avoid an overdose? Don't use drugs. Problem solved. It really is that simple. I have never used illegal drugs. EVER. Consequently I have never overdosed.