But What About the Eyeball Method?

Danielle Crittenden bravely tests the plausibility of those vodka-soaked tampon stories on herself, concluding:

If there is any smidgen of effect, it's notional, and probably only psychological. Overall, vodka-in-a-tampon seems a very inefficient, not to mention unpleasant, way to get drunk. I suppose the positive is that there is no danger of a second round. And I can't even imagine trying to do this at a party. You'd be walking around all night looking like you'd wet your pants, with a pleading expression on your face that said: Does anyone have a fire hose?

That last line is a reference to the nearly intolerable burning sensation that accompanied the experiment. Hats off to Crittenden for demonstrating the impracticality of this purportedly popular route to intoxication—in particular, the difficulty of administering more than an ounce or so, of which very little seems to be absorbed into the bloodstream. Next up: butt chugging. Any volunteers?

Comments

[Hugh Akston]

Next up: butt chugging. Any volunteers?

Paging Warty. Warty, please pick up the white courtesy telephone.

[Poet Laureate sloopyinca]

Shit, I was thinking "this explains SugarFree's absence today."

[Episiarch]

It explains Warty's paucity of posting and NutraSweet's absence.

[Poet Laureate sloopyinca]

It sure does, Epi. It sure does.

[Paul]

white courtesy telephone

Why does the courtesy phone always gotta be white? When's the black man gonna get a fair shake in the courtesy phone game?

[Poet Laureate sloopyinca]

They get a little love once in a while.

[db]

Perhapz Nick can get his buddy John Stagliano involved in this workflow.

[Poet Laureate sloopyinca]

BTW, are there any reasonoids that have editorial capabilities at teh wikipedia? If so, they can correct an injustice: no entry for "Butt-chugging."

[Tulpa]

I'm currently fighting small-scale edit wars at the Arms Trade Treaty article and a few others, so no thanks.

[Paul]

Tulpa:

Let me give you some advice on those Wiki articles.

If you're even playing the game, you've already lost.

[pmp]

Hey, Everyone, this is David Frum's wife!

She's way too hot for him.

[Poet Laureate sloopyinca]

Your link is PWNED!!!11!!1!

Besides, she's from the land that calls mac and cheese a dinner.

[Jerry]

You'd be walking around all night looking like you'd wet your pants, with a pleading expression on your face that said: Does anyone have a fire hose?

I think it takes a little bit more than a fire hose to wash away the David Frum.

[*]

Haven't RTFA, but are we talking hooha or bunghole? I thought bros were doing the tampon thing too. Anyway, that's what I heard.

Please have a Reason staffer give jenkem a try and report back...

[Poet Laureate sloopyinca]

This photo explains so much.

[Poet Laureate sloopyinca]

Related: so does this one.

[Fly]

Hah, Obama is uh uh uh, huh? Did they give Uncle Joe one of those Nobel Peace Prizes too?

[Tulpa]

If you rub Orajel up there first I bet it's more pleasant.

[Gojira]

Peter: "Hey, Mort, do these suppositories come in any other flavors?"

Mort: "Peter! You're not eating those, are you?"

Peter: [sarcastically] "No, I'm shoving them up my butt. Of course I'm eating them."

[Anon]

+1

[rather]

I lol when men BS they can taste a brand. I'd love to hear a woman say:
they all feel the same

[GILMORE]

Its not preposterous to claim you can tell the difference between, say, Grey Goose, and Georgi. The main issue is that the identifiable one is the one that tastes like paint thinner. Grey Goose vs... Belvedere? ppppt. Vodka schmodka anyway. Real men drink whiskey. And cool vodka drinkers drink Finlandia or some shit, because its actually *worth* the money.

[Apatheist]

The most laughable part is the idea that teens have to go that far to hide their drinking. You don't need to do much more than putting your everclear in a Dr. Pepper can:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I0SKQIdOhSQ

[Umbriel]

We know of at least one butt-chugging death, but it doesn't seem all that trendy:
http://www.chron.com/news/hous.....941985.php

[Mongo]

During the 90s, I heard that Russians would shave a spot on their head, put shoe-polish on the shaved spot, tie a bandana tightly around the head to compress the shoe-polish against the scalp to catch some sort of wicked buzz!

[AlmightyJB]

Hendrix used to do that with blotter. Thats why he always had the headband.

[Fly]

I always preferred sniffing a gasoline-soaked rag. CheeepBzzzzz!

[AlmightyJB]

If you can get chicks at party to get naked and let you start putting stuff in their butt I'd say you're off to a pretty good start.

[Gojira]

^^Um...THIS.

[Good gracious lord^^^]

[Colonel_Angus]

A roll and two hits of acid.

True story.

[Teen Delinquant]

You don't put it in your vajayjay, you smoke it.

** rolls eyes **

[gazeteler]

Trade Treaty article

[Kroneborge]

I knew more than one person that would put X up thier ass, said it gave a real nice high.

[Hugh Akston]

People who take X don't seem to have much of a problem with rectal insertions, so this doesn't surprise me.

[Poet Laureate sloopyinca]

ZIIIIINNNGGGG!!!

[Skr]

What would be the point of that?

[Aztec]

Vodka enemas, now that's the way to do it.

[Ashlyn]

Wow. For SCIENCE, huh?

[Syd Henderson]

I'd say Danielle Crittenden deserves an Ig Nobel prize for her contribution to science.

[Bean Counter]

Any volunteers?

Uhhhh......NO!

[Fraternity President]

We don't need volunteers, we have pledges! I'll let you know the results tomorrow.