But What About the Eyeball Method?

Danielle Crittenden bravely tests the plausibility of those vodka-soaked tampon stories on herself, concluding:

If there is any smidgen of effect, it's notional, and probably only psychological. Overall, vodka-in-a-tampon seems a very inefficient, not to mention unpleasant, way to get drunk. I suppose the positive is that there is no danger of a second round. And I can't even imagine trying to do this at a party. You'd be walking around all night looking like you'd wet your pants, with a pleading expression on your face that said: Does anyone have a fire hose?

That last line is a reference to the nearly intolerable burning sensation that accompanied the experiment. Hats off to Crittenden for demonstrating the impracticality of this purportedly popular route to intoxication—in particular, the difficulty of administering more than an ounce or so, of which very little seems to be absorbed into the bloodstream. Next up: butt chugging. Any volunteers?