Here's a sample of the bad news America will be facing when President Obama takes the floor in Congress to give his third State of the Union address tonight: A sluggish economy, persistently high unemployment, a fiscal crisis in Europe casting uncertainty over U.S. markets, massive federal debt at home, and no plausible plan to stop the federal government's ongoing spending and borrowing binge.
It's enough to drive a person to drink. But that's where the good news comes in: The state of the union may be sobering, but you're under no requirement to hear about it while sober.
So while President Obama lays out his priorities for the coming year, Reason's editors will focus on our priority for this evening: the 2012 SOTU drinking game.
The great thing about drinking games is that everyone can be a winner. So for those who want to play along at home, take a drink (and click a link) every time the President…
- mentions false choices, or presents a false choice himself.
- references Teddy Roosevelt, or any Roosevelt, really.
- worries about America's debt burden without describing a credible plan to significantly reduce it.
- attacks "secret billionaires" or "oil billionaires." Double shot for "secret oil billionaires."
- says "we can't wait" for something most of us would be happy to wait for.
- buys into the fantasy of government-created green jobs.
- grumbles about Citizens United.
- declares that money isn't speech and/or that corporations aren't people.
- argues that people should pay more in taxes because Warren Buffett thinks he isn't taxed enough (this includes any mention of the "Buffett rule" and/or Warren Buffett's secretary).
- touts savings from ObamaCare's health system reforms without mentioning that they probably aren't going to work.
- cites Congressional Budget Office estimates to argue that the stimulus worked.
- uses the word "infrastructure." Extra shot if he says "infrastructure bank." If he mentions anything involving a ditch, go ahead and finish the bottle.
- mentions the war on drugs. Oh wait. He definitely won't.
Better stock up the cooler now, folks. And be sure to tune in to Hit & Run to watch as Reason's editors heroically attempt to play their own game while live-Tweeting (hey, 2012!) the speech.
Can't wait for the fun to start? Want to cherish special memories of SOTU speeches past? Or, as may be the case, don't have any memories of them at all, and want to find out what happened? Get warmed up for this year's speech by revisiting Reason's 2010 and 2011 SOTU drinking games.
Disclaimer: As always, Reason endorses drinking responsibly—how else will you know if the president is misleading you?