Mars Landing

Hugo Chávez Will Turn Planet Mars Red By 2030

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A CGI knockoff of the Rancor holds no terrors for conqueror of Mars Hugo Chávez.

Most Democratically Revolutionary Bolívarian Father of the Presidency For Life Hugo Chávez of Venezuela has had enough of socialism on one planet

"Venezuela has stepped onto the road to space," Chavez said on national television.

"Nobody has ever reached Mars but Venezuela will. It's our goal for 2030-2040."

People's Fifth Republican International Anti-Imperialist Communal Counciliar First Among Equals Chávez declared the opening of the interplanetary class struggle after agreeing to pay China's space agency $140 million to build and launch the Miranda spy satellite, which will "monitor troop movements and illegal mining as well as study climate change and the environment."

In 2008 Chávez paid China $406 million to launch the Chinese-made Simon Bolivar TV and radio satellite

While expanding the glory of the Venezuelan people, Chávez also graciously acknowledges the social and scientific advancements won by his East Asian partners in the liberation of the Martian Proletariat. "One day Venezuela will arrive on Mars but China will do it first," Chávez says.